Early Spring 01 Broken Flower (8 page)

"I have to be sure we have enough," she said.
I looked at Ian. He wasn't supposed to know.
"'What do we need from Dr. Dell'Acqua?" he asked, winking at me first.
Daddy and Mama looked at each other, and then Mama turned and said, "Something I need. Nothing to worry about, Ian,"
"Good," Ian said. He smiled to himself and looked out the window all the way to the restaurant.
At the restaurant, my parents gave me my present. It was a gold locket on a gold chain. Inside there was a picture of two babies. At first I thought it was Ian and I. but my mother surprised me by telling me it was her baby picture and Daddy's.
"We thought that would be something you might cherish,'" she said.
Ian inspected it and nodded his approval like a jewelry expert. Then he helped me put it on, fastening the clasp. I ran my hand over it and smiled at how wonderful it made me feel to have both my parents close to my heart, always.
Our dinner was great fun. The chef tossed the food in the air and did wonders with his knives. He built a volcano out of onions and it puffed with a small explosion that brought cheers and applause. Afterward, the restaurant brought out a small birthday cake for me with seven candles, and everyone, including waiters and waitresses, sang "Happy Birthday" to me. Even Ian sang, and loudly, too. I thought it had been the best birthday party I had ever had. Maybe if Grandmother Emma had come, she would have been pleasantly surprised. I thought.
On the way home Daddy wanted to stop at his supermarket to check on the night floor manager. The market was open twenty-four hours and he had three floor managers now for three different shifts. We were going to wait in the car, but he took so long. Mama act out and went in to see what was happening. When she came out with him, she didn't look happy anymore.
They both got into the car without speaking.
"When did you hire her?" Mama asked as Daddy pulled away from the market.
"Just a few weeks ago," he said.
"What qualifies her to be the manager of a supermarket, Christopher?"
"She's had a great deal of experience in the business world. After she left Bethlehem, she ran a department store in Philadelphia for nearly a year."
"And why did she leave Philadelphia? Was she fired?"
"No, no. She hated living in the city. Why are you so disturbed about it?"
Mama looked at him, looked straight ahead and then out the side window. I didn't think she would say anything else. Both Ian and
I
were fixed on each and every word.
"You have to be kidding," she finally said.
Daddy was quiet until we drew closer to Grandmother Emma's house. Then he turned to Mama and said, "It's just business, nothing else. Caroline. Don't read anything into it."
"I don't care," Mama said. "Do what you want." She turned away, but I could see she was wiping some tears before they could make much of an appearance.
What had happened to make her cry?
Grandmother Emma was up in her bedroom by the time we arrived. The house was very quiet and Mama didn't look like she cared to say another word to anyone. We all went upstairs. Shortly afterward, Mama came in to wish me a happy birthday one more time. I was already in my pajamas and crawling into my bed, still thinking about how sad she had become after we had stopped at the supermarket.
"Why were you crying in the car?" I asked her.
"Adult talk, honey. Don't worry about it," she said. "Happy birthday and many, many more." She kissed my cheek, fixed the blanket, and left, switching off my light.
I really wasn't tired. I thought I would be, but my mind wouldn't stop twirling and spinning, thinking about the events of the whole exhausting day. I remembered my present from Ian and got out of bed to take it out of the toy chest. Then I went back to bed, switched on my night lamp, and slowly turned the pages. The girl in the book was older than I was. She had just had her twelfth birthday and had all sorts of questions about herself. I skipped ahead.
I couldn't help looking at the tadpoles. I wondered if females felt them swimming around inside them. How long did they swim? Where did they go if and when they missed the egg? There was so much to know. Would the book tell me everything?
A whole new world had suddenly opened in front of me just because things had happened in my body that weren't supposed to happen for a while yet, maybe for years and years.
Why did Grandmother Emma say I would break hearts and what did she mean when she told my parents to gird their loins? Would that be in the book? Why was Mama angry about a new floor manager? How could that be adult talk? Did Ian know the answers? How was I supposed to fall asleep ever again with all this bouncing about in my head?
