Effortless (12 page)

Well, okay, I may have only told the customers that very first
sentence, but the rest of the speech echoed in my head on a
never-ending loop. Kellan and I could try and trust each other,
sure, but that only meant he wouldn’t sneak around behind my back.
There were no guarantees that he’d stay with me once he was exposed
to…well, literally, everyone.

All of the customers had an excited reaction to the news,
several walking over to the guys’ table to slap them on the back in
congratulations, or in the girls’ cases, to give them appreciative
hugs. Surprisingly, the only person who seemed as un-thrilled over
this development as me was Rita. She sulked as much as I did as I
approached the bar to get yet another round that someone had bought
for the foursome.

Her collagen-injected lips puckered into as much of a scowl as
she could make as she arranged their shots. “I can’t believe he’s
leaving,” she murmured over the noise in the bar. Glancing up at
me, she narrowed her eyes. “Aren’t you going to stop this? Put your
foot down?”

Looking back at Kellan smiling and shaking Sam’s hand, finally
looking happy about the idea of singing across the country, I
sighed and shook my head. “No, he deserves this. I’m not going to
try and keep him from fulfilling a dream.”

Rita reached across the bar and smacked me on the shoulder. I
glared back at her as she adjusted the deeply plunging neckline of
her altered Pete’s shirt. “Then you’re an idiot.” She pointed over
to Kellan and the guys and crassly verbalized every fear I had.
“He’s going to get famous after this little stint. Then he’s going
to realize that he’s famous, and gorgeous, and can screw just about
any woman in the world. You think he’s going to stay with an
ordinary nobody after that?”

Harshly grabbing my tray of shots, a good quarter of the drinks
splashing over the edge, I raised my chin to her. With a confidence
that I wasn’t sure I really felt, I shook my head. “You don’t know
Kellan, not like I do. He’s not like that. He’s not interested in
the fame, in the power, or in the women.” Lowering my chin, I
shrugged. “He’s interested in me.”

Rita folded her arms across her chest and smirked at me. “Right.
And he wouldn’t dare cheat on you, because he’s such a…moral
guy.”

She eyed me up and down and I flushed all over. By the tone in
her voice I knew what she was referring to when she questioned his
morality. The affair Kellan and I’d had was never openly admitted
by anyone who knew, but with the public fights Kellan and I had
shared, followed by Kellan’s beating—that we still claimed was a
mugging—most people had put the pieces together. Especially after
Denny had fled the country.

Not wanting to talk about my life with Rita anymore, since
Kellan had once been immoral with her too, I muttered, “You don’t
know him,” and stormed off to their table.

After another couple of free rounds, the guys finally had to
leave for a show at another bar. Kellan lingered after the other
guys exited to a spattering of cheers and whistles. Before he left,
Griffin paused at the door, exclaiming, “Thank you all, my loyal
subjects. And don’t worry, I won’t ever forget you when I’m famous,
I’ll only refuse to acknowledge your existence!”

Most of the bar laughed at that, maybe thinking he was joking.
Knowing Griffin probably meant it wholeheartedly, I rolled my eyes
and shook my head. Jackass.  Someday I was going to have to
stage an intervention for Anna. She could do so much better. Well,
she certainly couldn’t do any worse.

Also rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Kellan strolled up
to where I was standing beside a recently emptied table. Giving me
a crooked grin, he nodded at where Griffin had disappeared to.
“What do you think will do him in first? Drugs, money, or
women?”

Smiling, I slung my arms around his waist and raised an eyebrow.
“I’m pretty sure it will be a combination of all three.”

Kellan chuckled and looped his arms around my waist. As he
leaned down to kiss me, I found myself inadvertently spouting, “And
what about you? What will be your downfall?”

He paused before our lips touched. He started to frown, then
smiled. “You think I’ll have one?”

Embarrassed that I’d asked, I shook my head , then shrugged. “It
has occurred to me that you’re on the path to fame and fame brings
certain…hazards with it.” Sighing, knowing now wasn’t really the
time to have this conversation, I stared up at him. “You’ll be
surrounded by so much…temptation.” I bit my lip. “And I’ve seen
‘Behind the Music.’ I know what gets offered to rock stars.”

He narrowed his eyes but then laughed. “Wait, ‘Behind the
Music?’ You really have already mapped out my career, haven’t you?”
Smiling devilishly, he ducked down and looked me in the eye. “So
what it is? Booze? Gambling? Buying too many yachts?”

I twisted my lip at his comment and smacked his chest. “No, for
you, it’s women.” Sighing, I shook my head. “Always women.”

