Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 (30 page)

Chapter Forty-Eight

Sonja knocked on James’s door and waited. She’d let three days pass, trying to give him some time and space to cool off, before she couldn’t take it any longer and decided to go see him. When the only answer was silence, she knocked again. It was a little after two in the afternoon, and she thought for sure he’d be home. Knocking once more, she waited. Maybe he was downstairs working. Still, the door remained unanswered.

Disappointment boomeranged around her insides and she frowned.
Dammit.
Defeated, she turned away, making her way down the beige hall, staring at the wooden planked floor on the way to the elevator.

As she was about to push the Down button, the compartment doors parted and there he was. Her heart skipped, and she sucked in a breath. When their gazes locked, James froze mid-step. Time slowed to a screeching halt but then he blinked and just…walked past her.

She caught his arm in her hand. “James…please stop, we need to talk.”

Yanking from her grip, he glanced at her. “There’s nothing more to talk about.” He continued down the hall.

She followed. “Oh, yes there is. There’s plenty to talk about.”

“Fuck that, Sonja. Save your argument for the courtroom. I’m not interested.” He stopped at his door.

She was so caught up in the maelstrom of emotions running through her, she almost plowed into the back of him. Gripping his shoulder, she halted her momentum. He glanced at her and then jerked away from her touch.
God, that hurt.
“This isn’t over.”

“Yeah, it is.” After turning the key in the lock, he opened the door. He tried to close it on her, but she blocked it with her body. He didn’t even look back, just continued down the entryway hall of his apartment to disappear into the kitchen.

“Dammit, James!” She slammed the door behind her. When she made it to the kitchen, he’d already pulled a beer from the refrigerator. With his head tilted back, he drank deeply from the bottle, his throat bobbing with each swallow. Sonja stood motionless, her eyes riveted on his features. Even pissed off and hurting, James still took her breath away.

He was so damn perfect.

Perfectly imperfect.

Several months ago, she’d had no intention of giving him any of her time, and here she was praying to God he’d now give her more of his.

He brushed past her. “Say what you need to say, then get out.”

Panic rose inside her like a flash flood and she moved to the hall. “I love you.”

James stopped short, but didn’t turn to face her.

The words spilled out before she had a chance to censor them. But she meant them. With all of her heart, she meant them. “Did you hear me? I love you.”

“Please…” He raised one hand in the air as if to warn her off. “Please don’t say that.”

She approached him, but kept her shaking hands at her sides. “Why not?”

“Because I’ll want to believe you.” His head fell forward and his shoulders followed suit. “And I can’t because there’s no way you mean it.”

“What?” Sonja moved around him so she could see his face. “You think I would say those words to you if I didn’t mean them? How could you think that?”

James looked at her. The expression in his eyes so harsh, she felt it like a physical slap. “Because everything has been a struggle. Always a fucking struggle. Because you fought me every damn step of the way, from going on a date, to fucking me, to seeing your home, right down to meeting your daughter. Christ, you’ve never even met my best friend. You pushed me away at every turn and now…” He ran his palm over his jaw and mouth. “Now, I find out it’s because you’re not willing to give up your pretend life with your ex to have a real one with me. I just… No.” He shook his head. “No.”

Ouch. That stung. Sonja blew out a breath. “That’s not true. I do want a life with you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Look, I know things have been hard between us, and I know that was my fault. But none of tha—”

“What about after? Did you fuck him after we were together?”

Gasping, Sonja took a step back. She hadn’t been prepared for the question, though she should’ve been. “No. Never. It’s only been you.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“How can you say that?”

“I can say it because it’s true. You lied to me.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me.” He took a swig of his beer.

“I most certainly did not lie to you!” Anger and frustration raced for first place in her mind. How dare he accuse her of lying? She never lied to him. “I lied to me. I lied to my daughter. But I did not lie to you.”

He brushed past her and took a seat on the couch. “Omission is the same as a lie. So, sorry to break it to you, but you lied to me too.”

