Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Sonja drowned in his kiss, his scent and his intoxicating presence. She wasn’t sure why she stopped him from looking at the pictures on her mantel, she just did. It had been hard enough to let him into her home, but having him in her bedroom was almost too much for her to bear. She was sure if she gave him any more, she’d lose control of everything that had started to make sense.

She didn’t understand it completely, only knew she was overcome with a maelstrom of emotion powerful enough to take her to her knees. Sonja’s mind twisted around a barrage of memories: Her father’s constant disappointment in her, no matter how successful she was; Thomas’s consistent disregard for her wants, desires or dreams, and her inability to feel secure regarding anything or to stand up for herself.

As if knowing her mind had gone into a state of pandemonium, James tightened his grip on her hair and deepened the kiss, curling his tongue around hers. Closing her eyes tight, she held on to him and fisted his shirt in her hands—a silent plea for him to save her. Save her from the memories, from the emotion swamping her and from herself.

The rush of overwhelming feelings terrified her, threatening to take her under the surface. But whether she wanted it or not, losing herself in his kiss had become Sonja’s safe harbor. With her body pressed tight to his, warmth bloomed in her chest and spread outward through her limbs.

James wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a casual fling. He wasn’t supposed to mean more. Sonja couldn’t allow herself to be irresponsible in such a way and lose the hard-won independence she’d gained. There was no room in her life for this man. No room for more than what he offered between the sheets. No—

With a gasp for breath, she broke the kiss, jerked away from him and took a step back.

He stared at her, his eyes glossy, his lips still wet. “Sonja?”

“It’s too much. Too close,” she whispered before pressing her fingertips to her tingling mouth.

“Shh. Don’t.” He reached for her. She took a step back, shaking her head. He frowned, a confused expression on his face. “Sonja. It’s okay.”

“Too close, James.” She crossed her arms. “I don’t want things this close.”

He sat on her bed. Leaning forward, he propped his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands. After what seemed like an eternity he looked at her. “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter why. It only matters I don’t want it.”

“Bullshit.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “You want it. You’re just too fucking scared to let yourself have it. Correction, let
us
have it.”

“I’m not scared, James. I don’t have time for more than this. I don’t have room in my life for it.”

“That’s bullshit too. Why are you making this so complicated? It doesn’t have to be.”

She walked past him and into her closet. Slipping off her shoes, she placed them in their spot on the shelf. When she turned, he was standing in the doorway watching her. “What do you want me to say to you?”

“I want you to answer my question. For fuck’s sake, Sonja, I want you to give us a chance.”

“There is no us. I have a household and a law firm to run. I have a daughter to raise. I do not have room for an ‘us’.”

He raised his arms out to his sides. “I’m good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be a part of your life, is that it?”

“I never said you weren’t good enough. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then what? You’ve got time to fuck me, just no room in your heart for me?”

She shrugged. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that, but if that’s how you want to say it, yes.”

“Wow.” He moved in front of her. “So you feel nothing for me?”

Sonja shook her head. “I cannot give you what you want.”

“This is fucking insane. I know you can.” He took a step closer, eliminating the space between them. “I know you have feelings for me. It’s written all over every damn inch of you when we make love.”

James stood so close she was unable to look into his eyes without craning her neck. Refusing to give in, she stared at his shoulder and focused on tamping down the burn in her stomach. The words he spoke weren’t true. She cared for him, yes, but it wasn’t more than that. She didn’t have deep romantic feelings for him; she hadn’t allowed them. But there was no point in trying to convince him otherwise. Regardless of what he thought he saw, she was putting an end to it immediately.

He grabbed her by the waist and yanked her against him. “Say something. Deny it, or admit it, but fucking say something!”

Her breasts thumped against the hard contours of his chest and her breath came out in a rush. “I don’t have anything else to say. I’m not on trial here!” She glared up at him but then was struck silent. The feral look in his eyes penetrated to her core, inspiring an opposite effect than expected.
I’m insane!
Instead of being angry with him for yelling at her, and then manhandling her, Sonja’s body flooded with arousal and every inch of her skin tingled with the need to have him inside her.

