Elemental Fear (3 page)

*****

We sat down in a small patisserie across the street from the office building, chatting about his mother, with a familiarity between faithful friends. He ordered a coffee and I had a hot chocolate. He claimed that since he hadn’t seen me over the weekend it was his treat. The smells and aromas of the food being prepared made my stomach audibly call out its hunger and longing for food. Then the moment came when his ritual started. He cupped his mug in his large masculine hands, brought it to just below his nose...

His mobile rang
, breaking through the perfect moment like a jagged knife. He pulled it out of his pocket, looked at the screen and let out a loud, exhausted sigh. “Excuse me,” he said in a huff.

“Hi
, Van...” He paused, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose; he’d clearly been interrupted on the other end. “I haven’t been ignoring your calls, I have been busy.” He looked down at me. “I’m in a meeting right now, if you must know, with someone very important who does not like to be kept waiting.”

I looked up at him shocked. I didn’t like the lie
, and my expression said so, because clearly he caught the look and turned away from me.

“My secretary is out to lunch and...yes
, Eve’s in today. Okay, maybe she didn’t answer because she is also busy.” He sighed again.

I winced at my name being mentioned
? Why was my name being mentioned?

“Oh
, for goodness sake, Vanessa, I am not being an arse. I. Am. Working!” His voice became more agitated. “No, I have not mentioned it to her yet....no...yes, we do, but...no....yes...” He growled.

Literally growled
.

I tried to remain still and unaffected by the phone call
, but the noise he made and his clear agitation somehow amused me. Dominic always seemed so controlled and unaffected by any situation, it was amusing to see this woman clearly break down his defenses. I snorted a laugh. I tried to hide it by looking at the floor and putting the scalding chocolate to my mouth, but my lips would not co-operate in hiding the smile.

Dominic turned to look at me
. His eyes pierced me with a glacial stare. Then he shook his head, and the dimple in his cheek creased slightly, and I knew he was suppressing a smile.

“No...uh-huh...no....I haven’t..
.” He was beginning to sound like a scratched CD. “Vanessa, I am not talking about this on the phone, you are making me sound like a robot, yes, no, yes, no. It’s tiresome. I have told you we will discuss it when we get together...No. That’s final. You cannot be calling me at work about this. And under no circumstance bother Eve about this, do you understand? Now I have a very important client waiting, if you will excuse me.” His tone was sharp and distant. I had never heard him speak to anyone like that, let alone the woman he loved. What if this was what it was like with every man once they had you.

I wanted to hide from that thought; I looked to the door to see if I could escape without him noticing.
The exit wasn’t too far away, he was busy, I could do it. I gently placed my mug down and started to shift in my seat. I half rose to my feet when he grabbed my wrist. It wasn’t rough or painful as I had become accustomed to with Elliott. I looked at my hand then up into Dominic’s eyes. My heartbeat stopped when I caught the cerulean pools of blue looking back at me, pleading with me.

“I have to go
.” And with that he ended his call. He placed his phone on the table and looked at me, noticing the wary expression on my face he said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean...I wasn’t...oh God! I’m really fucking this up, aren’t I?” He bowed his head, and I couldn’t help the gasp that came out when he cursed. He looked up at me, his face was pale, and he looked lost.

I looked at the exit and back to Dominic. His fingers curled around into my hand and instead of holding my wrist he was holding my hand. A strange tingling, almost debilitating
, sensation spread across my chest to my stomach. I slowly sat down; I remained silent, trying to settle my unsteady breathing. I was used to being held by Dominic, it was the one thing that brought me back from the blackness of a panic attack, but this felt different, intimate almost. His hands were large and covered mine completely. The heat from his skin was comforting, and I felt a tightening in my chest.

“I’m sorry
.” He looked to the floor and shook his head. “I’m a weak man. It’s pathetic, and I know you must think I’m some crude monster to talk to her...to Vanessa like that, but...” He paused, his voice almost a whisper as he spoke. Real shame seeped through when he spoke and it pained me to hear him like this. “I haven’t even accepted yet, but she’s already planning the most important day of my life.”

I reached out with my other hand and placed it on top of our entwined hands. His head shot up, a look of shock on his face.

“I never expect you to apologise to me, Dominic, and I certainly don’t think you are any of those things.” I smiled at him shyly. I squeezed his hand slightly. His thumb lifted and brushed against mine. Another tingle spread through my body. “You forgot to invite her to lunch with the rest of us.”

He let out a frustrated breath, running his hands through his hair.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me anymore. Since she asked me to marry her, everything has just...” He looked straight into my eyes, “changed. We were happy, I suppose. I thought we could make this work. I didn’t know she had this in mind, I didn’t realise she thought we were...that she wanted me for life...I thought she understood.”

“Who wouldn’t want you for life
?” I said then wished I could crawl into a deep crevice and never be seen again. My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “It’s natural to feel nervous; you are taking the commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. It’s a vow to love her forever. I couldn’t think of anyone more perfect for you.”

