Diary of a Mad Fat Girl (22 page)

Candy.

That gets me good and pissed off.

Candy was the reason I left three years
ago.

I hold my breath and smile when I hand him
the phone, praying my countenance doesn’t betray me. He looks at
the caller ID, gets up off the couch, and walks out the back
door.

That pisses me off even more and I think for
a second about going out the front door and sneaking around back so
I can hear what he’s saying, but I remind myself, yet again, not to
be so pathetic. Seven minutes and thirty two seconds pass and he
walks back in, says nothing, and returns to his spot on the
couch.

“
Did you pick a movie?” he
asks.

I just stare at him, shaking.

“
What?”

“
Who was that?”

“
Nobody,” he says and picks up the
movies. “Why?”

My inner bitch and outer grown-up tangle in
a vicious brawl and I just sit there and stare at him like I might
rip his head off and feed it to some wild hogs.

“
Oh my God,” he says, getting up.
“Don’t tell me you’re pissed off because I took a phone call
outside.”

“
I’m pissed off because the caller ID
said
Candy
and, if my memory
serves me right, I remember a
Candy
.”

“
Ace, really?” he says, walking into
the kitchen. “I’m not having this fight with you again.”

“
Again?” I explode, “what the hell do
you mean, again? We never had it to start with! She showed up and I
left and that was the end of it until you came up here on your
little trip to save our souls.” I say dramatically.

“
Graciela,” he says, giving me a hard
look, “don’t start being a bitch.”

“
How can you expect me not to be a
bitch when you come to my house, weasel your way back into my life,
tell me you are staying here until I marry you, then you take her
call in my house, or rather
outside
my house, and then, as if that weren’t enough, you have the
nerve to tell me not to act like a bitch? What the fuck do you
expect?”

“
I meant it when I said I wanted to
marry you,” he says. “Don’t throw that up in my face! And for your
information, psycho, Candy is Daniel’s wife, you know my new
partner, and she’s helping him out around the office and he’s
working late and needed to know something, so she called me. But,
please, let me thank you for thinking the worst of me!” He storms
back to the guest room and Buster Loo starts running up and down
the hallway looking like he’s about to have a nervous
breakdown.

“
I can’t put up with this,” he says,
coming back with his bags. “I have tried everything with you and
you have made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with me,
plus you are
still
impossible
to get along with. I’m leaving.”

“
Mason, I want an
explanation!”

“
For what?”

“
For Candy!”

“
I just told you!”

“
Not her, the one who showed up at
your house that night.”

“
It's been three years and now, all of
a sudden, you want an explanation?”

“
Yes! I do.”

“
Wouldn’t it have made a bit more
sense if you’d asked for an explanation then,” he says, “instead of
wasting three years of our life that we could’ve spent
together?”

“
You didn’t offer an explanation!” I
yell. “She just showed up and waltzed into your house like she
owned it and you politely asked her to leave then walked outside
and spent thirty minutes talking to her and when you came back in,
you said nothing! Nothing! Just acted like nothing had happened and
went back to watching ESPN!”

“
Honestly, I didn’t think I had to
explain anything to a woman I’d just moved into my house,” he says,
getting angry. “I didn’t think I had to explain anything to a woman
I’d just spent the best six weeks of my life with. To a woman I
bought a building for, a whole fucking building that I still own,
by the way, so she could create the art studio she’s always dreamed
about. I didn’t think I had to explain anything to you because I
was so sure you were happy with me. I’d planned to give you a ring
that night and when that fucking idiot showed up, it ruined my
plans, and I went in and sat down and was trying to decide if I
should go ahead and give you the ring or if I should wait, but I
didn’t have to worry about that too long, because you blew up and
left.”

“
I didn’t know about the building
then,” I say quietly, “or the ring.”

“
No, but you did when you got back
home and Ethan told you about the building and Lilly told you about
the ring and what did you do?” he looks at me coldly. “Not a damn
thing.”