The smile on his face faded as he looked over mine. “You have to
trust me, Kiera.” His smile returned a little but it was laced with
sadness. “Just like I have to trust you.” The sudden seriousness in
his face instantly shifted to an impish grin and the air of
heartache around us lifted. “I know I’ll never find anything out
there that will top you, but really, it is quite possible that you
may lose interest in me once I’ve sold out and hit the bottle.
Maybe you’ll decide you can do better…start dating one of the Jonas
Brothers or something.”

Laughing, even though my stomach hurt a little at our
conversation, I smacked his chest again. Leaning up to kiss him, I
muttered, “Never.  You’re mine, washed up or not.”

Chuckling against my lips, he murmured, “Good, because none of
that is going to happen.” Pulling back, he raised an eyebrow. “It’s
just a six month tour with a bunch of other bands, most of which
are small and unsigned…just like us. And when we’re all crammed
together in a smelly bus, I’ll be wishing that I was back at home
with you.” Leaning in, he rested his head against mine. “And when
the six months is up, that’s exactly where you’ll find me…in bed
with you.”

I nodded against him as tears stung my eyes. “I hope so,” I
whispered.

“I know so,” he whispered back, his voice just as wistful as
mine. Then his lips crashed down to me and my hands came up to
possessively tangle into his hair, holding him against me. Kissing
much more aggressively than we usually did in public, I let the
feeling of being watched evaporate from me and concentrated only on
his touch. He was mine, I was his. This didn’t have to be a life
altering event if we didn’t let it be. It could just be a brief
separation while he did something amazing that most people would
never get the chance to do. We would both stay faithful to the
other and then we’d be back together and all the happier for
it.

After that…well, I’d tackle that hurdle once it was upon me.

You are told from the moment you enter school that time is
constant. It never changes. It is one of those set things in life
that you can always rely on…much like death and taxes. There will
always be sixty seconds in a minute. There will always be sixty
minutes in an hour. And there will always be twenty-four hours in a
day.  Time was not fluctuating. It moved on at the same,
constant pace at every moment in your life.

And that was the biggest load of crap that I’d ever been taught
in school.

Truth was, time did fluctuate. It was easy to lose hours or even
days in a blink of an eye. Other times, it was a struggle to get
through a mere hour. It ebbed and flowed as relentlessly as the
tides, and just as powerfully too. The moments that you wanted to
last forever were the ones that were washed away all too soon. The
moments that you wanted to speed up, were slowed down to a snail’s
pace.

That was the truth of the matter. And my life…was
flash-forwarding, and there was nothing I could do about it.

It seemed only yesterday that Kellan had reluctantly agreed to
go off and tour the continent, but, all of a sudden, his departure
was only a few days away. It was Monday morning…he was leaving
first thing Saturday. And as much as the last few weeks had rushed
by, I knew that the universe would cruelly make the next six months
drag on and on. I knew that I would feel every second of our
separation and it was going to suck…but I had to let it happen. I
would not selfishly guilt another man to give it all up for me. I
would never do that to someone again….no matter how much it
hurt.

Hearing the door to my apartment being knocked on, I snapped
myself out of my thoughts and slapped on a smile. Kellan was having
a hard time with the upcoming separation too. I didn’t want to make
it harder for him by seeming down all the time. Over the last few
weeks I’d perfected the art of feigned excitement. Not that I
wasn’t excited for him, and endlessly proud of him, I just didn’t
want him to go. If he could somehow have it all, but stay close to
my side, well, then my forced smile would be a natural one.

Walking past a folding card table, a wobbly contraption that my
sister and I were calling a fancy dining table, even going so far
as to classy it up with a thrift store tablecloth, I smiled at the
present sitting on top of it. When I opened the front door, Kellan
was leaning against the frame. He smiled crookedly at me. I bit my
lip as I absorbed his features, then stepped back so he could
enter.

Stepping through, he murmured, “Mornin’.”

Attaching his lips to my neck, he swung me around and pulled my
hips into his. Lightly closing the door behind him, I giggled
quietly; my sister was still asleep. “Good morning, yourself.”

Sighing, he slinked his arms around my waist. “I’m going to miss
taking you to school every day,” he sighed. Shaking his head, he
added, “You’ll nearly be graduating by the time I’m back.”

Stepping up my smile, even though my heart was breaking, I
tilted my head at him and stroked his cheek. “At least you’ll be
back in time for the ceremony. You can watch me walk down the
aisle.”

Smiling softly, he cinched me a little tighter. “I’d love to
watch you walk down the aisle.”

My heart starting to race a little, I suddenly wondered just
what aisle he was referring to. I opened my mouth, not sure what to
say, but Kellan looked over his shoulder and noticed the bright red
gift bag. His expression genuinely gleeful, he looked back to me.
“What’s that?”

