Double Heat [Twin Ties: 3] (12 page)

All of this sank in. It was good, and real.

Because Brennan had no regrets. Wherever Maggie Holt was, even if she knew everything, and had seen it all play out from another plane, he wouldn’t undo anything if he could. And he wouldn’t promise to never be with Evan again.

“I am sorry,” he repeated, steadier. “But I love him. I love him
so much
. I’ll take care of him, okay? He needs me, and I need him just as much. I’ll watch out for him and stay by his side, forever, no matter what. Hopefully, you can forgive me, or at least forgive Evan. It was my decision. And he needed to feel loved, so....”

That was her fault. Hers and Charlie’s. They’d been the ones to break Evan. Brennan was just picking up the pieces left behind and trying to make him whole again, somehow.

“You have things to apologize for too,” he added. “I do forgive you. I know it must have been hard to get through every day knowing he was out there, without you. Everyone has to make their choices and live with them. That’s what I’m doing. I’m going to be a nurse. I’m going to take care of Evan. I’m going to be with Alek and Luka. They’re my family now. You don’t have to worry about me. You can be at peace. I hope you are.”

“I miss you,” Brennan said quietly into the phone.

“It’s been a
day
,” Evan countered. “You just left. You can’t miss me yet.”

“You don’t miss me yet?”

“Of course I miss you.”

“Then stop being a hypocrite. I miss you.”

“God damn it. You’re there, aren’t you? You’re at the friggin’ grave. I can tell because you sound intensely weird.”

“Maybe,” Brennan grumbled, combing through the grass. He was sitting cross-legged in front of Maggie’s grave, looking at it like she still might appear on top of the stone, at any minute.

“Why are you calling me from there?” Evan whined.

“Because I miss you. I was thinking about you. I told her I hoped she could forgive me, and that it wasn’t your fault, and that I don’t regret anything.”

Evan sighed heavily. “If I wanted to have this conversation while you’re next to the place where Mom is buried, I would have come with you.”

“It’s true, though. We should talk about this stuff more than we do. All of us. Our choices have repercussions.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me that,” Evan complained.

“What does that mean? Are you okay? Did something happen?” Brennan asked worriedly.

“No. Nothing you need to worry about. Enjoy your trip. Go visit some living people, too. You stayed with your friend last night, right? That Hailey chick?”

“Mm-hmm. I miss you.”

“You said that already. Like, three times. Go on, sourpuss. Have some fun. Don’t hit on anyone though. Behave yourself, but in a fun way. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Brennan grinned.

By the time Brennan made it back to Hailey’s place, he’d already picked up breakfast at a local café that had been a favorite of Maggie’s. Food in hand for the both of them, he wasn’t surprised as the door opened to a whole collection of his friends, waiting for him.

It was most of his old gang—Robyn, Michaela, Glenn and Sage—the people he’d spent nearly every day with for years. Seeing them together again was as wonderful as it was unsettling.

He was hugged and welcomed. They were all watching him like they were searching for differences, visual cues to whom he’d become while away from them. It made him feel self-conscious, even as something inside his chest loosened to be around people who were delightfully familiar. Someone offered to pour him a mug of coffee from the pot warming in the kitchenette. Hailey went to get plates for the food and cleared a spot for him to sit at the tiny table. Brennan was just waiting for it—the start of the questions.

“Sit! Eat! Don’t mind us,” Robyn encouraged, smiling from ear to ear. “God, it’s good to see you.”

“How’ve you guys been?” he asked, hoping to head them off. “What’s new? Catch me up.”

The mouth-watering aromas of coffee, crepes and freshly baked muffins filled his nose, making his stomach growl. He dug in, eating and using the fullness of his mouth as another excuse not to talk.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Sage cut in, with a mischievous gleam to his brown eyes. “We all want to know what’s up with you. How’s life up North? Are you still staying with your brother? We’ve been asking Hailey about him, but she says you haven’t told her much or sent any photos. Spill. Give us some details!”

“Eating,” Brennan mumbled around his mouthful, pointing at it for further emphasis.

“Come on, Bren. You said his name’s Ethan?”

“Evan,” he corrected.

“And you two are identical? Like,
completely
identical? Do you have any pictures on your phone or anything?”

The only photos of both himself and Evan that he had on his phone were not ones he was in a rush to pass around. They weren’t doing anything in the pictures that would specifically imply they were cozier than typical brothers, but Brennan suspected they were probably too comfortable in the shots, with their arms around one another, to pass intense scrutiny. Brennan had only technically known Evan for less than a year. Plus, if someone felt brave and scrolled through his photo reel, who knows what else they’d find? Alek and Luka would both be in there, at least.

“Completely,” Brennan grinned, ignoring the photo request. He took another bite of food and chewed slowly.

“Are you dating anyone? It’s gotta get lonely up there....”

“Look,” he chuckled, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll fill you in. Promise. Just let me eat first. I’ve been up for hours, so I’m starving. You guys go first. I’ve been totally out of the loop, so let me know all the stuff I’ve missed.”

