Donorboy (22 page)

Well, there we are. All five of us are in a hotel here somewhere in Midtown, and it is Christmas Day, and as strange as it sounds, because I'm crying again as I write this, I am as happy as I have ever been.

—Sean

Single Dads Club

Episode 2-22

“Tracey's Decision, Part 2”

Act Three

Establishing shot:
CINCINNATI SKYLINE
at dusk

EXT-JIM
and
GARY'S HOUSE
at dusk

Cut to
INT-LIVING ROOM

(
GARY
sits alone on the couch, staring at the phone. Enter
CHIP
, in Cincinnati Reds cap, and
JIM
, in worn “Cincinnati Reds, 1976 World Champions” T-shirt.)

CHIP

Hey there, Uncle Gary. Hear anything from Miss European Traveler yet?

GARY

Do I look like I've heard anything?

CHIP

No, you look more like you can't believe you ate the whole thing.

(
JIM
swats
CHIP
on the back of the head, knocking off his baseball cap.)

CHIP

Ow! Child abuse!

JIM

No, making you watch the Reds' bullpen was child abuse. That was just good old parental discipline. Go up to your room for a minute. I wanna talk to Uncle Gary.

CHIP

(
exiting, rubbing the back of his head
)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again—you guys are over your heads. This place needs a woman's touch.

JIM

With a mouth like that, that kid'll be lucky to get a woman's touch by the time he's thirty.

(
JIM
sits on the couch next to
GARY.
)

JIM

She'll do the right thing, Gare. She's a good kid.

GARY

Well, she always has been. But that was before she met this hippie beatnik kid. He keeps telling her to follow her bliss, but I've got a good idea he wants her to follow his bliss right into the back of his van. Times like this I miss Carol like crazy. I can't help feeling like if she were alive, she'd know what to do, she'd know what to say, she'd help me.

JIM

Yeah. Whereas times like this I couldn't be happier that Cass walked out on me. Oh, wait, that's every waking minute of every day, and some when I'm asleep, too.

(Beat.
GARY
doesn't smile.)

JIM

Sorry, Gare. Just trying to make you laugh.

GARY

Keep trying. Maybe you could abuse Chip some more.

JIM

That would be a giggle, but that kid's such a jailhouse lawyer, he'll have Child Protective Services in here if I so much as send him to bed without dinner. Stubborn kid.

(Enter
TRACEY.
)

GARY

And speaking of which …

JIM

(
in exaggerated loud voice
)

Well, yeah, so that Reds bullpen is a real drag! Hard to believe the Big Red Machine has come to this! Those guys couldn't find the strike zone with a map! Well, I'm going to go commiserate with poor Chip—you know how heartbroken he gets after a Reds loss. He'll probably be up there for hours. Or (
looks at
TRACEY) as long as it, um, takes. Okay! Bullpen troubles.

(
JIM
gets up from the couch.)

JIM

Oh, Tracey, I didn't see you there! I'm off to console Chip.

(
He exits.
)

(
TRACEY
sits on the couch next to
GARY
.)

TRACEY

Uncle Jim is a really terrible liar.

GARY

Well, maybe you could give him some lessons.

TRACEY

I guess I deserve that.

GARY

You're breaking my heart here, Trace. You know? Sneaking out, then telling me you're not going to college? I mean, since Mom died, I've really been trying, you know? I mean, I've done the best I could, and I know I wasn't around much before, but I have been trying to do what I thought Mom would have done, and I just feel like I've let her down. Like if she was here this wouldn't be happening.

(Cut to
CHIP
, at the top of the steps, peering through the banister. Cut back to
GARY
and
TRACEY
on the couch.)

TRACEY

Well, I guess that's true, Dad. I mean, if Mom was alive, I probably wouldn't think that I should live it up while I can, I probably wouldn't think that it could all end any minute, that I should stay out of the rat race and do what I want. I probably would have just gone to college without ever thinking about it.

(Cut to steps.
JIM's
face appears next to
CHIP's. JIM
begins to pull
CHIP
by the ear. Cut back to
GARY
and
TRACEY.
)

GARY

But, Trace, you know she would have wanted you to go to college.

(Cut to steps.
JIM
and
CHIP
now both peer through the banister, obviously not moving until this is over. Cut back to
GARY and TRACEY.
)

TRACEY

No, Dad, that's what
you
want. You don't know what Mom would want, and neither do I, because she's gone.

GARY

Okay, it's what I want. I guess I hoped that would be enough.

TRACEY

(
eyes filling up
)

It is.

GARY

You mean?

TRACEY

I mean (
pausing to wipe her tears with a tissue she's gotten from her purse
), I did some thinking about it. About what I really want for my life, about whether I really want to go to college, or whether I'm just going along with the rat race.

(Cut to steps.
CHIP
rolls his eyes, holds his hand in the air, making the “blah blah blah” gesture.
JIM
wears a sad smile as tears run down his cheeks.)

TRACEY

And what I decided was that because I want to live my life to the fullest, because I want to do what's best with my life, and because I would have wanted Mom to be proud of me, but more than that, because I want
you
to be proud of me, I'm going to college.

GARY

(
crying and hugging
TRACEY)

Oh, honey, that's … that's …

(Cut to steps.)

JIM

That's five bucks, Chip-O. I told you she'd make the right decision.

CHIP

(
handing over the five bucks
)

Aw, man! (
Yelling down to
TRACEY) Thanks a lot! He gave me three-to-one odds!

(Pull back to reveal
JIM
and
CHIP
sheepishly coming down the steps.)

GARY

Hey, thanks a lot for the privacy, guys.

CHIP

I'm sorry, Uncle Gare, but there was money at stake! Dad gave me three-to-one that she'd go to college! I could have bought a lot of
Star Wars
cards with that much cash! You know how it is when the stakes are high!

