Drives Like a Dream (34 page)

Davy finally broke the tension. "It's nice," he said, getting out of the car.

Ivan followed him up the steps.

"And I like those trees in the front," Davy added. "What do you think, Jess?"

She stood on the sidewalk looking as if the short flight of steps were a mountain she wasn't about to climb. "Looks small."

Lydia stepped onto the porch. "It goes a ways back."

Ivan pulled on the door handle. The house was locked. He and Davy peered into the windows. "Good floors. High ceilings."

They stepped aside as Jessica made her way up to look. "I thought you said the house got a lot of light."

"It does, honey, the studio in particular."

"Are you sure you're
both
going to fit in there?" Jessica asked, almost contemptuously. She had her back turned. Still the emphasis on the word
both
was undeniable.

"So. There's something I've been meaning to tell you all." Lydia spoke quickly; any delay might make her lose her nerve. "Maybe we can sit down and talk before the realtor arrives."

Jessica turned around and took a deep breath, almost as if she were the one about to make a confession. She glanced at Lydia, a look that seemed to tell her that she already knew—then joined her brothers on the steps. Ivan and Davy, like patients in a waiting room, looked guarded.

Lydia sat down next to them. "I'm buying this house," she announced. "
I'm
buying this house," she repeated. "Just me."

The kids didn't say a word. Again she knew she could save the story, tell them that she'd had a terrible fight with Norm and hadn't had the courage to admit that the relationship was not working out. She could say she'd been furious when he'd shown up at the yard sale, that she'd set off the alarm in a frustrated rage.

"Jessica, when I told you that I'd met a man—you seemed so incredulous that I could meet someone new. I wanted to prove you wrong." Lydia noticed that Davy had dark circles under his eyes. Ivan's mouth was turned down. "I know that I told you I'd made an instant connection with Norm, that we planned to move in together, and then that we were thinking of getting married. I said he'd done a great amount of work to make the house look better than it ever has."

She fixed her eyes on Jessica, and recalled something M.J. had said about children being mirrors for their parents. When Lydia had looked at her kids growing up, she saw her own reflection and when they left she had felt diminished. But now when she looked at her daughter she didn't see herself anymore, only someone who shared a certain resemblance.

"Norm did none of that work," Lydia continued. "He's never even been inside the house. I hired a handyman—Chickie Paterakis, the guy who bought the Nomad—he did all the fix-up." Jessica nodded and looked at her brothers, and Lydia was suddenly sure that they'd all figured it out. "So you know already?" she asked. "How long have you known?"

But they wouldn't answer her question. This time not even Ivan would help her. His face had turned sharp and expectant. "Go on," Jessica said.

"I met him at the museum the day of your father's wedding," Lydia continued, and went into the whole story, from the message board to the e-mails to the disastrous date. "I left him in the Renaissance Center. That was the day I called you, Jess."

"But why?" Her daughter looked caught between anger and bewilderment. "Why did you do it?"

She thought of telling them what M.J. had said about her father's betrayal of Tucker, and the letter she had found. But now was not the time—she would tell them that story later—because there was no point in blaming M.J. or Norm or Cy or anyone else for something she herself had done. "My excuse was loneliness, I guess. I've missed you all more than you can understand. And when I saw that my lie might bring you back home, well, it was hard to stop." She realized then that she had gotten her life back, only a different one than she'd imagined.

"What about
us?
" Jessica asked.

"Remember at the orphaned-car museum when you put your hands over my eyes and said, 'Emergency rescue'? That was the best I'd felt in a long time, just knowing that you all came to get me. I know I told you I was desolate here, and I'm sure I made you feel awful about it," she said. "I went too far. I don't know what else I can say."

"You went way too far." Ivan shook his head. "I've never known you to lie before, Mom. Can you imagine if we pulled a stunt like this with you?"

Lydia wondered how, after today, she would ever regain their trust. How could they see her the same way when she had staged this elaborate drama and made them unwitting players? "I would never do anything like this again."

Ivan looked defeated.

Davy stood up and walked down the steps. "I don't know what we did wrong, but it must have been something."

"No, it wasn't your fault."

Jessica grabbed Davy's hand, led him back to the steps, where they both sat down. "What I want to know is what you were afraid of," she said. "Did you think that after Dad left we were just going to write off the whole family?"

"I worried that the next time you all came home to pack up the house and go through our stuff, I might not be here. I saw you so seldom, and I'm not trying to be dramatic this time, but I didn't want what happened to my mother to happen to any of you. I thought we could go through the boxes together and settle estates. I know I've been difficult. Particularly with you, Jess."

Nobody said a word for several minutes. Then a breeze blew in, scattering leaves and blossoms across the yard.

Ivan tilted forward to see the trees rustling above them.

"Look at the balloons," Jessica said, nodding toward the
OPEN HOUSE
sign. The balloons leaned to the right, then snapped up and back as the wind shifted.

"That's July in Michigan," Davy said.

Lydia was grateful that the talk had turned to something so simple as the weather. It seemed a good place to start.

The kids stood up, and as Lydia rose to join them the realtor came up the steps.

"What a picture," she exclaimed, adjusting her sunburst brooch. "The whole family out on the porch."

She shook everyone's hands and took out a huge ring of keys from her purse. Jessica, Ivan, and Davy huddled behind their mother as the realtor tried different keys in the lock. At last the deadbolt clicked, the door opened, and Lydia stepped into her new, empty house.