Devil’s in the Details (39 page)

I picked up her hand from my arm, linking our fingers together I kissed her knuckles, "Then today is day one." I smiled as I watched her bite her bottom lip to hold back the massive grin. "I want to tell you everything." I felt my stomach twist when I said it, knowing that I couldn't tell her everything even though I wanted to. There were still a couple secrets I had to hold back for a little longer until I figured out what I wanted to do about Voltaire.

I kissed Alex's knuckles again before releasing her hand, "I smell really bad, like a bourbon soaked hobo." I waved to the guest bathroom off to the left of the laundry room, "There is a shower in the guest bathroom. We can shower at the same time to speed things up, and there are a few more of my shirts in the laundry room you can steal." I turned to look back at Alex to see her still biting her bottom lip, but not in a way that was to hold back a smile, but in a way to hide her thoughts. My throat went dry, realizing the implications of showering at the same time probably put in the woman's head. I felt my own body heat up when the memory of how soft and warm Alex’s bare skin felt under my hands the night before. I had been mere inches away from being able to see her in ways I only dreamt about or thought about in between classes.

I took a short step back, hating that my body was starting to react and want to return to last night. It was too soon after everything. I was not ready to take advantage of Alex's kindness and strength in sticking by me, and I wasn’t ready to fully show the physical scars I carried. I cleared my throat, waving at the staircase, "I'll go now. Upstairs and, yeah, get ready. If you need anything, holler." I turned quickly, rushing towards the stairs rolling my eyes. Rolling my eyes at how I was my own worst enemy right now, and if I kept it up, I would never get to see Alex naked.

I frowned at the strange inappropriate thought. I was all over the map and needed to rein it in. I was worrying about how to show Alex that I cared about her and that I was taking this third chance she was giving me seriously. I knew I had yet to tell her I loved her, and I probably should have last night when I thought she left me. But I didn't, I couldn't yet. I felt like if I said it now and kept a few more secrets from her, it would be like I was lying to her. Using the power of telling her I loved her to distract her further and keep her away from the other part of my life. The part I was still keeping in the proverbial closet with the black clothing and bag full of tools I used to kill.

I climbed up the stairs, clenching my jaw as I tried hard to shut down my analytical mind and get it to stop picking apart everything. This was how I got into this mess in the first place with Alex, picking apart every little thing and hoping I could control it all. Alex had proven she was far too smart and far too stubborn to let that happen and I was slowly giving in to her. I wanted her, all of her and as a result, I would have to stop thinking so much and just live.

In my bedroom, I let the water run cold as I undressed, hopping into the ice cold water to shock sense back into me before I turned the water to as hot as I could get it to wash out the night and the bourbon from my skin. Leaning my head against the shower wall, I closed my eyes, letting the steam and heat clear out my head so I could focus on the day ahead.

After Victoria left the kitchen, I blew out a hard breath. My body had a quick reaction to her delicate kiss on my cheek, followed by stringing a few words together that had my imagination running wild. Victoria in that shower naked, colliding with spontaneous thoughts of her and I in the shower together and what could possibly come from it. I ended up biting my bottom lip so hard, I flinched and snapped out of my desire filled haze.

I hopped off the stool and rushed to the guest bathroom, finding towels and toiletries under the cabinet, I let the shower heat up as I removed her clothes and folded them neatly on the counter. Climbing in the shower, I let the hot water run over my body and chase away the lingering tension. Last night had been a roller coaster and I wanted nothing more than to wipe the slate clean and start over with Victoria. I wanted to give her the option of having a clean slate to write out her life story to me, with me. Share her past and feel like she could without judgment. Even deep down, I could feel in my gut there was something more to why she kept those pieces of her life hidden from whoever came before me. It felt incredible that I was the one who broke down that final wall and Victoria felt enough trust in me to allow me to climb over the broken pieces of the wall and hear the horrifying truths.

I had noticed that she didn't tell me she loved me back last night. It hurt, but I had to tell myself that Victoria was scarred on so many levels that it would take her a bit longer to let the words out. I knew she loved me, I could tell in the way she looked at me, how she held me and treated me. It was impossible for me to think anything else. Victoria loved me and in time she would say it.

Rinsing the soap and conditioner out of my hair, I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping the thick fluffy towel around my body as I moved to the laundry room.

I dug around in the dryer until I found a plain white V-neck t-shirt that was bigger than Victoria's usual fare of Naval related clothing. I scooped it up and hustled to my bag. Grabbing the pair of jeans I wore yesterday, I dressed in the bathroom and looked around in the medicine cabinet for toothpaste, or at least a toothbrush. I could only find toothpaste, "Shit."

I knew Victoria had extra toothbrushes. She told me that she had a serious back stock of travel size toiletries since she traveled all the time. It made me laugh when she handed me a brand new purple toothbrush in the package the last time I stayed over. That's when I remembered I had left it in her bathroom upstairs. I heaved out a sigh and left the bathroom. Rushing up the stairs, I looked down as I gathered my wet hair up in a ponytail, and pushed the bedroom door open without a second thought.

"Victoria is that purple toothbrush still in your bathroom?" I tilted my head up in time to see I had just walked in on Victoria standing next to her dresser, completely topless with just jeans on. My eyes went straight to the curve of her breast and the tiny peek of a nipple, making me gasp as my throat went dry as the Sahara. Then my eyes quickly darted to the scar on her back. "Um, sorry." I had to tear my eyes away from the half-naked woman, force my eyes to the floor and not to return to the scar or those perfect breasts I suddenly had to touch.

