Eclipse of the Heart (24 page)

Because, on Friday morning, everything
blew up.

Amanda took Friday off from work to see her doctor for some
testing. She had to figure out what was causing her exhaustion and overall poor
health. She was sitting in the waiting room, paging through a copy of Yankee
magazine, when her phone rang.

She hoped it was Logan, but it turned out to be Josh.

"Hey," she said, "did everything go
well?"

"You haven't heard?" Josh sounded stunned.
"I'm only calling to tell you the dinner is off."

"The dinner?
Oh, you mean
tonight." A flicker of curiosity lit up a remote area of her brain, but
was blown out when a scrawny nurse with a booming voice called out her name.

"I have to go, Josh. I'll talk to you later."
Amanda shut off her phone and dropped it in her purse. A niggle of worry about
her health wiped out Josh's announcement.

But nothing could have prepared her for the shocking news
she got from her doctor. Like other overworked doctors these days, he was curt,
speaking the bare minimum so he could move on to the next patient. Before she
could absorb the news, the appointment had ended and she was stumbling out,
blind to everything.  Somehow, she got herself into the elevator, and
through the lobby without having any idea how she reached the outdoors.

She began walking, following some instinct that told her to
go home. She walked and walked, oblivious to passers-by who crowded her or
bumped her. She stopped when the crowd stopped, walked when they walked, and so
she made it home without walking blindly into the street and being run over by
a car.

As she climbed the stairs, each step required a bigger
effort than the one before. Adrenaline had carried
her this
far, but her momentum was fading. When she reached her apartment, she'd have
nothing to do but face her momentously altered future.

As soon as the doctor had raised the possibility, she'd
known the truth. She'd denied it to herself. She'd refused the test. But she
knew.

She threw herself onto the bed in her shade-darkened
bedroom, and lay there, trying not to think, giving herself one day to pretend
that this wasn't happening.

When Saturday morning dawned, she knew she had to start her
new life. She plodded to the drugstore, came home with a white paper bag and
shut herself in the bathroom.

Then, with trembling hands, she called Rosie.

Rosie was at her door thirty minutes later.

"What happened?" Rosie launched herself across the
room to wrap Amanda in a big bear hug. "Tell me this is all a practical
joke."

"I don't know how it happened," Amanda wailed.

Rosie pulled back to look her in the face. "Amanda, you
are
sleeping with him."

"Barely!
And we always use
birth control!"

"I'm going to let the 'barely' comment just slide on
by." Rosie waved a hand as if to speed it on its way. "But tell me,
do you know of a birth control method that's one hundred percent effective?"

"Those effectiveness numbers are distorted by people
who don't use their birth control correctly."

Rosie shrugged, but her eyes were kind as she stepped back.
"Look, it doesn't matter how it happened, right? The question is
,
what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know!" Amanda clasped her hands together
over her belly. "I can't be pregnant!"

"Well," Rosie said, "that's one
approach."

She placed a bag from Dean and Deluca on the coffee table
and opened it to pull out a tin of their Jasmine Pearl tea. "I grabbed
some treats I had on hand."

Amanda covered her face with her hands. "I know I'm
being stupid, but it's such an unbelievable shock. How can I tell my
mother?"

"She'll understand. Things happen."

"She already has so many worries about my sister. I can't
add to them."

"You can't hide a pregnancy for long. Unless—"
Rosie stopped taking stuff out of the bag to glance at Amanda. "Are you
thinking of abortion?"

"No!
Absolutely not."
The
words burst out of Amanda, but she knew they were true as soon as she said
them. The thought of abortion might have tiptoed around the edges of her mind,
but when spoken aloud, she knew it simply was not the right choice for her.

"In that case, you need to start planning for the
future. What does Logan say?"

"He doesn't know! You can't tell him Rosie! You can't
tell anyone!"

"You're going to give up your job?"

"No, of course not.
I'll need
it more than ever."

