Down to the Bone (33 page)

We sit on two rocking chairs and talk a while about his obsession with the gym. “It releases all my tension and I can sleep like a baby.
Pero, mijita
, let me tell you,” he waves a hand and snaps his fingers twice, “that’s where I found Javier, my man.” I crack up so loudly, Mami rushes out to us. Tony immediately controls himself.

“Act natural,” I whisper, “unless you’re ready to tell the truth.”

Mami makes the sign of the cross on her chest. “
Uy, Dios mío
. You see? What did I tell you, Tony? I knew you were meant for each other.”

“Mami, cut it out.” She’s embarrassing me.

Tony starts talking so manly, he sounds as though he took a testosterone shot and is about to sprout hairs on his chest and back. His back is straight. His hands are crossed over his chest, and he speaks in a particularly husky voice.

“You were right, Marisol; Shai is an absolute dream. She’s so ravishing, she should be a model.”

“
Uy, mijo
, I’ve told her that a
mill
ion times, but you think she listens? She has to do what
she
wants.”

We hang around talking about Mami’s and Tony’s parents’ friends for a while.

Tony checks his watch. “Goodness. I have a dinner engagement. I have twenty minutes to get there.” I can tell he made a fake excuse. He can see I’ll never change my mind.

We kiss him goodbye, and Mami invites him back soon. She walks into the elevator with him. I hear the elevator going down, then coming up again.

Mami comes indoors smiling wide. “That’s the boy I want you to one day marry. I’ve known him since he was little. He’s grown into a respectable young man. He’s a great guy, and he comes from a decent, moral and respectable family.”

I gulp hard, take a deep breath and let it out. “Please listen and try to understand. I’m never going to get married to a man, Mami.” Next I tell her how much I hurt London. Then I finally say, “I’m dating a girl named Gisela.”

“¡Ave María Purísima!”
She walks into her bedroom with tears streaming down her face, and plunks on her bed. “What have I done to deserve a daughter like this?”

I stand next to the edge of her bed. “No, what have
I
done to deserve
you
?”

“I’m the
best
mother in the world.” She bawls. “I had you go to an expensive private school even if it meant working till two in the morning. I took on three jobs just to put food on the table after your father died. I’ve never thought one minute about myself, only about you and your brother. You’re the worst daughter in the world. An ingrate.” She blows her nose with a tissue paper.

“The worst?” I pace the floor of her bedroom. All the memories of her throwing me out of the house fly back to me. “After you found out about my being with another girl, you never, ever cared about me. You kicked me out just because I was in love with her.”

“Don’t talk to me about those X-rated texts! Any mother would have been horrified.”

I shut my eyes really tightly. “I tried to fall in love with London just so you’d love me. That’s not right.” I repeat, “I can marry a girl and have kids with her. You can still be a grandmother.”

“¡Ay, Dios mío!
Why me? How could I have given birth to such a horrible daughter?”

“Horrible?” My voice quivers. “Mami, Mami. I’m your daughter. Why are you being so cruel? All you do is hurt me and hurt me. You have to stop.”

She turns to me with such rage in her face I’m afraid she’s going to slap me. “You’re sick and disgusting.”

“No, I’m not! I’m going to start supplicating to Santa Barbara so she’ll turn
you
gay. How do you like
that
?”

“Shhh. The neighbors.” She rushes to close the sliding doors.

I calm down. “I’ve always wanted a mother to understand and support me. But you just can’t do it, can you?”

“No. I’ll never support that. Two girls together disturbs me. That Soli is probably gay too, right?”

“Soli’s
not
gay. I’ve already told you. You’ve never given Viva or Soli a chance. They
love
me. You don’t
love
me. Admit it. If I were straight you’d love me.” I’m talking right in her face but she’s looking away. “Viva said I was born ‘different’ and that means great and she loves me no matter what.”

“Don’t talk to me about deranged people. Viva’s insane. You’re going to take me to my grave.”

“Mami, I don’t want you to suffer. And I don’t want to feel any more pain. Let’s stop this. Why can’t you just accept me and love me for who I am? I’m a good person with good feelings. Why don’t you love me, Mami, why?”

She softens up. “I love you too much, Shai, that’s why I need you to change. You were never gay before that degenerate girl came into your life and lured you into another lifestyle. Change so you can come back and we can have a normal family life like we used to. I miss you.”

