Desire and Duty (2 page)

Vane’s brows came together as he
lowered his arms to his sides again. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you were actually going
to punish me simply for hitting a nerve with what I said. Then you laughed and looked
at me with that grin on your face. I thought you were…” He trailed off,
suddenly realizing how this misunderstanding might offend Vane.

Vane tilted his head. “You thought
I was losing it? What did you expect me to do? Tie you up and have you
whipped?”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been so
worried.” He exhaled loudly. “Don’t you see how anxious and scared we are?”

“Yes,” Vane said very softly.

“Then try to be understanding with
us.”

“How about you try to understand my
position? I’m used to being able to fix everything. Now everyone I love is in
distress, and it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault you got sick.
That’s silly.”

“I’m not used to being powerless.”

“Then let Arion help you when they
bring him back. Once you have your strength back, let the pieces fall where
they must and then deal with it. Handle it. I think you can do it.” He stood
up. “I believe you could do anything, honestly. I half believe you could heal
yourself through sheer determination.” He laughed without humor. “But I’m still
going to do all I can to help you.”

“I’ll feel better if you do as I
commanded.”

“So that’s not a joke?” Orman
asked, having hoped maybe Vane would’ve forgotten.

“No, it’s no joke. My mother can
stay with me.” He sighed and slid back under the covers. “She’ll be back any
moment, I’m sure.” His gaze slid to Orman. “I think you better do as I say, or
I might tell her how you feel about Gwynn. She’d be thrilled to
help
. She’s always liked you, and she
loves Gwynn.”

Orman felt a chill go up his spine
as he remembered some of the stories he’d heard. “I’ll do as you ask. Just
don’t do that. All right? We have a deal?”

Vane laughed. “Yes, we do.” He held
up both hands demonstratively. “See? The entertainment has restored my
spirits.”

Orman opened his mouth to speak,
but Lady Evane came in just then. Orman bowed and said, “I’ll do just as you
say, my lord.” He turned and bowed to Evane. “My lady.”

“Orman,” Evane said, bowing her
head and then going back to her son’s side.

Orman made a hasty retreat, Evane’s
voice already echoing through the room as she fussed over and reprimanded her
son in turns. He made his way to his study, wondering exactly what he was going
to say to Gwynn. It would be far easier to say that Vane had ordered them to
relax and take some time for themselves, but it wasn’t exactly romantic. It
also wasn’t true. Lying to her seemed as unnerving as actually asking her to
spend the evening with him. But one way or another, he’d have to act.

If Lady Evane found out he was in
love with Gwynn, the castle truly would be in a state of chaos.

****

Gwynn really liked the terms the
merchant offered, and his price was reasonable. She sat at Orman’s desk and
drafted a reply, as she felt Orman would agree with her. Her handwriting wasn’t
very feminine, so Orman often sent off letters she’d drafted with his signature
affixed. It saved all of them time. She set the draft in the middle of the desk
pad and patted it with a sheet of blotting paper. She tossed the used sheet
into the little basket by the desk and stood up, surveying the mess on the polished
surface. She put the unopened letters in the wooden box on the corner and began
sorting things out. Vane’s illness had Orman worried and flustered, so his
study was even messier than usual.

As she sorted the papers and put
the ledgers in their proper places, she considered what to do. If Orman liked
her, why wasn’t he saying anything? Doing anything? He talked to her a dozen
times a day. She wasn’t being courted by anyone, and she wasn’t a flirt like so
many of the other maids. She did her duty and focused on that, just as Orman
did. Now she thought on
it, that
seemed to make them
very compatible. As she put the last paper into place, she wondered how red he
might turn if she pushed everything off his desk and stretched across it to
wait for him in a seductive pose.

He’d probably faint.

She giggled at that, and at just
that moment the door opened. Orman walked in and stopped short. He looked
around with a puzzled expression on his face. “Someone else here?”

She cleared her throat. “No, just
me.”

He glanced at his desk. “Something
amusing you then?” He closed the door and came closer. “I see you’ve cleaned my
desk.”

“Aye, it was a bit messy. I know
you’ve been under a lot of pressure with Lord Vane sick and all.”

“Yes, I have.” He met her gaze. “Thank
you.”

“You’re welcome. Anything you need,
you can always ask me.” Gwynn decided to test the waters. She walked around the
desk and stood right in front of him. Taking a deep breath to make her breasts
strain against her bodice, she said, “Anything at all.”

Orman didn’t take his eyes off her
face. “Then there is something. Lord Vane wants us to have dinner together
tonight.”