"Well then, how are you
plannin
'
to hide this news from him, or anyone else?" Rosie waved a little parcel
of sugar twigs, tied up with a brown bow. "Aren't these cute?"

"Would you be serious?"

"You're the one who's not
facin
'
reality right now." Rosie dropped the twigs back in the bag. "Are you
sure Logan wouldn't respond favorably to this news?"

"Are you kidding?" The little shriek at the end of
her words was not appealing. Amanda took a breath.

"Sometimes, he shows a surprisingly warm side,"
Rosie said. "I didn't see it at first, but my aunt was right. He's not a
machine."

"Close enough." Amanda gave a harsh laugh.
"As far as I know, he sprang from an egg, fully grown, the man we see
today. He has no family, no photos in his apartment, and,
believe
me, no desire for children of his own. He's been very clear on that
subject."

"I see." Rosie frowned. "At a minimum, I'm
sure he'd support the child."

"You're not listening to me! He can't know!"

 "Hey." Rosie walked over and put her arm
around Amanda. "Have you eaten today?"

"No appetite."

"I'm going to make you some tea and toast. Then we'll
talk about what to do."

A half hour later, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, Amanda
did feel marginally better. She almost smiled at the silly stick with swirled
sugar clinging to the bottom which Rosie dipped into her hot tea.

"That is totally ridiculous, Rosie."

"I know." Rosie's wide grin lit up the kitchen.
"That's what makes it fun. Go on, try the toast."

"Maybe in a little while."
Amanda stared glumly into her tea.

"Don't worry so much." Rosie patted her hand.
"Everything will work out. You'll see."

"You know the stats on single motherhood?"

"You'll prove '
em
wrong.
Besides, I still think you should let Logan help. I don't think he's as
heartless as you're
makin
' him out to be."

"His core is cold, Rosie. I could never expose my child
to that."

"I think you're wrong," Rosie said stubbornly.
"He may not be a demonstrative man, I'll give you that, but he's not
cold."

Amanda knew she had to change the subject. She couldn't let
herself be sucked into any fantasies of Logan being involved in this new
chapter of her life. That could only lead to more heartache when he
disappointed her. Realistically, she'd have to tell him at some point. But she
wouldn't do so until she had everything organized and under control. At that
time, she'd be totally clear that he had no obligation to her or the child.

"Promise me, Rosie, that you won't tell anyone."

"I think you're
makin
' a
mistake, but fine."

Loneliness swept over her when Rosie left, but when the
doorbell rang shortly after her departure, Amanda thought about ignoring it.
There wasn't anyone she wanted to see, especially not in this half-tearful,
half-panicked state she was in.

Then she realized Rosie must have forgotten something. Amanda
yanked a tissue out of the box on the table, and shuffled over to the door,
just as the bell pealed again, a long and loud note that somehow sounded angry.

She put her eye to the peephole.

Logan?

In shock, she opened the door. Had he heard? Rosie hadn't
rushed out and called him, had she?

One look at his furious face and Amanda's heart notched up
to a higher rate. Yes, he must have discovered the news somehow. She'd never
seen this kind of emotion from him. But she'd wait for an explanation before blaming
Rosie. Not that anyone else knew—

He strode through the door, gripping a laptop under one arm.
Amanda closed the door behind him, wondering vaguely about the computer. Had he
come from the office? When he dumped it on the coffee table and straightened
up, glaring at her, everything flew out of her head but one thought. He looked
mad enough to kill.

"Now I understand," he said in a lethal voice,
"why you didn't bother to come in to work yesterday."

Her mind reeled. He even knew she'd been to the doctor's
yesterday? That made no sense.

"Did you think," he
asked,
his voice low and throbbing with anger, "that I would never find
out?"

She shook her head. No words came to mind. Of course he
would have found out, as much as she'd tried to pretend otherwise with Rosie.
But not like this, in whatever unfortunate way someone had told him. A small
part of her brain was struggling to figure out who might know, but the major
part of her knew she had to pay attention.

"It was an accident," she managed.

