Early Spring 01 Broken Flower (3 page)

We both heard Daddy walking in the hallway. Sometimes, he wore a pair of very expensive western boots and they clipped and clopped louder than shoes.
"Your father's up and dressed. I'd better get dressed myself," Mama said, and hurried out to do so. She took the folded wet towels with her.
After what had happened to me and what we had done. I was actually afraid to go down to breakfast without her. I was terrified that
Grandmother Emma would take one look at me, point her finger, and say, "You had a menstruation! Get out of my house!"
Of course, she didn't. She barely gave me a passing glance at the table. She was too involved with Daddy and information she had about his
supermarket. One of the employees had broken a bottle of mayonnaise and apparently not done anything about it quickly enough. A customer, an elderly lady, had slipped and fallen and broken her hip. Grandmother Emma 's attorney, Mr. Ganz, had called to tell her he had received the summons for a lawsuit the woman was starting against March's Market.
"You can't imagine how embarrassed I was telling Chester Ganz I knew nothing about it. I could hear how dumbfounded he was in his silence. He knows how I run my business affairs."
Although Grandfather March had given the supermarket to Daddy, it was still part of a
corporation that Grandmother Emma controlled. I didn't understand what all that meant, except I saw it meant Grandmother Emma could still tell Daddy what to do.
"Why didn't you tell me about all this. Christopher?" she asked him. She leaned over the table toward him, clutching the papers in her hand.
Daddy continued to butter his toasted bagel with such concentration, it looked like he would not answer. Ian looked more interested than Daddy did and tried to read what was written on the papers Grandmother held. She snapped them out of his view with a flick of her wrist.
"Well?" she demanded.
Daddy paused and looked like he was trying to remember the reason himself. Grandmother Emma held herself so stiffly, she looked like she had been turned into a statue in anticipation of Daddy's reply.
He shrugged. "To tell you the truth, Mother. I forgot all about it," Daddy said.
"You forgot?" She looked at the rest of us to see if we were just as amazed. Mama looked down. Ian was full of curiosity and I was afraid to look back at Grandmother too long. Sometimes, she gave me the feeling she could read faces the way other people read books.
She slapped the papers on the table. "You forgot we were being sued for negligence? You're not ashamed to sit there and say such a thing?"
Daddy bit into his bagel and then shrugged again. "I forgot," he said as casually as he had a moment ago.
Grandmother Emma turned to my mother and glared at her as if Daddy's forgetting was also my mother's fault. Mama put her fork down and fixed her eyes on her in preparation to do battle. My heart thumped so hard, it felt like it was going to pop through my ribs. Something terrible was about to happen.
Daddy caught the exchange of looks. "What's the difference anyway?" he asked. "The insurance company will take care of it."
"The difference, Christopher, is that in this family, we don't keep important things from each other.
"Especially," she added, her eyes moving toward me. "from me!"
I
looked quickly at Mama, who shifted her eyes just as quickly away.
Grandmother Emma saw that.
I
knew she did. Her eyes were soaking in suspicion like little sponges as she glanced from Mama to me and back to Mama again.
And
I
was never as afraid of what would happen next in this house as
I
was at that moment.

3
Too Early. Too Quickly
.
The moment I returned from school that day,

my mother told me Dr. Dell'Acqua wanted to see me as soon as possible. That same afternoon in school I had a close call in the bathroom because Missy Littleton almost saw what my mother had given me. I didn't close the stall door fast enough. As it was, my girlfriends were curious about why I was so quiet all day and not interested in anything they said or did. I kept to myself as much as I could out of fear someone would finally notice the new things about me. I had never been as self-conscious about my body.

"I made your appointment for tomorrow. I'll pick you up at school."'
One look at my face would tell her or anyone, for that matter, that I was petrified.
"Don't worry. No one will know why I'm coming for you. It doesn't mean you're sick and dying," she added quickly. "There are things we should do, however, to be sure everything is all right and will be all right."'
