Eclipse of the Heart (26 page)

"What?" Amanda's mind was so focused on what she
was going to say to Phoebe, she almost couldn't process the change in
direction. "What the heck?" she exclaimed. "Has he got some kind
of firing fetish?"

"Say 'hell'," Amanda." Rosie snapped her
fingers. "This jerk fired you after hearing you were pregnant with his
child? That's insane, not to mention illegal! You should be
sayin
',
'What the hell is wrong with that man? Has he got some kind of a fucking firing
fetish?'"

The 'f' words stumbled all over themselves as giggles
bubbled up inside Amanda. She struggled to keep her composure, but when her
gaze met Rosie's, they both burst into laughter.

"See, that's why I don't curse," Amanda said.
"It sounds so ridiculous unless it's coming from a soldier in the
field."

"Have you ever heard a soldier in the field?"
Rosie demanded.

"Well, no, but I imagine they have plenty to curse
about."

"So do you!"

"
Shhh
…" Amanda took a
quick glance around, but she and Rosie were surrounded by empty tables. "I
know he's a grade
A
jerk, but I need my job back and
you need to keep yours."

"
Hmph
!"
Rosie pouted. "That man has too much power. Even for someone who looks
like he does."

"Let's deal with the problem we need to solve."
Amanda shoved aside memories of Logan in his various guises – polished and
handsome in a tux, tough and competent in rolled shirt sleeves and tailored
wool slacks, and, best of all, heaving and sweaty over her in bed. Those days
were gone. She bent her attention on Rosie. "When and why did Phoebe get
fired?"

"A few weeks back," Rosie said. "I think the
company got wind of her extracurricular activities."

"Extracurricular activities?"
Amanda repeated blankly. "What does that mean?"

"B grade escort service." Rosie spread a dab of
cream cheese on her bagel.
"Plus, of course, a nasty
drug habit."

"Darn it." Amanda wanted a confession. Signed,
sealed and delivered. Her reason for wanting it wasn't too noble, either. Yeah,
she wanted to make things right with the Molloys. But mostly she wanted Logan
to know she was innocent.

Unfortunately, in order to get that confession, she'd need to
track Phoebe down.

When Logan called to invite her to lunch, she refused. She
was determined to get his apology for the false accusation about Daily Eats,
but that didn't mean she'd ever forgive him for the way he'd responded to her
pregnancy.

"Don't be childish, Amanda," he said. "We
have things to discuss."

"No, we don't."

"I heard you're at the office. Did you forget I fired
you?"

"I need to clear my name. I've already figured out who
sent the note."

"Good. I'd love to see the proof. Let's discuss it over
lunch."

She gritted her teeth silently. How did he know she didn't
have any proof?

"A neutral place," he said.
"Your
choice."

"My choice is to be left alone."

"You don't want to hand this over to lawyers, do
you?"

"There is no need for lawyers! Don't even think about
threatening me."

"Amanda." He waited for a moment to pass, giving
her a chance to be reasonable. She hated knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"I mean it, Logan."

"Meet me at O'Grady's at noon," he said. He hung
up.

 As much as she hated having to bow to Logan's demands,
Amanda knew he'd follow through on the lawyers if necessary. Promptly at noon,
she was standing at the busy hostess's desk in O'Grady's. Despite its name,
O'Grady's was not a cozy Irish pub, but an elegant, mid-sized,
upper East side
restaurant.

She spotted Logan immediately, at a table on the left side
of the room, a little out of the way of the bustle. The honey-colored walls and
table linens framed him beautifully, with his dark hair and tanned face set off
by a snow white shirt. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and
his gaze was bent to a stack of papers next to his plate. A glass of red wine
punctuated the cool black and white picture he made in the gold room.

Next to him, two chic thirty-something women were eyeing him
like he was lunch and they were starving. He ignored them.

