Driving Force (25 page)

“Anyway, if you ever need anything, you just have to ask me, okay?” she said quickly. “Or Ian. He’ll help too.”

He looked toward Ian, talking to Gregor by the door. “He is leopard.”

“Does that make him less honorable?” she asked sharply.

“No, he has honor,” he said sadly, then frowned a little. “Why did you kill Eliara with that distance weapon?”

A little surprised by this apparent non sequitur, she said simply, “Ian and Arrhan were fighting and she attacked as well. Two against one is not honorable in my eyes. I couldn’t let Ian be killed, so I shot her.”

“She should not have attacked,” he agreed. “It was not honorable. You had reason to challenge and no way to match her without the distance weapon. So you do not lose honor for having used it.”

“That’s why you asked, huh?” She rubbed her forehead. “This honor thing is giving me a headache. It seems to get very complicated.”

“Not so. He is your bedmate. You would have lost honor had you not defended him against a double attack.”

Sierra’s whole face flamed. “B-bed…”

He gave her a perplexed stare. “It disturbs you to be known to have honor?”

“The bedmates part is what disturbs me! Is it so obvious?”

“Yes, of course. His scent is all over you.”

“
What?
”

“You smell of each other all the time.”

“Oh my God! You mean all you Shifters know…?”

“Is something the matter, Sierra?” Ian asked, suddenly at her side. Gregor was right behind him, glowering at Kihain.

“I do not know what I did wrong,” Kihain said hurriedly and defensively. “I only said that the two of you smell of each other. Of course a bedded pair would be scent-marked. But she did not take it well.”

Gregor choked, then started to laugh. Sierra went hot all over. She glared at Ian.

“Do you mean to tell me that every Shifter around knows we’re sleeping together?” she demanded furiously.

“I’m afraid so, Sierra.” Ian wasn’t laughing openly, but sudden creases slashed down his cheeks in amusement.

“Did they not wish it to be known?” Kihain asked Gregor in a lowered voice. “But how can one avoid it?”

“One can’t. Come on.” Grinning, Gregor jerked a thumb toward the barn. “It’s a human thing. I’ll explain it to you later.”

“I’m never going to live this down,” muttered Sierra as they went, covering her hot face with her hands.

Ian was unable to hold back a chuckle. Then he squatted down on his heels in front of her and took her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face.

“Sierra, the whole town already thinks we’re involved.”

“Yes, but they don’t
know
it. All the Shifters do. It’s embarrassing! And that we smell of each other is so damn personal!”

“Guess it is,” he agreed, straight-faced.

“Must you be so reasonable?” Then she giggled involuntarily, her sense of humor finally surfacing through her embarrassment. “I suppose it is funny.”

“Animals have a heightened sense of smell, remember? Why do you think pet cats rub against your legs or push their faces against yours? They’re scent-marking you, telling the world you belong to them. Shifters don’t have a lot of your human hang-ups about sex and it doesn’t bother us that everyone knows who’s sleeping with whom. That scent-marking in ordinary felines is to warn any rival who might be thinking of making a move that he’d better be ready to fight for the privilege. Works the same with us.”

She gave him a sideways glance under her lashes. “Would you fight if some other guy tried to put the moves on me?”

“Think I wouldn’t? Don’t fool yourself, sweet. I nearly ripped that Peter wimp of yours into shreds back on your prom night.” He gave her a dangerous smile that showed all his teeth when her eyes widened in shock. “Only thing that kept him alive was that you chose to be with him.”

“Ian…”

“I wanted you then. I want you now. If you don’t want me anymore, tell me. I’ll go. But until then, anyone who tries to move in on you is looking for big trouble.”

“Are you implying that I belong to you?” It was a scarily exciting thought.

“No.” A flicker of something that looked like pain flashed through his eyes. “You’re not mine, Sierra. I know that. But for what it’s worth, I’m yours.”

She flinched. That was so much what she wanted that she didn’t dare believe in it.

“For now,” she said, because otherwise it didn’t make any sense at all.

“For now,” he agreed expressionlessly. “That’s the way you want it, isn’t it?”

His face was turned up to her as he crouched at her feet. She should have been able to read it. But the hard, beautiful planes were resistant and uncommunicative, and his eyes were shuttered. He had distanced himself once again.

One corner of his mouth twisted upward mockingly. “What am I to you, Sierra? Just sensation?”

Her lips tightened in exasperation and anger. He kept making it seem as if all this was her fault when it wasn’t. It was his.

“All those Shifter females,” she flung back. “Wasn’t it just sensation with them? Don’t ask more of me than that!”

“Have I ever demanded anything more of you than you are prepared to give?” he retorted quietly and rose to his feet.

Leaving her feeling inexplicably guilty yet again. Sierra bit her lip.

Kurt and Abel had worked out an organized search pattern and Ian went to help the Lowes with that. Once more, the sheer size of the ground they had to cover defeated them and he came back tired and irritable that evening.

“It’s futile,” he muttered as she kept him company while he ate the meal Annie had left for him. “Even Nick is starting to understand that it’s impossible to catch a clever and fast-moving quarry in an area this large. Arrhan’s a cool customer. He hasn’t made a mistake yet. He’s doing all the things I would if I were in his shoes.”

“Why not just take a defensive position and wait him out?” Sierra asked.

“And have more attacks like the last one coming at us out of the blue when we’re least expecting it? Whatever he and that mage think up next might work. If only there was a way to trap him,” he said, staring into space.

“Not with yourself as bait!” she said sharply and caught the betraying glance he shot her. “No, Ian! You’ll only get yourself killed. He won’t put himself at risk for either of us. He’d just send a bunch of his thugs. The only reason he’d step out of cover himself would be to fight Kurt. The Lowe pride would never let that happen because it would be such an easy victory for Arrhan.”

