Death Knows My Name (Memory Keepers) (18 page)

Chapter 18

The next night was bitter cold when I went with Becca, Anya, and Aurora to the candlelight vigil memorial. The girls hugged and pressed against me as they cried, and with each little whimper from them, my heart broke.

My eyes found Eric’s as he stood in the shadows looking over the crowd. He saw the devastation of death for the first time through me. His eyes pleaded with mine to look away. I knew the ache in my heart was hurting him, too, because he could read my mind and, as my lover, he now was connected to me deeper than just reading my mind. He didn’t want to see me hurting because of him.

I forced a weak smile and winked at him. He grinned in return and my heart fluttered. I looked away flustered, trying not to blush in a sea of mourners with my devastated nieces holding on to me as they experienced their first taste of death. Sadly, for Anya this was far from her last. I held her close.

I wanted to end this pain. I knew I couldn’t stop death altogether, but I could soften the blow. Death is meant to be unpredictable—who wants to walk around knowing the exact moment someone you know, love, or care about is going to die? I agree with that part, but for Memory Keepers it’s the not knowing
why
everyone close to us is dying part that hurts. But maybe if we knew why, we could possibly learn to deal with it better. We’d know it wasn’t us. We’d know we weren’t cursed.

However, would the truce between Heaven and Hell withstand the change? Would they even agree to it? I didn’t know because I knew nothing of what the truce was built upon.

After the memorial, I had to catch my flight. Eric offered to take me home and come back for my stuff later, but how would I explain that to Becca? Besides, I paid a lot of money for the flight, and even though I wanted to spend that extra time with him, I still wasn’t all that willing to go through the chilling experience of traveling with him again.

It was dark as Becca drove me to the airport. She tapped the wheel with her long slender fingers to the beautiful chaos of Hole’s “Good Sister-Bad Sister.” She suddenly sat up straight in her seat and turned her head toward the restaurant we had just passed.

“Eyes on the road, Becca, I’m serious. I knew I should have taken a cab,” I scolded as I shook my head.

“Was that Eric Bana we just passed? I think it was.”

I shrugged. “In Washington, I highly doubt it.”

“No, I’m for real. I think it was Bana!”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, sure. Who cares anyway, Becca? You’re married and it’s not like he would choose you over me, and I’m off the market.” I flipped my hair hotly.
Taken by another, Eric
, I added silently. I fought to hide my grin behind my hand and failed miserably.

She glared at me but I only pointed to the road, trying to draw her attention back to it.
Sheesh. How the hell did she get her license when she never freaking paid attention to what was in front of her?

“What, Becca, it’s not like you have a good track record? Remember when you claimed to see Hugh Jackman?” I threw out there innocently.

“I did! At the stoplight on the corner in Blue Ridge, you know the light that stays red forever? We both looked over at one another at the same time. It was a moment.”

I stared at the side of her face to show my disbelief. “Uh-huh. In Seattle. Because all the hunky Hollywood stars hang out here.”

She eased on the brake at a four-way stop and turned to me pointing angrily. “Hugh and I shared a moment. It was real and it was deep!”

I laughed. “No, Becca, you and a random nobody shared an awkwardly long red light stare. Sounds creepy to me, but I guess it was the hottest five seconds of your life. I’m sure to that poor upper-class Joe Shmoe it was something, too. Red light love. Hey, maybe Jackman will make that a Broadway play!”

“You are one mean little woman when you want to be. You’ll see. One day Hugh is going to be talking about the one who got away, and guess what, he’ll tell the red light story.” She huffed at me, pouting.

I turned my head so I could grin out the window. My sister was insane and I missed her.

My heart suddenly clenched. When she died, she wouldn’t be my memory to keep, she would be Anya’s. I sighed and shook my head. I had to find a way to stop this. Screwing my life up was one thing, but Anya, that was another. I didn’t want her to be as confused as I was growing up.

Becca raised her eyebrow. “We’re here. What? Did you want curb side service?”

“No, it’s just, that was fast.” I guess I was lost in my thoughts because we were at the airport.

“Want me to drive around the block?” she asked teasingly.

