Diary of a Vampeen (7 page)

“Lex, in love there is always a risk
of getting hurt. You’re trusting your most valuable possession,
your lifeline, with someone else. That’s a big deal. I will say
though that your insecurities with your relationship are a sign of
trust issues. You don’t trust him, even after all these years of
friendship. That’s sad Lex. Honestly though, I don’t think you
trust anyone outside of me and your parents, and I have no idea
why.”

I could hear her edging towards the
slippery slope of surrender when it came to reasoning with me. Her
insight was spot on though. I didn’t know why I didn’t trust Mike;
I didn’t know why I was so closed off. I just was.

“I don’t know why either,” I
sighed.

Deciding to get it all off my chest, I
relayed my curiosity over Kellan and his family. I told her about
the picture, the conversation with my mom and the intense pull I
felt towards him for no explained reason.

“I don’t know Lex. You sound tense
about it all, but really don’t have much to work with. I would say
just give it time. The truth is always revealed, and time will tell
you what your heart has yet to figure out with both
guys.”

“Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do
without you.”

“Let’s not even try to fathom it.” I
heard the smile in her voice.

“Sounds good to me.” Somehow our
conversations, regardless of how deep, always came full circle. We
never hung up on a bad note it seemed.

“Ok, I better hit the hay. I need my
beauty sleep and the rugrat likes to get up at the crack of
dawn.”

“’
kay. Night.”

“Sweet dreams bumblebee,” she
giggled.

I reached over to turn on the lamp on
my nightstand. I looked around my room while reflecting on my
conversation with Mel. I hopped out of bed to grab some pajamas
deciding a shower was in order. There is nothing like a hot shower
to melt away my anxiety.

Finally gaining enough gumption to
call Mike back and smooth things over, at least until I could
mentally get a grip on what I wanted out of our relationship
long-term, I reached for my phone to dial, but found it ringing
already. I looked back at the clock – 11:56pm – before answering,
“Hello?”

“Hey Lex, it’s Mike.”

“Oh, hey. I was just about to call
you.”

“Oh, well I couldn’t hold out any
longer though,” he explained.

“O, okay,” I replied. “I guess I did
have something that I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Really?” he perked up
instantly.

“Yea. I’m really sorry about before. I
really like you Mike. It’s not you, it’s me.”

“It sounds like you’re trying to dump
me.” A quick nervous laugh escaped him.

“No. I’m just trying to explain why I
reacted the way I did. I just… well, I don’t look at myself the way
you may look at me. I see myself as a fat blob with too many
physical imperfections. I guess I sort of feel like this could be
some colossal joke because I don’t see myself as attractive if I’m
totally honest,” I attempted to be as detailed as possible in my
perspective. “So when you said that you didn’t think you would have
any competition, it brought my insecurities to the surface I guess.
I’m sorry.”

“But that makes you even better babe.
You aren’t pompous or full of yourself like the majority of the
girls at school. You’re you and don’t try to fit in where you
don’t. You’re rare in our world.” I lightened up a bit at that. I’d
never heard those words from anyone before, let alone a hot
guy.

“You really think so?”

“Why would I lie about something like
that babe? You’re forcing me to look like a total retard right now
making me be all mushy and honest.”

I laughed at that and for the first
time I felt a tug at my heart as if this was how it was supposed to
be. That love was able to touch everyone, even the fat girls who
felt like they weren’t worth the extra effort.

Chapter 5

I woke up in a daze, trying to figure
out if last night even happened. I rolled over, still tucked under
the warmth of my sheets, to the little alarm clock on my
nightstand; it read 10:46am. I yawned and stretched before rolling
out of bed, grabbing my cell phone as my feet hit the
floor.

I slid my perfectly manicured feet –
Mel insisted on the activity last weekend and I like to remain
kempt – into my slippers and headed downstairs. Upon reaching the
kitchen I fumbled around gathering the supplies for a bowl of
cereal. I sat at the island to indulge in my hearty breakfast still
contemplating all that I was now sure had happened the previous
evening.

Merely minutes after taking my first
bite, I heard my parents rustle through the garage door.

“Good morning sleepy head,” my dad
greeted as he walked into the kitchen to kiss my
forehead.

“Morning Dad. Where’s Mom?” I searched
behind him for her.

“I’m right here sweetie,” she answered
for him. She walked over and gave me a half hug as I was still
sitting on the stool munching away at my breakfast. She awkwardly
stopped and stared at me. I felt the heat of her eyes on me and
began to fidget under her gaze.

“How was the beach?” I finally broke
in.

“Beautiful as always,” she smiled,
slightly jostling her head before walking away.

“Where did you guys stay?” I asked
curiously since the trip seemed last minute.

“Your dad surprised me with
accommodations in a gorgeous turn-of-the-century bed and breakfast
on the beach. It was just perfect,” she gushed giving my dad a kiss
at the end.

“Nice job Dad!” I cheered.

“Thanks. I do try,” he said, slightly
embarrassed. “I’m going to unpack and take a shower,” he announced
as he exited the kitchen.

“How was your night?” my mother
inquired turning towards me to put the milk and cereal
away.

“It was ok. Kind of boring,” I
admitted. “I did make plans for later though. Me, Kellan, Mike and
a few others are going to the movies. This way Kellan can meet more
people too.” I eyed her curiously amidst the last line, studying
her closely. For what, I wasn’t sure. I just still felt strange
when it came to the Kellan situation.

“Sure,” she stated with a bit of
hesitation. “This is surprising and certainly not the activity I
had in mind since you haven’t been to the movies in almost a
year.”

“Well, I figured a movie was perfect
since conversation wouldn’t be forced in the beginning and it would
also give us something to talk about afterwards,” I quickly
defended.