“
I’m sorry, Mason,” I
begin.

“
No, Ace, I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m
sorry for coming back up here and trying to make this
work.”

“
Why couldn’t you just tell me who she
was and why she was there?”

“
Because it didn’t matter who she was
or why she was there,” he said, “that wasn’t the important part.”
He looks me right in the eye. “The important part was that you
didn’t trust me,” he picks up his bags, “and you still
don’t.”

“
Mason,” I say, but he walks out the
door.

The phone rings and I rush to pick it up,
ready to sacrifice all my dignity and beg him to come back, but
it’s not him. It’s Lilly.

“
Gloria Peacock just called,” she
says. “Richard Stacks just regained consciousness.”

41

“
Here’s the plan,” Gloria Peacock
says, “Lilly is going to create a distraction and you,” she looks
at me, “and Chloe are going to slip into Richard Stacks’ room and
get him to sign these papers.”

“
Is he going to do that?” I ask,
trying to hide my skepticism. “Sign the papers, just because we ask
him to?”

“
I’m not asking him,” Chloe says. “I’m
telling him.”

Lilly and I stare at Chloe and I see a smile
creep across Gloria Peacock’s face.

“
Okay,” I say to Chloe, “you, uh, seem
really confident this will work, so?”

“
So,” she says, “you know I took his
laptop from the house?” I nod and she continues. “It took me
several hours, but I went through every file and what I found, in
addition to being appalling and disgusting, would be quite
embarrassing for him should it go public.”

“
And what was that?” Lilly
asks.

“
Pictures of him with that pork chop
penis in his hand.”

“
We have a picture of him in a dog
collar,” I point out. “What’s the difference?”

“
The difference, my friend,” Chloe
continues, “is that these photos were used in a chat room,” she
takes a deep breath, “where men go to chat with other
men.”

“
How in the world did you find that
out?” Lilly asks.

“
I have the chat log,” she says. “Just
call me Chris Hansen.”

“
Okay,” I say and can’t think of
anything to add to that because this entire situation is getting
really weird.

“
Trust me,” Chloe says,
matter-of-factly, “he’ll sign the papers or I’ll have the pictures
and that chat log sent to his fat ass mother’s front door
step.”

I barrel laugh at that feisty little
comment. “Oh Chloe, I’m so happy for you and so sad for you all at
the same time,” I say. “This is crazy!”

“
Why can’t Chloe just walk in there
and act like she’s there to see Richard?” Lilly asks.

“
Because,” Gloria Peacock answers, “in
cases of domestic violence, an automatic restraining order is
issued against the perpetrator.”

“
Chloe, you’re a ‘perp’,” I say and
giggle a little. “How ridiculously ironic is that?”

“
Yes, I am, which means I go to jail
if I get caught anywhere near him,” Chloe says, getting up and when
she does, I notice that her hair has been pixie trimmed and
highlighted and looks much better.

“
Ladies,” Gloria Peacock says, “no
time like the present.” She hands Chloe and me a pair of scrubs,
hospital name tags, and clipboards. Then she gives Lilly a hospital
gown, white leggings, and some really nice looking house shoes. She
tells us to change quickly and meet her in the garage and we do as
we’re told.

When we get to the garage, we find the golf
cart driver standing next to a jet black Mercedes-Benz with jet
black tinted windows.

“
Is that our ride?” I ask, way more
excited than the other two because they drive luxury cars every
day.

“
Yes, ma’am it is,” the chauffer says,
“and I’m your driver.”

All I can do is grin like an idiot. Gloria
Peacock comes into the garage with a handful of electronics and
gives each of us a walkie-talkie the size of a pager and a wireless
ear bud.

“
I feel like James Bond, for real,” I
say as I slip the communication device into my ear. “Is this some
more magic from Omega Systems?” I ask Gloria Peacock.

“
Good guess, young lady,” she says
with a wink. “Girls, I wish you the best of luck. Remember, stick
to the plan. Get in, get out, and alert George if you hit a
snag.”

