Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 (28 page)

No more.
Bastard!
Never again. Sonja was done. Something snapped inside, and a dead calm came over her like a warm blanket. Without saying another word, she lifted her pillow off the bed and clutched it to her chest and started for the door.

“Sonja, where are you going?”

She opened the bedroom door and looked back at him. “I’m going to sleep in the guest room. Enjoy the bed, Thomas, because tonight is the last time you will
ever
sleep in it.” Turning away, she walked out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Tomorrow she’d put an end to all of this crap with Thomas—she might even burn the sheets. Tomorrow she’d deal with Casey too. She planned to look into some private schools for next year, and definitely a private Jewish camp where she could send her for the summer. Getting her daughter away from the City for a while would probably do her a world of good.

She was at a loss for how to deal with James yet. Or even if she should bother. She’d done fine without a man in her life after divorcing Thomas; there was no reason why she wouldn’t be fine now. James had been a wonderful and amazing distraction. But now it was over, and she’d move on.

That’s what people did who took a chance and dated. When things didn’t work out, they simply went their separate ways. Sonja pulled the blankets back on the guest bed and crawled in. But he’d also been a necessary growing experience. Exactly what Sonja had needed to catapult her into taking charge of her life again. Except this time, really take charge and do what was necessary instead of what was easier.

The idea of never seeing James again sent a boulder-sized lump into her throat. She’d never kiss him again. Never touch him again. Never fight with him either. An ache settled in her chest and she stared up at the ceiling. “Oh God.” Sonja rubbed her breastbone as the waterworks came on full force. “Oh God!”

Sitting up, she buried her face in her hands and wept. There was no way she could let James go, never touch him or fight with him again. There was just no way.

She couldn’t do it.

Chapter Forty-Four

Jimmy worked on the metal sculpture he’d started the day before. He had no idea what he was going to do with the damn thing when it was done, especially since it was a metal formation of Sonja, but what the hell? Maybe he’d stick it up in his bedroom for a little self-torture. Or not.

After attaching a few more strips of sheet metal, he removed his welding mask and took a step back. Satisfaction, mixed with a healthy dose of sadness, sliced through him. Nothing like a little, or in this case, a lot of heartache to mine and use for creation. Raw emotion made for the greatest pieces.

Jimmy glanced at his phone, checking the time. It was almost four p.m. and he hadn’t heard anything more from Sonja. Maybe she’d given up. Then again, he hadn’t responded to any of her texts or voicemails, so he couldn’t really blame her if she had.

Shutting down the welding machine, Jimmy headed for the shower. Sonja might’ve gone to work today and, considering the situation, she’d probably be home soon. Call him crazy, but he’d decided in the morning when he woke up, he was going to head over to her place. It was likely the stupidest idea he’d had yet, but with Sonja, if he didn’t confront the problem head-on, they’d never get past it.

Finishing up in the bathroom, he got dressed and walked out the door. Jimmy didn’t know if Thomas was still in town, and he didn’t care. If he was, the guy could fuck off and go get a hotel room.

It was past five by the time Jimmy knocked on Sonja’s door. When it opened, the infamous ex-husband stood on the other side. With his white dress shirt—long sleeves cuffed up his forearms—he was a regular
GQ
guy. All he needed was a sweater draped over his shoulders and a set of golf clubs by his side. Jimmy pasted a blasé smile on his face. “You must be Thomas.”

Thomas slid his hands into his perfectly pressed tan khakis. “And who might you be?”

“James Donnelly.”

“Ah, yes. Please, come in.” Thomas took a step back, allowing Jimmy to pass. “What can I help you with?”

“I’m here to speak with Sonja.”

“My wife isn’t here right now.”

“You mean your
ex
-wife.”

Thomas smirked. “If you prefer.”

Jimmy had the urge to slap the smug expression off his face, but managed to rein himself in. The mystery was confirmed. The guy was a straight-up, grade-A dick, and Jimmy hadn’t even been in his presence more than three minutes. “Yeah, actually, I do.” Jimmy glanced down the hall. “I think I’ll wait and check on Casey while I’m at it.”

“Wait—”

Screw it. He pushed past Thomas and walked to Casey’s bedroom. Fuck him. Tossing a smirk of his own back at the guy, Jimmy knocked, then cracked her door open. “Hello? Are you alive?”

She looked over from the bed. “Jimmy!” With her lips curved into a big smile, she swung her legs over the side and reached for her crutches.

“Hang on there, girl, I’ll come to you.” Jimmy stepped inside and closed the door behind him. When he took a seat next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, her door opened.
Oh, for fuck’s sake!
Jimmy looked over to find Thomas leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed. “Can we help you with something?”

Thomas straightened. “In fact you can. I don’t find it appropriate for you to be in my daughter’s bedroom. Especially with the door closed.”