"An accident?"
He grabbed
his computer and flipped open the top. "Don't insult my intelligence. You
knew perfectly well what you were doing."

"So did you!" She blew her nose.

"Quit crying!" he shouted. "I have no
sympathy for you. In fact, I'm ashamed and disgusted by what you've done.
You're fired and no tears will change that."

"Don't think for one minute I'm crying over you! Good
riddance to you."

"Very mature," he snapped. "You could have
chosen a better way to get rid of me. Do you know how serious the consequences
of your behavior will be?"

"My behavior?
Do I know about
the consequences?" For a long moment, she thought she might go off in
hysteria like a nineteenth century maiden. How had she landed in this cliché?
Pregnant by a man who not only accepted no responsibility, but
who
also was furious with her, as if it were entirely her
fault. Forget the nineteenth century. She should be thinking of cave man days
since she was dealing with a Neanderthal.

"What about you?" she said. "You don't have
any responsibility for this mess?"

He jerked up his head to stare at her. "What are you
talking about? How in the world could you blame me?"

She burst into laughter. The hysterical note she'd been
afraid of echoed through the laugh, but she was helpless to stop. If she'd ever
wondered whether a relationship with him were possible, she had her answer now.

"Guess what, Logan?" She stepped closer, and poked
a finger into his chest. "I am not one of your prostitutes. We may not
have a relationship, but it takes two to tango and you don't get to pretend you
had nothing to do with it."

"Are you talking about sex?" He batted away her
hand. "This was payback to me?
Because I wouldn't have a
relationship with you?"
He shook his head. "Damn. You women
are all the same. I told you right from the beginning that I only wanted
sex."

"Guess what? Your fine words don't absolve you
now."

"Jesus." He grabbed the laptop and began tapping
on the keys. "How is any of this my responsibility?"

An email filled the screen. Logan pointed to it. "A
computerized trail is as damning as a paper one."

Amanda frowned. Why were they looking at emails?

"What is this?" Her body felt stiff, as if it were
preparing to ward off a blow.

"Your note to Mrs. Molloy," he said curtly.
"The one where you tell her we're not interested in pursuing a deal with
them due to her disability. I'm sure you haven't forgotten it."

His finger stabbed at the damning words:

 Mrs. Molloy, I'm sympathetic to your disability. However,
your insistence on remaining in a management role after a purchase convinces us
that we should not move forward. We cannot have a seriously ill executive in
charge of one of our companies. Daily Eats would need to undergo a significant
turnaround to be profitable enough to interest Winter Enterprises, and this
would require new management.

Amanda had to stop reading as the ugly words rolled around
in her brain. Why did Logan think she'd sent this note?

"You think I wrote that?" Her finger shook as she
pointed at the screen. "Is that what you think of me?"

"Look at the email address," he said, with disgust
in his tone. "Who's it from?"

She grabbed the monitor. Damn. The note had been sent from
her work email account.

Her stomach roiled with nausea. "I never wrote
that," she said.

Logan gave her a disgusted look. "Do you know how hard
I've worked to build my company? Do you know how close you've come to
destroying it all?" He held up his hand, with all five fingers extended.

She shook her head numbly, but he ignored the motion.

"Number one."
He folded
in his thumb. "My public offering was canceled."

Amanda sucked in a sharp breath. She hadn't given another
thought to the dinner that Josh had told her had been canceled last night. No
wonder Logan was furious.

"Number two." Logan's forefinger joined the thumb.
"Since the public sale didn't take place, my good friend didn't get the
money he needed, and which I promised to him."

"Number three." His middle finger toppled.
"Now I'm forced to try to get a loan to help my friend save his
home."

"Number four." His ring finger folded down.
"The Molloys are furious, and rightly so. They've filed a discrimination
lawsuit against me. I can scarcely blame them."

"Stop."
Amanda held up
her own hand, unable to listen to any more. Even worse, she'd just had a
terrible realization. He hadn't heard about the pregnancy. Number five was the
disaster he didn't know about yet.