Amanda clutched her mom's purse as if it were a lifeline.
She didn't know if she had the courage to approach him. What if he sensed that
she was as attracted to him today as she'd been the first time she set eyes on
him?

She couldn't let him suspect. Her entire focus now had to be
on the baby. She knew that Logan would never be a part of the baby's life, and
therefore, he couldn't be part of her life either.

The maitre d' was standing there, waiting for her attention.
She had to move.

"Logan Winter," she said, proud of her cool tone.

"Right this way, ma'am." He didn't even have to
look around the room.

Before she'd taken two steps, Logan looked up, as if he'd sensed
her. He rose to his feet, placing the report he'd been reading by the side of
his plate. He watched her through hooded eyes, his expression revealing
nothing.

"Thank you for joining me," he said, as the maitre
d' pulled out her chair. "Am I correct in assuming you don't want
wine?"

She nodded, suddenly unable to speak, as her throat filled
with emotion. Logan sat down again and now that she was closer, she noticed
that his face was thinner and faint lines bracketed his mouth. Was it the
failure of his public offering that had caused so much stress?
Or something else?

She would never know now. Something pinched her heart as a
shattering realization burst over her. It didn’t matter what he did, what he
said, or how badly he treated her. Her feelings were trapped within her heart,
never to be set free. She would always love him.

Regardless of the fact that he couldn't love her back.

Logan nodded at the maitre d', who withdrew silently.

Amanda unfolded her napkin and placed it on her lap. It took
all the courage she had to raise her head and meet his gaze. She feared what he
might see there, whether her eyes would give her away.

His gaze was calm, and expressionless, but she saw the pulse
beating in his throat. Almost desperately, she wanted to feel his heart beating
against her cheek, but she knew those days had passed. Her time with him had
ended.

The sooner she moved on, the better off she would be.

Logan took a sip of his wine, and then placed the crystal
goblet carefully on the table, as if he were measuring every movement. "I
owe you an apology," he said.

What? The simple words in his deep voice confounded her. She
frowned in confusion.

His long fingers curled around the wine glass. "Shock
caused me to say some damn stupid things on Saturday," he said. "Can
we start over?"

She stared at him. What did that mean? She was having a
baby. He didn't want children. There was no form of 'starting over' that would
work for them.

She clutched the linen napkin on her lap as if it were a
lifeline. "I don't mean to hold you responsible," she managed.
"You don't need to worry about that."

"I hold myself responsible," he said quietly.
"I intend to provide for you and the child."

A waitress appeared, cocking her head and smiling at Logan.
Amanda hadn't had a chance to look at the menu, but she didn't have an
appetite. Nevertheless, she ordered a Caesar salad with chicken. The doctor had
emphasized the importance of good nutrition.

Logan ordered swordfish and appetizers.

Amanda could scarcely wait for the server to leave so she
could say, "I have no intention of being dependent on you."

"I owe it to you." He raised his wine to his lips.

Amanda tried hard not to look at his mouth, or his hands…

"You don't owe me." She broke off a piece of a
plain roll. "You were very clear on the subject of relationships, never
mind children. I always understood that we didn't have a future together.
This—this accident doesn't change anything."

"It’s not in me to love someone." He swallowed a
large gulp of wine. "I—"

"I know that." She cut him off, not wanting to
hear excuses and explanations. "You must have been hurt badly in the past,
Logan," she added. "You’ll never take a chance on love again. I
accept that."

His gray eyes flickered, just once, but she knew she'd
touched a nerve. Still, she hadn't breached the dam. He remained silent, and
she sighed. She would have to let him go his way. Not because she wanted to,
but because she had no choice. Only he could decide he wanted to reach out to
life. Only he could expose himself to the potential pain of love again.

He stabbed his fork into the swordfish. "I’ve told you
I intend to provide for the child."

"That’s not necessary." She would never accept
being tied to him due to his sense of responsibility. She sipped her water, a
pale imitation of the rich, complex glass of wine she would have preferred, and
she knew her life would be like that. Thin.
Colorless.
When it could have been full and abundant with love, if she'd
fallen in love with a man who wasn't emotionally broken.

