Down the Shore (17 page)

I didn't see him coming toward me, and at first I didn't even recognize him, not until I heard my name. Nick walked toward me, stumbling in the sand, holding a bottle of tequila in his left hand.

"Well, well, well. There ya are! I knew I'd find you down here.” His speech was slurred.

"I was just leaving.” I reached down to grab my flip flops, and tucked them under my arm.

"Not so fast, lille girl.” He grabbed my arm and held it tightly, too tight for me to move.

"Nick, you're drunk and you're hurting me. Let go,” I demanded.

He laughed. “You think you could just break up with me?"

"I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?” I asked. “Now let go."

"Whatcha gonna do if I don't?” He took a swig from his bottle. His right hand still had a firm grip on my arm.

I was suddenly very scared of a boy I once trusted.

"Nick, please. Just go and sleep it off, okay?” I tried peeling his fingers off me. His grip became tighter.

"It didn't have to be this way, Abby.” He shook his head.

I studied his face.

"What way, Nick? You're scaring me, let me go,” I growled. I wrenched myself away from his grip and turned to walk away. I only made it ten feet when I felt his arms grab hold of me, throwing me down into the sand.

"You're not going anywhere, not yet."

He threw himself on top of me. His body was heavy on top of mine, his lips came crushing down on my neck, my lips, feeling as if they were angry. I couldn't breathe. The tears flooded my eyes. The force of his weight, his hard mouth on mine was too much for me. I tried to force my face to turn from his, to move my leg, anything. I couldn't. I felt his hand moving up my leg, rising to my chest. I heard my shirt rip down the middle, baring my breast. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I felt like I was in a movie screaming loudly, but not able to make a sound. I struggled underneath him. For one brief moment, he opened his eyes and looked at me, he really looked at me.

"Nick, please don't do this to me. I'm begging you to stop! Please don't, not like this,” I begged, crying frantically and trying to push him away.

His hand still cupped my breast, but he looked down at me and rolled off. He lay back down in the sand next to me. “Get out of here,” he growled.

I didn't look back. I ran all the way home, my shirt falling off my shoulders, barely clinging to my body. The tears dripped into my mouth, and I tasted the saltiness of them stinging my lips. I ran blindly into the house, not looking around. My head confused, my eyes burning with tears, my heart felt as though it were breaking. I turned and slammed the bathroom door behind me.

"Abby.” I heard the frantic knocking on the door. “Abby what the hell's wrong, what's going on? What happened?"

I didn't answer.

The pounding on the door grew louder and louder.

"Abby, open the door. Now,” she insisted.

I couldn't tell her, I couldn't face her. I didn't want to see anyone.

I pursed my lips, holding my breath for one brief moment.

"I'm fine, Mac. I'll be out soon, okay?” I yelled out to her.

"You sure?” she asked.

"I'm fine, really,” I said, trying to sound convincing. “Just gonna take a bath."

I turned the water on in the bathtub and submerged my body in the water. I still had my shorts on, but I ripped the rest of my shirt off and threw it on the floor. I tried to wash away the smell of Nick that lingered on me. I could still smell his cologne all over me. I felt like I would never scrub it off. I kept filling and draining the water, and then refilling it with more soapy water. I dumped an entire bottle of my coconut shampoo into the tub, immersing my entire body and face, holding my breath as I went under.

When I stumbled back to my room, it was after three. I was afraid to fall asleep, afraid to think. Why was this happening to me? My thoughts flashed back to the time with Tommy in high school, then quickly flicked back to Nick. Was this my punishment for being the last and only eighteen year old virgin in existence? Was this the only thing that guys wanted from me? Would Colin want this from me as well? Of course, he would. He had told me before that he was a twenty year old man with desires. I knew deep down in my heart he would be the one I'd give myself to. I loved him.

I couldn't fight the late hour, and my eyes grew heavy. I closed them and tried to find some relief from my thoughts. I guess I fell asleep, and I had a different dream that night. I was sitting on a lifeguard stand, alone and scared. It was pitch black, the wind howled and with each gust I heard Colin calling my name, looking for me. I kept yelling back to him, to tell him where I was, but he never came. He couldn't find me. I sunk deeper into the dream and into the night.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt someone shaking me awake.