“I’ve already tried, Mami. It’s your turn now. Please, at least
try
to accept me.”

“I can’t. I don’t understand how someone like you came out of me. I’m embarrassed about you, Shai. I can’t have you being a
tortillera
in this house. I just can’t. It’s the grossest thing I can ever imagine. Two girls together makes me want to throw up.” Mami walks to the door and swings it open. “When you get back to your old self, you can come back.”

Standing at the door, I gather all the courage I possibly can and I muster, “I love you, Mami. I always have. If you can’t accept me, that’s your problem, but you can’t stop me from seeing Pedri again. If you don’t allow me in here to see him, or take him out, I’ll tell Jaime the real reason you threw me out of the house.”

“¡Ay, Dios Mío!
You’re going to kill me. Jaime better never, ever, ever find out.”

I take a deep breath and calm myself. “Then that’s your deal. I see Pedri, or I tell the world the reason why. I won’t live a lie any more, Mami.”

23—Sex Goddess & Lezzie Nun

I rush home from my mother’s and fling the back sliding doors of Viva’s house open. The smells of roasted pork and
cebollitas
saturate the yard. Gabriel is hanging out with his usual bunch of adorable
viejito
friends, barbecuing, playing dominoes, and listening to
son
music. Viva and her incredible open-minded metaphysical girlfriends are playing canasta, an old Cuban card game.

“
¡Hola!
” I boom.

Everyone bursts out singing, “Happy bird-day to you . . .”

Viva rushes to me with opened arms and gives me a bunch of
besitos
on my cheeks. “Happy bird-day, Shylita!”

Neruda and Sai Moomi—the fatty bulldog mutt I gave Viva for her b-day—leap up and down, barking.

Tazer, Elicia, Jaylene and Rosa greet me with hugs and good wishes. “Gisela’s on her way,” Jaylene lets me know. “They kept her at work longer than expected.”

We’re all talking about what happened with my mom when Soli and Diego walk outdoors. “Sorry we didn’t make it on time. Traffic was terrible.” She rushes to me. “Happy B-day, Shyly!” She spreads her arms around me. I’m surprised she’s not with Paublo.

“Wazzz shakin’, little bird.” Diego lands a soft kiss on my forehead.

I fling my arms around him. “Hey! I’ve missed you. So glad you could make it.”

Viva lifts in the air a lopsided white frosting cake with chunks of pineapples, shaved coconut and cherries. “The first cake I ever make and it be organic. For Shylita
la mariposita!
”

I blow out the candles and make a secret wish.
I hope Mami one day accepts me, and Gisela and I keep getting along great.

Gabriel starts serving slices of cake on paper plates to everyone lined up in front of the picnic table.

While everybody talks fast and gesticulates, as most Cubans do, I whisper into Viva’s ear with a mouthful of the moistest cake I’ve ever tasted, “Hey, don’t forget to use condoms.” I love to bother her.

She slaps my hand. “
Ay
, Shylita, you is such a pain in thee butt. You know I is decent. Me no hooking up with Gabriel until we is married.”

I lick my fingers. “Mmmm. This is so yummy.” I sniff her. “Are you becoming a chef behind my back? You smell like garlic and chocolate.”

“No. I is getting a cold so I eat raw garlic and blow-dry my nose with your hair blower.” Her belly bulges out and so does her butt. She’s on a diet and promised everyone she’d stop eating chocolate, her passionate addiction. She swears up and down and all around, “Me don’t eat no chocolates.”

Neruda paws her and a
turrón de chocolate
wrapper flies out of her dress pocket.

“Oh, and what’s
this
, a salami sandwich?”

She grabs it from me, throws her head back, and shows all her tiny teeth when she laughs, just like Neruda.

With a swing of the hand, I call Soli to me. I need to talk to her in private. We run indoors.

I wrap my arms around her. “I’ve missed you
so
much! I couldn’t
wait
till you got back home.” We’ve texted a lot but it’s not the same. I’ve never been so happy to see her.

“Shylypop, you on drugs or what?”

I’m out of breath. “Wass up with you and Diego? What happened to Paublo? I thought you guys were in the Keys together?”