I finally did though. The words and pictures grew fuzzier and fuzzier until I couldn't keep my eyelids from shutting. I fell asleep with the book opened and sprawled over me, which was a big mistake because Mama was in my room before I woke up and found it. I felt her lift it off me and look at it.
"Where did you get this?" she asked as I opened my eyes and sat up. "Jordan?"
Now Ian was going to be angry at me. I thought. I ruined a secret and I had made him a promise, taken an oath. He would stop coming about me again. Could I lie?
"I found it," I said.
She smirked. "Jordan. I asked you a question. I know this book was nowhere in this house. I want an honest answer."
I started to cry. "I wasn't supposed to tell you," I said.
She stared, her eyes brightening. "Ian," she said. "Did he give you this? Jordan?"
My answer was written on my face.
"Why did he give you this? How did he find out about you? Did you tell him?"
"He heard about me going to see Dr.
Dell'Acqua and he wanted to know why." I was determined not to tell her anything more about his research and all his "Holy schmolies." "I promised I wouldn't tell you he knew. Now he's going to be mad at me."
She thought a moment. The fear left her face and her body relaxed. Then she smiled. "It's all right. I shouldn't have kept it from him anyway. If anyone in this house is mature enough to understand what's going on, it's Ian. I'll speak to him. He won't be angry at you for telling me. In fact," she said, turning the pages and looking at the pictures and information in the book, "this was a very smart thing for him to do for you."
"It's my birthday present from him," I said.
"Your birthday present?" She looked sad again. "Yes, it's a nice birthday present, only I wish it had been years from now," she muttered.
She looked around my room and pressed her lips together. Then she said a strange thing, whispered it as if she wasn't sure she wanted me to hear it.
"It's this house. Everything changed once we moved here."
She realized I heard her and quickly smiled again. "It's all right, honey. Everything will be all right," she said, and kissed me. "Go on and get up and dressed. There's lots to do before we leave for the lake."
I couldn't help but think about what she had said about the house. Was it true?
She left me listening for the whispering I now thought she surely heard as well.

Mama did talk to Ian and complimented him on his intelligent birthday present. She explained why she didn't want anyone else to know just yet. However, he wasn't entirely pleased. When he came to my room
I
had just finished getting dressed. As soon as he came in. I could tell from the expression on his face that he was upset with me and surely thought I had violated our oath.

"I fell asleep with the book on me," I moaned before he could utter a complaint. "Mama came into my room and found it. I didn't show it to her. She made me tell her how
I
got it, Ian. I swear.

He grimaced. I had still disappointed him. "You can see how important it is to always think first and act second, Jordan. I know you didn't want to break our oath, but there will still be things we'll do that Ed rather we kept secret between us. I'm making you my special project. Jordan," he added to impress me. "I'll still do other things, but you will be the most important. I will call it my Sister Project, okay?"

She had gone to the drugstore to get the medicine Dr. Dell'Acqua had ordered for me. It was a nasal spray and I was to use it every morning. I had to spray twice into each nostril. Mama said she would be sure to remind me and help me do it. Later, Ian came in to see what it was. He copied down the name and quickly returned to his computer to find out
everything he could. A little more than an hour later, he came back into my room to report to me.

"The doctor is obviously diagnosing your condition as central precocious puberty," he said. "It just means you're having what's normal too early in your life, so don't worry about getting cancer or a heart attack or anything like that," he told me.

I hadn't even thought of those things. Could that have happened to me?
"The medicine should work. However, it won't work overnight, Jordan. Don't expect everything to change right away. In fact, you might have some side effects first. I printed out the list so I'll watch for them with you. Did Mother tell you about that?"
I shook my head.
"She probably just didn't want to worry you," he said, and I wondered, so why was he telling me? Now I would worry.