Ian nodded. “And how much you wanna bet he’d cheat even then?”

He was probably right. Arrhan had too much riding on it to fight fair.

“Think about it tomorrow,” she said firmly.

“Yeah,” he groaned, pushing his empty plate away and rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about nothing else all day. Feel like a hamster on its wheel, chasing around and around and getting nowhere.”

Sierra got up and came around behind him. “You’re all knotted up.”

Under her hands, his shoulders were as rigid as iron. She felt him stiffen, then when she began to knead his muscles, he sighed and leaned back against her.

“That feels good.”

“So relax.”

She massaged his shoulders and the cords of his neck, finally felt the tension begin to run out of him. He tipped his head back between her breasts, his eyes closed.

“You’ve got great hands.”

“Then why don’t you like me to touch you?” she said under her breath and felt him go suddenly still.

“Oh, I like it. It’s the backlash I don’t like. Like yanking on an elastic band. Hurts like a bitch when it snaps back.” He was laughing, but the laughter had an edge to it.

“Ian…”

“That one step forward, two back is starting to get to me.” He took her forearm and drew her gently but firmly to one side, then pushed back his chair and rose. “Gonna go take a shower. Wanna come scrub my back?”

This time it was mockery, not affectionate teasing. Not the laughing invitation that it had been before, but a derisive sending up of the inhibitions she was never able to completely discard.

Well, why not?
she thought, watching him head upstairs.
He can’t stop me touching him if I’m scrubbing his back.
They had reached some kind of unspoken impasse and she had to find a way to break it.

She rinsed off the plates and cutlery he had used and put them into the dishwasher. Then she went after him.

The bathroom door was closed when she got to her bedroom, but she could hear water running in the shower. She stripped off quickly, gathered up her courage, then walked naked into the bathroom. Ian looked around in surprise as she opened the shower door and stepped in. The shower stall was spacious—there was plenty of room for two.

“Well, you did invite me,” she said as his eyes widened. “Or have you changed your mind?”

He looked her over from head to toe with a mocking, lazy relish that brought the hot color up into her face. But the way his eyes darkened and began to smolder gave her hope that it was just a cover-up and he was more vulnerable to her than he wanted to reveal.

The corners of his mouth twitched in wry amusement. “Getting brave, are you?”

“Yes, I think I am,” she said seriously and held out her hand for the soap. “Turn around.”

He handed the soap to her, then obediently turned his back. She reached up and ran the soap over his shoulders. He tensed at the touch.

“What brought this on?” he asked.

“I missed you.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere.”

She soaped his right shoulder blade and with her free hand rubbed the suds in. His body tightened even more and she could feel him pulling away into himself, even though he hadn’t physically moved from his place in front of her.

“Yes, you have,” she said. “You go away. Into your head somewhere where I can’t reach you. You’re doing it right now.”

“It’s safer. Isn’t that what you say? Isn’t that what you do?” His voice was suddenly hard with repressed anger. “Go away behind that wall of yours where I can’t reach you even when I’m inside you?”

She ran the bar of soap from side to side over his back, working her way down from his wide shoulders to his narrow waist and lean hips. His taut buttocks clenched under the slide of her hands.

“You’re right,” she said. “I’ve been doing that. Shutting you out. And now you’ve shown me what that feels like.”

She heard the little sharp catch of his breath. He turned quickly to face her.

“I didn’t mean to shut you out.”

“I know. You were protecting yourself. The same way I was protecting myself.” She bit her lip. “I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, Ian, but I keep doing it.”

He caught her face in his hands and kissed her hard. She clung to him, her arms fierce around his waist.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said against her mouth. “Just come halfway. Only halfway, Sierra. That’s all I’m asking.”

She laughed shakily. “I’m way past that point, Ian.”

“Mouse!”

“Oh, I’ve missed you calling me that!”

He looked startled. “Haven’t I been?”

“Not for a while.”

“That’s what you are, even when I don’t say it. My fierce, shy, wary, unpredictable, crazy little Mouse.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Start again?”

“Yes.” She laughed painfully. “We keep starting again. And then I do something to spoil it. Because it’s me, isn’t it? I’m the one who keeps pulling back. Why do you put up with it?”

“I have no choice.” His eyes were dark and very intense, no longer guarded and remote. “Listen to me, Sierra. Just for once, hear me. I’ll always want you. There’s a lot that stands between us. What I am. The nature of the beast. But I’ll always want you to be with me. You’ll be the one to walk away, not me.”

“No.” She shook her head emphatically.

“Oh, yes. You will. One day. I know that.”

“You’re the one who…”

“Am I? Why don’t you try to see me instead of that rep of mine?”

Because she was afraid to. She just looked at him in silence, wide-eyed.

“The choice to stay or go is yours, Sierra. It always has been.”

She wanted to believe that. So much.

“I’ll just have to prove it to you, won’t I?” he said. “That I can’t bear to be without you.”

All her breath left her. “Ian…”

“Trust me, Mouse. Just a little.”

She leaned against him helplessly. “I do. More than a little.”

His arms tightened around her. “Well, that’s something. Maybe we don’t have that far to go.”

“Maybe not.”

He bent and kissed her softly, mouth and eyes and throat, his lips gliding all over her face. Her hands flattened on his waist, slid down over his narrow hips. She could feel his cock begin to swell and thicken against her belly.

“And in the meantime we can play, can’t we?” he murmured. “This is the first time you’ve joined me in the shower. I don’t want to waste the opportunity. Where’s that soap?”