“I can’t believe this.” She walked around the sofa and stood in front of him. “I can’t believe you’re going to use me
not
telling you something that happened before we were even together—which, by the way, was none of your business at the time—as an excuse to end this. That night had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me believing I was stealing some control back. I was stupid and blind, and it was a damn mistake. One I’ve regretted since the moment it happened.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” He blew out a breath. “This isn’t going to work. We don’t work, and I don’t want to play this game with you anymore.” Stretching his long legs out in front of him, he tipped his beer back for another swallow.

The panic was back, and this time it boiled over and spilled through her limbs. This wasn’t a game to her. She needed to open up and tell him everything, and it terrified her. Sonja didn’t know if she could be so raw and risk losing him anyway. But she had to try. He wasn’t going to let her off the hook so easily, and she supposed he probably shouldn’t. “If you think I’m going to give up after everything that’s gone on between us, and all that I feel for you, you’re sadly mistaken.

“James, listen to me please. You are the antithesis of how I was raised. You represent everything I was never supposed to want or have. Meeting you was a surprise. Being attracted to you was an even bigger one.” He snorted and glanced at her, and she continued. “You think I’m some independent, strong woman, but I’m not—in the courtroom, maybe, but not in my personal life. Truth is, I’m a coward.”

Sonja turned away and sat on the arm of the sofa. Looking at him and saying the things she needed to say felt impossible. “For as long as I can remember I never stood up for myself. After my mother died, it wasn’t possible. My father would’ve never tolerated it.” She let out a bitter laugh. “After law school, he delivered me down the aisle to a man
he
approved of. One that would continue what he started, which was to control my choices, my thoughts and my desires…my everything. Didn’t matter what I wanted or what I thought.

“Thomas fit the bill for sure, and I believed I loved him. At least I’d convinced myself I did and it was easier to just go along with what they wanted.” She looked down at her hands. “I stood up for myself when I got divorced, but even that was cowardly because I used Thomas’s affair as the excuse instead of my own unhappiness.”

“Sonja, look, I don’t—”

“Please, I need to get this out.” She stood and paced, but kept her gaze trained on the floor. “When I met you, it was easy to tell you no. You were not someone my father would approve of. Even from the grave I heard him expressing his disdain. But more than that, telling you no was freeing. I could stand up to you. I
made
things hard because I could—because I needed to. Rather than ducking my head and doing what was expected, I could be independent with you. I’d finally found my backbone…or so I thought.” Sonja stopped pacing and blew out a breath. “So stupid. So foolish.” She ran her hand up the back of her hair and turned to look at him. “You were the first person who never wanted to control me. You only wanted to be close to me, and I just crapped all over you. I was so wrong. I never should’ve done that.”

“Listen, I’m glad you’ve had this great realization, but it doesn’t change anything.” He put the beer bottle down on the table and sat back again. “We. Still. Don’t. Work.”

Frustration exploded inside her and propelled her forward. She didn’t stop to think, just went where her emotions led her. Sonja knelt on the couch next to him, slid her skirt up, then swung a leg over his lap and straddled him. “The hell we don’t. I’ll prove it to you.”

“Sonja—” He raised both hands in the air. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” She rolled her hips, grinding against him. “This?”

He grabbed her waist. “Oh Jesus. Stop!”

“Make me.” She pressed a kiss to his neck. “We work, James. We work perfectly.” She nipped his ear and felt him shiver beneath her. There was no way in hell Sonja was losing this argument.

It was quite possibly the most important one she was ever going to have.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Jimmy froze as she rolled her hips, grinding against his now rapidly rising erection.
Goddammit!
Confusion from all her words filled his mind, and now arousal was taking up space too. Refusing her wasn’t in Jimmy’s DNA; there was no way he could battle his desire for her.

Never mind that he was beyond angry with her, for more reasons than he was sure she realized. But he knew she was being real and raw with him. And also that she was being honest—probably for the first time with herself even. Maybe he could forgive her—trust her again.