“No. You could have at least pulled up to the unloading zone.”

“It’s packed and I don’t want to wait. Luke is with the girls and he wants to put them to bed early so we can—”

I hopped out of the car. “Ewl. Too much information, Rebecca. I don’t care.” I yanked my bag from the car and closed the door. I took a step away from the car and as she prepared to pull away, I went back, opened the door, and bent down to peek inside. “I love you, sis.”

Her eyes widened and she smiled softly. “I love you, too. Call me when you get home.”

I nodded, knowing that this time, I really would call her. I smiled and turned from the car, dragging my bag toward the airport entrance as she pulled away.

On the flight I did what every normal person would, I slept. The good thing about bus stations and airports is that they always have abundant taxis lined up waiting no matter what time of day it is. I hopped in the nearest one to the door, told him my address, and slunk back against my seat. The past two days were getting to me. So many thoughts ran through my mind. Ideas and confusion of how I was going to handle the Memory Keeper situation clouded my thoughts.

When I got to the apartment, the cabby helped me take my bag up to my apartment door. I thanked him the only way a cabby likes to be thanked, with cash. I pushed open my door and expected to see Big Jim waiting for me. I was going to curl up with him and watch a comedy, one that would have me delirious with laughter. Maybe I’d make it a marathon.
Dude, Where’s My Car?
and
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
would be perfect. Then I would call Devon and decide if we could still work together even though I hated his guts. I would do all this after I called Becca. First things first.

I opened the door and Tammy met me with Big Jim’s leash in her hand. “Hey, girl, welcome back. I was just about to walk Jim for the morning. How was your trip?”

I sighed, dropped my bags in the middle of the floor, and toed off my shoes as Big Jim hopped up against my legs.

“It was draining and confusing, but it was nice to see the girls.” I plopped back on my beloved and well-missed recliner chair. “What did I miss?” I asked as Big Jim took his place on my lap. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the chair.

“Uh. Well,” Tammy started, and I opened one eye at her stammering.

“Well, what?” I asked, a bit too snippy. In my defense, I had just been to a memorial for children and been on a crowded flight home. That would make anyone a little cranky.

“Did you talk to Devon at all while you were away?”

“Nope, I sure haven’t.”

“What are ya’ll fighting about? It just seems so unnatural. You two seem so connected.”

“Tammy, not to be rude, but this doesn’t really concern you.”

“Is that your not so nice way of saying I need to drop it?”

“Exactly.”

She nodded. “That’s what Devon said. Only less mean.”

I smiled. “Why do you ask anyway? Just nosy?”

“No.” She laughed. “It’s just, I thought he liked me but he completely shut down on me. Did you know that one night he kept me company when Michael was late and we totally forgot Michael was showing up? So when he just acts like he barely remembers my name lately . . . I know that you really didn’t like the idea of us flirting and obviously he listened after you stormed out during the fight. So I thought that maybe, you two might be . . .” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh my God, Tamera, are you having a stroke? Should I call you an ambulance? Though I should warn you, they charge you ridiculously for it.”

“Mayne! You know what I mean.” She half squealed, half whined.

I laughed. “Yes and it’s silly! I slept with his brother. He slept with my sister.”

“So you are going to tell me it never crossed your mind?” She quizzed.

“Fine! Yes. There was this one tiny kiss. There! Happy?”

Tammy screamed excitedly. “Oh my God, I knew it. Spill.”

“It was nothing. Right after Dante’s funeral, we were both mourning. There were tears. There was snot. It was heartbreaking and not sexy or romantic at all and it went no further. We felt immensely gross and guilty afterward. It meant nothing. I think we were trying to stop the pain or something. It was completely stupid. The end. Besides, I thought you were jonesing for Michael. What, now you want Devon, too?”

I hoped the anger I was beginning to feel rise inside me hadn’t tinged the edges of my question. I don’t know why I even cared if she was thinking of two timing Devon. I just didn’t want him to hurt anymore. See, how could he call me selfish when here I was, pissed off and calling off our friendship yet still worrying about him.

Tammy sighed. “Um, Michael and I don’t work.”