I said nothing. I hadn't been to Dr. Dell'Acqua very much aside from our shots and an occasional sore throat or earache. Dr. Rene Dell'Acqua was the same doctor Grandmother Emma had. In fact, Grandmother had convinced Mama we should use her as our doctor, because she was "more sensitive to female problems," whatever that meant. Dr. Dell'Acqua was a tall, slim, dark-haired woman with soft dark brown eyes and a smile that put me at ease quickly whenever I did go to see her for anything. Because of Mama's tone of voice and obvious concern. I was more nervous about going to see the doctor this time, even more nervous than when I knew I was going to get a shot.
"It's time for us to tell Daddy about this, too," Mama told me.
With the school year ending. Daddy was talking about taking us all up to the family cabin on Lake Wallenpaupack in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, where we had a motorboat, too. It had been our week's summer vacation even before we had moved in with Grandmother Emma. She continually talked about selling the property since we rarely used it. My grandfather Blake had used it often because he was a fisherman and enjoyed bringing his business associates to the lake for what she said he called FFWWs, Freedom From Wives Weekends. From what I understood, Grandmother Emma didn't care. She wasn't fond of the cabin and rarely went up there. She told Ian and me it stank from cigar smoke.
"The stench is in the walls of the cabin and even leaving the windows open all winter won't get rid of it. Besides, how anyone can enjoy being at the mercy of mosquitoes and other bugs is a mystery I'll never solve."
Ian enjoyed going there for exactly that reason. He liked to explore nature and didn't get all that many opportunities for it at home. He, like Daddy, wasn't interested in fishing, except to capture a fish for a study. He'd rather examine the inlets and bushes, walking about with his magnifying glass and bringing specimens back for his microscope. He pressed them into a book and kept a library of creatures.
The cabin was a cozy three-bedroom, but it meant we would be more intimate and the chances of Ian and Daddy finally discovering what was happening to me were far greater. For that reason as well, it was time to share our secret with Daddy.
"I don't want to take you to Dr. Dell'Acqua without your father being aware of it anyway," Mama said, and decided to tell him about me right after dinner.
Although my father was very different from his mother, he was like her when it came to spending time with his children and being involved in their everyday lives. I understood from what I could gamer from tidbits of my father's history that Grandmother Emma was always too busy with her charity events and social life to devote herself to motherly duties. Once, I heard Daddy tell Mama that he was sure he was an accident. At the time I had no idea what that meant. All I could think of were car crashes or falling off bikes.
For the most part, Daddy left our maintenance and needs up to Mama. Ian and I could count on the fingers of one hand how many times he had
accompanied her to our school to listen to our teachers talk about us. He was always too busy for this or too busy for that. Even Grandmother Emma complained about how he neglected us.
"I don't see how you could possibly be busier than your father was. Christopher, and yet he had so much more time for you than you have for your children. You shouldn't leave so much to your wife," she added, which was her main reason for
complaining. She wouldn't miss an opportunity to say, "Don't forget. As ye sow, so shall ye reap."
He always promised to do more and take more interest, yet when it came to disciplining us or following up on a complaint Grandmother Emma expressed about our behavior. Daddy would pass on the duty to Mama as if she had hatched us all on her own.
"Look after your kids and keep them from being so messy," he might say, which were words right out of Grandmother Emma's mouth.
"Your son was disrespectful to my mother again," he would tell her.
"My son? My daughter? My children, Christopher? Where were you when all this
happened?" she would shoot back at him.
"Obviously out of my mind," he might say.
Once I heard my mother mutter to herself right after one of these arguments, "Some people are just too selfish to have children or even get married to anyone or anything but their own shadow."
She often talked to herself or if she spoke to me, she didn't expect me to understand or remember, but I usually did, and there was never any question Ian understood. I would go to him to explain and he always did.
That night after dinner. Mama came to my room to wait for Daddy. He was groaning and moaning that he had things to do and might even have to return to the supermarket office.
"I need you, Christopher. Just come to Jordan's room," Mama insisted.
