Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 (16 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Sonja stood before her bathroom mirror applying the last of her makeup. James had called earlier, wanting to meet for dinner. Since she’d taken care of all her cases the day prior, and Casey was off with one of her friends for the night, she’d decided to go.

They’d been seeing each other now for three months. There had been many lunches in her office or near whichever courthouse she happened to be at for the day, and several dinner dates. They were casually dating, and she liked it that way. Casual being the operative word.

However, the sex… Casual was not a word she would ever use to describe the sexual chemistry and heat between them. The sex had been downright explosive, incinerating, adventurous, mind-blowing—or any other word she could think of to describe it.

Grabbing her purse, Sonja headed out the door and grabbed a cab to meet him. He wanted steak tonight, so that’s what they were having. He’d asked her to leave her hair down. She’d done that too. Twisting to exit the taxi, she glanced at her feet—he’d also requested the red, peep-toe, four-inch pumps. James had a thing for her shoes. It worked for her because she had a thing for them too. She was no Imelda, by any stretch, but she did have an entire six-foot wall in her closet for her shoes.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, Sonja straightened her slacks and headed for the restaurant. She drew in a deep breath when she spotted him standing near the entrance. He always did that to her, made her catch her breath the moment she laid eyes on him. He was…well, he was beautiful in her opinion, and although she was reluctant to admit it when they’d first met, she’d always thought so.

He was too young for her. He wasn’t her type. The tattoos and piercings, and also his lifestyle, didn’t fit into her world. But the sex? The sex fit into her world fine and dandy. Enchanted by his gaze, she kept her feet moving, as if he’d attached an invisible thread to her and she was unable to do anything but gravitate toward him whenever he was in her line of sight.

His tempting lips curled into a knowing smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Her voice sounded breathless, and she’d given up trying to control it any longer.

James leaned in, threaded his fingers through the length of her hair and brushed his lips over hers. Placing her palms on his chest, Sonja shivered.

“You look beautiful. Did you—”

“Yes…” She stepped back and raised the heel of one foot off the ground, wiggling it from side to side for him to see. “Happy?”

“Mmm. Keeping those on later.” He swatted her bottom.

Sonja laughed—another thing he brought out of her. “Feed me first.” She kissed him again and turned to walk into the restaurant. James moved around her and held the door open. “Did you get a haircut?”

“I did.” He grabbed her hand and approached the hostess stand. “Yesterday. Surprised you noticed.”

She threaded her fingers through the shorter length on the side of his head. “Why wouldn’t I notice?”

The corner of his lip quirked into a small smile and he shrugged. “Dunno, just didn’t think you paid attention to that level of detail.”

Of course she noticed. Sonja noticed all sorts of things about him: his lips, his goatee, his nose with its piercing, his hazel eyes and how they changed color in the light. His tattoos. His…everything. James was not someone a woman didn’t notice. Clearly, he knew that. Smoothing her hand down his shoulder, Sonja shook her head and smiled. “How could I not?”

The hostess came up before she could say anything else and led them to a table close to the back. The restaurant was small and filled with two- and four-person tables, each with a petite oil lamp in the center. Dark paneling lined the walls and there was a small bar situated in the back. Quaint and elegant. Perfect ambiance too.

Choosing a seat that let her keep her back to the bar, Sonja sat down. “I’ll have a glass of Cabernet, please?”

James folded into the opposite chair. “Guinness, please?”

The hostess nodded and stepped away. Sonja peeked at him over the top of her menu. “Guinness again, hmm?”

James rolled his eyes and let out something akin to a snore. “Yes, dear. Guinness, again.” He opened the menu and laid it flat on the table.

“I was thinking you might want to have some wine with me.”

He chuckled. “And I was thinking Guinness.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to stray from the routine once in a while. Step outside of the box.” She pursed her lips. “Walk on the wild side.”

“I thought that was your job?” He shook his head. “Guinness works fine for my wild side.”