“Daddy! Oh my God.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jimmy stood. “Listen, man. That was completely out of line, not to mention perverted. Casey is like a daughter to me, and the fact you would even insinuate something like that is a testament to what a dick you really are.”

“Mr. Donnelly, I couldn’t care less what you think. But let’s get one thing straight—she is
not
your daughter. She’s mine. That means I decide what’s appropriate where she is concerned. In my opinion, you are far from appropriate.”

“Daddy, please don’t.” Casey stood.

Jimmy cupped her elbow in his hand. “Case, sit back down. It’ll be okay, I promise.” After he helped her back onto the bed, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then turned and approached her father. “You obviously have something to say to me, so why don’t we step out of the room and have a little talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you beyond what I’ve already said. In fact, I believe it’s time for you to leave.”

Rage boiled below the surface and Jimmy’s skin tingled. If he was going to make his point, he needed to keep a lid on it. Clenching his fists at his sides, Jimmy stepped up to Sonja’s ex and lowered his voice. “Go ahead, give it your best. But I’m telling you right now, I’m not going anywhere.” Thomas took a step back. Jimmy followed and closed the door behind them. “Come on, Tommy, I think you got plenty to say to me. And, rather than me, I think it’s maybe time for
you
to leave.”

The bastard laughed, shaking his head. “You do realize you’re simply a toy for her to play with in between my visits, don’t you?”

Jimmy pursed his lips. “That all you got?”

“I’m sure she’s told you about our arrangement, Mr. Donnelly. I mean, you can’t be foolish enough to think she’d actually be interested in you. You’re practically a child.”

Jimmy didn’t want to believe one bit of what Thomas was insinuating. But bile rose in his throat anyway. There was no way Sonja was still sleeping with this asshole. “Yeah, see, that’s where you’re wrong, dude. She’s quite interested in me. Also, you disgust her. To be more specific, you make her skin crawl, and she can’t fucking stand you. I’m sure she’s told
you
. But you don’t listen too well, do you? In fact, I’m positive if she were here right now, her choice would be quite clear.”

“Whose choice would be quite clear?”

Jimmy snapped his head to the left at the sound of Sonja’s voice. He’d been so focused on his “discussion” with Thomas, he hadn’t heard her come in. He was willing to bet Thomas hadn’t either.

Chapter Forty-Five

Sonja wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, but she intended to find out. Looking between James and Thomas, she posed her question again and waited for one of them to answer.

Thomas jutted out his chin, an indignant look on his face. “It appears your boy-toy decided to come and piss on my leg.”

She glared at her ex-husband. “I beg your pardon?”

James rested his hands on his hips. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a pompous asshole?”

“Mr. Donnelly, your insults mean nothing to me, much like your presence.”

Sonja stepped between the two men. “Okay, look, I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but I want it to stop right now.”

James looked around her at Thomas. “The feeling’s mutual.”

“James, what are you doing here?”

Casey opened her bedroom door. “Mom?”

The three of them turned toward her. Sonja forced a smile. “Hi, honey. I think you should go back into your room.”

A look passed between her daughter and James, and then Casey’s gaze moved to her father. Sadness radiated from Casey’s eyes. Sonja realized immediately that something had changed while she’d been at work. She moved toward her daughter. “Casey?”

“I got it, Sonja.” James moved around her to Casey. “Come on, Case. You look tired, why don’t you lie down for a bit.”

James helped her to the bed, and Sonja watched from the doorway. Once she was settled, he pressed a kiss to the top of Casey’s head. Her daughter nodded and he said something Sonja couldn’t hear, then Casey gave him a hug. Sonja’s heart filled to the point of bursting. God, she loved how James treated her daughter and how Casey responded so genuinely to him.

Turning, he walked back toward Sonja. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, indeed you do,” Thomas said.

Sonja’s attention jerked back to her ex. “Mind your own business, Thomas.”

“What goes on with my daughter is my business. In fact, whatever goes on in this house is my business.”

“Sonja.” James’s voice was low.

“You’re
very
wrong, Thomas. None of what goes on in
my
home is your business. My relationship with James has nothing to do with
our
daughter. Now, if you will excuse us.” Thomas looked her up and down, disgust evident in his expression, before he turned and walked down the hall to the library. She waited until the door closed before returning her attention to James. “What are you doing here?”

“Wow! That all you have to say to me? Good to see you too, sweetheart.”

“Look…” She blew out a breath. “I haven’t heard from you, and now I walk in to find you having a testosterone war with my ex-husband. What the hell am I supposed to say? Besides, did it occur to you that calling first would’ve been appropriate?”

“For fuck’s sake, can we please go somewhere that’s
not
the hallway and talk?”