He read my thoughts on the page of my sad and troubled face. "Don't be upset. Knowledge is never a bad thing and you can never get too much of it, Jordan. It's better people know everything they have to know about themselves. Remember, don't go blabbing everything I tell you to Mother, okay?"
"Okay." Even though our first oath had been broken. Ian didn't ask for another promise.
Then he looked at me in a strange way and said, "It's interesting, that this happened to you and not to me. Very interesting. The causes of this are not really nailed down yet. As I said, some think it has to do with all the growth hormones in meat and poultry today, but I just read that the problem is occurring even with people who don't consume meat and poultry heavily in their diets. Who knows? Maybe by doing my Sister Project and studying you and keeping track of it all. I'll come up with something the medical world will appreciate."
Ian was not quite fourteen and he was already thinking he could solve medical problems adults couldn't. Maybe he could. Maybe I was lucky to have a brother who was such a genius. I thought. I vowed to myself to keep his secrets and be grown-up about it.
My own thoughts wound around and back to what had happened between Mama and Daddy in our car on the way home from the supermarket. Ian knew so much. Perhaps he knew why Mama was so upset and why she cried about a floor manager. That still troubled me because it almost ruined my birthday and she was so upset. I asked him.
"The woman father hired for that shift was one of his old girlfriends," he said.
I had never thought of Daddy haying any other girlfriend besides Mama.
"When was she his girlfriend?"
"I'm not sure," Ian said. "I didn't overhear all that much, but I did hear that much after we got home last night. I think she was one of Mother's friends once, too. We have more important things to think about," he said, looking annoyed even talking about it. "I'm going to start arranging my things and deciding what I want to take with me to the cabin. You should do the same," he told me. He thought a moment. "Give me the book I gave you. I'll put it in one of my suitcases for you so it won't be forgotten or misplaced and you'll have it up at the lake. Also, we'll be sure Nancy doesn't tell Grandmother Emma about it. The more you read on your own, the easier it will be for me to conduct my research and investigation."
I wanted to talk more about Daddy's old girlfriend even if Ian didn't. Did I know her, too? Where was she his girlfriend? At one of his colleges? In high school? Why would Mama be upset about an old girlfriend? He didn't marry her.
I wondered if having precocious puberty would someday get me past the boundary of "adult talk." If it did, it might be worth having it. I thought.
I handed the book to Ian and he left to start his packing.
Ian always liked to be organized. His clothes in his closets were perfectly arranged, even by colors. Everything in his bathroom was neatly lined up. He hated when Nancy moved things and put things in drawers he had reserved for something else. Once he locked himself in his room on the day she was to clean it and when she came there, he wouldn't answer her 'mocking or open up. She complained to Grandmother Emma, who told him if he didn't let Nancy in to do her work, he would have to do his own. Nothing could have sounded better to him. He agreed and to everyone's surprise did his own vacuuming, polishing, and window washing. He looked after his own clothes, folded and even ironed his own pants. Ironically, instead of making Nancy happier to have less to do, it made her angrier and sadder. She never stopped complaining about it to Grandmother Emma. Daddy finally told him he had to let her do her work.
"We're guests in this house and we live by the rules Grandmother Emma has laid down," he told Ian. "She wants her house kept by a professional housekeeper.'
Reluctantly. Ian gave in and let Nancy take care of his room and his clothes again, but he never stopped finding fault with things she did. At least at the cabin, there would be no maid and he would be in control of his own things all the time.
At first I was worried about our being at the lake so long this year. Maybe because I was younger and couldn't do much on my own. I always grew bored there quickly. The things that interested Ian didn't interest me. Mama enjoyed just sitting around and reading. Daddy met some friends and went boating or went to the clubhouse to drink and talk. I was clearly told that the boat and the club would be no place for a little girl. The men would be worried about me, worried about using bad language in front of me. At least, that was what Ian said.
Our cabin was quite large in comparison to other cabins on the lake. It had two bedrooms upstairs and one master bedroom downstairs with a loft. We had a big television set, but we couldn't get all the channels, which meant Ian couldn't watch his science and nature shows. The cabin had a large fieldstone fireplace, which we had to use or wanted to use on what were surprisingly cool nights in the summer. One summer, it rained nearly the whole time we were there and everyone hated it so much, we left early.