Sonja sighed but laughed. Such a stubborn Irishman when he wanted to be. Good thing too. Otherwise she wouldn’t be having the sex of her life right now. With some really good food in between.

“How’s Casey?”

“Casey’s fine. She’s spending the night at a friend’s house.” She glanced back to the menu. “I think I want the filet tonight.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm?”

“Filet sounds good.” He picked up the menu, and now she couldn’t see his face.

“Yoo hoo? Psst?”

He peeked to the side at her. “Yeeeeessss?”

Sonja leaned forward. “What was the ‘hmm’ for?”

“Oh, that.” He nodded. “Hmm.”

Still leaning forward, she pulled her hair over her shoulder and ran her fingers through the ends. “Yes, that. Hmm?”

Setting the menu down, he leaned forward too, almost coming nose to nose with her. “I could do this all night, you know.”

Sonja kissed the tip of his nose. “I’m fine with that. I’ll keep up with no issue, Mr. Donnelly.”

He smiled and sat back, raising the menu up so she couldn’t see his face again. Lowering it once more, he peered at her over the top. “I’ve no doubt you will, Sonja-the-lawyer.”

Sonja used to hate when he called her that. As if her being an attorney was the only thing defining her. She guessed at one time, there wasn’t much more. Yes, she was a mother, and for a while a wife, but for the most part she was a lawyer. After all, that’s exactly what her father raised and expected her to be.

Things had shifted since she’d met James. It was another addition to the list of things he’d brought out of her that she hadn’t realized she’d been keeping locked up. It was the sex with him that’d done it. The chemistry. The fire. He lit her up, and she’d discovered a side of herself she hadn’t known was there.

But was that all there was to it? Was that all there was between them? She couldn’t be sure. They had
some
things in common, just not a lot of things. There was plenty of conversation with witty banter, and debating…always the debating. Foreplay, as he liked to call it.

Regardless, Sonja needed to keep things casual between them—keep expectations low and in check. He’d pressed a few more times regarding meeting her daughter or seeing her home, and her meeting his family, but she’d refused to even entertain the ideas. Casual worked for her. If they were to keep doing this, it needed to work for him too. Simple as that.

Jimmy wiped his hands on his napkin and pushed his plate to the side. Dinner had been delicious. Having Sonja across from him made it mouthwatering. But then again, she had that effect on everything.

“You look like you’re plotting something.” She took the last bite of her filet.

“Who, me? Never.” He grinned, waved the waitress over and ordered another Guinness.

“Mmhmm. I know that look.”

He raised a brow. “You do, huh? I was just thinking…hmm.”

“Back to the ‘hmm’, are we?”

“Maybe.” The waitress delivered his drink; he thanked her and took a long swallow, never breaking eye contact with Sonja.

She placed her napkin on the table. “Well, are you going to enlighten me?”

“Maybe.” He laughed and she rolled her eyes.

He knew he was going to end up annoying her; it was what he did. In truth he wasn’t trying to annoy her tonight, and was more serious than she realized. He wanted to ask her a question, had been debating it since they’d arrived. He just didn’t want her to say no, like she always did.

She stood. “I’m going to head to the ladies’ room while you decide.”

He snagged her arm before she walked away. Jimmy smiled up at her before pulling her closer. “C’mere.”

Sonja bent in front of him. “Yes?”

He kissed her. Once, and then again, tasting her lips and tongue. She moaned, and he pulled away. “Thanks, needed that.”

“Mmm. You’re quite welcome.” Straightening, she swept her hair off her shoulder and walked away from the table. Her long legs in flawless motion on those incredible fucking heels.

Jimmy watched until she disappeared into the ladies’ room. The last few months had been the best of his life, and they’d also been the most frustrating. Sonja had a wall up around her he couldn’t seem to get through. No matter what he did. They’d fought plenty about the distance she kept between them too.

The line he’d gotten accustomed to hearing was how busy she was. Always claiming this was all she could give him. He’d taken it, but it hadn’t been easy. And it damn sure wasn’t enough. He wanted more.

