Effortless (56 page)

Dropping his head back as I reached his chin, he gasped when I
quickly leaned up and flicked my tongue along his upper lip. Breath
heavier, he moaned my name. “Kiera…”

Squirming against his body, I trailed my mouth up his jaw. I had
to stand on my tippy toes, to reach his ear. I quickly darted my
tongue inside and he hissed in a sharp breath.  I felt
invincible in his arms, like I could do anything wrapped in the
warmth of his love. Kellan had always lifted me up, encouraged me
to feel like the person he saw when he looked at me. And sheltered
in his arms, I was starting to feel that way.

Knowing it was something that would have normally had me huddled
in a corner, mortified, I whispered something to him that I finally
felt confident enough to whisper. It implied so much of how much I
trusted him, how safe I felt with him, and even though it seemed
dirty, it wasn’t. It was beautiful and honest.

“I put some handcuffs under your pillow…if you want to use them
on me.”

His eyes were huge when I pulled away from him. He’d joked, he’d
teased, but I don’t think he ever thought I’d actually concede.
Honestly, I was surprised at myself. But I…trusted him. And I loved
him. And I knew he’d never hurt me, or debase me, or make me feel
anything but loved and comforted…and satisfied. Besides, it was one
more thing I could cross off my bucket list.

My, how I’d grown since meeting Kellan.

Kellan’s eyes softened as he understood just what I was offering
him. Gently kissing me, he murmured, “I love you, Kiera. Happy
Birthday.” I nodded, eagerly finding his lips again. 

Kellan and the guys had to take off Monday morning for Los
Angeles. We all met at Pete’s for a proper send off. Lana, the
record rep from the label, showed up in a sleek stretch limo to
take them to the airport. Griffin was over the moon as he opened
the door and peeked inside. Smiling back at Kellan, he exclaimed,
“They got champagne in here, Kell!”

Kellan shook his head at Griffin and twisted to look at me. “I
still can’t believe he’s gonna be a dad,” he whispered, rolling his
eyes.

“You and me both,” I sighed.

Anna was still at my parents. I’d called her and tried to
convince her to come home early, to see Griffin off before he left
again, but she’d refused. Then Dad had gotten on the line and
scolded me for not calling them the minute I’d found out Anna was
pregnant. I’d tried to tell him that I’d been bound to secrecy, but
he didn’t much care about sibling pacts when the health and well
being of his child was at stake. Once he’d gotten the stern lecture
out of his system, Mom had gotten on the line and they’d both spent
over an hour cautioning me on not following in my big sister’s
footsteps.

I’d repeatedly told them that I was being careful, but that only
made them push the virtues of waiting to be intimate until I was
married. They’d even grudgingly accepted the idea of Kellan as my
potential spouse. Since I’d been in bed with Kellan at the time,
the whole conversation had been kind of funny to me. And I probably
shouldn’t have, but I’d chosen that moment to break the news that
I’d moved back in with Kellan. I swear I could still hear the
disappointed groans.

As Griffin hopped out of the limo, Matt and Evan took a casual
peek inside. On cloud nine, Griffin sauntered up to Kellan, tossing
an arm over his shoulder. “This is gonna rock, man. Can you believe
it? Chicks, money, mansions…there’s nothing we won’t be able to
get.”

Frowning, Kellan raised an eyebrow at his bassist. “Making a
record doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to hit it big,
Griffin. We’ll probably still be nobodies…just nobodies with a
label hounding us to pay back the recording costs.”

Griffin snorted and ran his hand back through his pale hair.
“Nah, won’t happen. We got something none of those other guys
got.”

Morbidly curious, I asked, “And what’s that?”

Giving me a sly grin, Griffin thumped Kellan on the chest.
“Him.”

Kellan shook his head and looked down as Griffin strolled off to
smack his cousin on the back of the head. Leaning into Kellan’s
side, the warm, spring air clean and refreshing, I smiled up at
him. “He’s right.” Closing my eyes, I muttered, “And I can’t
believe I just agreed with Griffin.”

Kellan chuckled and I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me.
“You’re both ridiculous,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss my
cheek.

Holding Kellan tight, I watched Evan scoop Jenny into a huge
hug. Matt wrapped his arms around Rachel in a more reserved way,
but I clearly saw the love being exchanged in the smaller gesture.
Griffin looked around for someone to hug, but the only people here,
besides Lana, who had already slipped back into the car as she
waited for her talent to wrap things up, were paired up. Griffin
glumly looked around for a moment, then got into the car by
himself. Again, I wished Anna was here for him. Odd or not, they
kind of worked together.