She nodded her head in understanding.
”Do you need me to drop you off?”

“Um. I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you
know.”

“How do you like Kellan so far?” she
inquired trying to feel her way into him it seemed.

“He’s nice. Kind of quiet; keeps to
himself. I think I’m the only person he’s talked to so far with the
exception of Mel for like a minute.”

“Be sure to include him. I’m sure this
must be overwhelming for him. Charleston is very different from
Seattle.” She played his advocate under the circumstances. Little
did she know he didn’t need one.

“I will.”

“I know. You’ve always been warm and
welcoming with others,” she beamed approvingly. “Now let me go help
your father unpack. If I don’t he won’t remember where he put
anything.”

“Ok.” She gave me one last extended
glance before leaving to tend to the suitcase.

I hopped up to wash my dish right as
Mel called. She was eager to hear about my conclusions over what
we’d discussed last night. Considering I hadn’t made much progress,
we didn’t linger on the phone, but I agreed to call her later with
all the details of my evening. I text Mike and Kellan to meet me at
Barnes & Noble around 5:30 since the movie started at 5:45 just
across the street.

I checked the clock on the
microwave anxious over the upcoming night’s events.
Ugh.
It’s only 11:30am.
I settled on finishing my monologue for English, though I was
nearly done already.

Thirty minutes was all it took to
complete my masterpiece. I closed my binder, set my glasses aside
and pranced to my walk-in closet to decide my outfit for the day. I
had to be the only girl to boast a huge walk-in closet that wasn’t
even a quarter of the way filled. I only owned four pairs of shoes
– a pair of Nike tennis shoes, a set of brown and black heels,
which I rarely wore, and my favorite pair of tan Vans
flip-flops.

Limited in choice, I resolved to go
comfy-casual with my favorite pair of XL blue Victoria Secret capri
sweats with an imbedded rhinestone design at the bottom on each
side where they gathered – they hugged my body perfectly to
accentuate my good parts yet were relaxed not squeezing any part of
me – and a navy blue tank top which would be covered by my
oversized red Aeropostale hoodie. I grabbed a clean pair of panties
and a bra on my way to the shower.

I stepped out of the shower and stared
at my hair while dressing. I chose to style it simply by throwing
my dark locks into hot rollers adding a nice thick wave. Upon
completion, I stood peering at myself in the mirror for a solid
five minutes. I looked different, almost pretty in a way, but
couldn’t determine the reason why. My sweats still fit right so I
hadn’t lost weight; I’d styled my hair this way before so my face
was framed the same. Then I recognized it. My blemishes were gone.
My face was smooth, flawlessly illuminating my fuller cheeks and
accenting the honey in my brown eyes. I ran my fingers over every
part of my skin in awe. Could this be possible or was I
dreaming?

I was leaning over the counter right
up to the mirror patting my face when I heard a startling knock on
my open bathroom door. I jumped back and looked at my mother, whose
face was wrinkled with worry. She came to stand behind me tousling
my hair and gazing at my mirrored reflection.

“The change is already starting,” she
whispered, lost in my mirror image.

“What are you talking about Mom?” I
questioned with raised brows. She continued to stare lost in a daze
of emotion. I’d never seen my mother cry, but she looked ready to
in this moment.

“Mom,” I prompted again, beginning to
worry.

Hearing the concern in my voice, she
peered away from the mirror. “You’re changing into a beautiful
young woman much quicker than I’m ready for; that’s all
sweetie.”

She attempted to pacify me
with her response but didn’t succeed.
Could me getting older really be the cause of such an intense
moment?
I pondered a bit more trying to
view things from her perspective as a mother.

Maybe I was wrong before; perhaps I
was suspicious over nothing. My mother did seem to be struggling
with my transition into womanhood; that’s probably why they had
been watching me with awed eyes this week. Their only daughter was
growing up so fast before them.

Not wanting to dive deeper into the
idea, I requested an early drop off to the bookstore. I could
easily lose myself in the books and magazines for a few hours
before the others arrived. My mother agreed and disappeared to pull
the car out of the garage.

I slid into my flip-flops and threw my
wallet and phone into my jacket pocket on my way out. A shiver ran
through me as I opened the front door. A gust of cool October wind
bounced against me. I let out a chuckle acknowledging mentally that
only a true southerner would wear flip flops and a
jacket.

The drive there was filled with radio
music, for my mom didn’t say anything and I feared her almost
downpour would erupt had I initiated a conversation.

“Have fun,” she said as I got out of
the car.

“Thanks Mom. See you later,” I called
back. I walked inside and straight to the Starbucks
counter.

“Hey Sam,” I said as I approached the
front of the line.

“Hey Lexi. Where’s Mel?” she asked
looking past me for my friend.

“She’s at home with her brother
today.” It did feel odd being in our hang out spot without
her.

“Cool,” she nodded. “The
usual?”

“Actually, I’m gonna do a hot
chocolate. The weather got to me.”

“Sure thing. You look different
today,” she observed as she started preparing my drink. I
mindlessly ran my fingers over my face still unable to process my
perfect complexion. It was the most amazing feeling looking in the
mirror that morning.

“Yea, my face finally cleared up,” I
admitted with a smile.

“You look good; refreshed,” she said.
Sam didn’t go around offering compliments to people. In fact, I’d
never heard her compliment anything outside of a ‘rad shirt’
once.

“Thanks.”

“Here you go.” She handed me my
drink.

“Thanks. See you later.” I took a sip
and advanced towards the classic books section.

I browsed through the
greats like
Moby Dick
,
Wuthering Heights
and
Huckleberry
Finn
before drifting towards the religious
section. I’d always been solid in my Christian beliefs with the
Bible, but enjoyed studying the theories behind other denominations
and religious forms.