Destination Connelly (29 page)

“Like my Macy’s-worthy revolving door?” he asks a little bitterly, eyes swinging my way.

My smile is fleeting. “Partly, yes.” I can’t deny the truth, but I can’t let him believe that’s the main cause either. “But the biggest reason was simply that I was afraid to tell you. That bad decision in the beginning kind of snowballed. The more time that passed the harder it became to face. It’s like this lie you hold on to with everything in you and the tighter you hang on, the more your grip becomes frozen and the harder it is to just speak the truth, to admit you were wrong. That was me. I was frozen with fear. I kept telling myself I was doing the right thing, even though deep down I knew I wasn’t. There are so many things I’d do differently if I could.” I pause briefly before adding, “but I can’t.”

Silence encases us, sitting heavy. Connelly stares at the floor, his head hung low. He runs his fingers through his hair several times until the unruly locks stand on end. I wonder if our conversation is over. If the silence is my cue to go. After ages of no noise but our soft breathing and whispering regrets, I decide it is, so I make to stand when his hand shoots out and curls around my wrist.

Jaw locked tight, he slides from the couch to kneel in front of me, taking my face between his hands. “Do you forgive me, Nora?”

I start shaking my head, confused. “What do
I
have to forgive?”

“We
both
fucked up. Yours was not trusting me enough, but I didn’t trust in us enough, either. You were right back in Cincinnati when you said I had a bruised high school ego. I should have gone after you. Fought for you. Fought for us. Hell, I should have never attended that party and been on a plane to Baltimore instead of sulking like a spoiled brat. I need to know if you forgive me, too.”

“I did a long time ago,” I whisper unevenly.

His tongue snakes out to catch a lone drip of water tracking down my face before bringing his soft lips to meet mine. Salt and sorrow linger long after he pulls away.

“I’m tired of the baggage, princess. It’s too fucking heavy to carry anymore. I need to let it go.”

I nod in agreement, not really understanding where this is going or what he’s saying.

“Do you still love me, Nora?” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine, anxious.

I bring my hands to his face, cupping his scruff-covered jaw. “I’m not capable of loving anyone else, Connelly.”

His steely gaze bores into mine, reaching into that plane that has only ever been reserved for him. “Neither am I. I’ll do whatever you need.
Be
whatever you need. Say whatever you want to hear, but I want to be part of your lives, Nora. No matter what. Yours and Hazel’s.”

I hate the hope building inside. “Part of our lives how?” Hazel’s, I understand. Me, however? That’s still not clear.

“Selfishly, I want it all. But if that’s not possible, I guess in any way you’ll let me.”

My head is buzzing. When I stumbled behind him to his apartment, I never fathomed he’d be telling me he wants a life with me. With
us
. We have this insane burning chemistry, yes, but could there be more after all we’ve been through?

“How can you possibly forgive me?” I ask on a choked breath.

In one swift move he’s sitting in the chair I was just occupying and I’m straddling his semistiff erection. “How can I not? I’ve been hollow inside without you. We’ve missed so much, Nora. I can’t bear the thought of missing another second without the two girls I love most by my side.”

Relief swims inside me. I’m hardly able to believe what I’m hearing. I don’t know if I’ll wake up tomorrow and find this has all been a dream. But if it is, I plan to live fully with my head in the clouds of delusion before reality rips me violently to her bosom once again.

“I love you.” My voice is nothing but a hoarse wisp of air.

“I love you, princess. So much.” His eyes turn positively molten and his voice drops two octaves. “I need to be buried deep inside you, Nora. So fucking deep you feel like you’ve finally come home.”

I already am home.

As soon as he speaks that last word our lips are fused together in a fit of unrestrained passion. We fumble with our shirts, tearing them off in our madness. I hear buttons ping against the end table. My bra goes flying. His hands knead my breasts. His fingers pluck at my nipples. Then he’s dipping his head and I’m crying out when he bites one hard before sucking even harder.

