Death Knows My Name (Memory Keepers) (22 page)

“Did you think I was just going to let the hottest girl in here walk past me?” He spoke softly into her ear and I tried not to roll my eyes. This was just sick.

The girl pouted in the cutesy way a lot of guys found attractive. “You did ignore me the entire night.”

“I wasn’t going to go over there so you could shoot me down in front of all your friends and make me tonight’s joke. I know exactly how you girls are.” Devon leaned into her and she batted her heavily lined eyelids.

He still had her hand in his and he used his thumb to stroke the inside of her wrist softly. “Were you leaving already?” Devon asked, his voice taking on a heavy and smoky tenor.

The blonde nodded. “Yeah, I was, sadly. It’s getting late and my ride has to work tomorrow,” she responded regretfully.

“If you want to stay a little while longer with me, I promise to get you home safely.”

“I don’t know . . .”

The girl appeared to be refusing Devon. This was truly fascinating to watch. I’ve never seen a lion convincing its prey to actually be the prey before. Devon was good, I’ll give him that. The lazy circles he was still tracing on her wrist had made her lids heavy, and I could see her resolve melting away with each caress of his thumb.

“You can ask my friends. They can vouch for me. I’m a sweet guy and if anything happens, they’ll know where to find me. I’m either here or my lounge.” He looked to me for backup, and I nodded.

“He’s right. He’ll make sure you get home safely.”
He always gives his one night only’s cab fare. He’s a gentleman like that,
I silently added. I saw Eric shaking his head in amusement, letting me know he heard my thoughts.

“Why don’t you go tell your friends that you’re going to hang out with me for a while and they can go without you?” She nodded and reluctantly pulled her wrist from his grasp.

When she walked away, Michael grinned and gushed, “What the fuck was that? Did you do some kind of mind control on her? She was like putty in your hands.”

“Not yet, she wasn’t, but she will be by tomorrow morning.” He reached out a fist and Michael touched his own to it, laughing. “Deal’s not done yet. See you guys tomorrow.”

Devon made his way over to his for-the-night-girlfriend, melted his arm around her waist and she laid her head on his shoulder as he spoke with her friends.

I smiled and shook my head. “I swear he is going to hell.”

Michael grinned. “Yeah, but at least he’s having a hellava time earning his ticket.”

“This is true.”

“Oh God, I’m going to be sick!” Tammy pulled out of Michael’s hold and stalked toward the bathroom.

I had completely forgotten about her. She had managed to make herself basically invisible and we had been incredibly insensitive.

“I better go check on her. I’ll be right back.” As I walked away, Michael caught my arm to stop me. My eyes found Eric’s to see if he was going to flip out, but he looked away from me. I narrowed my eyes trying to read his mind, but I guess it didn’t work that way. Mentally shrugging, I turned my attention back to Michael.

“Did she tell you we, uh, hooked up?” He sounded gentler than I ever heard him sound.

“Yes, she told me. She said it was good sex but you two don’t have anything beyond that.”

He nodded. “Yeah, she’s right, but so were you! She’s a pistol in bed.” He grinned wide. “She, by the way, is a 6:30. Niiiice.”

I giggled loudly and shoved him playfully. “You are so gross. Here she is tossing her cookies in the bathroom and you had to stop me and tell me how bendy she is.” We both laughed, his eyes gleaming with delight.

“Now you know how it feels to be on the receiving end of TMI.”

“I’m going to go check on Tammy. Since Devon has left us for the night if you want, we can wrap it up.”

“Okay, but I’ll wait just to make sure Tam is okay.”

I made my way to the bathroom and peeked in to see Tammy leaning against the sinks, not doing anything but looking at the wall. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. The blue carpet on the ground stopped just inside the door, so as I made my way over to her my heels made a tapping sound against the ground. I leaned against the sink beside her, our arms touching.

“Did you drink too much?” I asked gently.

“No. I didn’t drink nearly enough to not care about that bitch all over Devon. I am so stupid! You warned me not to do this and I did it anyway. I convinced myself that I could—that Devon and I could, you know—that I could be her. I thought I could be the one he was looking for, but truth is he isn’t really looking.”