A moan slipped out of him, and he had to stop himself from tilting his hips forward. She licked along the side of his neck. Sonja hadn’t been unfaithful to him, not technically, but she sure as hell had been unfaithful to herself. For too many years. That little tidbit had him pissed at her for sure. In addition, he wanted to strangle her for making things more than difficult for them for all these months and
now
she’d done a one-eighty and wanted to make it easy?

Things were
not
going to be easy.

She kissed along his jaw until reaching his lips. Pausing, she pressed her forehead to his. Unable to take it anymore, Jimmy gave in, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “I’m so fucking angry at you.”

“I know.” She pressed her lips to his for a kiss.

He jerked away. “Dammit, Sonja. No. It’s not that easy.”

“Yes, I know.” She frowned. “But I’m not going to let you take this away from us. Nothing about us is easy. I don’t want the ‘easier’ path anymore. I want you. I want real. I want…” She rolled her hips again. “Fire and passion. I want us, and I was an idiot to ever pretend I could be okay with anything less.”

“It’s too late.”

She leaned forward, her lips hovering above his. “It’s never too late. I love you, James.”

His heart melted, and it was torture. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen or if he could stay with her. He wasn’t sure of anything except that he loved her. He loved this woman with every fiber of his being. But he needed to know about Thomas. Jimmy cupped her face in his hands. “Is he gone? For good gone?”

“With the exception of Casey going to visit him, yes. He’s gone.”

Fuck!
Jimmy arched up, closing the distance between them, and kissed her. Thrusting his tongue into her mouth, he groaned and she opened for him. Fucking hell, it felt like forever since he’d last kissed her. The taste of her washed through him like a warm summer rain, cleansing all the anger away and nourishing his soul.

Jimmy broke the kiss, leaned forward and spun her onto her back. Settling between her thighs, he gritted his teeth and rolled his hips forward, grinding against her. “Damn you, Sonja. You’re fucking killing me.” He ran his hand down the front of her blouse, seeking her breast. He rose to his knees between her legs. “Get this off now. I need to feel you.”

“Oh God, yes!”

After pulling his shirt over his head, he watched as she released each button, and then parted the two halves of the pale pink fabric. Sitting up, she slid the shirt off her shoulders and arms, then unhooked her bra, and removed that too.

“My sunshine, so beautiful.”

She ran her hands down his chest. “Touch me.”

“It’s not your turn.” Pulling her palms away from him, he looked at her. “Take your hair down.”

Sonja did what he asked and laid back on the couch, and her long hair fanned out around her. Leaning forward, he took one rose-tipped areola between his lips. Her sweet scent permeated his senses and sent his brain spinning. She arched beneath him, and he pinched the other hard point, tugging a bit before rolling it between his fingers. He bit the taut peak in his mouth and she gasped. He loved when she was like this, giving herself over to him completely. His rock-hard cock throbbed behind his zipper and Jimmy rocked his pelvis, grinding against her clit.

With a whimper, Sonja ran her fingers through his hair. “I need you inside me. Please?”

Looking up at her, Jimmy smoothed his palm down her stomach and then lower. He cupped the heat between her legs. “Whose is this?”

“Yours.”

He pressed the butt of his hand against her mound and rubbed. “Tell me again.”

She bit her bottom lip. “Oh God. It’s yours.”

Dragging his fingers over her wet panties, he teased her opening. “That’s right. Tell me what you want next.”

Sonja rolled her hips. “I want you inside me.”

“Inside where?”

“My pussy. I want you inside my pussy.”

“That’s my girl.”

Rising from between her legs, Jimmy stood and removed his pants. He cupped his sac in his palm and stroked his length. “This what you want?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

“Show me how wet your cunt is.”