After the couples broke apart, I gave Matt a brief hug. He
smiled and hugged me back, then I was grappled from behind. Evan
lifted me up, nearly plopping me over his shoulder. Kellan laughed
at his friend as I screamed in surprise. Kellan put his arm around
Jenny as Evan set me down. The two longtime friends said a couple
of words that I couldn’t hear, then hugged briefly. After that,
Kellan gave Rachel a one-armed hug while Jenny patted Matt’s
back.

Then the boys were waving and climbing into their limousine to
go chase their rising star. And, like Griffin, I was sure that
they’d catch it. Kellan was too talented, too attractive. His fame
was fated, and all I could do was hold his hand and tell him that
he was worthy of it.

I had tears in my eyes as the black beauty pulled away. But they
weren’t tears of worry or sadness this time. No, I was proud of
him, immensely proud of him. How many people get an opportunity
like this and actually go for it? I had to believe it was a small
amount that chose to reach for their dreams, even if they seemed
impossible.

And once Kellan was safely tucked away in a recording studio,
laying down the tracks that would soon be searing the souls of fans
across the globe, I turned my attentions back to my dreams, my
goals. I was graduating in a few weeks from college, and I finally
knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I wanted to write. I wanted to be an author, with my name on the
cover of a story that I’d created. I wanted it more than
anything.

I found that all the time I’d spent writing my required papers,
had opened up something in me. I enjoyed the quiet times I had,
when I could let my thoughts pour out onto the page, instead of
keeping them bottled inside. After Kellan and I had had an honest
discussion about how badly we’d messed up our relationship by
starting it with a betrayal…I’d started writing about it. At first,
I was just jotting down notes as I had coffee with Cheyenne or
Jenny, but after a while, I got immersed in it.

I started reliving the past as I wrote it. It was like watching
a movie in my head, one that I wished I could have stopped
sometimes, as parts of it were exceedingly painful, but it was
therapeutic, too. I didn’t hold back any details either. It was an
emotional, soul bearing rollercoaster ride of just what had gone
down between Kellan and I. Our slow build up, our passionate
releases, our attempt to bottle up what we’d felt behind a wall of
friendship, our heated fights—I wrote it all.

I figured I would come out the bad guy in the story, hated,
reviled for betraying a man as good as Denny. Maybe it would be
different, if Denny were the cold, abusive or jealous type, but he
wasn’t. Denny was a good man, a great man, so I knew that I’d come
out as the heartless one. But that was okay. I’d done it, and I had
to live with the consequences of doing it. And, anyway, that wasn’t
who I was anymore. I’d grown, being with Kellan. I’d learned a lot
about myself, about who I wanted to be. I was still struggling
through my insecurities to be that person, and that’s something
that I’d probably have to push myself with every day, but I
was
becoming that person.

The confident woman who’d shaken her booty for her boyfriend,
while dancing around in the kitchen eating pizza—she was in here
somewhere, and she was ready to come out. 

Time flew by as I prepared myself to leave the life of higher
education. With work and finals and my sister’s return to Seattle,
I barely had time to sleep. But somehow I managed to pull it off,
and before I could comprehend it, the middle of June was upon
me…and I was about to become a University of Washington
graduate.

As promised, Kellan flew back from Los Angeles to attend the
ceremony. Sitting on our bed, he distracted me with small talk
about his album while I searched through my dresser for something
suitable to wear. As I listened to Kellan’s voice as he went over
the technical aspect of recording, I felt butterflies of excitement
stir in my belly. I’d done it. It had been hard, and taken a toll
on me, for sure, but I’d made it through the academics. And now I
had to be put on display.

That was definitely the downside to graduating. But oddly, I was
looking forward to it. Maybe because I knew Kellan was going to be
there. And Anna. And my parents, since Kellan had gotten them plane
tickets to come out here just to see me graduate. Even Denny had
said he’d come. Everyone I considered family would be in the
audience, cheering me on. I found a lot of strength in that.

Holding up a pair of black slacks and a gray button-up shirt, I
wondered if it screamed “graduate.” A voice in my doorway pulled my
attention that way.

“No, not that one.” Anna stood leaning against the frame,
shaking her head. She took a step into the room and extended her
hand to me. “Here, wear this.” Sighing, she rolled her eyes. “Lord
knows I won’t be wearing it for a while.”