I had to admit Grandmother Emma was right about the stench of cigar smoke. I could smell it in the walls, just as she claimed. One of the first things Mama did when we arrived was open all the windows. They had screens on them, but the mosquitoes and other bugs still managed to find ways to get inside and buzz around our heads, especially at night. Ian told Mama what to buy to keep them at bay. We had incense burning and sprays to use. Nothing worked completely and I usually had little bites on my legs and arms. The cabin wasn't my favorite place. Maybe I was more like Grandmother Emma than I cared to admit.
So it was with mixed emotions that I greeted the morning of our trip to the lake and the mountains. My mother was in my room before I got out of bed so she could help me start using the nasal spray. She said she would keep it all and take care of it with me every morning at the cabin. I hurried to wash and dress and check my things one more time before they were to be carried out to the car.
Ian, who seemed to have a knack for
visualizing things better than anyone, helped Daddy pack the car so that everything fit neatly. We had risen earlier than usual, which meant Grandmother Emma would not be at breakfast, but she came down from her bedroom just before we were about to leave.
"Mr. Pitts has seen to the electricity, gas, and phone being turned on again," she told Daddy. "He had his wife clean the place as best she could, but you know the quality of that work," she added with a scowl. "According to what Mr. Pitts tells me, the grounds have been cleaned up as well and the boat is at the dock. He says the engine has been maintained well. You'll let me know. I pay him far too much for all this as it is and I never know what he does and doesn't do anymore."
I remembered Joe Pitts, the man who looked after the property. He and his wife lived nearby in a house that looked like it might just topple over one day. Mr. Pins took care of a few of the cabins on the lake as well. As far as I knew, they had no children and lived there year-round because they couldn't afford to live anywhere else. Grandmother Emma once said he would starve on his Social Security. I thought he looked at least as old as she was, only his gray hair was still thick and curly. He had been a redhead once and still had freckles, which looked more brown than orange to me.
"I'll call you right away. Mother," Daddy said.
"I imagine you'll need to air out the bedding. Caroline," she told Mama, who said nothing. "Everything must be stale and stuffy and stink of cigars."
"Thanks for making it sound so inviting," Mama told her. "It was never inviting for me, but you're different."
"Yes," Mama said. She smiled as if
Grandmother Emma had given her a wonderful compliment.
"Actually, your getting away under these circumstances," Grandmother Emma said, looking at me, "is probably very wise. I'm glad I can provide such an escape at this particular time for you. Perhaps there'll be some improvement of the situation before you return."
"Oh, we can hope," Mama said, and looked at Daddy. "Can we get started. Christopher, or are there more instructions yet to earn our keep?"
"I'll call you," he told Grandmother Emma, and got into the car.
"You're not helping the situation by being so contentious. Caroline," he told Mama before starting the engine.
"I'm being contentious? Me? How would you describe what she's being?"
"Mother is Mother,' Daddy said, as if that explained it all. "It's so easy when you just nod or tell her what she wants to hear."
I raised my eyebrows. That sounded familiar.
"Easier for you. Not for me," Mama insisted. "I'm the one she'd like surgically removed from this family."
Daddy shook his head. "Did you ever think about what you're going to have someday, Caroline? All this," he said, waving his hand at the grounds and landscaping as we drove down the driveway. "You never sound appreciative."
"I'd leave tomorrow if we could," Mama said. "This isn't a home. It's a giant echo."
"What?" Daddy smiled with confusion. I looked at Ian. He was mesmerized by their conversation. "An echo? How is all this an echo?"
"Your mother is still living in the past. Her world is long gone. She hears voices no longer there. Did you ever look at her friends and her when they gather for one of their weekly teas at the mansion? I mean, really look at them and listen to them? What am I talking about? You're never there, so you don't see it and hear it. I don't know if there's a sentence uttered that begin's without a 'Remember when.'
