Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 (20 page)

“Oh, Libby, you look gorgeous,” she said.  “Not your usual wild self at all.  Come here and let me kiss you. Happy birthday, my love.  You don’t look a day over forty.”  She tittered.

High praise indeed from
my
mother.

Wanted to stay to take in all their hard work but was banished upstairs to relax and pamper myself in preparation for the night ahead.

“And don’t forget to put knickers on your head if you’re having a bath.  You don’t want your hair to end up looking like a frizzball again!” Mum called as I left.

Got a bit bored after an hour or so of beauty treatments - I’d plucked, shaved, moisturised
and
done a face pack, pedicure and manicure - amazing how quickly you learn to do these things when you become a mother.  I can remember when it took a whole Saturday to get ready for a night out -   which, considering my body was younger and fresher then, is quite ridiculous.

Managed to sneak Max upstairs for a bit of company and played ‘Snap’.  We then pretended to be Cinderella and the wicked stepmother while I put my make-up on and got dressed.

A very different experience to my carefree days of preparing for a big night, but oh so much more fulfilling.

I looked in the mirror and saw a pretty tasty looking forty-year old mother of a gorgeous boy, about to enjoy a party organised by her equally gorgeous husband.  Aaah, forty’s a cinch.

This Cinderella might have a few more crow’s feet and a lot more pounds but she was off to the ball to meet her Prince Charming and she
didn’t
intend to be back at midnight.

Sunday 31
^st
August

Didn’t get to bed until gone five this morning - we certainly partied in style.

When I was finally allowed into the marquee last night I didn’t recognise the venue as being part of my own back garden.  They’d chosen gold, bronze and copper for the colour theme (clever Fenella, telling me to buy that dress!) and every table was dressed with a gold organza cloth, russet flowers and flickering gold candles.  One corner had been allocated for dancing and was lit by sparkling fairy lights and huge pillar candles.

The buffet table was almost buckling under the weight of Fenella’s mouth-watering delicacies and delights.  She’d also provided several crates of the best bubbly Josh’s money could buy, to help the party go with a swing.

Nic’s pianist friend was doing a brilliant job playing classy little numbers quietly in the background - little did he know we’d put him through his paces for some louder, funkier numbers later. 

Looked around and picked out my nearest and dearest - Ned (my hunky hubbie - looking very pleased with himself), Max (looking smart in a little gold waistcoat Mum had secretly bought him), Mum (sporting a sequinned number circa 1979 she used to wear to Dad’s golf club do’s), High Powered sister #1 (looking a little wide around the girth), High Powered sister #2 (in a charcoal suit - she’d come straight from a meeting … on a
Saturday
), Nic and Rick (looking very loved up and desperate for the boogying to start) and my dear new friends Fenella and Josh (Fenella in a stunning silver sheath which left very little to the imagination and Josh looking very proud of her).  Mrs S was looking contentedly smug with herself in a canary yellow sari - she’d wrangled a sympathy invite for Pritesh under the pretence that he “just happened to be on one of his visits” and he was there knocking back the Jack Daniels and having a high old time.  Occurred to me to get my revenge by grabbing the mike later and letting everyone know that under that beautiful sari she was wearing ‘leisure panties’ that claim she’s ‘Hot to Trot’.

These and all the other people I love were gathered to celebrate my special day - such a shame Lou, Cam and Finn couldn’t have come but of course, London’s a war zone and they’d have been reckless to risk their lives!

Was thoroughly spoilt with the most imaginative of presents:

Fenella’s treating us both to a spa day in Kent - must have cost a fortune but so thoughtful and, after the amount we downed last night, very much needed. 

My sisters clubbed together on a beautiful pair of diamond earrings, “Ned told us to get anything ‘yummy-mummyish’ so you can compete at the school gates”, Elle told me.

And Nic & Rick presented me with a generous gift voucher for ‘Rigby & Pellar’ - “So that you can get your bits under control.  Although I have to say they’re looking pretty hot tonight, girl,” Nic grinned as he surveyed my bosoms.  Not sure if I was chuffed or repulsed by the way Pritesh agreed so enthusiastically but took it with a pinch of salt when I saw Mrs S’s encouraging nod to him.