Regarding her feelings about him? Sad truth was he wasn’t really sure how she felt. She wasn’t real big in the expressing-her-feelings department. However, in bed she was different. The walls came down, maybe because she wasn’t able to keep them up while experiencing the raw passion between them during sex. When they were naked, Jimmy could see with amazing clarity how she felt about him. There was no doubt in his mind that Sonja wanted him as much as he wanted her. He knew it in his bones.

What he didn’t know was why she continued to hold back with him where every other part of their relationship was concerned. In an effort to be patient, he hadn’t brought it up in a while, figuring she’d slowly open up. But she hadn’t, not truly. And the little patience he had was wearing out its welcome.

Sonja appeared in the hall from the restroom and strode toward him. Her heels clicked on the concrete floor in time with his pulse. Taking her seat again, she crossed her arms on the table, and leaned forward. “Well?”

Pursing his lips, Jimmy glanced away from her piercing gaze and scanned the other patrons. After a couple of beats, he met her eyes.
Here goes nothin’.
“You mentioned Casey won’t be home tonight?”

“No, she won’t be. Why do you ask?” The waitress brought their check, and Sonja reached for it.

Jimmy snagged it before she could. “My turn tonight.”

“All right.” She tilted her head to the side. “Why did you ask about Casey?”

Pulling out his wallet, he took out his credit card and placed it in the bill folder. “I was thinking maybe we could go back to your place tonight.”

“No.”

His head snapped up from the check. “That’s it? No discussion, just, no?”

“Yes. Just, no.” She sat back in her seat.

He shook his head and sighed. “Sonja, I don’t understand. Why won’t you let me come to your place? Like ever?”

“Because I’m not comfortable with it.”

“Still? I mean, come on. At some point you have to—”

“Let’s get this straight. I don’t have to do anything. I do not introduce people I date to my daughter. Please don’t push this.”

“I can understand you don’t want to bring a lot of men around, but I’m not exactly a lot of men, and from what I figure you’re not seeing anyone else.”

“No, I’m not. However, that’s not the point.”

“She isn’t even home tonight, but yeah, what is the point exactly?”

She blew out a harsh breath. “The point is, why can’t you be happy with us going to your place? Keeping things casual. Why must you push this?”

“Because it’s—” The waitress appeared. Jimmy handed her the check back, and she walked away from the table. “Because it’s important to me. Because I care about you. Because I don’t understand. And you won’t fucking enlighten me. Because I don’t even know how you feel about me.” His voice had taken on a deep tone, getting lower with each statement. It was either that or he’d start yelling.

Jimmy drew in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. How did she not understand this was important? It’d been three months, for fuck’s sake, and they were no closer to being a real couple than when he’d first met her. He didn’t get why she still kept the wall up. Or how she could shut off her emotions so easily, like she felt nothing for him. At all.

Talk about feeling like shit about a situation. And half the time he avoided bringing it up for fear of losing what little time she did give him.

“Clearly I care about you.”

“Clearly? Seriously, Sonja, how do you figure it’s clear?”

“Look, let’s drop it.”

“I don’t want to drop it. I want to understand.”

Sonja leaned forward again, bracing her face in her hands. She rubbed her forehead with her fingers and then pulled them away to meet his gaze again. He was tired of letting it go. Tired of ignoring the elephant in the room between them and trying to convince himself the situation would change. “You’re not going to tell me, are you? You’re going to wait for me to drop it and simply continue on like we are. Am I right?”

“I would prefer not to discuss it here, so yes, I’ll wait for you to quiet down.”

“Fuck that.” Jimmy glanced away from her piercing icy gaze and the waitress returned, placing the bill with his credit card back on the table for him to sign. The poor girl gave him a nervous smile and walked away.

“I’ll let you finish up and meet you outside. You let me know if you’d rather go home alone when you’re done.” Sonja got up and walked out of the restaurant.