We go over the plan one more time before we
leave, then ride to the hospital in silence. George drops us off at
a side door that Gloria Peacock arranged to have unlocked.
Apparently when you donate millions of dollars to an organization,
multiple favors are only a phone call away.

We take the stairs up to the ICU and Lilly
steps into the hallway first. She gives us an “all clear” and we
creep into the hallway and stay a few feet behind her. I watch
Lilly duck into an unoccupied room and Chloe and I keep walking.
The challenge is getting past the nurses’ station and with each
step toward it, I get more and more nervous.

“
Lilly,” I whisper, “all
set?”

“
Ready,” she whispers back.

I look at Chloe and she gives me a nod and
pats the messenger bag with the divorce papers tucked inside.

“
Do you have a pen?” I ask
her.

“
What?” Lilly says.

“
Not you, dumbass,” I whisper, a bit
too loud. “I was talking to Chloe!”

“
Of course I have pen!” Chloe says and
looks at me like I’m an imbecile.

“
Well, excuse me for double checking,”
I whisper, then into the walkie-talkie, “Do it, Lilly, we’re almost
to the nurses’ station.”

I hear a table hit the floor and then Lilly
yells, “What am I doing in here? Where am I? How did I get here?
I’ve missed the school bus again!”

Everyone within sight jumps into motion and
Chloe and I turn our backs as the crowd whirrs by. When I look up,
I see the bed linens and the mattress fly out the door and into the
hallway. Lilly slams the door shut and, as specified in the plan,
rams the bed up against it. Calls go out for security as Chloe and
I hustle past the nurses’ station and slip unnoticed into Richard
Stacks’ room.

“
What the hell is that noise?” he asks
in a rough, scratchy voice. “Tell whoever that is to hold it down,
if you can handle that, which you probably can’t because I asked
for a glass of water an hour ago and apparently no one here is
competent enough to put ice in a cup because I still do not have
any water.”

“
Shut your mouth, Richard,” Chloe says
and stalks over to the bed. He makes a move to push the call button
on the bed, but she slaps his hand away and says, “Now, you listen
to me.”

What comes out of Chloe’s mouth for the next
few minutes leaves Richard Stacks gaping with wide eyes and I’m
somewhat shocked myself.

“
This is blackmail, Chloe!” he shouts.
“Nurse!”

Chloe reaches into her bag and I think she’s
about to pull out the divorce papers, but she doesn’t. She pulls
out a knife as long as my shoe and presses it up to her husband’s
throat.

“
Open your mouth again and it will be
the last breath you take.” She looks at me. “Get the papers
out.”

I hustle over and fumble around till I get
the papers out of the bag and onto my clipboard and as bad as I
hate Richard Stacks, I’m starting to feel a little sorry for
him.

“
Here,” I say.

“
Hold it down where he can sign it,”
Chloe orders.

“
I’m not signing anything,” Richard
Stacks grunts and Chloe presses the tip of the blade into his neck,
drawing blood. “Really, Richard?” she hisses. “Then I guess I’ll
have a nice package delivered to your darling little mother first
thing tomorrow.”

“
You wouldn’t do that too me,” he
sniffles. “Please, Chloe, we can go to counseling, anything, please
don’t tell Mama. Please, I’ll do anything.”

“
Then sign the papers,” she says,
handing him a pen with her other hand.

I offer him the clipboard, but the stupid
bastard just shakes his head, while the tears pour down his cheeks.
The fire alarm sounds and I look at Chloe and say, “We gotta get
out of here.”

She wipes the blade across Richard’s chest
and he squeals in horror.

“
I’m just wiping the blood off, you
idiot,” she says, “and if you don’t want to sign the papers, fine,
but Mommy-dearest will be looking at pictures of your disgusting
dick and reading about all the nasty things you want to do to, who
was it? ManAss2004? First thing in the morning and that’s if I
don’t decide to deliver it to her tonight.”