Eleanor & Park (28 page)

Shots had been fired for less.

As soon as he disappeared

from the window, she slipped off

the bed like that stupid cat and put

her bra and shoes on in the dark.

She was wearing a great big T-

shirt and a pair of her dad’s old

flannel pajama pants. Her coat was

in the living room, so she put on a

sweater.

Maisie

had

fallen

asleep

watching TV, so it was relatively

easy to climb over her empty bed

and out the window.

He’ll kick me out for real this

time, Eleanor thought, tiptoeing

across the porch. That would be

his best Christmas ever.

Park was waiting on the

school steps. Where they’d sat and

r ead
Watchmen
. As soon as he

saw her, he stood up and ran to

her. Like, actually
ran
.

He ran to her – and took her

face in both of his hands. And

then he was kissing her before she

could say no. And she was kissing

him back before she could remind

herself that she wasn’t ever going

to kiss anybody again, especially

not him, because look how

miserable it had made her.

She was crying, and so was

Park. When she put her hands on

his cheeks, they were wet.

And warm. He was so warm.

She bent her neck back and

kissed him like she never had

before. Like she wasn’t scared of

doing it wrong.

He pulled away to say he was

sorry, and she shook her head no,

because even though she really

did want him to be sorry, she

wanted to kiss him more.

‘I’m sorry, Eleanor.’ He held

her face against his. ‘I was wrong

about everything.
Everything
.’

‘I’m sorry, too,’ she said.

‘For what?’

‘For acting mad at you all the

time.’

‘It’s okay,’ he said, ‘sometimes

I like it.’

‘But not always.’

He shook his head.

‘I don’t even know why I do

it,’ she said.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘I’m not sorry about getting

mad about Tina.’

He

pressed

his

forehead

against hers until it hurt. ‘Don’t

even say her name,’ he said.

‘She’s nothing and you’re …

everything. You’re everything,

Eleanor.’

He kissed her again, and she

opened her mouth.

They stayed outside until Park

couldn’t rub any warmth back into

her hands. Until her lips were

numb from cold and kissing.

He wanted to walk her back

home, but she told him that would

be suicidal.

‘Come see me tomorrow,’ he

said.

‘I can’t, it’s Christmas.’

‘The next day, then.’

‘The next day,’ she said.

‘And the day after that.’

She laughed. ‘I don’t think

your mom would like that. I don’t

think she likes me.’

‘You’re wrong,’ he said.

‘Come.’

Eleanor was climbing the front

steps when she heard him

whispering her name. She turned

back, but she couldn’t see him in

the shadows.

‘Merry Christmas,’ he said.

She smiled, but didn’t answer.

CHAPTER 33

Eleanor

Eleanor slept until noon on

Christmas Day. Until her mom

finally came in and told her to

wake up.

‘Are you okay?’ her mom

asked.

‘I’m asleep.’

‘You look like you’re getting a

cold.’

‘Does that mean I can go back

to sleep?’

‘I guess so. Look, Eleanor …’

her mother stepped away from the

door, and her voice dropped. ‘I’m

going to talk to Richie about this

summer. I think I can get him to

change his mind about that camp.’

Eleanor opened her eyes. ‘No.

No, I don’t want to go.’

‘But I thought you’d jump at

the chance to get out of here.’

‘No,’ Eleanor said, ‘I don’t

want to have to leave everybody

… again.’ Saying it made her feel

like one hundred percent jerk, but

she’d say anything to spend the

summer with Park. (And she

wasn’t even going to tell herself

that he’d probably be sick of her

by then.) ‘I want to stay home,’

she said.

Her mom nodded. ‘Okay,’ she

said, ‘then I won’t mention it. But

if you change your mind …’

‘I won’t,’ Eleanor said.

Her mom left the room, and

Eleanor pretended to go back to

sleep.

Park

He slept until noon on Christmas

Day, until Josh came in and

sprayed him with one of their

mom’s salon water bottles.

‘Dad says that if you don’t get

up, he’s going to let me have all

your presents.’

Park beat Josh back with a

pillow.

Everybody else was waiting

for him, and the whole house

smelled like turkey. His grandma

wanted him to open her present

first – a new ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish’

T-shirt. A size bigger than last

year’s, which meant it would be a

size too big.

His parents gave him a fifty-

dollar gift certificate to Drastic

Plastic, the punk-rock record store

downtown. (Park was surprised

that they’d think of that. And he

was surprised that DP sold gift

certificates. Not very punk.) He

also got two black sweaters he

might actually wear, some Avon

cologne in a bottle shaped like an

electric guitar, and an empty key

ring – which his dad made sure

everybody noticed.

Park’s sixteenth birthday had

come and gone, and he didn’t

even care anymore about getting

his license and driving himself to

school. He wasn’t going to give up

his only guaranteed time with

Eleanor.

She’d already told him that as

awesome as last night was – and

they both agreed it was awesome

– she couldn’t risk sneaking out

again.

‘Any one of my siblings could

have woken up, they still could,

and they would definitely tell on

me. They have very confused

allegiances.’