He
looked straight at me, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something but changed his mind at the last minute and pulled his hand away and sat up straightening himself in his chair. A determined expression marred his face, the one he used in the board room at meetings.

“What do you want to eat? I’m ravenous
.” His voice was cold and distant. The conversation ended, and we acted like such an intense conversation never occurred. It was as if a shutter had come down between us closing off our friendship.

“Erm...ham Panini please, with salad
, no…”

“Cucumber or onion
,” he finished my sentence. I smiled, liking that he knew me so well.

He went to the counter to order our food; I turned sideways in my seat to watch him at the counter. His jaw twitched as he looked over the menu boards. He had his hands in his pockets
, rocking on the heels of his feet. It was one of his personal habits I adored about him.

Dominic’s mobile rang
, startling me out of my avid staring. I reached over the table to look at the screen. The caller ID said Vanessa. I looked over at Dominic but didn’t say anything; I simply got up and left the patisserie. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to another of their conversations. Although I wanted him to confide in me about her, I couldn’t prepare myself for how that would feel when he did. Once he married Vanessa, I knew our friendship would be very different, and I would no longer have him in my life the way I did now. I had to start hardening my heart. I had to push Dominic out of my mind. I had to adapt to  Elliott and his demons.

Dominic didn’t return that afternoon; Emily called in the office and said he’d been called out to a meeting. I wonder if he was meeting Vanessa. I mentally sc
olded myself for feeling a pang of jealousy. I needed to get a grip of my emotions. Things were getting very blurry and out of context, and I needed to rein that in. I was furious at myself for just leaving the cafe today, but it physically hurt to hear him talking with Vanessa. I knew I had no right when I was currently in a relationship with someone else, but knowing the man who I had loved my entire life was making plans to spend the rest of his life with another woman kind of killed me inside and made me hate myself, and Elliott more.

My desk phone rang
, startling me out of my pity party. “Eve Beaumont’s office”

“Hi
, Eve, it’s Lucinda. There’s a delivery for you at the front desk,” she said cheerily.

I frowned; I hadn’t been expecting a delivery and certainly not one personal
ly to me.

“
Okay, I will be down in a bit”

“Thanks, bye.”

I placed the receiver back in the holder and went to collect my “package.”

A few minutes later
, I walked through the large foyer that was the main entrance to the building. It was a huge open space with black granite flooring, a glass front that opened the space making it feel like you were almost outside. Lucinda’s desk was situated to the left of the entry, a big curved oak desk that was as high as my chest.

I walked over to her with a questioning look. She must have noticed because she offered me a bright smile
. “Your lunch, although I was tempted to keep it because it smells divine.” She smiled again.

“Erm...”

“It’s from across the road. Oh, and you have one of their delicious carrot cake muffins too. Want to swap? All I've got planned is a prawn salad bowl.” She chuckled slightly, and I smiled at her as I reached over to take the pre-offered bags.

“Thank you.”

Confused, I carried my lunch back upstairs to my office. I opened the bag, and my stomach groaned in happiness. It was the Panini and salad from the cafe and, like Lucinda had said, one of their scrumptious carrot cake muffins. As I was taking my mouth-watering treats out, my mobile alerted me to a text.

Sorry I spoilt our lunch together, forgive me?

Hope you enjoy what I ordered for you D

I smile and re-read the text.  I slowly stroke my thumb over the words.

Nothing to forgive, I was a mardy cow sorry x

Thank you for my lunch

I take a bite of my sandwich and moan loudly. “Heaven”. My phone pings again.

I was a bastard and you know it.

I've been called out to a meeting so I can’t give you a lift home sorry

Dx

No worries, I’ll get the bus X

After my lunch I went into the staff changing area to prepare for the lab. After my texting with Dominic, I felt much, much happier. Silly what can brighten your day.

5.30pm arrived quicker than expected; I packed my equipment away, left the lab and changed out of my safety gear. Then I took my notes back into my office and tidied my desk. I checked to make sure Dominic’s files and computer were locked down for the night before I left. That was really Emily’s responsibility, but I felt better checking.

Ellie was at school today so no doubt I would get to hear all about that when they returned,
but it would be later in the evening as it was Mum’s Yoga class and Dad took Ellie swimming. It was home time, it was time to kick back and relax. Watch all my recorded programmes, have a bath and indulge in some sweet heaven – chocolate. I smiled at my thoughts and turned the lights off as I left the office behind.

I walked in the front door humming
“
we are youn
g
” and froze. The blood drained from my face, my heart froze mid-beat, and my ears buzzed as the blood whooshed away. Elliott sat at the dining table, staring at me with a serpent’s grin, ready to strike at any moment. How the hell had I not noticed his car outside? A sudden pang of nausea hit me, and I swallowed fast, trying to dispel it. I knew what that grin meant, something in his day had upset him and he was hampering after an argument with me. No matter what I said, he would find something in it to cause tension. A scowl spread across his face, and my body reacted immediately, throwing itself into defense mode.

