Desired and Dominated (36 page)

I want her so badly it hurts. I want to worship every inch of her body, to show her what she means to me, to try and make her see herself through my eyes, but I’m concerned that I would do more harm than good. I thought that I was a good Master, attentive to her wants and needs, emotionally available for her, and that we’d found a balance of discipline that worked for us. Now, looking back, it seems like it was all a lie. It’s left me questioning every decision I make with regard to her, and that in itself proves that I can’t be the Master she needs right now. Until I can find my own way back, and feel confident in my abilities, I can’t initiate anything physical with her.

I know her well enough to know that my decision will make her angry, but I can’t let that be a factor in this. She needs love, and discipline, and understanding, and I’m going to find a way to give her all of that. I can’t lose her again. I won’t.

I hear her screams from down the hall. She’s having a nightmare again. I quickly turn off the heat on dinner and head for her room. It’s become a routine now. I crawl onto the bed beside her, careful not to startle her, and then I stroke her hair, whispering words of comfort until she calms down, and slowly comes round from her dream. It happened the first day she got home, and it’s happened every day since, for the past two weeks. It’s making her reluctant to take a nap at any time of day, but her body has been through so much in recent months, she can only fight it for so long before she has to give in and rest. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here. It was just a bad dream.” She coils her body around me, burying her face in my chest. “Can you tell me about the dream?”

“I don’t…I can’t.” She starts sobbing uncontrollably, and all I can do is hold her until it subsides. I’m treading water here until she opens up to me, but I feel like I’m drowning.

“Are you hungry? I’ve got loads of food, and Si called to say that they have a babysitter tonight, so I invited them over. I hope that’s okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll freshen up and be out in a few minutes.” I give her a tender kiss, which she tries to deepen, but I pull back, not trusting myself to stop.

“I better go and check that nothing’s burning.” I make a quick exit, adjusting my pants to alleviate how tight they feel all of a sudden. One kiss, and I’m like a horny teenager. It’s been four and a half months since I made love to her in Paris, and I miss her more than I can put into words. I miss the Sofia I fell in love with.

I distract myself with setting the table, and when the buzzer lets me know that Simon and Jess are here, it’s a welcome relief. Being alone with Sofia all the time is intense, and with no way to release the tension, it’s becoming almost unbearable. I haven’t made love to her, and I haven’t punished her since she got home. I haven’t treated her like my submissive, because I’m trying to give her space to rediscover who she is. It’s torture, and there have been times that I have wanted to tie her up, punish her and fuck her until she can’t take it anymore. I can tell she’s frustrated too, but her frustration turns into anger, which inevitably gets directed at me. I’m hoping that tonight, she can find a way to relax and enjoy some time with Jess. I really need to chill and have a few beers with my friend. To just be me for a few hours.

When I open the door, I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders as they step inside.

“Hey bro, smells fucking amazing in here. I’m starving.”

“Good, it’s ready.”

I say a quick hello to Jess before shouting on Sofia to let her know they’re here. She comes bounding down the hallway, before jumping into Simon’s arms. Her entire demeanor changes; a glimpse of her old self shining through. “It’s so good to see you guys.”

“It’s nice to see you too. You look amazing. How are you?”

“I’m good. Nate’s taking great care of me.”

Did I just hear her right? Fuck, she’s like a different person. Not the girl I’ve been living with for the past few weeks. Maybe company is exactly what we needed to diffuse some of the tension around here.

We sit down to a great meal, Simon and I catching up on work and sports over a few beers while Jess very tactfully decided to make mocktails for her and Sofia. Sof isn’t supposed to drink alcohol right out of rehab, because they don’t want addicts to replace one drug for another. Jess has this way of getting what she wants - she doesn’t make it obvious, and she doesn’t patronize. She sweeps you up into whatever she’s doing, and all you can do is sit back and enjoy the ride. I can see why Si is so besotted with her. They’ve been through so much, and it gives me hope, that Sofia and I can weather the storm and come out the other side stronger.

It’s nice to see her laughing again. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile a genuine, carefree, beautiful smile.

After dinner we take up residence on the couch. Simon and I fire up the PlayStation and decide to go old school with some Streetfighter. It’s a rare window of opportunity to relax and unwind. Jess is busy with Sofia, and for a brief moment, I don’t have to take full responsibility for her, but unfortunately for me, it doesn’t last long. I should have known better than to let my guard down, even for a few minutes.

Sofia starts stumbling around the living room, spilling her drink before tumbling head first into my lap.

“What the fuck? Are you okay?” I pause the game, throwing the controller down on the table and shifting her head back, away from my cock.

She looks up at me, her eyes glazed. “That’s not the reaction I usually get when my lips land in your lap.”

Simon grunts in disgust. “For fuck’s sake! Brother in the room. Too much fucking information.”

“Don’t be such a prude! You’ve had more women suck your cock than I’ve had hot dinners.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?”

“Nothing. I’m just telling you the truth. I’m not a little girl anymore. It can’t be a shock to you that I suck my boyfriend’s beautiful, big cock.”

What the hell is she doing? I stand, pulling her up with me. “THAT”S ENOUGH, SOFIA!”

“What are you going to do about it, N-a-t-e? Punish me?” She’s up on her tiptoes, an inch from my face, and that’s when I smell it. Alcohol.

I turn to Jess. “I thought you said there was no alcohol in those drinks?”

She looks genuinely stunned. “There isn’t. I didn’t put any in them.”

We all turn to Sofia as one.

“WHAT? So I spiced them up a bit. It’s not like I’m underage! I can do what I like.”

She is really pushing me now and I’m close to losing it. “NO, you can’t.”

