Doublecrossed (8 page)

“So? Do I have to lie here all day to hear the details?”

“Number one was that our relationship had to come first. No exceptions.”

“That sounds like a good starting point, but how do you do that?”

“We decided that we’d never sleep with anyone who lived anywhere near Dallas. We were monogamous in the Metroplex.”

“Huh. Great for Marina, but not you. You don’t go anywhere.”

Callie brushed off the comment. “We also agreed that we’d only sleep with people who were either single or in a similar relationship.”

“Isn’t that hard to find?”

“That’s an odd question. There are tons of single women in the world.”

“No, no. Women in similar relationships. Are there a lot?”

“I have no idea. I don’t know any.”

“Huh.”

Terri was quiet after making that sole utterance. When it was clear she had no follow-up, Callie continued. “The biggest issue for us, and one that Marina hated the most was that we’d tell each other about someone we were interested in before we slept with her.”

“Why didn’t Marina like that one?”

Callie laughed. “For the obvious reason. In her previous relationship she could sleep with anybody.”

“Anybody?”

“Yeah. She and her ex agreed they’d do what they wanted and never talk about it.”

“Wow. I can’t see why you’d bother being in a relationship if you could just screw anyone you met.”

Her patience fraying, Callie said, “There’s a difference between sex and love. Marina and I are trying to build a relationship. She just has casual sex once in a while when she’s on the road. It doesn’t have to affect me at all if I don’t let it. I’m in control of my reaction.”

It was so hard to put all of it together to make sense of what she did. The familiar pangs of sadness still hurt when she thought of her dad and Rob. “That’s something Rob kept telling me, but I was too hurt to listen. My dad said the same thing. I should have listened to both of them. My mom should have given my dad one pass and I should have forgiven Rob. I was stupid. He was a very good guy, and I cut him loose too fast.”

“He hurt you, Cal. You said you couldn’t trust him anymore.”

“I know, but I was harsh. That was the dumb part.”

“Rob was a good guy, but it was his fault too. He could have fought for you.”

“Yeah. I guess he let me go easily too.” She shrugged. “Marina’s really trying to convince me to stay, and that matters a lot.”

“Sounds like she made sacrifices to get you in the first place.”

“She did. She really had to scale back to get me to buy in.”

“And up until now you really believed she was being honest?”

“I’d like to believe she’s honest about most things.”

“Isn’t that kinda…hard?”

Laughing at herself, Callie said, “At this point? You have no idea.”

“Let’s say she usually is honest. Why do you think she screwed up?”

“Arghh! I think she did it—purposefully—to improve her chances for a promotion.”

“Wow.”

“I know…it sounds horrible, but she doesn’t pretend to be anyone she’s not. She’s very honest in that way.”

“Then why not tell you the whole truth? Like before she slept with her.”

“I assume she lied because I wouldn’t have agreed. Sleeping with a coworker is dangerous, and Angela was in a committed relationship. That’s two strikes.”

“But…”

“Marina’s not used to hearing ‘no.’ If she really wants something she’s pretty likely to go ahead and take it if she can.”

“Even if it hurts you.”

Callie had to think about that one for a while. “In my heart, I believe that she was confident I wouldn’t get hurt. I believe she does care for me; she’s just very, very willful.”

“She sounds like a handful.”

“Oh, she is, but I knew what I was getting into when I signed on. I have no one to blame but myself.”

Terri got up to take a shower and make coffee, while Callie lay in bed and tried to stop the persistent thoughts that rumbled through her brain—the ones that kept asking why she’d put up with Marina for as long as she had. It was bad enough when tendrils of doubt crept in, but to have to enunciate all of her lover’s faults to Terri…that had been like a slap in the face.

Marina was manipulative and willful…and deceitful if she had to be. Her needs were primary. Always. Over time Callie had trained herself to be some sort of empath—always testing to see if she could touch her or kiss her or even speak. So why had she stayed? That was the imperative question, and she had to be able to answer it before she went home.

*

Marina called at nine a.m. on the button. “Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Something came up and I felt like I needed to be in Phoenix for a couple of days. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more notice.”

“You don’t sound right.”

“Well, I’m not alone…”

“Call me back as soon as you can. I’m worried about you, honey. Do you want me to come and be with you?”

“No, I’m fine. But it’s going to be hard for me to get much free time. I promise I’ll call you if I need anything.”

“That’s the best you can do?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid that’s the best I can do. I need a few days at home to sort some things out. I’ll call when I can.”

“I love you, Callie. Promise you’ll call me if you need anything. I’m going to be home until Tuesday and then I have to go to Acapulco until Sunday. Hey, do you want to go with me? My treat? It’s a boring conference, but I’ll have some free time.”

“I don’t think so. I’m not sure how long I’m going to have to be here, so I’m afraid to make any plans. But that’s very sweet of you to offer.”

“I love you,” she said with even more feeling. “You sound really tense and I thought a few days by the ocean would make you feel better.”

Callie had to force herself not to say what she was thinking. A couple of months ago she would have jumped at the chance. But now she just wanted some distance.

*

They lay around Terri’s apartment for most of the day, drinking coffee and watching TV. They both loved to watch with the sound down and make up dialogue that always had them in stitches. It was the kind of thing that Marina wouldn’t have enjoyed a bit, but it was a long-standing tradition for Callie and Terri, and they always had a good time doing it.

They’d just eviscerated a home improvement show, riffing on the idea that the couples who were decorating each other’s homes were going to switch wives at the end, when Terri asked, “How’d you feel the first time Marina slept with someone else?”