Releasing him, I giggled again. “It’s for you. Sort of a going
away present.”

Frowning, he shook his head at me. “I know money is tight for
you. You didn’t have to get me anything.”

Pressing myself against his back, I shoved his shoulders towards
the table. “I got a good deal, it didn’t cost me much and it’s sort
of a present for both of us.”

Slowly walking towards the gift, he turned his head back to me
and grinned devilishly. “Is it handcuffs? Did you get the furry
kind? Because those feel really nice against your—”

I smacked his back and turned his head away from me, so that he
couldn’t see the blush spreading over my cheeks. “No!” I felt him
chuckling as he picked up his gift, but my head was busy imagining
him locked to my bed…naked. I guess that would be one way to keep
him near me. Rolling my eyes, I contained a sigh. And of course
he’d had enough experience with handcuffs that he had a style
preference.

Still laughing a little, he pulled the tissues out of the bag.
When he got to the actual present, he pulled it out and looked back
at me, confused. “What’s this?”

Now I laughed as I moved around to stand beside him. “Well, I
know you’re a little behind on the times, but they call that a cell
phone. It works just like your corded one…but you can walk around
with it.” Leaning in, I whispered, “You can even use it
outside.”

Giving me a dry look, he shook his head. “I know what it
is…what’s it for?”

Smiling, I pulled a matching one out of my jacket pocket slung
over a nearby chair. “It’s so we can keep in touch while you’re
gone. So you can always get a hold of me, and I can get a hold of
you.” I shrugged, feeling my throat starting to close up. “So we
can try and stay close…even though we’ll be really far apart.”

I watched his eyes search mine as he swallowed a few times, like
his throat was closing up a little too. Nodding, he leaned in and
kissed me. “I love it, thank you.”

I closed my eyes as we kissed a few times, savoring every second
that his skin was on mine. Pulling back from me, his breath a
little heavier, his eyes slightly hooded, his gaze focused on my
mouth. I got the distinct impression that if he didn’t have to take
me to school in a few minutes, he would have swept me up and taken
me to my bedroom. And even though I knew school was important and I
needed to focus on my final year, I wanted him to.

His eyes flashing up to mine, he gave me a breathtaking grin.
“Can I sext you on it?”

I blinked at his question then felt my cheeks flame red hot
again. Not giving him an answer, I smacked his shoulder and grabbed
my jacket. Just as he was chuckling, tucking his new phone away in
his leather jacket pocket, I heard a bedroom door open. Kellan
turned towards the sound, ready to greet Anna, but who stepped out
of the door was not my sister. They also were not dressed.

Scratching his freely swinging man parts, Griffin yawned and
squinted at us. “Dude, what are doing here so early?”

I immediately looked away from the bare naked man. Kellan
smirked and shook his head. “It’s ten thirty, Griffin.”

I heard Griffin snort but didn’t look back at him. “I know, man,
it’s fucking earlier than shit.” Kellan looked down on me and
rolled his eyes. Anything before eleven was practically the crack
of dawn for Griffin. I wanted to roll my eyes as well, but I heard
Griffin coming closer to us. I froze. I seriously wanted to scream
at him to get some clothes on.

Yawning again, Griffin lazily said, “Hey, Matt wanted me to tell
you that if you miss another rehearsal, he’s tossing you from the
band.”

Kellan looked back up at Griffin and raised an eyebrow.
“Really?” Laughing lightly, he shook his head. “Tell him I’ll be
there.” Looking down at me again, Kellan shrugged. “I guess my head
has been other places lately.”

I saw Griffin’s hand come out to push back Kellan’s shoulder,
but I refused to look at the nudist. “Well zip your head back in
your pants and get back in the game. We need you on board.”

Sighing, Kellan looked up at him. “I’m on board, Griff. 
I’ll be there, okay.”

“You better.”

Just as it sounded like Griffin was turning to leave, I watched
Kellan shake his head, his lips twisting. “Hey, Griff? You mind not
walking around my girlfriend’s place buck naked? I’d really prefer
her only staring at my junk, if you don’t mind.”

My eyes widening, I inadvertently looked back at Griffin.
Smirking at me, he took himself in hand. “Dude, if she’s peeking at
another man’s schlong, then that’s between the two of you.” Raising
his eyebrows at Kellan, he shook his blond head. “The Hulk needs to
breathe.”

Kellan bit his lip, struggling to not laugh. I had no such luck
with my control and had to slap a hand over my mouth. Griffin
glared at both of us, then sauntered back to Anna’s room. Once the
door was closed again, Kellan burst out laughing. I joined him, the
tears springing into my eyes gladly obscuring the afterimage of
Griffin’s pierced manhood.