“Fuck yes, you taste so good,” he croons as he makes his way to the other one. My fingers dig in his hair and I let my head fall back as he feasts, devours, and drives me to the edge of madness.

I’m begging him to ease the ache deep in my center when I hear his husky voice say, “Stand up.”

I scramble to my feet, ready to surrender to his every whim.

“Peel those jeans down those sexy legs, Nora. And make it fast.” He’s making quick work of his own denims, popping the button and loosening the metal teeth enough so he can slip his hand inside. He palms his cock and brings it out to play, smiling ever so slightly.

I want to watch him pleasure himself, but I want him to fuck me more than I want to see his come ribbon his stomach. In seconds, my pants and soaked lace are kicked to the side along with my shoes. I’m now completely bare, waiting. Hardly able to breathe.

“I want that pussy on my mouth,” he tells me darkly, making no move to stand or kneel or slide to the floor beneath me. So I crawl onto his lap, hold on to his shoulders, and run the juices of my arousal up and down his dick, never taking my eyes off his. His scratchy jeans abrade my inner thighs, which makes it all the more arousing.

Watching Connelly turn into raw fluid energy beneath my touch is heady and mind-blowing. I feel powerful for a single second until he grumbles, “Enough,” and all the power shifts back to him.

Drawing me up his body, he drags his hot tongue down my trembling stomach until my knees are perched on the top of the chair on either side of his head. It’s ridiculously hedonistic and sexy to have my splayed pussy just inches from his mouth. Thank God I waxed last week.

When Connelly gazes up the line of my body my sex clenches. Hard. And when that wicked smile turns his mouth up I gush so much I feel a trickle of need now smearing the insides of my thighs. “I’m going to eat you until your voice is ruined.”

“Oh God,” I breathe. My legs already burn from the position I’m holding.

His deft fingers spread me open. Running a single finger through my slit, he rumbles, “Nora, so damned ready for me. Always. Christ.” Another rush of liquid seeps out. Then his tongue darts out and circles my clit so lightly, so teasingly. My legs give way, but strong arms wrap around the backs of my thighs to keep me from falling.

“Connelly, please,” I beg, undulating my hips, trying to get what I need from him. My sex is empty. I need something. Anything to quench this fire culminating.

“You want to coat my tongue like you just did my cock, don’t you, Nora?”

My yes is swallowed up in a lust-induced fog when he lowers his head between my spread thighs and devours me in an openmouthed kiss. In one long lick from back to front, his tongue unravels me. Tears me apart. Within moments, I’m moaning and writhing uncontrollably under his talented mouth. In under less than two minutes, I’m coming apart at the seams, moaning for him over and again.

My muscles liquefy. When his hold releases, I slide down his torso in a sated heap, ready to sleep. But he has other plans. Controlling my body with incredible ease, he places me on his lap and drives inside me in one smooth, ruthless thrust. I gasp at the fullness, feeling something I didn’t think I’d ever feel again.

Perfection.

Peace.

Whole.

“Hell, yes. You’re mine,” he grunts in my ear, pumping like a man unhinged. “Mine, Nora.”

His declaration tears free the brittle threads that have held me together. He painstakingly unravels me thoroughly and completely so he can put me back together again, stitch-by-stitch, the way I was always meant to be. Joined to him. I was
his
. I
am
his in a way I’ve never been able to comprehend. My body responds to his nearness, setting my soul free and making me sigh in contentment.

“Always. I’m yours,” I pant.

“I’ve…missed…you…so…damned…much.” Each word is rumbled in time with the ferocious stab of his hips. “So fucking tight and hot. Squeeze my cock, baby.” His groan is long and broken when I obey.

Burying my head in the crook of his neck, I cry out as his thrusts become more urgent, more uncontrolled. My entire body shakes. I am a wild, reckless, hot twisted mess.