“You slept with him, didn’t you?”

She nodded and now it was my turn to get excited. I sat up on the edge of my seat and Big Jim huffed.

“Oh, you dirty little slut. Tell me!” I demanded giddily.

“I’m not saying that it wasn’t, you know, good. Because it was. It just lacked something. It didn’t have that fizzle, fizzle, pop, pop.”

“Tammy, you want to have sex with an Alka-Seltzer tablet? Really?”

“Shut up. That was plop, plop, fizz, fizz, dork.”

I shrugged. “Okay, Devon and I have been through a lot. We have always been so similar and yet we respond to the same thing in the complete opposite way. Maybe we can be described as different sides, same damn coin. We handle things differently. Both ways are screwed up. Tammy, if you are looking to commit with a guy, that guy is not Devon. He’ll leave you hanging emotionally every time. I have never seen him stick to one woman longer than between the hours of midnight to 6 a.m., if that. He does shell out for cab fare though. Don’t get me wrong, he is a sweet guy and devoted to those he loves. He doesn’t love very many, so when he loves someone it’s like the sky opened up and you are close to the sun. I think that makes it all the worse because who doesn’t want that from a guy? But He’ll never give it. It’s a shame because, you know, if you were the one for him, it would be golden. I mean, to have a guy like him, a guy whose love is like the sun falling from the sky just to revolve around you. It’s scary as hell and it’s exciting as hell at the same time. But the sun will never do that, will it? It seems impossible, but when he smiles at you I know what you are thinking . . . what if it did, for you?”

Tammy took a deep, shaky breath, her eyes wide. “Damn. You are like his hype woman. Now I really want him. Why won’t he let anyone in?”

“He doesn’t want to risk losing them. Not to get all geeky on you, but do you know what would happen if the earth no longer had the sun to hold it in its orbit? It would be all over the place and reckless, crashing into everything. Now imagine something as powerful as the sun being that reckless. What if our sun went rogue and started colliding into shit, setting fire to everything it came in contact with, bringing everything and everyone still caught in its gravitational pull with it.”

My eyes blazed with murder as I glared. “That said, I must warn you. If by chance, Devon does fall out of the sky and you hurt him, I will make you regret every second of the rest of your life. I promise you.”

“Woah, you can get downright ferocious!”

I smiled, breaking the murderous intent of my words. “Thank you. Practicing in front of the mirror helps.”

“Is that what you had? The sun. Revolving around you?” Tammy’s voice cracked as she asked softly.

“Yeah. I did. It was funny because it felt like everything and everyone was caught in Dante’s pull, but from the moment he laid eyes on me, I never once had to worry about him being untrue. Everyone else orbited him and yet he circled me.” I smiled and added, “Odd, that the sun would orbit a rock.”

I relaxed in my chair. “But now I know that having that type of love is not healthy because both people lose themselves to it. I don’t even need or want that. I just want someone who can see how wrong I am but dare anyone to lift a finger to call me on it. I want to know that right or wrong, good or bad, when I turn around he is there.” My heart fluttered because, damn, I already found that. I found it in Eric without even looking.

“Dang it, Mayne! I want that, too. Can’t I have both?”

“Nope. You have no idea what you want.” I laughed. “But if you really want Devon, he is like his brother. You absorb one another until there is nothing left separate of either one of you. I’d much rather have something different—two people stronger because you found and have each other.”

“Wow. Lucky you.”

“Why lucky me?” I asked, puzzled. That was a new one. Nobody ever considered me lucky before.

“Because you’ve had both. Dante worshiped you! And this new guy, because I know you are talking about Mr. Tattoo, let’s be real, he covets you.”

“Yeah, I’m all that, huh?”

We both laughed. Big Jim lifted his head, licked his lips, and snorted his irritation, which only caused us to laugh harder.

Tammy stood. “I know you are still pissed at Devon for whatever reason, but Michael, Devon, and I are going to the bar, do you want to join us?”

“Sure.” I paused. “Wait, Devon and Michael are speaking?”

Tammy nodded. “Devon apologized the night you left. I guess jelly isn’t as pigheaded as peanut butter.”