“Fine.” Turning, Sonja headed for her bedroom. Even if she was happy to see him, she couldn’t believe he was going to give her an attitude simply because she hadn’t reacted the way he obviously expected.

When they reached her room, she headed straight for her closet and took off her shoes. When she emerged, James was standing in front of her fireplace, staring intently at a photograph of her and Casey he’d taken off the mantle. “So, you want to tell me why you’re here?”

“How old was she in this picture?”

“Two.”

“You’re smiling. You look happy; you both do.”

She walked over to him and glanced at the photo. “Yes, at the time, I suppose I was.”

“I like seeing you happy. There’ve been times over these last several months when I’ve seen you look that way. Were you?”

“Yes.” Her voice was a bare whisper. She didn’t know where he was going with this or why, and maybe she was a little afraid to find out.

After placing the picture back in its place, he turned to her. “You’re right, I should’ve called. But I didn’t want you to tell me no, so I…” He shrugged. “I don’t know; I came over. And all excuses aside, I wanted to meet him face to face.”

She reached to stroke her fingers through his hair, but he pulled away. Sonja’s heart sank at the rejection. Would they ever get back to where they were? “What did he say to you?”

“Are you still fucking him?”

She gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. Shaking her head, she turned away from him. She wasn’t—at least not since she and James started seeing each other. Guilt still plagued her about that. But how could she explain the complexity of the situation to him, and have him understand the whys of it? There was no way he’d understand, and she couldn’t expect him to.

“Your reaction is answer enough. Goodbye, Sonja.”

She jerked around and faced him. “James, wait, please. My reaction is not my answer.”

“No? Then what is?”

“It’s complicated.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “I bet it is. And that’s another obvious non-answer.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say to you.”

He crossed his arms. “How about you tell me the truth? Maybe you could start there.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah, you said that already. I’m done. Take care, Sonja.”

“Wait…I’m not fucking him.” The urge to reach for him raged inside her, and she had to ball her hands into fists to keep from touching him. “I swear to you, I’m not. You have to believe me.”

“Nice. You sure as hell could’ve said that before, but you didn’t, did you? And now you expect me to believe you? Fuck that.”

“I said it was complicated, and I meant it. It is.”

He moved to the settee and took a seat. “Fine. Here’s your chance. Go ahead and tell me all about the complicated. I’m all fucking ears.”

Fear and frustration raged within Sonja. She wasn’t sure where to begin. Should she tell him how things had been with Thomas on and off over the years since their divorce? Should she tell him the last time she’d had sex with him was right before she and James had gone on their first date? Could he even possibly understand, plus understand why she tolerated Thomas for so long, or why she’d given up and given in?

“Yeah, like I thought. The cat’s got your tongue, Sonja-the-lawyer, doesn’t he?”

She sat on the edge of her bed. “Fine. You want the truth, I’ll tell you. Brace yourself, because it’s ugly.”

He plopped his palms down on his thighs and sighed. “Go for it.”

Sonja drew in a deep breath and then let it out slow and easy, praying when she got done, there’d be something left of her relationship with James to salvage. “When Thomas and I got divorced, naturally things were strained. At first, he still lived in the City and would come over a couple nights a week to visit Casey. I made sure to be out of the house when he did.”

“See, right there. That makes no damn sense. Why didn’t you drop her off at his place like every other divorced couple in the world with kids does?”

“I don’t know. I guess…” She ran her hand up the back of her hair. “I guess because it seemed like the right thing to do. It was easier on Casey, and Thomas insisted.”

He shook his head. “Fucked-up, Sonja. For real.”

“Are you going to insult me the whole time?”

“I’m not insulting you. Merely stating a fact about the situation. But, please, continue.”

“Fine.” She frowned. “When he moved to Florida, it was even harder on Casey. As you’re aware, she’s very close to her father, and she missed him terribly. When he would come into town, he…well, he stayed at my house. I didn’t want him here. I didn’t invite him either, but again, it seemed like the right thing to do for our daughter. I did protest at first, but Thomas can be very convincing, and of course spared nothing when it came to laying guilt on me for breaking up our family. So, I let him.”

“I don’t understand you. I swear to God, I
do not
understand you. The word ‘no’ is like your favorite fucking word, Sonja.”

He was using his mouth like a weapon, and his harsh words cut her deep. The hurt morphed into anger though, streaking through her like a comet. “I realize you’re angry, and likely hurt by whatever it was Thomas said to you earlier, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop tearing into me. I told you it was ugly. I can either finish or not. It’s up to you.”

Letting out an exasperated groan, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. “Yeah, I’m angry and hurt. Sorry. I’ll shut up and let you talk.”

“Thank you.” Sonja swallowed past the lump in her throat and willed herself to continue, because the next part was worse. “He insisted on sleeping in my room. Again, he used Casey as the excuse. He said it was better for her because things appeared more normal, more like they used to be. Of course, one thing led to another, and we started having sex again.”