“Ah, Nora. God, I can’t hold back.” I feel him swell right before he stiffens. His grip tightens to the point of bruising. His head falls back at the same time my name cascades out on the most erotic moan I have ever heard. That, combined with the wash of his seed deep inside, sets off my own fireworks. The rush of rapture firing through me is almost blinding. I bask in the heady glow as long as I can before gravity tugs me back to reality.

As we come down from our intense high, my body trembles against his and he holds me closer. He never stops whispering kisses over my chilled flesh when he withdraws and carries me silently through his condo to his bedroom. He cleans me reverently. He comforts thoroughly. Tucking me into him, he draws the sheets over us and strokes my sweaty hair.

“Sleep, sweet girl,” he rumbles against the crown of my head.

I want to. I’m absolutely exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I can’t, though, without saying one last time, “I’m—”

“I forgive you,” he interrupts. “I forgive you, Nora. We can’t rewrite history. We can’t change our decisions as much as we wish otherwise. We have to live with our mistakes, but we don’t have to let them rule our future. I want to start over. I want to bury this and make the life with you and Hazel that we should have had. That I
want
to have now.”

His plea is heartfelt and sincere, not full of blame. It tears at me somewhere deep down. I tip my face up to meet his eyes. “You can really forgive me? After all I’ve done?”

“Yes. I didn’t realize that I could do nothing
but
forgive you until I saw you run out of that bar. Every step you took away from me was like a fresh wound to my soul, Nora. It’s taken me a while, and I’m sorry for that, but as someone wise recently told me, hanging on to resentment is like wearing cement shoes. I don’t want to look back on my life and realize I’d drowned with them on. I don’t want to lose you again. I told you, princess, that baggage is too heavy and I’m tired of carrying it. All I want, all I
need
is you and Hazel.”

“Is this real?” I whisper the same question he did just weeks ago. My head is a jumble.

His face is soft and loving. Stroking my cheek, he says, “As real as it gets, baby.”

He rolls me on top of him and frames my face. “Never leave me again.”

Slowly, a smile creeps across my face. “I thought you said never say never.”

A smirk curls those beautifully swollen lips of his before he says, “In this particular case, I think never is appropriate, wouldn’t you agree?”

Grinning, I say, “I do.”

“I’m thinking about tying you to my bed, just to make sure you stay put,” he says, his tenor low and gravelly.

“You’ve tied many a woman to your bed, have you?” I ask teasingly, but the thought makes jealousy stir.

“I don’t let women in my bed, Nora.” I almost laugh before the earnestness of his tone catches up with me. It’s then I realize that Connelly and I have been treading a parallel path. I’ve not had many lovers while he’s had too many, but the one thing we’ve had in common is our inability to be emotionally intimate with anyone else. We’ve both lived lonely lives, just in very different ways.

“So I would be a first?” I push.

It’s dark, but I still see his sincere grin. “You seem to be the first with a lot of things. The only, in fact.”

“Okay then, I’m definitely game.” My voice comes out sultry and needy at the thought of being the only woman completely at his mercy.

Chuckling, he pulls me down for a drugging kiss before draping me over him once again. “Sleep for a while, princess. You’re going to need it. Because my goal before the sun breaks is to make you come so many times you lose count.”

I try to tell him that I don’t need sleep; I’m ready to start losing count now. But when I open my mouth, a yawn sneaks out instead and my eyes shut before I can tell them why they should stop. I feel like I haven’t slept in a month. As I drift toward unconsciousness, I hear Connelly whisper that he loves me. His arms squeeze protectively, keeping me safe. Keeping me his.

My journey has been long and tumultuous, but I know I’ve reached my final destination.

It only took me eleven lonely years to arrive.

C
onn

L
ord
, she is impossibly beautiful. And mine.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I watch Nora sleep. Dark lashes rest against her fair skin. They remind me of inky fans. Her breaths are shallow and even. Lips still kiss-swollen. She’s more peaceful than I’ve ever seen her.

She belongs here. In my bed. In my life.

It feels right.