She slams her fists into my chest, struggling out of my grip. “Then punish me for it. Tie me up, whip me, spank me, fuck me. Do something. Anything!”

“THAT’S ENOUGH…NYX! This isn’t the time or the place to discuss this.”

Simon steps up, his face stone cold with rage. “What’s she talking about, Nate?”

Sofia is completely out of control, spinning around to start in on him. “It’s none of your goddamn business. You’re my brother, not my keeper. What I choose to do with him is none of your concern, so stay out of it.”

“The fuck I will! What the hell is going on?”

“God! Don’t be so naïve. You know exactly what’s going on, you just don’t want to see it. Whips, chains, clamps, collars, handcuffs, and canes. I love it all! I’m a fucking submissive. I’m Nate’s submissive.”

Who the hell is this person in front of me? My sweet, submissive Sofia is gone, and this incarnation is spiteful and vindictive. “ENOUGH! Nyx, you will assume the submissive position, NOW! Not another word from you. I’ve let this go on long enough. I don’t even recognize the person you’ve become, and I sure as hell don’t like this version of you. You’re cruel and spiteful and angry. Take it out on me, fine, but to treat your brother and your friend with such a lack of respect, is fucking unacceptable. Now take your fucking position, and do
not
utter another word until I say otherwise. Understood?”

“Yes, Master Callaghan.” She drops to her knees before me, her eyes lowered to the ground, and her arms clasped behind her back. A surge of adrenaline courses through me, my confidence and control firmly back in place.

I hear Jess gasp as she watches the scene unfolding before her, making her way over to Si, as he stands frozen to the spot; his eyes fixed on Sofia, kneeling before me.

“Si, let’s just go. I think everyone needs time to calm down before we talk about this.” She’s trying to push him backwards towards the door, but it only serves to snap him out of his trance, and focus his attention on me.

I step in front of Sofia, making sure that she won’t get caught in the middle of what I know is about to happen.

“You’ve fucking brainwashed her. You fucking bastard. What have you done to my sister?” He lunges at me, but I block his punches.

“It’s not what you think. You need to let me explain.”

He takes another swing, this time catching my jaw. “Explain??? Explain to me how you took advantage of my
little
sister? No wonder she tried to kill herself, being trapped in a relationship with a sick fucker like you.”

Sofia, breaks her silence, screaming in my defense. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that. I didn’t do it to get away from him. I love him. He means more to me than anyone else in the world.”

“Fucking brainwashed.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It warms my heart that she wants to defend me, but yet again, she disobeys me.

“SILENCE! I told you to stay in position and be quiet until I tell you otherwise. Do it, NOW!”

“Yes, Master.”

She returns her gaze to the floor and resumes her silence. I’m distracted by the simple beauty of it, and I don’t see his punch coming, sending me crashing to ground with the force of his rage.

“You fucking bastard. I trusted you. I trusted you to look out for her, to love her. Not to fucking abuse her.”

I jump to my feet, my own rage boiling over. “I’m not abusing her. I love her. She was a submissive before we got together. I didn’t force this on her. I gave it up to be with her, but it wasn’t what she wanted, or needed.”

“Bullshit. She would never willingly be such a pathetic doormat.”

I throw a punch to his ribs, dropping him to the floor. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I know you’re twisted, and if she willingly does that shit, then so is she. You’re fucking sick in the head.”

“Get the fuck out of my house, Si. I’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down, and are willing to listen to what I have to say.”

“I’m not going anywhere without her. Sofia, get off the floor and come with me. You don’t have to put up with this shit. It’s not normal.”

She doesn’t move a muscle. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t lift her eyes to acknowledge him.

“I said move, Sof. You’re coming with me if I have to carry you out of here.”

She remains still, and I know it’s hard for her, but she’s letting me know that she’s in, that she’s mine, and that she wants to make this work. It’s all I need.

I resume my stance in front of her. “You’re not taking her, Si. She’s staying with me. I’m her Master, and whether you like it or not, she wants me. She wants to be my submissive. She was the one that pursued this, and thank fuck she did. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I would
never
hurt her.”

“You fucking punish her with whips and shit.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t hurt her. I never have, and I never would. That’s not what this is about for us. She needs the boundaries, the structure, and the freedom of knowing that I will always do what’s best for her.”

“Well you’re doing a great fucking job. She tried to kill herself. Explain to me how that’s you being a good ‘Master’. You’re fucking deluded.”

“I don’t expect you to understand. Don’t you think I hate myself for letting her down? For not being there when she needed me the most? I did the best I could. She chose to keep what was happening from me. She’s a really good fucking liar, Si. She lied to all of us. I’m no different than the rest of you. I believed what she told me, because I thought that we didn’t keep things from each other. For whatever reason, she didn’t tell me, and she let it get so bad that she didn’t know how to fix it. If I could go back and change it, I would. I would never have let us be apart for so long. I would have given up the tour to go and be with her. I would have done anything to make her happy, and to protect her from herself. I can’t fucking change it, and I will live with that for the rest of my fucking life. But, instead of doing the easy thing, and walking away, I’m here. I take shit from her every day, because she’s angry at her own life. Not with me. She’s heartbroken. Ballet was everything to her. I’m just trying to help her find her place in the world again. I’ll take whatever she throws at me, for however long it takes for her to realize that I’m not the enemy, but I suspect she already knows that. She knows that I would walk through fire for her. I will
never
give up on her. If she chooses to leave, then that is her decision, and I won’t force her to stay. One day, I’ll explain all of this to you, and hopefully you’ll see that all I’ve ever wanted to do, is love her. I will
always
love her.”