“Tammy, it’s okay. We all fall for the wrong guy at one time or another. And Devon is freaking charming as hell so it’s understandable that you would find yourself thinking about the ‘what if’. It’s okay, you’re not stupid, you just fell for the wrong guy.”

“I thought he liked me, that’s all. It seemed like he did or that he could.” She shook her head. “Guys are just dumb.”

“That is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Now let’s go, girlie.”

We left the bathroom and found Eric with Michael by the bar. They weren’t drinking but they were in a light conversation. Eric took me under his arm as we approached without even breaking eye contact with Michael.

“Yeah, man, I have been playing music all over this country since I left Canada when I was 15 years old. There is freedom in just being able to up and go like that with nothing to bind me anywhere. This is the first place I’ve ever felt sort of like it was home.” Michael paused and nodded toward Tammy and me. “That is, in large part, thanks to Tammy who chatted my ear off on the bus the night we arrived here. And Mayne and Devon who made me feel less like a misfit because if I am, then so were they.”

I protested. “Hey! Who are you calling a misfit?”

Eric raised a brow at me. “Remember what you would be doing right now if you hadn’t met these two?”

I nodded. “Misfit, right. Carry on.”

We all laughed and when it finally died down, I started making going home arrangements for everyone.

“Michael, will you make sure Tammy gets home okay?”

“Actually,” Eric interrupted, “why don’t you share a cab with her? I have to go and speak with someone and you might want to stay with her to make sure she isn’t alone and doesn’t get sick. You can stay until I come get you. Is that fine?”

I shrugged. “Okay, sure, that’s fine with me. How about you, Tammy?”

“It’s okay with me. Michael, you can share a cab with us if you like,” Tammy offered.

“No, I’m going to head out to try and talk to a guy in West Park about a gig. I’ll call you when I get home though.” He hugged her and nodded his goodbye to us, and I waved.

“Good luck with getting the gig. See you tomorrow,” I called after him.

I got Tammy home. All the drinking she’d done trying to escape her jealousy had finally caught up with her. She was thoroughly intoxicated. I helped her stumble to her bed and placed a trashcan next to her in case she had to throw up later. As I headed to the kitchen for a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water to put on her nightstand for the massive headache I was willing to bet she was going to have, Eric appeared in the living room. I was finally getting better at not freaking out at someone suddenly appearing before me because I didn’t even flinch. I finished what I was doing and then Eric took me home and I fell asleep in his arms.

Eric had been quiet when he picked me up and we crashed as soon as we made it home. When my phone rang, I startled awake from my dream of Michael and I at the coffee shop. Eric wasn’t in bed beside me. I peeked at the caller ID and saw it was Tammy. She had been sleeping drunkenly when I left so obviously I couldn’t tell her bye and to lock up after us. She was probably wondering how I had when I left.

“Yes.” I groggily spoke into the phone while reaching over the foot of the bed for my pants.

“Mayne?” Tammy’s voice was small and thick with tears.

I froze with one leg inside my sweats, the other hovering just above the waistband.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I let the pants fall from my grip.

“Michael was in an accident.” She sniffled. “He’s dead.” She sounded as if it were a question. “Oh God,” I heard myself whisper. A sharp pain ripped through me. I couldn’t focus as the room pulsed into focus and then faded away with the beats of my heart. My mind reminded the aching part of me that it wasn’t my fault. Even though I knew that this time and I’d been warned, I still felt my heart straining to keep beating. Not again. I had lost another person.

“Mayne?” Tammy broke into my thoughts. “Are you okay?”

My mind instinctively worked to protect itself from the grief. Building walls came as second nature. The first step was to push everyone out so I could enclose myself.

“I barely knew the guy, not like I was sleeping with him,” I replied flippantly. “The question is are you okay?” 

“I know you’re not okay with this. You like to act tough but—”

“I really need to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Before she could answer, I slammed my phone shut.

I stood up and took a step toward the door, stumbling over something tangling around my feet. I kicked free then, realizing they were my pants, I stopped and finished putting them back on.

I made my way to the living room the numbness I craved starting to settle in. Eric sat at the far end of my dining room at the head of the table. Big Jim was sleeping by his feet. Eric’s focus trained down at the table, but as silent as I tried to be he looked up at me as I came into the room.

