Diary of an Expat in Singapore (8 page)

Starbucks is ubiquitous and Singapore is no exception. Same logo, same coffee, just colder. Madonna claimed: “Italians do it better.” Singapore’s Tourism Board should claim: “We do it colder.”

When I ask my Singaporean friends why they would agree to pay $6 for a cup of coffee when they could get it at a kopitiam for $2, they answer without hesitation: “It’s not about the coffee. It’s the lifestyle. You’re paying for the air con, the cool soundtrack, the free Wi-Fi.”

They sell green tea chai lattes.

If Singapore is going to carry international chains then those chains had better be localized if they want to be successful. Hence, the green tea chai latte at Starbucks, the prosperity chicken burgers at McDonald’s, and the spicy toppings at Pizza Hut.

There are textbooks spread out on every table.

Judging from the many students, textbooks strewn about, and nervous looks, it would appear Starbucks is the number one destination when cramming for exams.

The staff speaks Malay.

I have been to many Starbucks around the island and the staff is almost always Malay. I have no idea why this is. On their own coffee breaks, they choose spicy nasi lemak rather than blueberry muffins, but when it comes to grinding coffee, they know their beans.

If it’s Chinese New Year, with every purchase of a venti size beverage, you will receive a pack of
hong bao
(red packets).

Hong bao
are the little red packets containing crisp, new, even-numbered banknotes that are given to friends and relatives on Chinese New Year for good luck.
Hong bao
is also a word that brings joy to every Singaporean kid and every expat kid who follows local traditions. Strangely enough, my own kids profess a sudden affinity for all things Chinese just around this time of year. Forget the tooth fairy, they’re looking for their
hong bao
. The tooth fairy is an unreliable late-night visitor but
hong bao
are a certainty.

If it is the Year of the Snake, the teddy bear sold at Starbucks will have a snake on its shoulder.

Children always want teddy bears, and when they walk into Starbucks it’s no different. Only difference is that if you’re in Singapore, and it happens to be the year of the snake, the teddy bear will have a reptile draped over its shoulders. The fact that it is stuffed and made of green velveteen makes it only slightly less creepy. But if it brings good luck, who cares if a snake isn’t exactly the cuddliest or most desirable animal for a toddler to hug at bedtime?

“I love the weather here.”

The weather is the great divide. You either love it or hate it. Humidity is where the buck stops. There are those who initially hate the constant heat and fear they will never wear their favourite jeans again and then grow to love it.

“I hate the weather here.”

You may look at the blue skies from your window and think: “What a beautiful day for a walk outside.” Big mistake. Once you leave your air-conditioned apartment and open the front door, and the hot air sucks the breath out of you and envelopes you like an electric blanket, you realize that (1) it was your mind playing tricks on you, and (2) it’s going to be a very short walk.

“I miss the seasons.”

The changing of seasons is at the top of all expats’ list of things they miss from back home. For my kids, who have lived here most their lives, the seasons are almost an abstract concept. It is very hard for them to understand the statement: “It’s cold in December.” “Really, cold? Then why is the air con on?” Sometimes, I feel guilty that I’m depriving them of all the glorious autumns, springs, and winters I experienced as a kid. Then again, they’ll probably never have frostbite or have to shovel a driveway… guilt gone.

“Do you have a maid?”