“Really? Isn’t he sick to death of
us?” she asked, wondering why Vane would want them to have dinner with him.

“No, you misunderstand. He wants
you and me to have dinner. Together. Just the two of us.”

“He said that?”

Orman nodded, looking as if he was
hiding something.

“Why?”

He seemed to search the air above
her head for words before he said, “So we can just relax. Have some time to
ourselves.”

She took a step closer and noted
how his breathing shallowed. “Liar,” she said in a low voice.

“Excuse me?” he said, shock
registering on his face as his eyes widened.

“Lord Vane is bored stuck in that
room, and now he’s playing matchmaker. He says you like me, so out with it. Is
he right?”

Orman looked uncertain as he
searched her face, and Gwynn realized she’d never seen him look that way
before. She swallowed and said, “I’m not teasing you.” She bit her lip and
shrugged one shoulder. “All right, I am a little, but why are you looking at me
like that? It’s just me.”

“Just you? I can’t think of it that
way. Not at all.”

His brown eyes looked softer now,
and his dark hair fell into his face as he gazed down at her. “Oh?” she said.

“That all you have to say?” he
asked.

“Vane really said he wants us to
have dinner?”

“Yes. He commanded me to have
dinner with you, in fact.”

Gwynn almost laughed. “Did he, now?
He wasted no time. He was working on me when you came in just a bit ago.”

“Working on you?”

“Aye, he was saying all kinds of
things. How you smile more around me. How you’re happier when I’m in the room.”

“He may be right about those
things. I do think I’m happier when you’re in the room.”

See
where your teasing has gotten you?
She pushed the thought away. “Are you?”
She’d only meant to test the waters, not jump right in.

“Yes.” He came much closer to her.
“I have to obey my lord and have dinner with you, but it’s something I want as
well. It’ll be my pleasure.”

“Don’t I have a say in the matter?”

“Of course, but if you say no, you
have to go and tell Vane that you turned me down. I’m not going back up there
today. He’s threatened to turn his mother loose on us.”

“Turn her loose on us? What do you
mean?”

He smiled. “You’ve never been to
their castle, have you?”

“Vane’s parents? No, I’ve never
been there.”

“Lady Evane is the real matchmaker
in that family, so we need to be careful.”

“Be careful? What would she do?”

Orman laughed and walked around his
desk. “She once locked two people in the wine cellar to get them to admit their
true feelings for each other.”

“Oh, there’s no way that happened.”

“Ask her. She considers it a
triumph. They were married within a month.”

Gwynn let her gaze wander over the
desk. “Hmmm.”

“Well, can I have an answer?”

Gwynn put a hand on her right hip.
“Not until you ask me properly. I don’t care what Vane said. I’m not having
dinner with anyone because someone told me to.”

“All right then. I want to have
dinner with you because I do like you. I have for a very long time. Will you?”

She plumped up the pillow in the
chair in front of Orman’s desk before saying, “I suppose so. Not very
flattering, though, that you had to be forced to ask me.”

Orman walked around the desk and
came up to her again. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you should be very
flattered. I didn’t ask before now because I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

“You’re the lord’s steward. What
are you talking about?” If she’d set her sights on him, people would’ve said
she was doing it to raise her station and earn more favor. What he said made no
sense at all.

Orman laughed. “You’re a strong
woman and beautiful in the bargain. I’m more than ten years older than you and
not much to look at. I see the way men your age look at you. Handsome, strong
men that other girls fawn over.”

“Well, you don’t see me fawning
over them. Good looks are just luck, and muscles come from working hard.” She
gave him a quick once over. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look, and
who cares how old you are.”

Orman came even closer, tilting his
head and looking as if he was about to kiss her.

Gwynn stepped back and dusted her
skirts off. “Well, if we’re having dinner, I need to finish a few things before
then. Where do you want me?” She cringed at how that had come out, but she
couldn’t help it. She’d kissed plenty of men, but she wasn’t ready to kiss this
one.

Not yet anyway.

Orman seemed to take the hint well
enough. She couldn’t even be sure he’d been trying to kiss her. He was so much
taller than she was he might’ve just been trying to hold her gaze from that
angle. “Yes, I need to see to a few things, too. I’ll come to your room for you
about seven? We could take a picnic basket outside, just in time for the sunset.
That way we won’t be in anyone’s way or need anyone to serve us or set up. That
all right?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Was he
truly being considerate of others or trying to ensure some privacy? Now she
wished she hadn’t teased him and practically shoved her breasts in his face.
“I’ll be ready.” She turned to go, but then she looked back and pointed.
“There’s a reply for the merchant. I liked what he had to say. Change anything
you like.”