I know some people will scratch their heads at my decision to forgive Nora. Even adamantly disagree with it, thinking her punishment should be perpetual. She kept me from my daughter and my daughter from me. Yes, it was an egregiously bad decision, but I also know in my heart of hearts at the young, immature age of nineteen, knowing she slept with someone else and wasn’t sure if Hazel was mine would have been too raw, too ego bruising, and absolution would have been impossible, regardless of my own mistakes at the time.

The thing is, mistakes aren’t measured in ounces and pounds, the scales tilting in favor of one or the other. If they do, that’s called a grudge and your side will always weigh more, holding you back, keeping you down. You will lose, even though you’ll think you’re winning.

So, no. Her sins are not heavier than mine or vice versa. Hers are no less deserving of forgiveness than my own. Our errors in judgment are exculpated by compassion, understanding, and empathy. But most of all, unconditional love. It’s far easier sometimes to play judge and jury and condemn without understanding than to do our own soul-searching.

When I saw Nora walk out of that bar misunderstanding what she thought she’d witnessed, I saw my future leave with her. It took me until that very moment to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had no choice
but
to forgive her. My soul has screamed for her all these years. She’s opened my eyes to all of the things in my life I’ve been missing but refused to acknowledge. Love, companionship, comfort in the arms of someone who actually gives a shit about you and your well-being.

But regardless of how forgiveness plays into our situation, there is no future without Nora. We share a child. We share responsibilities. We will forever share a life whether together or apart. And I tried to picture it with her floating in the periphery. I pictured her eventually meeting and falling in love with somebody else. I envisioned her pregnant with another man’s baby. I saw myself forever pining for her like I’ve already been doing for so many years. And it gutted me. Ruined me.

My mom was right, and not just about removing baggage.

Nora owns my love. She’s my beginning and ending, the whole space in between. My forever.

So whether anyone agrees with my decision is completely irrelevant. I know this place, right here, right now, with Nora sharing my bed is what’s right for me and my family. I just hope she can forgive herself.

Nora shifts and I glimpse a hint of her dark pink areola peeking out from the covers. My cock swells. The urge to drag down the sheet that’s covering her and take her again is raw and pulsing. Her moans and pleas from the many ways I wrung the last ounce of pleasure from her body last night still echo loudly in my ears.

“Ready for number five?”

“Five, huh?” She sighs in contentment. “I didn’t think that was possible in one day, let alone one hour.”

“That sounds like a challenge, princess.”

“It wasn’t. Trust me.”

“Too late.”

I stopped keeping track at seven. Nora’s brain had turned to sated mush far earlier. I want to wake her, but I won’t. As it is, I think I woke her about every two hours all night long because of my inability to control my insatiable desire for her. These last few weeks without her have been hell.

With a heavy sigh, I pull on some gym shorts and exit the bedroom. When she wakes, we need to talk about getting our family back together. Permanently. I want the three of us living under the same roof. I want access to my girls twenty-four seven and I don’t plan on wasting any more time. I have no idea how Nora will react, but I have no intent on letting her say no. I’ve never been more resolved about what I want.

I’m in the kitchen, starting to pull the things together I’ll need to make crepes when my cell rings.

“Up awful early, aren’t you?” I quip, unable or unwilling to hide my good mood.

“It’s after eleven already. I’d hardly call that early,” my twin replies.

“Is it really?” I hadn’t even bothered to look at the time yet.

“Talked to Mom yesterday.”

“Yeah?” I want to tell Ash about my reconciliation with Nora, my grand plans for the future. Ash has been nothing but supportive of whatever I decide, but he’s been the one who’s pressing hardest on me to give Nora a second chance. I’ve found that a bit odd, given the fact that Asher’s not the forgive-and-forget type. We couldn’t be more opposite in that regard. I think perhaps his wife has something to do with his newfound change of heart.

“Yeah. About fucking time you told her,” he chastises on a loud breath.

“Imagine my surprise when she already knew.”

“Knew what?” he feigns.

“You’re so full of shit, Ash.”

“This is not news, brother,” he drawls. Asher is shameless, as always.