She fidgets with her nose ring. “I kept a secret from you. I knew it would make you happy when you found out.” She delves in. “I left early from Papaya’s that night. I knew London was going to give you a promise ring and want a committed relationship with you. I needed so badly for you to say no. I couldn’t bear thinking you’d marry him. As Paublo and I were leaving for Key West, we bumped into Diego. I couldn’t stop talking to him. Before I knew it, Paublo left me there.”

“So what
else
could you do but vacation with Diego, right, Hootchi Momma?”

“That’s the
best
luck I’ve ever had! Diego and me got to talking. He broke it off because I wasn’t serious about him. He said I have too many guys after me and I didn’t treat him special.” She tilts her head. “He sure was right, Shylypop. I kind of took him for granted. I don’t ever want to lose him again.”

I’ve never heard Soli being so emotional about a guy. I hug her. “I’m so psyched, Soli. It’s about time you find someone you really love; it’s such a great feeling.”

“Here.” She hands me a gorgeous purple photo album decorated with colorful dried flowers. “Mima and I made it before I left for the Keys. I have it on CD, but you know how old-fashioned she is. Mima thought it would look prettier as a real gift.”

“It’s so beautiful!”

They’d arranged our elementary school pics in order. I leaf through pages of us making funny faces, my pulling on her pigtails, and sticking my tongue out behind her back. Memories of sweet times fill my mind.

“Catholic school warped our brains, Shyly. Look at us now. I’m a sex goddess and you’re a lezzie nun who was thinking of marrying a guy.”

She never ceases to make me laugh. I can’t
wait
to tell her what I’ve been dying to say.

I squeeze her to me. “This is the
best
birthday present ever.” I take off one of the silver bracelets Papi gave me for my seventh birthday and hand it to her. “Just never lose it.”

“What’s gotten into you, Shyly?” Her smile radiates as she places it on her wrist. “I’ll keep it forever. I know it’s special.” She looks smack into my eyes. “So, did you hook up with Gisela that night? That would be am
a
zing news.” She snaps off her nose ring with a wild-eyed expression and places it in her dress pocket.

“I’ll tell you later.”

Dark clouds roll in and everyone rushes into the back porch. Thunder rumbles loudly and rain starts to pour. I go around opening all the windows. The electricity shuts off momentarily, along with Gabriel’s music. All you can hear are hard raindrops,
tipi-tap-tipi-tap
, and Chuchito, our next-door neighbor’s parrot, shrieking, “Happy bird-day to you!”

“Tell me
now
!”

With a huge smile plastered on my face, I fumble around the CD rack for a specific tune from the dramatic drag queen, Ambrosia, and stick it into our CD player. I take a brush from the coffee table, hold it over my mouth like a microphone, and sing along to an archaic song, while waving one hand in the air:

“Is it love or lust?/Or, is it just . . . /Another girl I text?”

Something inside me suddenly snaps, and I can’t hold it in any longer. If I don’t say it, I’ll explode.

I leap up, throw my head back, and trumpet over the song, “I’m dating Gisela! I told my mom about it! I’m going to be with whoever I want from now on.” I lift Soli up in the air and swing her around. “You know how much I hate labels. But Gisela makes me feel as if I want to shout ‘I’m a homo, dyko, lesbo! I’m a
tortillera
!’”

“Wahooo! You finally came to your senses, Shyly.”

The thump-thump of the rhythmic beat and the raucous stream of wild music sets Soli dancing, showing off her bouncy butt and fly moves.

Everyone comes around us and claps to the beat.

I pull Soli to me, spin her around and around, then let her loose. I swirl and twirl, like a vertigo machine. I take hold of her and steer her.

Soli follows the swinging motion of my body. “Tell me
every
thing that happened while I was gone.” Her teeny, perfectly lined-up dreads are bouncing all over the place. “I’m glad you told your mom. What did she say? I guess this means you had sex with, er . . . I mean, made love with Gisela, right, or are you just dating?” She can’t stop asking me questions. “Tell me! Tell me all the juicy details.”

I stay quiet. I
love
to keep her in suspense.

Everyone starts dancing. Nerudi and Sai Moomi run around us in circles, barking,
grrraaawwff-oof!

I don’t say a word until Gisela knocks. Finally, the moment I was waiting for.

“Come in!” I yell. She walks in, and I throw my arms around her and kiss her lips. We smother each other’s faces with kisses. “I could hardly wait to see you again.”