We stared at each other for god knows how long before he let out the breath he held and dropped his head back down. I made my way over to the table, moving as if my feet were sticking to the floor with every step. I sat across from him crossing my arms in front of me. Purposely protecting my heart from him. I sat there staring at him and he sat there not looking at me.

“Eric.” He didn’t look up. “Eric,” I said again. I could have shouted. I
should
be shouting, shouldn’t I? This man had just killed my friend after convincing me to befriend him. I should be angry. I should be livid, right? The pain fought against the numbness I was trying to wrap around me and it stung even though Eric had warned me.

“Look at me, please.” The last word slipped out, making it more of a plea than I intended. He slowly lifted his head. His eyes were their usual warm honey, so soft and golden that they looked like whirlpools. His emotions were swirling in them.

“I can’t look at you. What I see in your eyes . . . it hurts too much. I have hurt you, again.”

“I’m fine. I have lost people a lot closer to me than Michael.” I shrugged.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean!” he shouted. “I see you. Remember the guy at the restaurant on our first date? You didn’t know him, but his death affected you.”

His death? So he had died.
Crap
. My eyes watered but I shook my head to fight the tears back.

“What do you want from me? What!” Finally. I was shouting and Jim raised his head to look at me.

“I want you to be honest for once, Mayne. Drop the act, the walls, and pretenses. Just be real and honest. Stop acting so damn tough! Your friend just died. It’s okay to cry.”

“I can’t cry, okay? You don’t know how hard it was for me to finally stop crying! Over my parents, I cried. Over my brother, I cried. And over Dante, guess what I did? I cried. What has that got me? Another person to cry about. If I cry again, I will never stop. See, this is the life that I was given. This is the life you and your truce have given me! How many tears can I shed before I say ‘I give up?’ This is no act, Eric, I have just quit. I’m broken.”

“So you do hate me?” Eric whispered softly.

“How the hell can I hate you when I love you this much, dumbass!”

“How can you love me when all those things that have broken you were me?” He dropped his head back down. The sight of him deflated my anger.

“Eric.” But what could I say? “Was he scared?” I don’t know why I asked that but it just came out.

He slowly raised his head and his eyes met mine. “No, he wasn’t scared. Not even for a second.” His voice held something that I couldn’t place. Maybe it was confusion.

“That is a good thing.” I didn’t know what else to say. I have lost people before but never have I sat next to the last person they ever saw. It was a surreal feeling, but I also felt so much love flowing in my heart for Eric, the one who took them. My head was swimming with confusion. I put my elbows on the table and cradled my head in my hands to try and stop the spinning.

“Are you okay?” I could feel his eyes studying me to see if I was going to erupt in tears.

“Peachy,” I responded in almost a whisper, robbing it of the edge I intended. I sighed. “This is just . . . hard.” I peered at him through my fingers.

“I love you. You have to know that by now, but . . .” I paused. But what? Was there even a but? I just loved him, the end. Except with us it was never that simple. We couldn’t
just
love each other. There would always be history between us. There would always be death, loss, and grief between us. Maybe Eric and I could never be together. This had to be why a Memory Keeper and the Angel of Death couldn’t work.

“I understand,” Eric concluded for me, but I shook my head in rebuttal.

“No, you don’t. Because I don’t even understand. I love you. That is all. I know there should be more but there isn’t. Michael is gone but there is no more. There is just ‘I love you’. Is that okay? Does that make me a selfish person? Because fine, I don’t care. I love you and I will always want you.” The tears stung my eyes. Michael was really gone. He would no longer be around to hit on me and offer his unwanted advances toward me. A drop of wetness landed on my thigh and splashed.

I was crying, again. I was crying for another loved one I lost and just as I feared, once it started I couldn’t stop. I lowered my head so I didn’t have to look at Eric. I didn’t want to see the guilt on his face for causing my tears. I only focused on my lap and fought to keep the sobs inside. Memories of Michael and me at Marigold’s with a platter of cake in front of us played before me. I wanted to go back to numbness. I had been such a bitch to him at first and just tonight he told us we were like his family. And now he was gone.

Eric’s arms wrapped around me and he was coaxing me to my feet. Then I was on his lap and in his embrace. His breath on my ear as he spoke.