Taking the small scrap of fabric from her, I smiled down at her
protruding belly. Anna was sixteen weeks along, almost halfway to
her November due date. In another month, she’d be able to find out
if her prediction was correct, if she was having a girl or not. She
had a bulge that was unmistakable now, and utterly adorable on her.
She’d grown to embrace the new curvature of her body, no longer
hiding it behind baggy sweats and shirts. The maternity shirt she
had on now clung to her hormonally enlarged chest. The pale pink
fabric then clung to the baby in her belly before meeting back up
with her hips. It was as seductive as a mom-to-be could dress.

Her friends at work had been surprisingly supportive when Anna
had finally spilled the news. Her manager had given her a
larger-sized Hooters uniform, and told her that her pregnancy
wasn’t a problem; girls working for the restaurant chain got
pregnant all the time. Even though I’d told Anna that they
wouldn’t, that legally, they couldn’t, Anna had seemed relieved
that they hadn’t fired her.

Anna felt even more relieved when the manager had confessed that
she’d had the same fears when she’d gotten pregnant as a waitress.
Then the level-headed woman started showing my sister the ropes
behind the scenes. Anna surprisingly loved it. And she was good at
it, too. I think it gave her confidence, having something to fall
back on that didn’t rely on her looks. Not that my sister really
needed that much help in the confidence department.

Smiling at the image of my devil-may-care sister trying her hand
at responsibility, I unfolded the outfit she’d just handed me. It
was a short, tight little black dress, the kind that was perfect
for almost every occasion. I held it up to my body and twisted my
lips. Anna dressed a lot more provocatively than me, and a lot of
skin would be showing.

Kellan, still lying on our bed, murmured his approval. “That…is
perfect.”

I glanced over at him. His midnight blue eyes were locked onto
my cleavage. The neck line was a low-cut square and would rest just
above where it needed to when I put it on. I doubt I’d be able to
wear a bra with it. Anna chuckled and I turned to watch her rub her
stomach. She gave me a warm smile. “You’ll be beautiful, sis.”

I inhaled and stood up just a little straighter. I felt
beautiful already, just being near the people who loved me. And
even though the dress made me cringe, I would wear it, and wear it
proudly. Because today was a day for bravery. And I had role models
of that bravery all around me. Anna was brave everyday that she
struggled through her situation. And just last week…she bought a
crib. I helped her put it up in my old room and she cried when it
was completed.  I had faith that her bravery would extend to
keeping the baby…and someday telling Griffin about it.

And Kellan was brave. Not for recording an album in L.A. No, I
don’t think that even fazed him. Kellan was brave, because he was
coming to Pete’s with me, to celebrate with our friends at a party
in my honor…and his dad was going to be there. I’d already gotten a
confirming text from him when he’d landed in Seattle. Kellan didn’t
look like it, as he smiled charmingly at me, but he was freaking
out.

And Kellan was also brave…because he was letting my parents stay
with us.

From across the hall, I heard my father’s heavy steps as he
walked over to stand beside Anna. Resting a hand on her shoulder,
he looked into the room and frowned at the provocative dress I was
holding to my body. Then he forced the frown into a small smile.
“Very beautiful, sweetheart. Your mother and I are very proud of
you…even if you’re graduating here in Washington and not at our
Alma Mater.”

Dad sighed at my schooling choice, and Anna rested her head on
his shoulder. He rubbed her arm and held her tight. The surprise
pregnancy had been a shock to my parents—Anna had told me that Dad
had cried—but they had, of course, immediately turned into the
loving, supportive people I knew them to be. They’d even offered
Anna free room and board if she wanted to move back to Ohio. She’d
refused, though, deciding to stay here. Maybe that was because of
Griffin, maybe me, or maybe Anna finally felt…home.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

They were all staring at me now, and I felt heat start to creep
into my cheeks. Then I laughed the embarrassment away. “Can
I…change now?” I asked my dad and sister.

Anna giggled and backed away, pulling on Dad’s arm. “Come on,
Dad, let’s go get something to eat…I’m starving.”

Dad frowned and resisted Anna’s pull. He looked over at Kellan,
still comfortably lying on our bed. “Kellan, son, you want to give
me a hand with…something?” Dad asked awkwardly.

I shook my head, seeing right through Dad’s painful attempt to
get Kellan out of the room so I could change in private. Poor guy.
He was still struggling with his baby girl being all grown up. He
had to realize, since Kellan and I shared this bedroom, that Kellan
had seen me naked before. Hell, Kellan had tied me to his headboard
and stroked a feather over every bare inch of skin on me before…not
that my dad needed to know that.