Between giggles, I managed to laugh out, “The Hulk? Does it turn
green when it grows?”

Holding in his stomach, Kellan shook his head. “Oh God, I hope
not. Come on, let’s get out of here before we find out.”

Grabbing my book bag, we hastily escaped from where we could
hear Griffin start to wake up Anna. Once in the hall, our laughter
slowly subsided. When I could breathe without giggling, I smiled
over at Kellan. “Thank you for trying. Seeing Griffin in all his
glory…will be one of the things that I definitely won’t miss.”

Slinging his arm over my shoulders, Kellan shook his head. Still
laughing over his ass of a band mate, he said, “I wish I could say
the same, but the green mutant’s coming with me.”

Laughing a little myself, I raised an eyebrow at him. “You have
any…nicknames?”

Kellan gave me a charmingly crooked smile. “None that I’ve given
myself, but from what I’ve heard said in the bedroom, it would
probably be something like, ‘The
Oh-God-yes-harder-faster-don’t-you-dare-stop-yes-fuck-me-now-you’re-freaking-amazing
Machine’.” He shrugged. “But that’s kind of a mouthful.”

Frowning, I elbowed him in the stomach and shrugged his arm off
of me. Sometimes he could be just as much of a jackass as
Griffin…almost, anyway. Laughing, he came up behind me and spun me
around. As I squealed in protest, he lifted me up over his shoulder
and smacked my bottom. “I’m just joking. Come on, let’s get you to
class.” As I squirmed against him, he added, “Maybe while you’re
learning, I’ll go get some of those handcuffs…then you can give me
a better nickname.”

I stiffened in his arms, wondering if he was serious about that;
his only response was to laugh.

After depositing me at my place of higher learning, Kellan went
off to go do…whatever he did while I was in school. Maybe think of
new ways to mortify me. Hopefully he really was joking about the
handcuffs.

Over the past weeks I’d gotten to know some of the other
graduating English majors and I met up with a few of them before my
Critical Practice class. It was an intense course and we’d all
agreed to meet early and study for an hour before we went in.
Sitting in a group of six or seven like-minded individuals,
contemplating the importance of interpretive practices when
studying literature and culture, I felt more like my own person,
with my own hopes and dreams, and less like one of Kellan’s
entourage. It made me feel whole, complete, and made the process of
him leaving slightly less nerve-wracking. Slightly…I still wasn’t
ready for that day to come.

The nearly two hour course was a brain burner, and by the time
it was over, I was grateful for my slightly easier ethics class.
Even if ethics brought Candy…and not the apple-flavored kind.
Gritting my teeth, I did what I did nearly every day when I walked
into the classroom—I ignored her and her friends. It was fairly
easy to do since she’d started ignoring me too. After her failed
attempt to make me jealous enough to break up with Kellan, she
seemed to give up on it. Either that or she was busy plotting and
scheming a more masterful plan than merely spreading gossip. I
liked to believe the woman had more important things to do with her
time, though.

Quickly absorbed in the lecture, I forgot about all about Candy
sitting a few rows in front of me with her friends. Once the class
was over, I grabbed up all of my stuff and went over the paper I
was going to write tonight during slow times on my shift. The
teacher was having us do a paper on the ethical responsibility of
various websites. I was thinking of doing mine on a popular medical
advice site, showing the importance of giving potential patients
the correct information.

Already outlining my debate in my head, I bumped into Kellan in
the hallway. Grabbing my shoulders, he held me in place in front of
him. Lost in thought, I blinked at him stupidly for a second before
smiling and engulfing him in a hug. “Hey, you’re picking me up
inside.”

Laughing at my obvious comment, he scruffed up his hair with his
hand. “Yeah, it’s pouring out there. I thought I’d go for a swim
instead of waiting in my car.” I cringed away from the water
droplets flicking me and he laughed a little more.

Looping my arm through his, I smiled and leaned into his side.
“Well, I’m glad you did. I can run my idea for a paper by you…even
though you’ll probably have no idea what I’m talking about.” I
smiled, knowing that Kellan rarely went near a computer, let alone
searched the internet.

He grinned as we started walking away. “Hit me.”

Just as I began my speech, I was jostled so harshly that I was
knocked a step away from Kellan. Frowning, I glanced over at the
rude person who thought they ruled the hallway. Flaming red curls
met my eye as Candy snidely glared back at me. Sighing, I rolled my
eyes and reattached myself to Kellan. He didn’t let me, though. His
eyes narrowing at her, he mumbled, “Stay here a second,” then
strode over to where she was eyeing him with pleasantly curled
lips.