Orman smiled at her. “I’m sure it’s
fine.” He looked into her eyes. “We make a great team, you know?”

“Aye, we do pretty well. Think
alike, I guess.”

“And you look ready to bolt.” He
took up the letter to read it. “Go on. I’ve wasted enough of your time.”

She wanted to argue with him, a bit
insulted at the implication she was scared or anything, but instead she grabbed
the doorknob and twisted it to make her escape.

And it came off in her hand.

Oh,
fuck me. Has Lady Evane somehow found out? Did she come down here and loosen
the knob from the other side?
Gwynn wondered what Evane would be expecting
of them if she had.

“Damn, I thought I’d fixed that.”
Orman came over and took the knob from her, oblivious to her distress and
wayward thoughts. He fit the knob back in and twisted it very gently. “I’m just
going to have the entire thing replaced. It’s getting ridiculous.”

“Aye, best see to that,” she said,
not quite bolting but definitely quickening her pace as she moved around him.
She went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a basket to gather some herbs. She
wasn’t fit to be around anyone right now, and she needed time to think.

Chapter Two

Orman switched the picnic basket
from his right hand to his left as he walked down the hall toward Gwynn’s room.
Mrs. Allen had outdone herself, so the basket weighed around twenty pounds, or
so it seemed to his aching arm. People kept smiling at him, as if everyone knew
what was going on. It occurred to him they could’ve met somewhere else, but he
hadn’t thought of that at the time. One of them standing around waiting for the
other would’ve probably drawn just as much attention, so it didn’t really
matter. He’d changed into less formal clothes, but given the hour he didn’t
think that warranted the attention he was receiving. Everyone in the kitchen
had been very accommodating, so Vane might’ve sent word down to them somehow.
Mrs. Allen had swung into action immediately, as if she’d been expecting him.

He set the basket down against the
wall and smoothed his clothes before knocking on the door. As he and Gwynn had
talked in his study, something had definitely changed. Gwynn’s usual confidence
had seemed to waver a bit, and that puzzled him. He couldn’t imagine her being
nervous or wary in this situation, and he wondered if she struggled to think of
him as a suitor. She might see him as a kind of father figure for all he knew,
and he was roughly the same age as some of her brothers. The door jerked open,
and Gwynn stepped out, almost bumping into him in her haste to close the door.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” he said in return. He’d
definitely spied a pile of clothes on her bed, which made him rethink his
earlier assumption. Everything around Gwynn was always incredibly neat,
everything in its place. What he’d just seen, however, told him she’d probably
tried on multiple dresses as she got ready. The idea of her being nervous and
fretting over her appearance made him feel a little better, though now he
wanted to put her at ease. “You look lovely,” he said.

“Thank you.” She wore a light blue
dress that brought out her eyes, and she ran her hands over her skirt before
clasping them behind her. “Shall we go?”

“Yes, I thought we’d go out the
back and down to the orchard so we could watch the sunset in a little while.”
Shall we go? Why is she being so formal?
He picked up the basket, and they headed back down the hall. “How was your
afternoon?”

“Oh, the usual. Busy but not too
bad.” She kept her eyes ahead, her hands still clasped behind her back. She
avoided eye contact with the people they passed.

Once they were outside and in less
danger of being overheard, Orman said, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t
want to. You seem anxious. Uncomfortable.”

Her shoulders slumped as she sighed
and turned her head, her long brown hair cascading off her shoulder. “Everybody
knows.”

“Knows what?” he asked, even though
he knew exactly what she meant.

“That we’re having dinner. Lord
Vane told Mrs. Allen, and it went from there. All the servants know.”

“Mrs. Allen did seem to be expecting
me.” He stopped before they’d exited the castle grounds. “Are you embarrassed?”

“No. I just don’t like everyone
knowing my business.”

Orman laughed as he opened the gate
and held it for Gwynn. “You’ve lived in a castle all your life. You know
there’s no getting around it.”

“Aye, but I guess there was never
anything about me worth knowing before.”

“I’d disagree with that.” They
walked along the edge of the orchard, and Orman stopped at a level spot that
would give them an excellent view of the twin suns as they set.

As he was spreading a cloth on the
grass, Gwynn asked, “So did you tell him? Or did he figure it out himself?”