Wow. In an instant, the switch had flipped and clearly she didn’t give a flying fuck if he was upset. And hell no, he was not going to just quiet down.
Shit. Damn. Fuck!
Nor was he going home without her! Their conversation was nowhere near over. If she thought it was, she was in for a damn big surprise.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sonja could not believe he was behaving in this way. Fishing in her purse, she located a mint and popped it in her mouth. She had no idea why it mattered so much whether or not they were at her house or his. Spending their time together in his domain was preferable for her. In doing so, she could leave when she was ready. On her terms.

James stepped up behind her and she felt the heat of his presence before he touched her or said anything. He clasped her upper arms, pulling her back against his chest. Pressing his face to the side of her hair, he took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

Sonja placed her hand on his cheek. “I don’t want to fight either.”

“Why won’t you let me in?”

She exhaled slow and easy before answering him. “I have let you in. But it’s not enough for you.” Why didn’t he understand? Why must he push her…constantly?

“It’s not that it’s not…” He let go of her and the loss of his warmth was profound. Sonja glanced at him and he moved to her side and hailed a cab. “You don’t get it, and I don’t know if I can explain it to you.”

Sonja clasped his hand in hers. “James, I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

“What is it you think I want exactly?” His words were soft, almost too low for her to hear, and he didn’t look at her when he spoke them.

“You want more than I’m capable of giving.”

This time he did look at her. The expression in his eyes a mixture of hurt and anger. “Letting me into your life, even a little, is more than you’re capable of giving?”

“I
have
let you into my life.” She didn’t know what else to say to him. Or why he felt so strongly about something that shouldn’t be such a big deal.

He turned to her, confusion now mingling with the hurt and anger in his gaze. “How? Tell me, please. How have you let me in?”

Sonja raised her hand to smooth up the back of her hair and then stopped; she’d worn it down. Glancing down at her shoes—her red pumps—she searched for the words she thought he wanted to hear. She’d let him in plenty—an unavoidable consequence of giving in to him and pursuing this relationship. Sonja was doing the best she could and struggling to keep herself grounded. Each time James asked her for something else, something more, it was as though things were skittering out of her control again.

She’d been vigilant in keeping her feelings in check with him and in the process kept him at a carefully controlled distance. But he kept changing the rules on her and she didn’t like it. At all. Giving in to his wants felt like she was losing ground; losing the independence she hadn’t known existed within her.

Sonja had been giving in to men, being controlled by them her entire life. With James she’d taken back that control and she wasn’t about to lose it now.

But for God’s sake, when they were together in bed, or wherever they happened to be having sex, it was impossible to
not
let him in. She’d given in to him during those times, let him take her for many walks on the wild side. All of Sonja’s walls tumbled and a side of herself she hadn’t known existed emerged. Even if she’d wanted to, she wasn’t capable of keeping him at bay during those times. Nor could she deny herself when it came to taking what he offered.

“You can’t answer, can you? You don’t have a fucking answer. Dammit, Sonja. What the hell are we doing?”

He couldn’t possibly understand what this was like for her and she wasn’t about to share it with him either. “Why is this so important to you? Why does it matter if we’re at my place or yours? Shouldn’t it matter we’re simply together?”

“It matters. If you don’t know why then we have bigger problems than location.” He turned away, hailing for another cab.

When he began to step away, a panic that she tried to ignore sped up her heart and she circled his arm in her hand. “Fine. You want to come to my house tonight? Then fine, we’ll go to my house.” A cab stopped, but Sonja stood still, waiting for him to turn to her and meet her gaze. “James?”

He glanced over his shoulder. “I hate fighting with you.”

She softened her gaze and gave him a small smile in hopes it’d be enough for him tonight. “For someone who doesn’t enjoy fighting with me, you sure do a lot of it.”

He snorted before stepping away and opening the back door of the taxi. Holding his hand out for her, she took it and moved forward. He kissed her before she slid into the backseat and climbed in beside her. “Foreplay, baby.”