‘But if you’re quiet …’

That’s when she’d told him

that, most nights, she shared a

room with all of her brothers and

sisters.
All
of them. A room about

the size of his, she said, ‘minus the

waterbed.’

They were sitting against the

back door of the school, in a little

alcove where no one would see

them unless they were really

looking, and where the snow

didn’t fall directly on their faces.

They sat next to each other, facing

each other, holding hands.

There was nothing between

them now. Nothing stupid and

selfish just taking up space.

‘So you have two brothers and

two sisters?’

‘Three brothers, one sister.’

‘What are their names?’

‘Why?’

‘I’m just curious,’ he said. ‘Is

it classified?’

She sighed. ‘Ben, Maisie …’

‘Maisie?’

‘Yeah.

Then

Mouse

–

Jeremiah. He’s five. Then the

baby. Little Richie.’

Park laughed. ‘You call him

“Little Richie”?’

‘Well, his dad is Big Richie,

not that he’s very big either …’

‘I know, but like Little

Richard? “Tutti-Frutti”?’

‘Oh my God, I never thought

of that. Why haven’t I ever

thought of that?’

He pulled her hands to his

chest. He still hadn’t managed to

touch Eleanor anywhere below the

chin or above the elbow. He didn’t

think she’d necessarily stop him if

he tried, but what if she did?

That’d be awful. Anyway, her

hands and her face were excellent.

‘Do you guys get along?’

‘Sometimes … They’re all

crazy.’

‘How can a five-year-old be

crazy?’

‘Oh my God, Mouse? He’s the

craziest of them all. He’s always

got a hammer or a jackrabbit or

something stuck in his back

pocket, and he refuses to wear a

shirt.’

Park laughed. ‘How is Maisie

crazy?’

‘Well, she’s
mean
. For starters.

And she fights like a street person.

Like,

take-off-your-earrings

fights.’

‘How old is she?’

‘Eight. No, nine.’

‘What about Ben?’

‘Ben …’ She looked away.

‘You’ve seen Ben. He’s almost

Josh’s age. He needs a haircut.’

‘Does Richie hate them, too?’

Eleanor pushed Park’s hands

forward. ‘Why do you want to

talk about this?’

He pushed back. ‘
Because
. It’s

your life. Because I’m interested.

It’s like you’ve got all these weird

barriers set up, like you only want

me to have access to this tiny part

of you …’

‘Yes,’ she said, crossing her

arms. ‘Barriers. Caution tape. I’m

doing you a favor.’

‘Don’t,’ he said. ‘I can handle

it.’ He put his thumb between her

eyebrows and tried to smooth out

the frown. ‘This whole stupid

fight was about keeping secrets.’

‘Keeping secrets about your

demonic ex-girlfriend. I don’t

have any demonic ex-anythings.’

‘Does

Richie

hate

your

brothers and sister, too?’

‘Stop saying his name.’ She

was whispering.

‘I’m sorry.’ Park whispered

back.

‘He hates everybody, I think.’

‘Not your mom.’

‘Especially her.’

‘Is he mean to her?’

Eleanor rolled her eyes and

wiped her cheek with her sweater

sleeve. ‘Uh. Yeah.’

Park took her hands again.

‘Why doesn’t she leave?’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t

think she can … I don’t think

there’s enough of her left.’

‘Is she scared of him?’ he

asked.

‘Yeah …’

‘Are you scared of him?’

‘Me?’

‘I know you’re scared of

getting kicked out, but are you

scared of him?’

‘No.’ She lifted up her chin.

‘No … I just have to lay low, you

know? Like as long as I stay out

of his way, I’m fine. I just have to

be invisible.’

Park smiled.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘You. Invisible.’

She smiled. He let go of her

hands and held her face. Her

cheeks were cold, and her eyes

were fathomless in the dark.

She was all he could see.

Eventually it was too cold to stay

out there. Even the insides of their

mouths were freezing.

Eleanor

Richie said Eleanor had to come

out of her room for Christmas

dinner. Fine. She really was

getting a cold, so at least it didn’t

seem like she’d been faking it all

day.

Dinner was awesome. Her

mom could really cook when she

had actual food to work with.

(Something other than legumes.)

They had turkey with stuffing, and

mashed potatoes swimming with

dill and butter. For dessert there

was rice pudding and pepper

cookies, which her mom only ever

made on Christmas.

At least that had been the rule

back when her mom used to make

all kinds of cookies, all year long.

The little kids didn’t know what

they were missing now. When

Eleanor and Ben were little, their

mom baked constantly. There

were always fresh cookies in the

kitchen when Eleanor got home

from school. And real breakfast

every morning … Eggs and bacon,

or pancakes and sausage, or

oatmeal with cream and brown

sugar.

Eleanor used to think that that

was why she was so fat. But look

at her now, she was starving all

the time, and she was still

enormous.

They all tore into Christmas

dinner like it was their last meal,

which it practically was, at least

for a while. Ben ate both of the

turkey legs, and Mouse ate an

entire plate of mashed potatoes.

Richie had been drinking all

day again, so he was all kinds of

festive at dinner – laughing too

much and too loud. But you

couldn’t enjoy the fact that he was

in a good mood, because it was