“Maybe you should be.” Though he’d lowered his voice, his tone was laced with fury.

She shivered at the sound. Caught up in her addiction, Sonja was convinced she’d lost her mind again because, dammit, she needed her fix. Having so little self-control where he was concerned disgusted her. In order to keep from saying anything else, she bit her bottom lip. He dropped his gaze to her mouth, then back to her eyes. She didn’t care. It didn’t matter wha—

“Come on, counselor. Defend your case.”

“Fuck you.”

“Mmm. Yes, now would be good.” His lips curled into an arrogant grin, and she wanted to slap the expression right off his face.

Sonja tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t budge. Damn him. “Let me go.” She gritted her teeth.

“Ha. Not a fucking chance, babe.” James bent his head to kiss her.

Fury boiled inside her veins, and before the process of thought and action connected, Sonja raised her hand and slapped his face.

He reeled back and cupped his cheek in his palm.

Oh shit! Oh God!

Sonja covered her mouth with both hands. Had she really done that? Shame replaced the deep cauldron of fury, and she cringed. She couldn’t decipher the expression in his eyes either. She glanced away, unable to bear the sight. “I’m sorry. I think you should go.”

Before she could react, James took hold of her waist and locked her against him again. “Not a fucking chance.” He pressed a hard kiss to her lips.

She stiffened in his iron grip, but wasn’t capable of fighting him. The truth was, she didn’t want to fight him. She was too busy fighting herself. With a soft whimper, Sonja gave in to the insatiable thirst. The taste of him spread through her like warm honey and erased any lingering fight within her.

This wasn’t giving in because it was just easier, like she’d done with everyone else in her life. No, Sonja gave in because he
was
right; she
did
feel more for him than she wanted, or ever intended to…even if she could only admit it to herself.

She might really want him, but there was no way she’d actually keep him.

James walked her backward and deepened the kiss, while his hands roamed up her rib cage, to her breasts. Sonja’s back hit the door to her bathroom, and she tugged at his shirt, needing his velvet skin beneath her hands. Frantic, their tongues in a tangle of lust, he did away with the button and zipper of her dress pants, and pushed his hand inside.

A loud moan rippled from her throat when he found his target, rubbing over her clit and then slipped two fingers inside her. Sonja rose on tiptoe and her core clenched around the welcome intrusion.

“Always so wet for me.” He moved his mouth to her throat, nipping at her skin, and continued moving his fingers inside her.

Halfway lost in the madness of his touch, she managed to push his shirt up past his pecs. He took over from there and pulled it off. Sonja ran her nails down his chest and rode the high swamping her mind and making her body hum. She scraped over his nipples, then pinched them.

He groaned and ground his thick erection against her hip. “Why the fuck aren’t you wearing a skirt so I could fuck you right now?”

“You didn’t ask me—” He sank his fingers deeper and Sonja cried out. “Oh God…you didn’t ask me to wear a skirt.”

Raising his head, he locked eyes with her. “Push your pants down. Now.”

A shiver rocketed through her from head to toe at his authoritative tone. It brooked no argument. He’d be in control tonight, and she found no issue with it. Emotions were running too high, and although holding the reins in the past had allowed her to keep James at arm’s length
and
keep her feelings in check, she didn’t have the energy to hold them at bay tonight.

Fury and desire pulsed through Jimmy’s veins in time with his racing heart. He couldn’t believe she’d slapped him. Worse, he couldn’t believe how fucking granite hard it made his cock.
Fire and ice…
He should’ve known she had a few different versions of how that side of her surfaced. Good thing he was okay with all of it, but the slapping would need to be put in check. And he planned to take care of that immediately.

Sonja pushed her pants down her long legs, and kicked them off. Holding her gaze, he slid his fingers out of her tight cunt and then pressed them into her mouth. “Panties too. Now. Or so help me, I’ll fucking rip them right off.”

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she whimpered, wrapped her tongue around his digits and sucked.