Without hesitation, she slipped her skirt and panties over her slender hips and down her long legs. Lying back, she spread her legs, and then her glistening folds. Lust hit him like a bolt of lightning, sending tingles along his spine. Good thing she wanted him inside her because Jimmy was pretty sure he might die if he didn’t feel her wrapped around him in the next two seconds. He took a seat on the couch. “Jesus Christ, I’ll never get tired of seeing you dripping for me. C’mere.”

Sonja moved immediately and straddled him. He cupped her ass in his palms and held her above him. With her sweet nipples perfectly in line with his mouth, Jimmy took the opportunity to taste them again. She arched and he sucked one between his lips, then moved to the other. Gripping her bottom, he spread her buttocks and slid his fingers to her core.

Her wetness coated his fingers and she moaned. Jimmy groaned and pulled away from her breasts. Having a taste of the sweet honey coating his fingertips would have to wait. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Sonja pressed her lips to his, and he lowered her down on his cock. Her wet heat enveloped Jimmy and everything melted around him. There was no ex-husband, no worry of a daughter running away…nothing but the two of them. “Mo chroí…” Jimmy smoothed his hands up her back and wrapped them around her shoulders. “I love you.”

Sonja closed her eyes and sank down on him, seating him fully inside her. “Stay with me?”

“Look at me.” She opened her eyes and Jimmy took her face in his hands. “You’re my sunshine.” He touched his lips to hers. “You’re my heart, my everything. And I’m not ever letting you go.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” She kissed him, and her tears wet both of their cheeks.

Was it possible to have your heart broken and then healed in the same breath by the same person who’d caused the break in the first place? Jimmy was pretty damn sure that’s what had happened. Her pain and fear of losing him were as palpable as the love he felt and saw in her eyes. “I’m sorry too.”

Sonja rose and fell, riding him with languid movements as he drowned in her. The feel of her hot core wrapped around him, the taste of her lips, and the scent of her skin—every part of Sonja healed his heart, giving him air to breathe again.

As her pace quickened, Jimmy broke from her mouth and grabbed her hips. Buried deep inside her core, she slid back and forth. “Fuck, yes. Rub that sweet clit against me.”

She gripped his hair and rode him faster. “James!”

Her tight cunt spasmed around his prick and Jimmy groaned. “Woman, that pussy… Jesus—” He bit down on her shoulder and she whimpered, her cries growing louder with each sway of her hips.

“I need to come. Oh God, James, make me come.”

For God’s sake, he was about to shoot sky-high. Lacing his fingers in her hair, he yanked her head back. Jimmy rolled his hips, holding her tight against his pelvis. “Look at me when you come all over my cock. Come for me, Sonja.”

With her eyes locked with his, she shuddered above him, gasping as her orgasm hit. Her channel squeezed him in quick little spasms. Rolling her over, he perched above her and flung her long legs over his arms. Jimmy lost all control and slammed in and out of her with reckless abandon until every muscle in his body seized. His climax exploded and he let out a guttural moan. He spurted, over and over inside her core, filling her as endless waves of pleasure spread through him.

She dug her nails into his hips. “James!”

“Fuck! Fuck, yes!” With his cock still jerking inside her, Jimmy gasped for breath and released her legs, collapsing onto her.

Wrapping her limbs around him, Sonja pressed her warm lips to the side of his neck. “I love you.”

He lifted his head and gazed at her. “I think you could tell me that a million more times, and I’d never get tired of hearing it.”

She tilted her lips in a small smile. “Promise?”

Jimmy stroked his thumb over her bottom lip. “Yes, mo chroí…my heart.” He smiled. “I promise.”

Fire and ice was what knew he saw in her when they’d first met. He’d been right, but little did he know that what he saw was only the tip of the iceberg, and the tiny smoldering embers, which appeared harmless, burned hotter than the actual flame.

So much more than he ever expected. So much more than Jimmy ever knew he wanted, and definitely needed. He’d found the best, and when a person found their match—found the best—they didn’t let it go. Ever.

And, Sonja was, hands down, no questions asked, the best.