Dirty (19 page)

Chapter Twenty

The car ride to Paul’s house was in silence. Simone had wanted to drive her own car and follow him over, but Paul had insisted. It was only when he pointed out that she was probably too shaken up to did she give in. When they made it to Paul’s house, she was startled awake when he gently shook her. Simone didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep.

“I’ll put your things in the guest bedroom.” He took the overnight case from her hand when they entered his house.

Simone felt numb. By the time she’d had finished packing, she’d returned to find Paul on the phone. He’d spoken in a hushed whisper that made it difficult for her to hear. When he spotted her
,
he quickly ended his call and told her that Steve would be out of her home shortly and he would never bother her again. He offered no further explanation beyond that and she was too mentally drained to care. Paul had dragged Steve out of her house and
left
him on the side of her house so the neighbors would notice and call the police themselves. If Simone ever saw Steve again, it would be way too soon.

Simone curled up on the couch and waited for Paul to return. She couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the woman who was here
earlier
and who exactly was she to him
?
Paul returned
in
what felt like an hour later but in actuality he’d been gone for about fifteen minutes.

“I needed to change the sheets and remake the guest bedroom for you.”

Simone sat up. “Thank you.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really. But I could use some water.”

“Would you like it in a glass or from the bottle? The bottles are lukewarm.”

“Lukewarm is fine with me. I just need to wet my throat.”

“You got it.” Paul swiftly returned with two bottled waters and handed her one.

Simone thirstily gulped down half the bottle. “Hmm, I guess I must be dehydrated.”

Paul offered her a polite smile but he didn’t respond verbally. Simone wished he’d talk so she at least knew where to begin. She took a deep breath
and
decided to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. “So, uh…that woman here earlier? Were you and her involved?” She shook her head. “No. Never mind. That was none of my business.”

“No. We weren’t involved. I was doing a favor for someone by allowing her to stay here. And to be perfectly honest with you, she had eyes for someone else.”

“Do you have eyes for her?”

“No.” When he didn’t elaborate
,
the silence descended upon the room again. Unable to stand the tension, Simone rose to her feet and began to pace.

“I probably shouldn’t have run off like that then.”

“Not without giving me a chance to explain, no but that doesn’t matter. You’re here now. How about you tell me exactly why you showed up in the first place.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I realize I’m never going to get better until I start being honest with people. I think more than anyone else
,
I owe you an explanation for how I’ve acted toward you.”

He raised a brow but didn’t say anything.

“I
,
uh, Paul what happened to your eye?”

“You’re stalling Simone.”

She inhaled
and exhaled deeply. “I guess I’m just a little nervous. Up until a couple weeks ago, I’d never told anyone this before and I’m not sure where to start.”

“Start from wherever you feel most comfortable.”

Simone nodded. “Okay. Well, I don’t know how much Noelle told you about her upbringing or if she did at all. Has my cousin ever mentioned her childhood?”

“I know she had a rough time of it with your mother and brothers but she never went into too many details. I know how your mother only took her in because of the settlement from her mother’s accident.”

“Yes, that’s about right. My mother likes to pretend
to
be some great charitable Christian, but only when other people are looking. Behind closed doors
,
it’s a different story.”

Paul nodded. “Noelle pretty much told me the same thing. She also told me that she would have been completely miserable had it not been for you. She said you made living in that house bearable.”

Simone shrugged. “I just didn’t want her to suffer through what I did. Noelle had it pretty bad, my mother actually hates me and she made sure she let me know
,
not so much with words but with how she treated me. You see, my father, her second husband left her for another woman and no longer wanted the responsibility of raising me. He walked out when I was around two. My mother hated that I looked so much like him and she’d make me feel unwanted because of it. She would eventually marry three more times. She had my brothers back to back from two different men who basically made promises they didn’t keep. My mother
,
however
,
will tell anyone who listens that she was briefly married to a Nigerian Prince who was thrown in prison as a political refugee. That’s who she claims are my brothers
’ father
. I’m just telling you this to paint a picture for you so you’ll understand what kind of woman my mother is. I can site several examples of her verbal abuse and neglect but we’d be here all night.”

“I have nothing but time.”

“I’m sure but where my mother is concerned, we’d be here for days.”

“Was there ever a time when she was kind to you?

“Only in public. She liked to make people believe she was the perfect mother. She was to my brothers, just not to me. She’d rip her beating heart from her chest if they asked her to.”

“She sounds like she enjoyed putting on airs,” Paul observed.

Simone snorted. “That would be putting it mildly. Anyway, she eventually remarried when I was six to a man named
Melvin
. My brothers were three and four.
Melvin
seemed nice enough. He gave me piggy back rides
and candy
when my mother wasn’t looking.
Melvin
was a pillar of the community, a deacon in church and
a
small business owner. It was difficult for me in those years because I had no support system at home. Once my brothers saw how my mother treated me, they decided to join her in making my life miserable. School was not much better. I was bullied because my mother didn’t believe in spending too much money on me so I mainly
wore
thrift store hand-me-downs that were either ill-fitting or terribly out of
date
. I think she took joy in seeing me like that because she knew the kids made fun of me for it.”