“Ugh! Don’t remind me,” Callie moaned, holding onto her stomach as though she were about to vomit. “It was like being beaten with a rubber hose. It took me weeks, maybe months to get over feeling like she was cheating.”

“I never knew that. We talk almost every day and I never had a suspicion.”

“I wasn’t very proud of it.”

“You? Why would you be ashamed of that?”

“Not of that. But I wasn’t proud of myself for being in an open relationship and then having such a hard time getting comfortable with it. I didn’t want anyone to know how I was struggling.”

“You totally had me fooled. But…” Terri sat up in her chair, gazing at Callie with a look she couldn’t quite decipher. “How’d it feel the first time you slept with someone else?”

“I’ll…I’ll let you know.”

“What?” Terri sat up even straighter. “Are you saying you’ve never done it?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” It was horrible having to admit this.

“Holy God! Why not?”

“’Cause I haven’t wanted to.”

“Haven’t wanted to! You went through this whole negotiating thing. You’ve got permission!”

“I have to want to, Terri.” She smiled and batted her eyes. “I’ve had offers, but I’ve never wanted to.”

“Is Marina putting pressure on you to stay monogamous?”

“Ha! She’s told me to sleep with people in Dallas since I don’t travel. She doesn’t mind if I sleep with a neighbor or a friend. Heck, she wouldn’t care if I slept with her mother. She’s fearless. She says jealousy's for people who don’t have self-esteem.”

“She’s probably fearless because she knows you don’t want to,” Terri grumbled.

“She doesn’t know.” Callie said softly.

“What?”

“She doesn’t know. I lie to her.”

“That’s very, very strange. You’re in an open relationship, but you don’t want to use it. She lies about not sleeping with people and you lie the other way. Who’s on your list?”

“People I made up. Stop looking at me like that! Don’t worry. I’ve never said I sleep with you.”

“I’m not worried… Okay, that’s not true. I don’t want to be involved. I’d feel weird if she thought we slept together.”

“She doesn’t think that. But she’s told me that I could. She actually wonders why we don’t.”

“You’d be a big improvement over my last few mistakes, but I’ve never felt sexual towards you. You’re more like a sister.”

“Exactly. But Marina doesn’t understand that. I don’t think she likes people she isn’t attracted to.”

“That must be exhausting.” Terri sat there for a few moments, her gaze traveling past Callie’s head. “She must have an ego the size of Texas to urge you to sleep with your close friends.”

“She’s very, very confident. If I found someone I liked better, she’d be fine. She’s never had a lick of trouble finding someone new.”

“Obviously. But you’ve set this up so your girlfriend can sleep around. What’s in it for you?”

“Other than embarrassment?”

“Aww, shoot, I don’t mean to embarrass you.” Terri moved from her chair to sit on the edge of the couch where Callie lay sprawled out. “I just worry about you.”

Callie took her hands and hugged them against her body. “I know that.” She placed a kiss on Terri’s hand. “I can’t explain why it’s worked, but it has up until now. I like having time alone and she likes traveling. We don’t share enough interests to be together all of the time, and to be honest, she wants too much sex too often for me. Having some other women carry the load has been good.”

“How much does she want? I know you’ve got a very good appetite.”

“I shouldn’t tell you everything,” Callie teased, gently biting Terri’s hand.

“Too late to back out now. What’s she good for?”

“Every day. Sometimes twice. And that’d be okay, but she wants full-out, sheet-drenching sex. No quick orgasms before you fall asleep kinda sex.”

“Amazing.” Terri shook her head. “How many other women has she been with?”

“That I know of?” she asked dryly. “Not many. Four or five—besides Angela. Every time she does it, though, it calms her down for a while. She needs that escape valve. And so do I.”

“Do you think she’s a sex addict?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure that’s a real addiction, but if it is she probably has it. To get a night off, sometimes I’ll stay out late playing pool so I know she’ll be asleep when I get home.”

Terri leaned on Callie and moaned, “Why do you get too much and I don’t get any?”

“I could lend you Marina.”

“No, thanks. You’re much more my type, sis.”

Callie pulled Terri onto her and kissed every part of her face and neck that she could reach, peppering the giggling, thrashing woman with kisses. She finally stopped and they stayed just like that for a few minutes, holding each other as their racing hearts calmed. This was it. Having someone you could be yourself with. Someone you could trust your heart to. Someone you knew would never hurt you on purpose. Someone who loved you as much as you loved yourself. That was something Marina could never do. It was silly to hope for.

*

Terri had been invited to a big party, and after debating for a while, they decided to go. They got to the house fairly early, just after the snacks had been put out. Terri laughed when Callie moved a pair of chairs just behind the folding table that held cheese and crackers and corn chips and salsa and various dips.

“Come on, don’t make me look like I’m the only one eating,” Callie insisted, shoving another dip-laden cracker into her mouth.

“You are the only one who’s eating.” Terri took a chip and bit into a corner.

“You’re the only person I know who takes six bites to eat a corn chip.”

“That’s why I’m the same size I was in college.” She tilted her head back, looking down her nose. “If you don’t stop stuffing your face, you won’t be able the wear the jeans you wore yesterday.”

“You know I eat when I’m upset.”

“I know.” Terri leaned over and kissed her on the temple. “I wish you weren’t so conflicted.”

Callie purposefully piled three pieces of cheese onto a cracker. Biting into it, she shook her head. “I’m not.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not conflicted. I’m determined.”

“To do what? Other than eat all of their food.”

“To kick Marina to the curb.”