“Sick, sick man.” Shaking her head, she gave the driver her address.

He nuzzled her neck. “You love that I’m a sick man.”

Sonja squeezed his thigh and he growled against her skin. A shiver ran though her and every nerve in her body snapped to attention. “Maybe.”

He left her neck and stared at her in the dim light of the vehicle. “Thank you.” His words were soft and his warm breath feathered over her lips.

He pressed a tender kiss to her mouth and swept his tongue inside. Sonja tried to suppress the moan bubbling up, but failed. Cupping his cheek in her palm, she deepened the kiss, needing more of him…like she always did. The kiss turned from sweet and soft to one of frantic need, and James slipped his hand between her legs and rubbed her clit through her pants.

Her hips moved forward of their own accord, seeking more from him. Smoothing her palm up his thigh, she found him rock hard behind the line of his zipper. The fierce urge to reach inside and feel his thickness in her hand rose inside her like a tornado. She ran her nail down the outline. James groaned, stroking his deft fingers over her core.

God help her, she wanted this man. If she needed to let him a little farther inside her world, into her home, to keep him, then so be it, she’d do it. She feared the chaos in her mind at the prospect of losing the independence she’d discovered, but she buried it because in the heat of the moment, nothing was better than this.

Nothing was better than his tongue, his hands caressing her body, the feel of his naked skin against hers, or when he sank his beautiful length deep within her. Nothing. She’d deal with the consequences of her decision in the morning.

He broke the kiss and moved his lips to her ear. “You’re wet for me.”

Rocking her hips forward—the barest of movement in time with his strokes—she nodded, unable to speak for fear of her words coming out riding a moan.

“Such a sweet pussy you have, Sonja. I’ve been thinking about how you taste on my tongue when you come for me, your legs shaking around my shoulders.” His breath was hot against her skin, his words a rumbling whisper.

She was going to come right there in the backseat of a cab.

“Come for me, mo chroí
.
” He sucked her earlobe into his mouth, flicking his warm tongue over it and continuing to drive her higher with his fingers.

Sonja ran her palm along his length. “James.” She bit her lip—so close to orgasm her head spun. A whimper escaped. Her channel clenched and spasmed, and her arousal coated her panties. “Oh God!”

He stayed at her neck, and she stared straight ahead, catching a glimpse of the driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror. James pressed harder on her clit, circling the tight bundle of nerves faster.

Sonja tensed, and her climax hit. Her head fell back and her breath punched out of her in short bursts. Whether it was the fact the driver knew what they were doing or simply that James could bring her to orgasm with mere touches and words alone, she wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter. She only knew her body was at his mercy, powerless to deny him this part of her.

Not that she wanted to anyway.

Jimmy paid the driver through the front passenger window. She’d given in and agreed to take him to her home. It was a step in the right direction, albeit a small one, but a step just the same. He’d take it. Making her orgasm in the cab had been the cherry on top of the concession she made. He planned to thank her good and proper once they got upstairs.

Once in the elevator, Sonja hit the button for the fifteenth floor but stayed quiet. Figuring she might need the few minutes to compose herself from the orgasm, or possibly swallow the fact that she’d conceded to his request, Jimmy didn’t bother with small talk.

The doors parted, and he followed her down the hall, the clicking of her red stilettos on the marble floor echoing around them. Anticipation burned hot in Jimmy’s gut—the chance to finally have a glimpse into her mysterious world, and also what he planned to do to her with her pretty feet still encased in those shoes, was more than he could bear.

Unlocking, then opening the door, she stepped inside and tossed her keys into a bowl on an ornate sideboard in the entryway. Jimmy entered and glanced around, absorbing the space. The floor was polished hardwood parquet with decorative inlays made from a dark, cherry wood. A bright, cream paint, trimmed in white, coated the walls. Various classical artworks, displayed with accent lighting, decorated the long hall ahead of him. Small, yet opulent chandeliers hung from the ceiling every few feet, creating a dazzling display on the dark wood.

