Dialogue (38 page)

avoiding inappropriate tags

New writers have their characters nodding, coughing, and laughing sentences in their dialogue, which by the way, doesn't work. A character can only
say
a sentence. Yes, there are variations of
say:
mutter, mumble, whisper, exclaim, snarl, plead, whine, and many more. These work because they're all ways of speaking. But nodding, coughing, and laughing are actions. They can accompany dialogue sentences and should as they add emotion and help your reader visualize what the characters are doing while they're talking. But a character can't nod, cough, or laugh a sentence.

For example, a line of dialogue might read: "I'm out of here," he said, nodding (or coughing or laughing). Not: "I'm out of here," he nodded (or coughed or laughed.) There are many more actions I've seen writers use besides these three: grinned, sniffed, smiled, and more. They usually want to show a character's physical response while speaking the dialogue. This is fine, just do it in a separate sentence or attach it to a sentence tag.

positioning tags

There are stronger and weaker places to position our tags in dialogue passages. We need to be aware of this in order to write dialogue with an effective rhythm.

The weakest place for a tag in a dialogue sentence is in the front:
Jane said, "I'd like to try that if you don't mind."

The next to best place for a tag is in the middle of the sentence:
"I'd like to try that," Jane said, "if you don't mind."
Putting the tag in the middle suggests a pause and changes the rhythm.

The best place for a tag, usually but not always, is at the end of a sentence:
"I'd like to try that if you don't mind," Jane said.

That said, it's usually a mistake to put the tag at the end of a series of dialogue sentences, and I see this all of the time from new writers who just don't know any better:
"I'd like to try that if you don't mind. I've done it before and I think I could do it again. Let me at least try," Jane said.

How could this sentence be rewritten and work? If your character's dialogue includes a series of sentences, always place the tag at the end of the first sentence:
"I'd like to try that if you don't mind," Jane said. "I've done it before and I think I could do it again. Let me at least try."

If you read all of the above sentences out loud, you should be able to tell the difference in rhythm, why they work or don't work. The placement of our tags is important for an overall effect in our dialogue passages.

handling phone conversations

The biggest mistake writers make with dialogue in phone conversations is to report only one side of the conversation—the viewpoint character's side. But if we're inside of the viewpoint character's head, that means he's hearing not only his own voice but also the voice of the character on the other end of the phone line. So we need to also write that into the dialogue along with the viewpoint character's response.

Here's an example of what I mean from Anne Tyler's
The Accidental Tourist:

"It's Muriel," she said. "Muriel," he said. "Muriel Pritchett."

"Ah yes," he said, but he still had no clue who she was.

"From the vet's?" she asked. "Who got on so good with your dog?"

"Oh, the vet's!"

Phone conversations in dialogue are a little tricky because, of course, they consist of mostly spoken words—not a lot of action. Cell phones make it easier to incorporate action because a character can be playing racquetball or flying to meet his partner on the opposite trapeze while talking on his cell phone. So there's no excuse for static phone conversations where characters are just sitting in one place talking.

using humor in dialogue

Some of us know how to use humor in dialogue and some of us don't. The best way to find out if we're one of the ones who do is to read our work out loud to others or to give it to others and watch them read it—and guess what—if they laugh, we've succeeded in being funny with our dialogue, and if they don't, we'd better stick to writing more serious dialogue for our characters. Ha-ha, laugh-out-loud humor is difficult to write for even the most clever among us. To my surprise, I once heard Dave Barry say that writing humor was
hard work.
Dave Barry! One of the funniest writers around!

Humorous dialogue is best used for comical characters, such as tricksters, mothers-in-laws, crazy next-door neighbors, dumb villains, etc. Humorous dialogue can lighten up a heavy story and allow the reader to breathe again after a tense scene, allow the reader to breathe again.

If you suspect you're not one of the funny ones, try to cultivate the skill of learning to write humorous dialogue so that you can use it at least once in a while, when you need it. Since humor seems to emerge out of the way certain writers view their worlds, if you're not one of them, you'll probably never write comedic fiction, creating the kind of story that is funny all the way through. But to throw in a funny line of dialogue once in a while goes a long way in holding your reader's attention. Humor hooks readers. They know if a character says something funny once, he most likely will again, and so they're watching for that, waiting for you to surprise them and make them laugh again.

understanding the importance of reticence

Just a word about the tendency to have our characters spilling their guts to other characters in every scene, thinking we're moving the story along. This isn't normal behavior for most people, so it makes sense that it's not normal for our characters.

Reticence in sharing our souls is something we learn as we grow out of childhood. Sometimes I think it's a kind of loss of innocence that's too bad, but we simply learn whom we can and cannot trust with our heart issues. If we want our characters to be real, we have to let them hold back the same way real human beings would. Of course, there are always the exceptions— those who don't trust anybody and consequently say very little and those who foolishly trust everybody, spilling their guts to everyone they meet.

Just like it's uncomfortable for most of us when someone does this, so is it uncomfortable for the reader when a character does it. So for the most part, rather than jumping into the water fully clothed, your characters should be just putting their toes into the water when it comes to baring their hearts and souls to other characters in your dialogue scene. Not only is this more real, but it also goes a long way in creating suspense. The less your character tells us about himself, while letting on that there's more to know, the more likely we'll be to keep turning the pages to find out the rest.

Just as it takes a lifetime of practice to become skilled as a writer, it takes many years to learn to write dialogue that works on every level and connects with readers. The more of the techniques in this chapter that you can incorporate into your dialogue skills, the more seriously the reader will take your dialogue.

Along these lines, a few dialogue dos and don'ts come to mind. While creating dialogue for our characters is largely intuitive, there are some definite things you can do or avoid doing that will help you write more authentic speech for your characters.

Punctuating to achieve rhythm. All scenes of dialogue have a rhythm to them, and at least part of the rhythm comes from the punctuation. A period, a comma, an exclamation point—they all make a subtle difference and can make a dialogue scene soar or sink. Punctuate the following sentences to achieve the best rhythm.

• I've always loved you she told him and now I'm free to act on it

• He waved a hand in the air yelling Hey Dawn over here

• That's the dumbest thing I ever heard but right then John interrupted him

• Careful he warned you don't want to cut your thumb off

• What do you think I want she asked as she closed the gap between them

• I'll be happy to do that but my voice trailed off and I knew I couldn't finish

• It's over there she pointed a finger behind that car

• You think you know everything she screamed but you have no clue

"But I'm not ready to go home yet," Jennifer said as she kept walking straight past her house, picking up her pace as she went. Lisa followed, trying hard to keep up. "Won't your parents be mad if you're not home by nine o'clock?" They'd been through this before and Lisa remembered how Jennifer's dad had yelled. "Who cares if they're mad?" Jennifer slowed down just a bit. "It's my life, and I have to live it my way."

Using contractions. Rewrite the following passages of dialogue and use contractions where there aren't any. See the difference contractions make.

• "He cannot ride the horse as he has never had any riding lessons."

• "I will not run that fast because it is hard on my joints."

• "I have known him for years and he is my best friend."