“Dirty bitch, you love it, don’t you?” Sonja nodded with a low moan, sucked harder and slid her panties off. Goddamn, his lust was in overdrive. He couldn’t wait to get his dick inside her. Taking his fingers from her hot mouth, he shoved his pants down his hips. Fisting his cock, he stroked from base to tip before rubbing the head over her swollen clit. “Yeah, I know you do. Spread your legs for me.”

“Please. I need you.” She bit her bottom lip.

“Shirt and bra.” He slid the head past her clit, grazing the wet mouth of her pussy, then pulled back, only to repeat the motion, teasing her more. It was a bittersweet torture. With each pass, her wetness coated the tip and shaft, tormenting him, but it was too delicious to resist.

Sonja did as he asked, stripping off the remaining garments. Her little moans and pants for breath, the way her body swayed a little and her eyes glazed over—every damn reaction made his balls grow tighter and his prick grow thicker. Sonja had no idea how she affected him. And not because he hadn’t been clear with telling her or showing her. He had.

But she refused to see it.

Jimmy zeroed in on the pale flesh of her breasts and her taut, pink nipples. All thoughts of their difficulties fled his brain and his mouth watered. “Play with your tits, mo chroí.”

With a nod, she raised her hands to her breasts, cupped them and pinched the tight peaks. Jimmy’s head spun and his cock twitched in his palm. For fuck’s sake, she was so fucking beautiful, he could barely stand to look at her. Even more once his cock was buried balls-deep in her with his name bursting past her lips.

She thrust her hips forward. “I need you, James.”

“Need what?” He cupped her chin in his hand. “Tell me.”

She tugged on her nipples and gasped. “I need your cock inside me.”

“Magic fucking words.” Keeping his dick against the mouth of her cunt, Jimmy moved his hand to her thigh and raised it off the ground. Thrusting his hips forward, he slipped inside her heat.

“Oh God, yes. More.”

“Greedy.” He moved deeper inside her.

“You make me this way.” Her channel clenched around him and he gritted his teeth.

“Yeah, I know, mo chroí.” Jimmy grabbed her other leg and raised her off the ground, pressing her back against the door. He rolled his pelvis, plunging deeper into heaven. “Fuck yes. So hot.”

“James!”

With a tight grip on her ass, he rocked in and out of her. She rose and fell on his dick and scratched along his upper back, digging her nails into his skin. Her cries and moans grew louder—sweet music to his ears—as his orgasm coiled tight at the base of his spine.

“Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop!” She sank her teeth into his shoulder.

Jimmy wanted her to keep talking, but the words he wanted to hear were more along the lines of “I want you,” “I need you,” or, “I can’t live without you.” He slowed his pace. All Sonja wanted from him was this—just the sex.
Fuck!
Why couldn’t he leave it be and just take what she offered? Jimmy let out a sigh.

He only knew that he couldn’t, no matter how much he tried. It wasn’t enough.

Sonja raised her head and caught his gaze. “James, please?”

His thrusting came to a stop. Unwilling to see her baby blues, Jimmy closed his eyes and kissed her. Then he released her lips and pressed his forehead to hers.
Fuuuuuck!

She cupped his cheek with her palm. “What’s wrong?”

With a hard swallow, he pressed his lips together. He was not her fucking play toy.

“James?”

Unable to speak, he shook his head. He released her legs and let her slide down to her feet, though he was still inside her.
This is all I have time for.
Jimmy shook his head.
Yes, I’ll wait for you to quiet down.
She treated him like shit, but in a polite sort of way. Just because she masked it with refined manners didn’t make it any less painful.

He couldn’t do this much longer; it was making his heart ache. But he didn’t know how to
not
do it anymore either. Every time he fought with her, trying to get her to see, to understand, he risked losing what he didn’t really have.

With a mental scream, Jimmy took a step back, slipping from her channel. “I think I need to go.”

“What? Why?”

Pulling up his pants, he secured them and bent for his shirt. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”

“I don’t understand.” She crossed her arms, shielding her breasts.

“I know you don’t.” He turned away, heading for the door.

“If you leave…then don’t bother coming back.”

The threat stopped him dead in his tracks. Could he walk out and call her bluff?
Fuck!
Letting out a deep sigh, he swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Don’t say what you don’t mean.”