Her hand drifted to her stomach. She had another love to
worry about now. "We’ll be fine. I think it would be better for the child
to have no father than to have the kind who pays the bills but…"
But is unable to love
.
The
unspoken words hung in the air as her voice trailed off. She hadn’t come here
to make him feel guilty.

He blew out a sharp sigh, as if she
were
being difficult, but he was determined to soldier on. "I was an ass to
suggest you might have done this on purpose."

She shrugged. Yeah, he'd been an ass.
Didn't
change a thing.

Logan assessed her for a moment, as if wondering what
strategy would work. "You should be thinking about the child," he
finally said. "How will you provide for him or her? What about medical
care? You're a smart woman. You know the best care costs money."

Anger spiked within her. How dare he act like she couldn't
provide for herself, when he was the one who'd pulled her livelihood out from
under her? "If I had my job," she said hotly, "I'd have
insurance, and enough money."

"I was hasty about your job." A smidgen of apology
colored his tone. "I'll find something for you."

"I want the job I was hired to do. Not some busywork to
ease your conscience."

Annoyance flashed on his face. "The job I hired you to
do requires a lot of travel and late nights. That won't be good for your
pregnancy. Didn't you say you were already having trouble?" He glanced at
her untouched food.

Darn. She couldn't get away with even the tiniest lie.

"I can do the job," she said stubbornly.

Logan speared an asparagus tip. "I spent the morning
dealing with the Daily Eats lawsuit."

She heard what he didn't say. She should have been handling
that problem on Friday. Already, the pregnancy had interfered with her ability
to do her work.

"I know who sent the email," she said.

He continued chewing, but raised his eyebrows in silent
query.

"Would you believe Phoebe did it?" she asked,
then
slapped herself mentally for not making a stronger
statement.

He laid down his fork. "Do you have proof?"

Amanda sighed. Why couldn't she ever have the upper hand?
"I plan to get it."

He frowned. "How did Phoebe know anything about the
Daily Eats deal?"

"I caught her in my office one day. I think she saw
some email correspondence on my computer and seized the moment to make trouble."

"Why would she want to harm you?"

Amanda dropped the roll she was trying to force down her
throat. Less than half of it was gone. She had no more appetite for the food
than for the conversation. But she had to defend herself.

She met Logan's gaze directly. "Has Phoebe ever made a
pass at you?"

A red tinge bloomed on his cheekbones. But his voice was
cool. "I think she chases anything in pants."

"She must have heard some of those ridiculous rumors
flying around the company about us. It made her jealous."

"Ridiculous rumors?"
He
leaned forward. "What kind of rumors will fly when your condition becomes
known?"

"No one needs to know…who the father is."

"Wrong," he snapped. "It will quickly become
common knowledge that I am fathering a child."

"Not if we don't tell."

"I have no intention of hiding anything. Since I plan
to be fully involved in the child's life, it would be stupid to attempt
secrecy."

"You are not going to have anything to do with this
baby." She had to resist the urge to pound her hand on the table.
"You've made your feelings about children perfectly clear."

He lifted his brows. "There will be custody issues
involved here. Let me be perfectly clear on that."

She sprang to her feet.
"You bastard.
Don't even think about fighting me for custody."

"There you go." He looked up at her. "As it
happens, I am not a bastard. But you use the slur automatically. Do you want it
to be true when your child hears it?"

"Who knows what you are! You never say a word about
your family. You could have sprung from the head of Zeus for all I know!"

A spasm of pain crossed his face. She sucked in her breath.
Whoa. She'd definitely touched a nerve.

"You're going off track," he said, his tone very
even. "I will not give up the right to see my child. But I'm prepared to
be generous with custody if you—" He paused.

"If I do exactly as you say," she snapped.
"With my life.
No thanks."