"Abby, wake up. Abby, are you okay?” My leg shook vigorously all on its own.

My eyes were heavy, tired.

"Mac, I can't. Not right now.” I rolled back onto my side.

"What happened to your shirt?” she asked. “Abby, your shirt. What freaking happened to it, did Colin..."

I looked at her, and there she was, holding up the evidence from last night.

I snapped, “Colin had nothing to do with this. Leave me alone,” I screamed.

I pulled the blankets back over my head, crying. I didn't want to face anyone, or talk to anyone, I just wanted to sleep. Periodically Makenna came in to check on me, making sure I was okay. I loved her for this, but I just didn't want to deal with the conversation.

It was six o'clock in the evening when I woke to the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up and saw Colin's name and number flashing at me. My head hurt; I didn't want to talk to him. I threw the phone into the corner of the room and curled up back under the blankets. I heard the phone ringing throughout the evening, but I never answered.

The beeping from my voicemail awakened me. I sprang from my bed, feeling the sudden urge to get up and go for a walk. My thoughts quickly went to Nick. Was he upstairs? Would he follow me if he saw me? What if he came down here looking for me—looking for more? I felt so alone, scared and mad all at the same time.

I looked down at my clock, and realized I had missed my shift at work, never calling in. That would explain all the calls from Colin wondering where the hell I could be. I grabbed my cell, fifteen missed calls. I hoped Makenna wouldn't tell him anything that had happened last night, about the argument, the torn shirt, my silence. I hadn't seen Colin since the morning before, but he called constantly. I never answered. I was afraid of what Colin would do to Nick if he found out. I couldn't care less if Nick died tomorrow, but Colin? No, he couldn't get in any trouble while here, or his mother would never let him come back.

I picked myself up out of bed, and knotted my hair into a pony tail. I closed my eyes for a brief second and opened the door. It was almost nine and Makenna would be coming home from work soon. I quickly jotted down a note, posting it on the fridge.

I found myself in the same old lifeguard stand again, sitting in the middle of a quiet peaceful night. The moon lit up the ocean, the stars twinkled in the sky and the water called my name. The moon bounced off the waves so playfully, inviting me in. I knew I shouldn't swim alone at night, but it was the only thing I wanted to do at that moment. I heard my mother's voice pleading in my ear. “Just wait for your father, please.” I told my mother's voice, “Not right now, Mom, please.” I walked in.

The water was beautiful. It was the middle of July and the temperature was perfect. My family would be coming down soon, and I couldn't wait to see them. I missed them. I didn't swim out too far. I lay on top of the water, floating on my back and staring up into the perfect night. The moon was huge, the stars were bright and my mind was finally free of any thoughts. Suddenly I saw a flicker of light flashing, bouncing off the water. I heard muffled voices. I froze, lying still on the water. Every thought flooded back to Nick, had he found me again?

"Is that her?” someone yelled.

"I don't know,” a girl's voice screamed. “Abby!"

I recognized Makenna's voice right away. I breathed out a sigh of relief and let the next wave pull me in. When I glanced up, Makenna and Colin both stood there with looks of relief in their eyes.

"I knew she'd be here. I told you,” Makenna barked at him.

He ran down to meet me at the water's edge. His hands were warm, forceful as he pulled me out of the water. I instantly pulled back and he released his grip.

"Abigail, what in the hell were you thinking?” Colin pleaded with me.

I looked down, and realized I was still fully dressed, soaking wet and freezing cold.

"I was just swimming,” I said, rolling my eyes.

He picked up my hand, squeezing it gently in his.

"Abigail, what's wrong?” he asked.

I was afraid to look him in the eyes—did he know about Nick? Had Makenna told him about my ripped shirt? I kept my head down.

"I can't. Not right now. I'm sorry.” I started crying, and I turned to run away. I couldn't face him, not right now. I knew I was safe with him, and that he loved me and I loved him, but it didn't feel right. I pushed my way through the deep sand until I hit the pavement.

I heard him running up behind me.