James cursed and jerked back like she’d slapped him. Sonja cringed. God, this was so hard, but it was too late to turn back now.

Jimmy listened to her tell him all about fucking Thomas for several years
after
they’d divorced as hot lava spread through his veins. It was something he didn’t want to know, and although it was hard to hear, at least she was talking about the past so far and not the present. He wasn’t sure he had the stomach to listen to her explain what the arrangement was currently.

“After a while, I couldn’t stand it. I took a lot of crap from him, but finally I’d gotten to a place where I couldn’t look myself in the mirror anymore. So I put an end to it. I loathed him, and although he flat-out refused to leave my bed, I stopped having sex with him.”

Jimmy couldn’t speak, let alone look at her. In his eyes, she was an incredible, intelligent and strong woman. It was crazy to imagine her as someone who’d tolerate being treated like Thomas had treated her. Wrapping his head around it was near impossible. The woman Jimmy knew, and loved, didn’t put up with the kind of bullshit she was laying out for him. She sure as hell didn’t put up with any shit from him—not that he’d given her any, but still.

She cleared her throat and went on. “The last few years there’s been nothing. Aside from having to sleep next to him when he came into town, I haven’t let him touch me.”

Jimmy blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and cold relief washed through him, dousing the fire that’d been lit by his anger.

“But then—”

His gaze locked with hers. “Sonja—”

“James, let me get this out, please.” She frowned and ran her hand up the back of her hair.

She did that a lot, always when she was nervous or stressed. He’d noticed the habit a while ago, but never said anything to her about it. He wasn’t going to start now. Rubbing his palms down his thighs, he tried to prepare himself for what she was going to say next.

Her words were killing him, ripping his heart clean out of his chest. This was it, right? Sonja was about to confess to sleeping with Thomas again; which made her no different than Gina. Just because he hadn’t walked in on them in bed, didn’t mean he could handle hearing her say the words. Anxiety filled his chest, and he stood. “No. Stop. I can’t do this. I don’t want to know.”

“James, I need to tell you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I won’t ever trust you again. I’ve been down this road before, and I’m not traveling it again.”

“Wait, what?” She stood and walked to him. “What do you mean you’ve been down this road before?”

Jimmy needed to get out of there. His heart ached like it was locked in a vise, and his walls had gone up, locking her out for once. “It doesn’t matter.” He crossed his arms. “I’ve heard enough.”

“Please, I want to finish, I need to explain.”

“God, woman! Don’t you get it?” He gripped her arms. “I. Don’t. Fucking. Want. To. Know!”

Sonja flinched, but then caught his gaze—a look of sheer panic in her eyes. “It was once! It only happened once.”

He let go of her arms like he’d been burned. Technically, he had. Pain seared through his chest and nailed him right in the heart. Jimmy bent forward, clutching his gut. “Stop. Fuck me, stop!”

“I need you to know the truth. Yes, we slept together, but it was before I went to the charity auction with you. You and I weren’t together yet. Please. I need you to understand. I wanted you, but I was denying myself. Thinking nothing would ever happen between us.” He felt her hand on his back, and he flinched. “So, I used him. I told myself I was in control for once and I used him, and I hated every minute of it and—”

A roar from the depths of his stomach and chest boiled out of him, loud enough to stop traffic. Jimmy turned and jerked away from her touch. Just because she and Jimmy hadn’t been together yet made no difference to him. They’d had a steamy make-out session in his studio before the auction. If she could do it when things had just barely begun between them, but weren’t official, then she could do it while they were clearly together. His eyes burned with tears waiting to fall. “Shut up, please, I’m fucking begging you. You’ve said enough.”

“I’ve said everything,” she whispered. “There isn’t anymore. I’ve said it all.”

She reached for him again, and he stepped back. Betrayal was betrayal and she needed to prove to him right now where her loyalty stood. “Him or me, Sonja.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I won’t play second fiddle to that asshole. And I sure as fuck won’t be your boy-toy to play with in between visits from him. So you decide, right now…
Him. Or. Me.
”

She swiped away the tears running down her cheeks. “You’re giving me an ultimatum?”

“You’re damn right I am.”

“You’re asking me to choose between Thomas and you? How can you do that? Please don’t ask me to do that. James, he’s her father. I can’t cut ties with my daughter’s father.”

“I can because, yeah, he may be your daughter’s father—” he clenched his fists at his sides, “—but he is
not
your fucking husband anymore
!” She visibly flinched, and he had to look away. The pain in her face was palpable, but it didn’t matter. “You choose, or I’ll choose for you.”

“James… I…”

When she stalled, Jimmy turned around and walked away from her. For the second, and last time, in less than two days.