He extended a hand to steady Gwynn
as she lowered herself to the ground, and she accepted it without hesitation.
“He’d figured it out on his own. Seems I’m not too good at hiding how I feel.”

She looked over at him as he sat
down. “I thought everyone was imagining things.”

“Everyone?”

“Aye. Mrs. Allen. Ned in the
stables. Ash’s mate even. Then Vane started in today.”

“Well, they weren’t imagining
things. I’ve felt this way for a while, but I rarely have much time for myself.
It was easy to keep telling myself it wasn’t the right time. And that was
stupid.”

“No, not stupid.” She chewed her
lip as she began to unload the basket. “You’re busy. You’re the most important
man in the castle.”

Orman laughed. “Hardly.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “How
would anything get done if not for you?”

“You’d probably do all right. They
wouldn’t even miss me.”

“Hmmm, don’t put ideas in my head,”
she said. She shifted her position a little bit. “You know, that’s why I
thought everyone was crazy. I was thinking you just liked me because I’ve got
my head on straight and do my job well. Told myself that was why you were
always talking to me and getting me to do things with you.”

“That’s true, but I’ll admit to
ulterior motives the past few months.”

“I see.” She looked at the food and
then back into the basket. “How many people did Mrs. Allen think you were
packing this for?”

He reached in for the last few
things. “She insisted on a bit of this and a bit of that. Kept bringing more
stuff over. I could hardly lift the thing by the time she was done.” He pulled
out two clay mugs and uncorked the wine. “I hope wine’s all right. I could go
get some water from the pump.”

“Wine’s fine. I doubt you’re trying
to get me drunk.” She smiled as she accepted the mug from him.

He smiled back. “You’d throttle me,
I’m sure.”

“Would I? Hmmm.”

“Yes, my intentions are very
honorable.” He sipped the wine. “My thoughts might not be quite as pure, but—”
He stopped as Gwynn choked down her wine. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d react
that way.”

She coughed and wiped at her mouth.
“Just surprised me, is all.”

“It really that surprising that I’m
like other men?” he asked, genuinely nervous about her answer. He tried to keep
his expression neutral but wasn’t sure if he was succeeding.

She looked down at her hands a
moment before answering. “No. Just never gave it any thought.”

“Only one thing to be done then.”
He set his mug down and closed the space between them. Her eyes widened as he
pulled her in for a kiss, but after a few seconds she relaxed.

He’d imagined this moment many
times, but the reality of finally tasting her lips surpassed everything he’d
envisioned. He drew back and looked into her eyes. “Do you think you can see me
this way? Give me a chance?”

She licked her lips. “Aye, I think
so.”

He smiled. “Good, because I’m
kissing you again before this night is over.”

She stared a moment and then
laughed as he unfolded all the cloths to see what they had to eat. “Are you?
You sure about that?”

He loved that her usual fire and
wit seemed to be returning. “Yes, quite sure.” He popped a grape into his
mouth.

She leaned on one elbow and tore
off a chunk of bread. “I didn’t mean to run away earlier. I was flustered, I
guess. I was trying to see if what people had said was true but didn’t expect
an invitation to dinner right away.”

Orman waited for her to look at him
and said, “Was shoving your breasts at me part of that? You made me a little
lightheaded there for a moment.”

Her cheeks glowed a bright pink.
“Heavens, I don’t know why I did that. Guess I’d never seen you with a woman
before. You know, romantically.”

“I haven’t been interested in
anyone in a long time. Maybe I’m picky. I don’t know.”

“You’re busy. No use wasting your
time. Plus some people are always after something when they pursue someone with
power.” She brushed some crumbs off her skirt. “But you being picky would make
sense. You’re a pretty exacting person.”

“That a compliment?”

“Aye, it is. I am, too, after all.”

He moved a chunk of cheese to a
plate to cut it, then offered some to Gwynn. They both nibbled in silence for a
while.

“You think they’ll find Arion?”
Gwynn asked.

“Now that they know they’re looking
for a lycan, yes, I think they will.”

Gwynn poured them both more wine.
“I’d never seen you get angry before.”

“If you hadn’t been there, I
would’ve really let him have it.”

Gwynn’s eyes widened, and she put
her hand over her heart. “Don’t tell me you would’ve cursed? I’ll never believe
it.”

Loving the playful teasing, Orman
grinned. “I fucking would have.”

She burst out laughing, tears
coming to her eyes eventually before she managed to stop.

“I see I need to work on my image
some. No wonder you didn’t believe I was interested in you.”