I chuckle, unable to help it. I love him unconditionally anyway, even if he does butt his nose into my business when it’s not welcome. I think back to when I practically forced him to call his ex, Natalie, so he could break free of her invisible hold. He needed to in order to give Alyse all of him.
Hmmm
. Two peas in a pod, I guess.

“So, did she help provide some clarity?”

“Doesn’t she always?”

“Yes, asshole. That’s why I’ve been telling you to talk to her.”

A noise from the hallway draws my attention.

“Jesus,” I breathe lightly. Nora’s standing in the opening of the kitchen wearing the royal-blue button-down I had on last night. There’s a single button holding the two halves together. The one that’s straining just below her voluptuous breasts. I’m quite sure I’ve not seen a sexier sight than a scantily clad Nora in
my
shirt. No woman has ever worn my clothing. I would barely let a female in my place, let alone in my attire. On the spot, I decide I want to see Nora in it every day.

“What?” I ask Ash when I realize he’s still talking.

“I said what are you going to do?”

“What am I going to do?” I repeat Ash’s question slowly while holding my woman’s burning gaze. I answer, speaking to my brother, yet every word is meant only for her. “I’m going to reunite my family. I’m going to be the father Hazel needs. I’m going to be the man Nora deserves. I’m going to marry her and have loads of babies.”

With every word I speak, her eyes grow wider. Her mouth falls open a little farther, and my grin gets cockier.

“You can have the land,” I add before he has a chance. He won, fair and square and I could give a flying fuck. Everything I need is standing right in front of me. Well, except for my daughter.

“Nah. I don’t want it.”

“What?” I respond in surprise. “You’ve been giving me shit about that for months. Now you say you don’t want it?”

Nora glides toward me, her gate sure and elegant. She looks to be floating an inch above the floor. Her face has turned from that of surprise to pure hunger and my cock goes rock hard in one point three seconds. I need to get Ash off the damn phone. Right. Fucking. Now.

“All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Conn. It sounds like you are.”

I stifle a groan when Nora’s lips skate across my neck to my shoulder. I fist her hair when her teeth find my flat nipple and clamp down. I have to remember to breathe when she grabs my stiffness through loose fabric.

“Besides I don’t want to pay the taxes on a land worth over a mil,” he chuckles darkly.

What? Is he still talking?

“I gotta go.” I throw my phone on the counter, hoping I’ve disconnected. “Nora, baby, what are you doing?” I rasp when she drops to her knees. Nails scrape my flank on her downward descent before my shorts pool around my ankles. The sting is sweet. Addicting.

My head falls against the cupboard when her breath trickles hot across my straining dick, washing me in scorching desire.

“Fuuuuck,” I hiss. Every muscle in my body tenses when her tongue teasingly circles my throbbing tip. Rounding me several times first, she groans when she finally takes me shallowly inside her warm mouth before repeating the entire provocative process again. Gripping the base of my cock, she squeezes hard at the same time she gently fondles my balls. I jerk, almost losing it.

Christ Almighty. I’ve had plenty of women do this for me over the course of the last few years, but nothing has felt like this. Nora’s mouth is pure, unadulterated perfection. It’s as if she knows exactly what I like and how I like it, but this is the very first time I’ve had the intoxicating pleasure of her mouth on me.

I try holding back.

I want to let her take the lead.

I want to let her set the pace.

I want to fuck her mouth slowly, drawing out my pleasure. Feel every euphoric tingle as it crawls up my spine.

But my wants mutate into frantic need the second she drags my rigid length all the way to the back of her throat and moans. Her hum is a mind eraser. All my good intentions were just destroyed with her swallow.

“Nora, shit.”

Fingers twine, caught in her fiery strands. My hips pump with sure strokes, and I have just one goal in mind. The flawless suction of Nora’s mouth pushes me to the edge hard and swift. Embarrassingly fast. I’m a coiled solid mass of nothing but sensation.