Daddy came walking quickly into my room. He paused just inside the doorway, looked at the two of us sitting on the chairs by my student desk, and put his hands on his hips. 'Okay. Caroline, what's going on now?" he asked. Whenever he was displeased, he called Mama "Caroline" rather than "Carol," which was what Grandmother Emma always called her.
He was in a white shirt opened at the collar and a pair of dark blue jeans with his light blue boat shoe loafers and no socks. Even though he was supposedly indoors most of the time, he had what Grandmother Emma called a Palm Beach tan. When she asked him about it, he confessed to going to a tanning salon regularly. On his right wrist, he wore a thick gold bracelet and on his left, his Rolex watch, a watch that had belonged to his father.
There was never a question in my mind that Daddy was one of the handsomest men in the whole city. He had Ian's black eyes and wavy dark brown hair he wore a little too long in the back and sides for Grandmother Emma's liking, but unlike her or even Mama for that matter, he did not care to dress appropriately and look his age. He liked it when people told him that although he was fortv-two, he could easily pass for a man in his late twenties.
"You'd better come in, close the door, and sit, Christopher," Mama told him, and nodded at the small settee across from us.
He smirked, closed the door, looked at the settee, and then with an expression of annoyance, glanced at Mama before sitting. He sat back, his right arm over the back of the settee, his left arm at his side. Both my parents sitting in my Tiny Tot children's furniture looked funny to me. It was rare to have them in my room simultaneously. I couldn't help but smile, which he thought was confusing.
"What is it, already?" he asked.
"Recently. I noticed some dramatic changes in Jordan," Mama began.
Daddy's eyebrows rose and closed toward each other. "Changes?"
"In her body. Changes that have come too soon."
"Like what?"
Mama leaned over and unbuttoned my blouse. Daddy gaped. "As you can see, she's developing breasts."
He sat back, his mouth slightly open. "Is that bad?" he asked. "My God, Christopher."
"Well, I don't know about female development, for God sakes."
"It's not only this," she said, closing my blouse. "She has pubic hair, and now," Mama said,
swallowing back and holding in her tears, "she has had her first period."
"What? You're out of your mind. The kid's not even seven years old. I know that much at least.'
"You're right. It's not normal. That's why I'm taking her to see Dell'Acqua tomorrow," Mama said.
Daddy was quiet. Then he brought his arm off the back of the settee and leaned forward.
"Does my mother know about any of this?" he asked in a loud whisper, as if Grandmother Emma kept her ears to the walls or Nancy had been sent up to do so.
"No, no one knows but us. I'd rather it be kept that way for as long as possible, Christopher."
"Of course," he said, and sat back again. "That's very wise. Well, what does Dr. Dell'Acqua think about all this?" he asked, waving his hand at me as though I were a pile of trouble.
"She wasn't overly concerned about her beginning breast development and pubic hair growth, but when I told her she had experienced menarche--''
"Men what?"
"Her first period. When she heard that, she was convinced Jordan is experiencing what is known as precocious puberty."
"Which means what?"
Mama looked at me, obviously deciding how much more to say in my presence.
"She's becoming a woman too early, too quickly."
"You mean, a kid this young could have a baby!" he exclaimed, raising his voice.
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head. I turned to my mother, anxious to hear her answer.
"Let's not get into any of that just yet, Christopher. Physically, Dr. Dell'Acqua's afraid of her having an accelerated growth spurt that rill cause her bones to stop growing and result in her being a stunted adult."
Daddy grimaced as if he had bit into a rotten apple. "You mean she'll become a dwarf?"
Mama looked at me again to see my reaction to Daddy's responses. "You're not helping the situation with this sort of reaction, Christopher."
"Well, what's she want to do?"
"Dr. Dell'Acqua wants to begin with blood tests. She also wants her to have a cerebral CAT scan. There are different types of precocious puberty and we have to determine which she has, what's causing it, and then treat it."
I'll never forget the expression on Daddy's face when he looked at me then. Ere made me feel as if he thought I was a freak. The distaste and disgust in his fact brought tears to my eyes.
I
felt as if I couldn't breathe.