“Damn, Simone. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me yet. That’s probably the best part of the story.”

“It gets worse?”

“Much. Around ten
,
I began to develop. There were so many changes happening with my body and my mother refused to explain it to me so I suffered puberty in silence. That was when
Melvin
began to treat me differently. He was no longer the man who was nice to me occasion
ally
and ignore me on most occasion
s
. He began to pay too much attention to me. The way he’d look at me made me feel uncomfortable. And then
,
the accidental touches sta
r
ted. He’d brush up against my body or touch my budding breasts. It made me feel strange inside. I tried to stay out of his way after that but he’d always seem to catch me alone. I had to start locking my bedroom door because he came into my room one night and stood over my bed and stared. He didn’t do anything then but I was fear
ful
that he would. One day my mom decided to take the boys to the zoo.
Melvin
said he’d stay home and keep an eye on me…” Simone needed to take another deep breath before she could continue.

Paul stood up then and crossed the room until he stood in front of her. “Please don’t tell me he did something to you.”

“He raped me,” Simone whispered as tears slid down her face. She thought confessing would be easier the second time around but she found it just as painful.

“Oh my God.” Paul pulled her into his tight embrace and held her close as she cried softly. “I’m so sorry.” He stroked the back of her head and rocked her in
his
arm
s
. It hurt like hell
to
say the words out loud when she’d
spent
years trying to forget. But she was glad she’d told Noelle about it after her break down because this time, though it was still painful, it didn’t hurt quite as much.

Simone gently pushed Paul away. If he held her any longer
,
she might get too comfortable with the feel of his arms around her and she knew how this would end when
s
he told
him
the rest. “Please let me finish. I’ll save you the gory details, but after my mother and brothers had left, I kept myself locked in my room, but
Melvin
got angry when I wouldn’t open the door so he kicked it in and started to reprimand me about locking doors in his house. The next thing I knew, he was top of me, ripping my clothes off
and
telling me that I was a big girl. I fought him and cried. I was only eleven and I knew little to nothing about sex. I just remember being in an incredible amount of pain.”

“Oh my God,” Paul whispered in stunned horror.

Simone wiped a tear away and turned her back to Paul so she wouldn’t have to see his pity. It made it easy for her to finish her tale. “How
Melvin
left me, bleeding and broken on the bed was how my mother found me. She knew what he did, I could see it in her eyes, but she demanded I tell her what happened and I did.
Melvin
said I was lying and she slapped me. Slapped me so hard she knocked one of my teeth loose. She told me I was a liar trying to break up her marriage.”

“I didn’t tell anyone else because I figured if my own mother didn’t believe me, then no one would. Afterwards,
she
did her best to make sure we were never alone, not because she wanted to protect me, but because she said it was because it was to prevent me from spreading lies. But after a while
,
she stopped being so vigilant and he started up again. I don’t know how many time he violated me, but the time that sticks out the most besides that first time is when my mom walked in on him holding me down. He had his hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t scream.
Melvin
jumped off of me and told her that I had come on to him. I was a child. I knew nothing about seduction or sex. My mother attacked me, she slapped and punched me and called me a whore. She said I had the devil in me and that I was going to hell.”

Paul pulled her against him until her back was flush with his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head against her neck. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could say that scum like your mother and
Melvin
are few and far between but this world is full of monsters. You know it wasn’t your fault right?”

“Yes.” She knew it wasn’t but there were times when she asked herself why her? And the kicker of it all, after all her mother had done, she thought it was her right to make demands of Simone.

“Did he….did he hurt Noelle?”

Simone shook her head. “He was gone by the time she moved in with us.”

“What happened to him?”

“I wasn’t the only one he had raped. We were at a church function when he was caught assaulting another girl in a closet. He was immediately arrested. Afterwards, a handful of girls came forward to say that he had abused them as well. He was sentenced to life in prison. But here’s the kicker,” Simone laughed without humor.
“My
mother feigned
shock pretended like she was injured party. She hooped and hollered as if she had been one of his victims and she’d tell anyone who would listen how she felt victimized by his deception.”

“Simone—”

“No, let me finish Paul because if I don’t get this all out at once I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“Okay.” Paul kept his arms locked around her body and Simone didn’t mind, in fact the
feel
of his body pressed against
hers
was comforting.

“
After
Melvin
was sentenced, she acted like nothing had happened. She pretended that he didn’t exist while I suffered in silence. I found it difficult to trust people and make friend
s
. And then
,
I met this boy in the eleventh grade. He was the first person to tell me I was special and how beautiful I was. After a while, I started to believe him. He was my first real date. He made me laugh and I thought I could really care for him. He takes me to this beautiful clearing and we sit in the flatbed of his pickup truck watching the stars. Everything is copacetic at first but then
he
starts to get a little aggressive. I fight him off at first but then I have flashbacks to
Melvin
. I didn’t want to be violated again so I just go still and lay there until he finished. And that’s how it started. The random hook ups and one night stands. I told myself that if I give it away no one could ever violate me again. Every time my mother would put me down or one of my brothers tormented me or when I was just feeling stressed
,
hooking up was a release. By the time I left home
,
I convinced myself that it was my way of reclaiming my sexual power.”