GARY

I sure do, Chip. (
Beat. Looks at
TRACEY.) I sure do.

(CUE END THEME.)

Everybody needs somebody

I guess what they say is true

I never thought it would come to this but

I need you

Dear Fluffy:

Zuzu! Kids! I'm back in Boston!

I am in deep shit of course but that was predictable so where should I start, I don't know, I guess I finally saw
Single Dads Club
, and it made me wicked sad, just incredibly sad, it was so unfair that she was there alive, walking and talking and not alive like I ever knew her, but alive anyway, and she's just saying the stupid shit they wrote for her, not going like, “I love you Ros, you're gonna be OK” or anything, which I know I didn't expect, not really, I don't know what the hell I expected. I just wanted to see her.

And there she was, alive on tv but dead really and never coming back to me and it's one thing to remember her but to see her face and hear her voice talking was too much, way worse even than reading her words in the black album, and I just sat there and cried through three episodes, and I don't even really know if they were good or crappy or what the stories were.

But the best part was that Kate just sat there with me and didn't try to get me to stop crying and didn't tell me it was okay or she was sorry or anything, she was just there, and that was the right thing to do.

And then all of a sudden Sean was there too, and he was all crying, which made me feel a lot worse than if he had been yelling at me, and so I was like I'm sorry and he was like, it's okay, and we watched the end of the show which of course was some sappy thing with Tracey and her dad and that made me even sadder, like, I don't know, was that Mom telling me that I do have a dad or something, or should you get your life lessons from TV or is that something stupid people do? I don't know but Sean suddenly being there in the dark kind of made the whole thing sadder but also okay and he didn't tell me it was okay either, because it's not fucking okay, it's never going to be okay, but he just kind of gave me this half hug and that was okay and I didn't tell him to get off because it was nice.

After our four episodes of
Single Dads Club
were over, we had to give up our space at the tv, and we all went back to the hotel, and Karen met us there and so did Niall and I felt really bad again for fucking up everybody's Christmas, and it was worse because even Karen didn't yell at me about how could I do this to her, so I felt like a toad.

But whatever, I was like I guess we should go get on the Lucky Wah or whatever, and Niall was like well, it's late and we already paid for the rooms, so let's just stay. He said he used to sell weed to some kid who inherited his family's Chinese restaurant or something, and he'd get them to make us a vegetarian feast off the menu, so we did, all five of us with the spinning thing in the middle of the table, and it was cool. Of course Niall joined the Kate fan club but guys of any age seem to love her, but even Karen was kind of smiling and got into this long thing about negativity and catharsis in art and Kate was right there and I didn't understand much of it and just ate my dumplings.

Christmas we just walked around and looked at lights and whatever, and Sean was like I got you all this All-Clad cookware but it's at home, and I was like thanks, not knowing what that meant but Karen told me it was “seriously high-end cookware.” Anyway, whatever, it was a nice Christmas, I mean, I did feel kind of better after doing all that crying, and I was laughing a lot with Niall and Kate and Karen and even Sean who is pretty funny when he is not being uptight. Now we are back, and school starts in a week, and Kate is grounded until she dies and so am I, but Sean was like you can still call her and IM her and whatever because of course he loves her but I don't know I guess he loves me too.

We are looking at a new year, and I don't know, it sounds dumb because it's just another day, but I feel like maybe I could have some kind of life that is new and fucked up compared to the old one but not so horrible. I mean I really did feel kinda like I had a family there for a few days, which between Sean and Karen and Niall and Kate is a collection of pretty interesting and screwed up people, and I guess add me on the screwed up part, and maybe even the interesting part too since I am the Mistress of Metal and Queen of the All-Clad.

I don't know, Fluffy. I still hate what happened, and it's not like I wouldn't trade this life for my old one in a second. It is never going to be okay that they died, because it was stupid and wrong and unfair and it hurts, and that's never ever going to be okay. But maybe I will be.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

After several false starts, I found the right way into this story after I spent an afternoon with Daniel Sokatch, Dana Reinhardt, and Noa Sokatch. Thanks to all three.

Thanks to Doug Stewart for continuing inspiration, advocacy, and friendship.

Thanks to all my friends in the English Department at Brookline High School.

Thanks to Bruce Tracy for excellent editorial support and encouragement, and for patience during the Great Title Search.

Thanks to everybody who read drafts and came back with praise and suggestions: John Andrews, Peg Halpin and the Pathetic Book Club, Dana Reinhardt, Andrew Sokatch, Daniel Sokatch, Sarah Strauss, and Jessica Yurwitz.

Thanks to Pamela Cannon for telling me four years ago that I was a writer rather than a guy who happened to write about something that happened to him.

John Mellencamp's
Trouble No More
helped me a great deal in writing the first third of this book.

Kirsten Shanks read every page as it was written and encouraged me when it was good, fearlessly told me when it was bad, and saved me from at least two disastrous wrong turns. She was my partner in writing and in life, and I miss her terribly.

About the Author

Brendan Halpin is a teacher and the author of books for adults and young adults including the Alex Award–winning
Donorboy, Forever Changes
, and the Junior Library Guild Selection
Shutout
. He is also the coauthor of
Tessa Masterson Will Go to Prom
, with Emily Franklin, and
Notes from the Blender
, with Trish Cook, both of which the American Library Association named to its Rainbow List. Halpin's writing has appeared in the
Boston Globe
, the
Los Angeles Times, Rosie
and
Best Life
magazines, and the
New York Times
' “Modern Love” column. Halpin is a vegetarian, a fan of vintage horror movies, and an avid tabletop gamer. He lives with his wife, Suzanne, their three children, and their dog in the Jamaica Plain neighborhood of Boston.