"Alex." Victoria's voice was surprised, but deep. Deep in a way that made me shiver.

I turned my back to her, looking for a quick exit as my face was on fire. I was so embarrassed and turned on. "I can brush my teeth when we get to the apartment." I went to walk out of her bedroom, when I felt her body heat come right up on me from behind. Her hands fell on my upper arms, slowly turning me to turn to face her.

"Alex, turn around."

I let out a shaky breath, my nerves going off like fireworks. I closed my eyes and let Victoria turn me around, "I'm sorry, barging in like I own the place."

I heard a soft laugh that sounded almost like a sigh, "Open your eyes." Victoria's hands pressed reassuringly against my arms. "I want you to look."

My knees just about gave out when I heard her say that and I slowly opened my eyes, slowly because I was afraid of my reaction if I popped my eyes open too quickly on a topless Victoria. With eyes finally open, I looked at the woman in front of me. She was now wearing a dark blue bra that made me frown a bit, but I still had a view of Victoria's toned stomach. The sight of that alone, made me bite the inside of my cheek. God, she was perfect, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous and all those other words I would find to describe her.

Lifting my eyes away from the plethora of bare skin in front of me, I met her slate grey eyes looking directly into mine. There was a look of fear and trust in them, and it confused me for a second. I was about to step away and excuse myself, when slender fingers wrapped around the hand down at my side and pulled it up to her side.

Victoria pressed my palm against the skin of her right side. Holding it there for a second, she took in a deep breath and began to move it to her back. My fingers gliding over perfect, warm skin, making my heart and breath quicken. Then my fingertips hit the rough patch I had grazed on my counter top. I went to pull my hand back looking at the silent struggle in Victoria's eyes. She shook her head as tears welled up and kept moving my hand over her scar until my whole hand sat against the scar.

I could feel the ridges and hills that came with skin grafts, the thick lines of her puncture wounds that had too much infection in them and were not cleaned properly for far too long. I bent my head to the side to look at the scar. It wasn't as horrid as I imagined, it was large but it wasn't anything that I would shy away from. Not because I had seen far worse in my nursing career, but because it was a part of the woman I loved. This was a part of her and I would love it and her, no matter what.

I leaned back to watched Victoria close her eyes and drop her hand away, leaving mine where it sat. "Victoria..." My voice betrayed me as it came out harsh and quiet. I wanted to cry looking at how scared she was in this moment, scared because I was the first person she had ever allowed to touch or look at this part of her body.

She opened her eyes, looking in mine she let out a slow breath, bending down, her lips brushed against mine, making me quiver all over. I could feel her warm breath mingle with mine right before she closed the gap and kissed me. Kissed me so deeply, I felt my heart stop. I let out a delicate moan, and it set Victoria off. She grabbed me, pulling me flush against her body. The kiss moving from hard and slow to the one she had unleashed on me on the counter of my apartment. I knew where this was heading, and good lord did I want this. Even more as I felt her hands slide across my waist and dip under the thin V-neck I wore. Her hands met my skin, setting it on fire along with the rest of my body.

I had to grab on to Victoria's other side to hold myself up, my knees and legs had become pure jelly as her tongue moved across my bottom lip before it met mine. She pushed hard against my mouth, her hands moving further up and to the clasp of my bra when my conscience suddenly tapped me on the shoulder, reminding me of the tiniest of secrets I carried. I furrowed my brow, nipping at Victoria's top lip, pulling a deep moan from her. I quickly told my conscience to shut up and go away, that I would be okay.

But it tapped a little harder, reminding me of what Victoria had just poured out in the last twelve or so hours, laid bare her deepest darkest secrets and even though mine was simple and severely embarrassing, Victoria would know.

Right as Victoria's nimble fingers flicked open my bra clasp and went to pull it free, I groaned and cursed, pulling back from her mouth, I tenderly pushed some space between us. "Wait, wait."

Victoria moved forward, trying to kiss me again, "I think we've waited enough, Alex."

I shook my head and took another step back, "Victoria please." I let go of her sides, holding up my hand, "I have to tell you something."

I heard Victoria sigh, the tension in the room turning from an explosive sexual one to that all too familiar one that had hovered around us for a year and a half. "Okay." Victoria looked down at the floor, licking her lips in a way that made me want to tell my conscience to fuck off.

Reaching for her hand, I shook my head, "Don't disappear on me, it's not a big something like I’m married or have four nipples." I half smiled hoping Victoria would take the joke, it fell flat. She just looked up at me with a furrowed brow. I huffed, only way to do this was to rip the band aid off and move past it. I scrunched my face out and let it roll out of my mouth quickly, "Iveneverbeenwithawoman." I mumbled it out in one breath.

Victoria's face turned from furrowed brow to scrunched confusion then to raised eyebrows as she deciphered my words. Her mouth fell open as she looked at me, "Did you just say?” She paused, looking over my beet red face, "You've never been with a woman?" She reached for the shirt she had on top of the dresser when I walked in and started pulling it on.

I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face with my hands, mumbling against the small gap between them. "Yes. I have never been with a woman." I folded my arms tightly against my chest, dropping my head to stare at my bare feet and how they contrasted against the dark hardwood floors, "I didn't want to hide it from you, because if we did this, you'd quickly figure it out. I also didn't think that we'd be um, getting to this point so fast."

I swallowed nervously as the ramble started, "Not that I don't want to with you, oh god do I want to. I mean, I've kissed girls in college and done the whole tops off making out, I mean I was in a sorority for Christ’s sake." I shook my head and looked up at Victoria who had a blank face. "I've just never been with a girl, made love to one, or you know."