"Leave her alone, just let her go,” Makenna yelled out to him. “Trust me."

The footsteps stopped. He listened, but she didn't, quickly catching up with me. “Abby, what's wrong with you?"

I started walking faster. “Nothing.” I wanted to be safe and inside my room. As we approached the house, I spied several silhouettes in the upstairs window. I could make out some of the faces, and I didn't see Nick's. I crept up to the house, and slipped in the downstairs, hoping I was unnoticed. Makenna came in from behind, closing the door.

I peered into the refrigerator to find something to drink. There were a gallon of milk, bottles of water, soda and a six pack of beer. The choice was very easy tonight. I reached in and grabbed a beer, twisted off the cap and headed to my room. I plopped down on my bed rummaging my brain for thoughts, when I heard tapping on my window pane. The sound startled me, but then I saw Colin's face peering in at me. The fear was gone. I walked over and released the lock, opening it as wide as it would go.

"What are you doing here?” I asked.

He smiled.

"You didn't answer the fifty phone calls and Makenna wouldn't let me in, so I've stooped to peering in young ladies’ windows,” he chuckled.

I sighed heavily.

"It's not a good night.” I held on to the top of the window frame with one hand, drink in the other. He nodded toward the beer in my hand.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's not good to drink alone?” There was a brief pause. “Besides, I think ya'll thank me later,” he grinned.

I backed away from the window and he hopped inside my room. He turned around shutting the window, and fastened the lock.

"Be right back.” He kissed my forehead.

He returned quickly with a beer in each hand.

"Just in case.” He rubbed my back gently up and down. He sat down on the top of my bed and gestured for me to sit with him.

"Now, love, do you want to tell me what happened last night? Why your friend is freaking out about something, and won't tell me what it is?” he pleaded with me as he kissed the tip of my nose.

"I don't want to,” I whispered.

"Abby, please don't shut me out. It's killin’ me,” he begged.

"Could you do something for me?” I asked.

"Anything, you know that.” He was firm in his response.

"Could you just stay with me?” I looked up from my feet that I had been staring at for the last five minutes. “Not leave, just stay? No questions.” I bit down on my lip.

He placed his drink down on the nightstand, laid me gently down on the bed next to him and held me as tightly as he could. He never let go of me as I cried myself to sleep. It almost felt silly, too little-girlish, but I didn't care.

It was early, and the sun came in through the window when I awoke. My eyes were still sore from crying the night before. I felt Colin's arms tightly wrapped around me. I felt warm, but what was more important was that I felt safe. I tried pretending I was still asleep, but the goosebumps on my arm gave me away. He tenderly caressed my arm from the shoulder down to my fingertips—up and down, down and back up.

He breathed in deeply before speaking.

"Are you all right, Abigail?” he whispered in my ear.

I looked up into his beautiful brown eyes. I realized the pain and confusion I was causing him.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry if you were worried. That was stupid of me...” I paused trying to think of something to say “...to go swimming like that.” I frowned.

He tucked the hair behind my ear.

"Yes, it was, but that's not what I'm talking about.” He spoke quietly in my ear.

I closed my eyes, and leaned in, tucking my head under his neck. “It was nothing, really,” I said under my breath.

"Abigail,” he said, as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Don't make me ask Makenna. I want to hear it from you, not her. The truth.” He pulled me back from him searching my face.

"No. I don't want to talk about it, okay,” I said in an uneven voice.

He pulled himself up off the bed, bent down and he kissed my forehead.

"Be right back, stay here,” he winked.

I heard their voices in the kitchen, and they were getting louder. I slid off the bed and started walking toward them.

"Are you going to tell me what happened to Abigail, or do I need to go upstairs?” he growled.

"He's already gone. There is nothing you can do.” Makenna snapped back at him.

He scoffed, “What do you mean ‘he's gone'? Gone where?"

She shrugged her shoulders, “Don't know. Anthony told me he left the other night. He wouldn't tell me why. I didn't push. I sort of understood why,” she confessed.

He whispered under his breath “Did he...y'know?” I thought he must be cringing at the thought.

"I'm not sure. She won't even talk to me about it. I just know her shirt was ripped,” she murmured.