The party was in full swing with the champagne flowing nicely and Fenella singing an excellent version of ‘Mack the Knife’, when Elle (high-powered #1) said she needed to talk to me.

To keep it short, she’s been seeing someone now for about six months and … she’s pregnant.  Came as such a shock because she’s never mentioned wanting kids.  Her career has always been her life and I’d just never considered it as an option for either her
or
Harriet.

I’m sure I managed to say how happy I was for her but felt a little wobbly about the whole thing so escaped upstairs to get my head around the idea.

Must have been gone for longer than I thought because Fenella came looking for me.  Never one to cope well with peoples’ concern, I burst into tears.

“Oh no, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?  Who’s upset you?  Tell me and I’ll go and slug them for you.  Oh, Lordy. It’s not me is it?” 

Told her I was just being silly and then filled her in on the details.

“We so wanted more babies and now I’m just too old and it’s never going to happen.  I don’t
resent
Elle being pregnant but it just kind of brought it all home to me,” I blubbed.

Fenella had a little sob then and we hugged like a couple of soppy school girls - not quite so easy with huge chests.

“Oh, Lib.  I
do
know how you feel.  Our baby days may be over but we’ve got all the
good stuff
ahead.  Our lives back for a start.  We wouldn’t want to go back to all those sleepless nights, cracked nipples and shitty nappies.  Not to mention only being able to have a sneaky shag, and very quietly at that, when you’re too knackered to actually enjoy it.”

Well, when she put it like
that
… !

 “And who wants to give up alcohol and runny cheese?  Not me, that’s for sure. Come on Sweedie, we’ve got a party to enjoy while your poor sister will be resting her swollen feet and sipping on mineral water.

Thank goodness for Fenella’s voice of reason - even if it is slightly warped.

Spent the rest of the night quaffing champers like there was no tomorrow, dancing, flirting (at one point I think with Pritesh.  Dangerous ground never to be trod again but, hey, it’s my fortieth and I’m clearly borderline dementia) and taking part in a pole dancing competition with Nic and Fenella.

Nic won!

Elle left early because she was tired and at the sicky stage.  Fenella winked at me and washed down some Brie with yet more Champagne.

A truly wonderful night had by all.

Oh and to top it off … I won the lottery.

Must remember to send Lou and Cam their half.

Sure a fiver will come in useful.

Monday 1
^st
September

Can’t believe it’s September already and that Max starts school tomorrow.

Still need to sew all the nametags on his uniform but I’m one step ahead of Fenella.  She’s off on a mercy dash to Harrods with Todd today so I said I’d look after Charlotte.

Max and Charlotte played together in the garden while I got on with jobs.

Heard Max saying, “Would you like
me
as your brother?”  Charlotte nodded sweetly, giving exactly the answer he wanted.

Delighted, he went on, “OK then, when Todd’s not around, we’ll pretend OK?  But don’t tell anyone.”

Happy to be part of a secret, little Charlotte agreed.

Hopefully when school starts it’ll take Max’s mind of this sibling thing - it breaks my heart to see him so desperate for something that’s unlikely to materialise.

Feel a bit like a parent who can’t afford to buy their child the thing they want most for Christmas.

Let’s hope it never comes to
that
.

Tuesday 2
^nd
September

Max starts school!

Max was up at the crack of dawn raring to go - don’t think I’ve ever seen him so excited.

Ned wasn’t quite as excited about writing out the cheque for the school fees.  The holding deposit had been painful enough but the fees really hit where it hurt - roll on Christmas bonus time.

As it was a beautiful morning we decided to walk to school with Dog and Dot - Max was keen for them to see his new school.

Mrs S waved us off wishing Max well and tearily adding, “Oh I remember my Pritesh’s first day at school like it was yesterday.  Such a beautiful boy and so much to give to the right woman.”

Yes Mrs S, I know he has.  Especially after the rather disturbing (read erotic) dream I had last night but that’s going to remain my dirty secret. 
None
of that should have happened to a happily married woman and we will never do it again.