“Why are you interested in me? I’ve
seen other women try to flirt with you. You always put them off.”

“Are you that oblivious? Really?”

She frowned. “Oblivious?”

“Yes. All the men chasing after you
all the time.”

She rolled her eyes. “They just want
to sleep with me.”

“With good reason. You’re
beautiful. You know that, right?”

“I’m young and have big tits.” She
shrugged. “I like the way I look. I just mean all those men are shallow. They
don’t want more than a tumble.”

“I can’t speak for them, but I
don’t think all of them are like that. You’re funny and clever. Strong and
feisty.”

“Men say they want strong women,
but most of them don’t. They enjoy fucking strong women. Conquering them. But
they want submissive wives.”

“Pointless to argue with you, but
not all men are alike. I love everything about you, and I wouldn’t change a
thing.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You
expect me to believe that?”

“Yes. It’s why I said we didn’t
have to do this. You seemed uncomfortable. Not yourself. Call me a liar if you
want, but I like the Gwynn who bosses me around.”

“Bosses you around? I do not.”

He inched closer on the blanket.
“You do. You tell me what to do at least once a day.”

“Because you think too much. I know
you have lots of responsibility and have to be careful, but sometimes you have
to make quick decisions and just get on with it.”

He smiled and took her hand. “So I
should’ve told you I wanted you a long time ago? Gotten on with it?”

“That’s a bit bigger than most of
your day-to-day stuff.”

“But I believe you’re right. I do
think too much. I tell myself I’m too busy, but then I sit in my room reading
for three hours before bed. There are other things I could be doing.”

“Not much to do that late at
night.”

Orman took a chance, feeling she’d
warmed enough this wouldn’t scare her off. “I could be making love to you
instead of formulating ways to see you the next day.”

Her mouth fell open. Shaking her
head slowly, she gently pulled her hand away. “You’re Orman’s twin brother or
something. There is no way you just said that to me.”

“Do I come off so serious? So
prudish?” He straightened a little. “You can tell me if you don’t really find
me attractive.”

“I’m not a liar. I said there’s
nothing wrong with your looks.”

“Not the same as saying you think
me handsome.”

She narrowed her eyes again. “I’m
here, aren’t I? Fully aware of what this is.”

“And what is it?” he asked softly.

She licked her lips and leaned a
bit closer. “Dinner with a man who likes me. Wants to be with me. A man I like
and admire but just hadn’t looked at quite that way before.” She smiled. “Until
he started saying dirty things to me.”

“Dirty? I thought what I said was
romantic.”

“But it was a bit forward. What
would people say if I came out of your room tomorrow?”

“I don’t give a damn what they’d
say. I’d be too happy.”

She gazed toward the setting suns.
“Since you like me telling you what to do, I’m telling you it’s not happening.”
She paused and cut her gaze to him. “Not tonight.”

“Then consider it an open
invitation. Your call. Your timeline.”

She cut an apple in half and handed
him the other half as she looked back to the sunset. “And what will you do if
I’m bossy in bed?”

The very idea made his body stir. “I’ll
love it.”

She blushed again. “Hmmm,” was her
only reply as she bit into the
apple.

He turned his gaze to watch the suns
setting as well, happier and more at peace than he had been in a long time.

****

Gwynn had just finished lacing her
bodice up when a frantic knock sounded at her door. She hurried over to answer
it and found Tilly, one of the other maids, standing there with a vase full of
red tulips.

“Good morning!” Tilly said as she
held out the flowers.

“Where are those supposed to go?”
she asked.

“They’re for you.”

“What? Why?”

Tilly grinned at her. “Orman sent
them. He was up earlier than usual cutting them.” She laughed. “You should’ve
seen him smile when I asked about you two. You had a little picnic last night?
Mrs. Allen was saying something about it, but she’d just told me to go fetch
something so I couldn’t linger.”

“Yes, we did. It was very nice.”
She took the vase and set it on a little table.

“Did you have fun? You two didn’t
talk about castle business the whole time, did you?”

“No, of course not.” She thought
about repeating some of the things Orman had said to her, but she really would
set tongues wagging if she did that. “We talked about lots of things. I had a
wonderful time.”

“Did he kiss you?”

Gwynn put her hands on her hips.
“We aren’t fifteen. Are you serious?”

“Of course I am. He’s very handsome,
once you really stop to notice him. This place is full of handsome men. I’m so
glad my mother wanted to come and work here.”

“Yes, there are plenty of handsome
ones, but be careful. Some of them really get around, if you know what I mean.”