“So fucking good,” I rumble in exquisite desperation as she expertly works me into an absolute frenzy.

I need to slow down, savor this, but it’s far too late. My orgasm is already barreling down on me with a violence I can’t stop. I want to come down her throat, watch her take every drop of me, but the urge to mark Nora’s naked flesh with my seed is crude and primitive, a necessity I can’t resist. I pull out of her heat, rip my shirt she’s wearing open, and fist my cock as I finish myself off all over her gorgeous, heaving tits with a throaty rumble.

“That was hot,” she murmurs a little shyly, her face flushing even more. My hand is still wrapped tightly around her long hair, tipping her head up so her eyes never leave mine. I grudgingly unwind the tangled fingers as I relax the others still squeezing the life out of my dick.

“That was unexpected,” I say with a smirk, dropping my gaze to the strings of milky white now decorating her puckered nipples. I reach down to swirl the cooling sticky substance around her nub with my index finger. She shivers. When my eyes sweep back up, I add, “And undeniably hot.”

I grab a paper towel, reluctantly handing it to her as I help her to her feet. She has to yank it from my hand, laughing. “Want me to rub it in and skip a shower?” she teases.

“Would you?” I reply. Seriously.

Her happiness radiates off my walls, the melodic notes squeezing my heart. I watch in disappointment as the evidence of my virility is wiped away with a few flicks of her wrist. My frown makes her eyes light up with delight.

“No, but I
would
let you do it again,” she saucily breathes against my mouth before wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me slowly. My dick stirs again.

“I will take you up on that, princess.”

“Who were you talking to?” she asks tentatively, watching me closely.

I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her into my already stiffening cock. She trembles a tad and I grin. God, I will never get enough of her. I feel like a horny eighteen-year-old again. “Ash.”

“Did you mean it? What you said?”

Looking deeply into her eyes, I confess simply, “Every word, Nora.”

“I feel like I need to pinch myself,” she whispers, water filling her eyes.

“I am sure I can help you out with that.” There are plenty of places on her I’d like to pinch before soothing the bite. I swoop down, taking her mouth in a scorching kiss and am getting ready to throw her down on my kitchen table so I can eat my kind of breakfast when I hear her stomach grumble.

“I need to feed you,” I groan, leaning my forehead against hers. We both work to catch our breaths, which had taken off in anticipation of yet another sweaty workout.

“I can wait.” But her belly disagrees. Loudly.

With a quick kiss, I unwind her from me and tug the two parts of hanging fabric together so her magnificent body does not tempt me. “Go shower while I make breakfast for us, princess.”

She hesitates.

“What is it?” I ask, feeling her worry.

“I…” When she looks away for a moment, I already know this conversation is going places I’m not going to like. “I just think we should take things slow. With Hazel, I mean. If for some reason this doesn’t work out between us, it would crush her.”

Oh hell no. Fuck. No.

“No.”

“Connelly,” she starts to protest.

“Stop.” She does only because I don’t give her a choice with my fingers now clamping her lips closed. “Let’s talk about this after we’ve eaten, okay?” Little does she know there will be no discussion. Period. By the end of this week, I
will
be living with her and Hazel in her rental until we can figure out where we’ll move permanently. I love my condo and will hate to be away from my brothers, but the heart of the city is not the best place to raise a ten-year-old. I may not know a lot about kids yet, but I do know that.

“Okay,” she acquiesces. She sees my resolve, but I know she’s steeling herself for a fight to protect our daughter. I commend her for that, though it also stings she thinks I would do that to her. To them. Deep down, I hope she knows I would never hurt them.

Placing a kiss on her temple, I swat her on the ass so hard she squeals. “Off to the shower with you now so I can cook. You’re a distraction.”

“I love you, babe,” she purrs in my ear. I feel a sting on my lobe. Before I can react she’s run halfway across the kitchen.

“Nora,” I growl, “you’re gonna pay for that, princess.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” she throws insolently over her shoulder, sashaying down the hall and out of my sight.