“Well, Candy Liljestrand is totally working as a stripper to pay her way through community college. I mean, come on, her name is Candy. I could have told her in Pre-K she was destined for hooker-dom.”

“That’s fucking harsh!” Glenn exclaimed, laughing.

“What? It’s true,” Michaela shrugged. “But who cares? She’s got so much cash rolling in she doesn’t need any student loans. I’m fucking jealous, okay? I’d be up there on the pole with her if I thought there was a chance in hell they’d hire me!”

“Oh, and Anthony Nikels is totally working as a janitor at the high school now. I mean, we’re barely out of there and he’s right back in it, mopping the linoleum. That’s even sadder than the thing about Candy. I mean, at least she’s in school. There’s
hope
.”

“You guys are so mean,” Brennan scolded around a mouthful of muffin.

“They’re just trying to make you feel better,” Robyn piped up, after staying quiet for a while during the gossip.

Sage threw a pillow at her.

“What? It’s true,” Robyn said defensively. “At least I’m honest.”

“What do you mean? You guys feel sorry for me?” Brennan asked, feeling stricken. He tried to swallow the food in his mouth, but it had suddenly gone dry and it was difficult getting it down.

Robyn said, while receiving cutting stares from a few of the others, “Well, come on, Bren. You lost your mom, your house, and your friends, and had to move in with some kid you’d never met. It kind of sucks. A lot.”

He couldn’t bring himself to even try to defend himself, or his circumstances. He found that, actually, he didn’t even really want to. It was his life, and he loved the hell out of it. He didn’t owe anyone explanations or assurances that things were okay.

When Brennan didn’t say anything, and just drank his coffee, not looking at any of them, Michaela hissed at Robyn, “Way to go, asshole. No wonder he hasn’t visited in months, with friends like you.”

“Jesus,” Hailey exclaimed. “Lay off of Brennan or get the hell out.”

“Maybe this isn’t a good time,” Robyn said. “Guys, we should probably go. Bren, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

They gathered their things and left. It seemed to take a long time. Hailey went with them to yell at them quietly in the hall. When she came back inside, she said, “I’m so sorry, Brennan. There really hasn’t been a lot going on around here and you’re still big news. Just forget about it, okay? The food smells great. You wanna just hang out for a little while, no bullshit, no prying?”

“Yeah, actually, that sounds good,” he admitted.

He only had the two days to spend in Louisiana. It wasn’t a lot of time to visit everyone he’d intended to, but after the bad vibes he’d gotten from seeing his grade school friends, who apparently were still stuck in a grade-school mentality, Brennan was hesitant to go out and see many more people. For a few hours, he holed up with Hailey. In the afternoon, he made the rounds and saw some of Maggie’s friends, who offered him tea and as much food as he could eat. They didn’t ask invasive questions, but they did tend to look at him longingly, as if the sight of him only reminded them of who they’d lost. Afterward, he walked past his and his mom’s old place. It had new occupants. There was a tricycle lying on its side in the front yard.

Seeing it only made him sadder. The world was changing, moving on and erasing her, erasing
them
. It was like they’d never been there at all. He started to dread having to check the storage locker, where Maggie’s things had been relegated to boxes and bags, forgotten, just like her.

Around dusk, he got in his car and cried for a while.

By the time he remembered his pleas to Evan, Alek, and Luka to Skype with him every night, the time had come and gone when he was supposed to have been ready and on camera. Then, his phone started to ring. Wincing, sniffling, breath hitching with tears, he let it go to voicemail rather than worry them with the way he knew he must sound.

He sent a text message back, deciding a lie would be better than the truth.

‘My friends threw me a party. Can’t talk. I’ll try to call back soon?’

Luka replied, saying, ‘Don’t sweat it. Have fun. Miss you.’

His phone started ringing again right after he started crying again, mostly from missing Evan, Alek, Luka, and their life in Pennsylvania. It all felt like a mistake. He shouldn’t have come without anyone to support him, or thought it wouldn’t be hard to see people he’d moved on from. He shouldn’t have tried to look back at the past without being willing to include anything about his present or future.

He considered just driving back to Pennsylvania that night, but he was exhausted. He saw he had a voicemail message from Hailey and figured he’d just go back to her place to sleep it off, then decide what to do in the morning. Maybe after another early visit to the grave, he could leave and go back to where he really belonged.

Chapter 11
Filling Empty Places

When Evan got home after dropping off Carter and reached the landing at the top of the stairs, Alek and Luka were both waiting for him. They were sitting together, silently, in the living room. The house was quiet. The television was off.

“Hey, sorry I was out so long,” Evan said as he took off his jacket and hung it up.

There was no reply, initially, and he noticed how both twins looked upset. Evan had never gotten much grief from Charlie about coming home past curfew, but when he had, Charlie would have a similar expression on his face. Resisting the instinct to feel guilty, Evan met their gazes head on and braced himself for a scolding.