"Regardless," Mama continued, maintaining her firm demeanor and control, "she is going to have great psychological and emotional difficulty and we'll have to give her all the support and care we can. She might even need professional therapy."
"Therapy! A seven-year-old kid?"
"With divorces and other marital problems these days, that's not as unusual as you might think, Christopher. In any case, that's what Dr. Dell'Acqua told me even before she has looked at her. Jordan will have difficulty adjusting to the changes and the impact they have on her mentally. Besides," she said with a deep sigh, "'her body is beyond a seven-yearold's so you have to stop thinking in terms of her age."
"Stop thinking in terms of her age? That's weird. This is horrible," Daddy said.
My lips trembled and I let out a small moan.
"You're scaring her, Christopher," Mama said, glancing at me and then putting her arm around my shoulders.
He looked away and then turned back quickly. "Anything like this ever happen to anyone else in your family?"
"Not that I know of, Christopher. Why does that matter now anyway?"
"Was it something that you might have done wrong when you were pregnant with her?" he followed without a blink.
Mama looked at me quickly and then back at him. "Don't be ridiculous, Christopher. I was under Dr. Dell'Acqua's care with her. Why are you trying to fix blame on me or my side of the family? Are you already worrying about what your mother's going to say or do?"
At the mention of Grandmother Emma, Daddy's eyes widened. "Look," he replied instead of answering her question, "I think you're right to keep this all secret. I agree. No one has to low beside the doctor for as long as possible, especially my mother. Somehow, she'll find a way to blame it on me. I know her."
"Her appointment is at eleven tomorrow. I'm picking her up at school," Mama said, ignoring his self-pity.
"Eleven?" He thought a moment and shook his head. "I can't be there at eleven. I have an important meeting."
"It can't be more important than your own daughter's well-being and health, Christopher. Christopher!" she said sharply when he didn't reply.
"Okay, okay. I'll work it out," he said, and rose to his feet. He glared down at the two of us. "You should have done something when you first noticed, maybe. Maybe you could have nipped it in the bud."
"You're going to have to stop doing this, Christopher."
"Stop doing what?"
"You're going to have to stop shifting responsibility and blame onto me for everything that displeases you and your mother."
"Yeah, right," Daddy said. He turned and left the room so quickly. I felt a breeze in his wake.
I saw my mother fighting hard to keep her tears in check, but she couldn't win that battle. She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and then hugged me to her.
"You'll be all right, honey," she said. "Just be brave when we go to see the doctor."
I really did like Dr. Dell'Acqua. She was always very nice to me, but my mother warned me that one of the things she would do to me would be to stick a needle in my arm to take blood. I had a difficult time falling asleep that night thinking about it. She came into my room twice to reassure me.
All my friends were curious about why I was being taken out of school the next to last day of the school year. Why couldn't anything I needed to do have waited? My mother told me to say it was a dental appointment that couldn't be broken, if I were asked. I was never a good liar. My lips always trembled and I could never look anyone in the face. I had to look down or away, but my mother was so worried about strangers finding out about me. I had to do the best I could.
When we arrived at Dr. Dell'Acqua's office, Mama was immediately upset because Daddy wasn't there waiting, as he had promised. While we waited to ao in to see Dr. Dell'Acqua, the receptionist received a phone call from Daddy, who told her to tell us he was just unavoidably delayed at the market. He would a et to the doctor's office as soon as he could.
My mother said nothing. She didn't even thank the receptionist. She just stood there staring at her until the phone rang again and the receptionist had to take the call. Daddy didn't arrive before we were called to go into the examination room. Soon after, Dr. Dell'Acqua entered wearing her long lab robe and her stethoscope. Her nurse accompanied her.
"Now, what do we have here?' she asked. It was always what she said when she saw either me or Ian at her office. Once Ian replied, "That's what we're here to find out." After that, Dr. Dell'Acqua never said it to him again.
"How long has it been since I've seen her?" she asked my mother.
"About eight months. I think."
I was sitting on the examination table. She had me stand up, shook her head, and said. "She's sprouted.'