"And all those women in their seventies, even eighties, with their plastered hair and collagen-riddled lips. They're not comical; they're farcical. Some of them are so weighted down with jewelry, they stoop. It's a wonder their spines don't snap. They're selfanointed queens who have lost their kingdoms and have to settle for ruling over desperate salesgirls and salesmen in department stores who kowtow to put food on their tables."
"Oh, come on now, Caroline. All that just sounds like envy to me."
"Envy?" Mama laughed. Then she suddenly grew serious. "Actually, you're not all wrong. I'm not so different from them. I suppose. I live in a dream, too."
Daddy didn't say anything. He glared at her and then he turned on the radio.
My stomach turned and I felt cramps coming. Was I making eggs again? Or was I just nervous and upset listening to Mama and Daddy argue?
Where was all this heading? Where was it taking us? Was my problem going to bring us together or help tear us apart? I looked at Ian. As usual he stared ahead with his eyes locked on his own thoughts. He traveled on roads I couldn't see. Suddenly I wished he would take me along.
The radio music didn't seem to lift the heavy silence in our car. The tension and the static that hovered over and around us in the house stuck to us. I thought. We carried it off, wore it like our clothes. I hoped the farther we went, the less and less it would be and we would suddenly burst into sunshine and leave the dreary clouds of unhappiness behind us.
"There she blows," Daddy announced when the lake first came into view. "Everybody excited?'"
"No," Mama said. "Your mother always makes me feel like we're a homeless family accepting charity whenever we come up here, Christopher. Before I have a chance to even think about enjoying myself, she sucks out all the possible pleasure by reminding me just how much in debt to her we are."
Daddy smiled at her as if she had said something wonderful and pleasant.
"I'm serious!'" Mama exclaimed.
"I know you are. You're just too sensitive. Try to be more like me and ignore it. Yes her to death until we get up here and forget about what she said anyway,"
"I don't forget and I'm not you," Mama told him.
"Oh, c'mon. Carol. Let's try to enjoy ourselves, okay? Lately, you see only the dark side to
everything."
"Maybe that's because that's all there is," Mama muttered, folded her arms, and turned away from him.
Ian, who had been reading nearly the whole trip, looked up as though he just realized someone had spoken.
"Look at those boats out there," Daddy said. "The lakers crowding up quickly this year. Lucky for all these well-to-do people nature formed it, huh, Ian?"
"Lake Wallenpaupack is a man-made lake," Ian said dryly. "It was created by the Pennsylvania Power and Light Company for hydroelectric power in 1927."
"Really? You know, I don't remember hearing about that. It's big, nevertheless."
"It's fifty-seven hundred acres, thirteen and a half miles long with fifty-two miles of shoreline."
"How do you know all that, Ian?" Daddy asked him.
"I always read up on something before I do it or visit it," Ian said.
"Very wise," Daddy said. He turned to Mama, "I don't know where he gets it from."
Mama turned back to him. "I wasn't a bad student, Christopher. I had every intention of finishing college before you swept me off my feet with sky banners full of promises."
"And they're all going to come true someday, too," Daddy said.
"yes, but it wasn't supposed to be dependent upon inheritance and as I recall, we were going to build something on our own," Mama reminded him.
Daddy laughed. He wasn't insulted. It occurred to me that he was like his mother in one very important way--he was as thick-skinned. Neither Grandmother Emma's criticisms and complaints about him nor Mama's really seemed to bother him. Every reprimand, every accusation, was, as Grandmother Emma once put it, "like water off a duck's back," only she claimed that made him more like his father and less like her.
I realized that whenever she spoke about Grandfather March, she seemed bitter and critical. I wondered what sort of a life they really had together or even if they had been together. Had they been in love? Why was it they only had Daddy? Was he right saying he came into this world as a result of some accident? My grandfather had died before I was old enough to really know him. Ian remembered him far better, of course, but didn't have a lot to say about him, much good that is.