Jimmy continued, just behind her, trying to process all he was seeing. Being a criminal defense attorney, and the owner/senior partner in her firm, he’d figured she had money. He just hadn’t realized how much. Her home was the very symbol of Upper East Side old Park Avenue money.

Sonja stopped outside a set of closed double doors. “Do you want something to drink?”

“I don’t suppose you have any Guinness, huh?”

She laughed. “Probably not. I wasn’t expecting a visitor.”

“I see.” He moved close to her and pulled her against him. “I guess I’ll have to bring some by for next time.”

“So sure there’ll be a next time, are you?”

“Very sure.” He nipped her bottom lip.

Closing her eyes, she moaned and gripped his shoulders. “We’ll see.”

“Show me your closet.” The shit-eating grin he held in place until she opened her eyes probably made him look like a tomcat, but he didn’t care. He really fucking
did
want to see her closet, or more importantly, her shoes.

“What?”

“I’m serious.” He rubbed the tip of his nose over hers. “I want to see your closet.”

She laughed. “You are such a strange man.”

“You say the sweetest things to me.” He kissed her again before taking a step back. “Which way to the Taj Mahal of shoes?”

“Oh, I understand now. You want to see my shoes, hmm?” She took his hand in hers. “If you insist, James-the-artist.”

“I do insist, Sonja-the-lawyer.” She led him back in the other direction past another closed door and stopped.

“Please tell me you’re not going to make me model all of them for you.”

He grinned, knowing the damn thing stretched from ear to ear. The idea of her modeling all her heels made him feel like a kid in a candy store. Screw lingerie—though he did love her in thigh-high nylons and a garter belt—high-heel shoes on a woman, who was otherwise naked, was all the lingerie he needed. Especially this woman. “Maybe.”

She glanced at him and shook her head, almost like she’d read his mind. Maybe she had. He was pretty sure his desire was stamped all over his face.

Swinging the door wide, she stepped inside and he followed—
Holy shit!
What he’d seen of the house so far screamed elegant, but her bedroom dripped in it. The room was enormous, taking up at least the entire corner of the apartment. Plush, off-white carpeting blanketed the entire space. The one exterior wall was made up of three large windows, showcasing an impeccable view of the skyline. Heavy tapestry drapes hung to the sides of the frames.

A settee, upholstered in the same material as the drapes, sat in the corner near the fireplace with a small side table situated next to it. A pale sage coated the walls and soft-white crown molding lined each wall where it met the ceiling. A mahogany dresser to the right of the entry, between it and another door, he assumed led to her closet or master bath, and the matching armor was stationed on the other side of the fireplace.

The focal point was her four-poster king-sized bed, situated on the wall opposite the fireplace. The thick, pale-blush bedding and assortment of throw pillows complemented the drapes and the walls. Jimmy turned in a circle, taking in every inch of the room. This was the soft side of her he adored seeing and feeling. This was the tenderness she held at bay until he captured her in his arms and it came rushing forward.

This was everything that was Sonja. And Jimmy loved what he saw.

On the mantel were pictures, some small, others bigger. All in silver frames. He moved toward them, wanting to see what images were revered enough to be in her private space.

“James.”

The word held the tone of a command. Without a second thought, he halted his movement and looked over his shoulder at her. The expression in her eyes told him with no uncertainty to stop. She didn’t want him to look at the pictures. Disappointment bloomed in his chest, and settled like a rock in his stomach. And even though it pinched his ass to listen, he had far too much respect for her to push any more than he already had tonight.

She held a hand out to him. “Come here, please.”

Jimmy moved to her. “Thank you for bringing me here.” Slipping one arm around her waist, he buried the other in her hair, tilted her head back and kissed her. He didn’t give her time to answer, or time to question what his words of gratitude meant. He took what he needed. And what Jimmy needed was her.