“Hi, I didn’t expect to see you tonight
.” I swallowed at the lump in my throat. “You always know how surprise me.” I tried to muster a sweet smile, but my body started shaking.

I stood with my back to the door, my head bowed as I heard the chair legs scrape across the kitchen tiles
. He paused, looking me over, scrutinising me like a lion circling its prey. He stepped closer, and my body shuddered. His proximity made me feel sick; the bile rose in my throat.

He pressed his nose into my hair, inhaling deeply.
“You have been a naughty girl,” he whispered through clenched teeth.

“No
,” I replied, my voice flat and low.

“Oh
, but I know you have. I saw you.”

I lifted my head instantly at his words, realising my huge mistake
. I averted my eyes to the floor again. Panic shot through my veins. Saw me? Do what? What had I done? My body started to tremble, and I tried to control it, but nothing I did steadied my reaction.

“You. Are. A. Slut
,” he said, each word pronounced into my ear with vehemence. “You are mine, do you hear? Not his. That pathetic little shit is not having you.” His rage was boiling. As he spoke, his lips scraped against my ear.

“I...I...didn’t –
”

He
grabbed me by the throat, banging the back of my head against the door. He sneered something at me, but I didn’t hear as I was dazed from the force of hitting my head. He shook me by the neck before forcing me down. I tried putting my hands out to catch my fall, but it was too quick. I crashed to the floor with my elbow taking the full impact.

“I saw you, holding his fucking hand, getting all cozy over a sandwich.
” Elliott’s hand squeezed tighter around my throat, and I struggled to breathe. I pushed my heels against the tiles to try and push away but his body pressed me down, his weight easily pinning me to the floor. His hand gripped the top of my thigh, his breath heavy on my chest. His scent of strong aftershave and stale coffee made me want to vomit. Bile rose in my throat.

“
Did you think I wouldn’t find out? What? Is my cock not enough for a little whore like you? Thought you would try us both out, did you? You’re a dirty whore. You make me a bad person, and I know why.” He licked my cheek “You want me to punish you,” he whispered, removing his hand from my throat, stroking a finger down my cheek. “You like it this way, don’t you? You do it to tease me, but I know you like it rough.”

He
sniffed at my skin like a predator playing with its pray. “You might be an ugly fucker, but when pussy is handed to a guy on a plate, how can he refuse? That’s all you are to that little prick. Have you seen Vanessa? Now there’s a real woman.”

He
started kissing my neck, whispering as he went along. “She isn’t a tight, frigid little bitch.” He bit my neck, and I tried to bite back, to yelp, but failed. “You belong to me. Tell me.” He pulled at my hair hard, forcing my head and neck into an awkward position on the floor. “Tell me.” He stopped, raising himself level with me, looking down into my face. I could feel
that
growing, pressing into my thigh. “Say it,” he demanded.

“I belong to you, Elliott
,” I said, flatly. I had to stop myself from vomiting as the words passed my lips. I had to say it. If I didn’t, the consequences would be far worse. My body held the scars from the punishment after my first refusal to say those words; I remember praying that he would kill me, just to make the pain stop.

“See, you want me
. You tease me and pretend you don’t, but when we are alone, I’m all you want. I make you come like no other can. Tell me.” His hand gripped my thigh, making me wince with pain. His nails dug deep into the sensitive flesh at the top of my thigh.

“You are all I want
.” I swallowed. Elliott was the only man I had ever done that with, and I hated it.

Ell
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s.

“No! Please don’t.” I gasped, pushing his hand away. He growled, gripping my wrists tightly. Then he paused. I clenched my jaw and tightly closed my eyes, waiting for the impact. I knew he wouldn’t just leave me alone.

Elliott made a hissing sound in my ear.

“Are you playing hard to get today? If I can’t fuck you, Angel, we both know where I’d go for it. A man has needs, and if you refuse, there is only one other place to get that relief. Do you want that?” He laughed, knowing my answer.

The
fight left my body. His words broke the barrier he needed. I closed my eyes and submitted to his demand. He grabbed at the waistband of my trousers, tugging harshly while holding both my wrists with one hand. The stinging pain from the lashings on my back shot through me, reminding me of last night’s punishment. My heart pounded so hard with his weight on top of me, the dread made it impossible to breath. I gasped for precious air.

Please stop, please, please stop
, I wanted to say it to him, I wanted to beg. But I knew nothing would stop him. The ramifications were too fierce. I could feel his excitement against my bare thigh; I hated that feeling more than the beatings. Having Elliott force himself into me hurt more than the lashings of  his belt or the pounding of his relentless fists. I broke, I gasped out a cry and tears streamed down my face. My body shook with sobs as I felt his probing for entry. I closed my eyes and held my breath, willing myself to pass out. I needed the blackness; I needed something to take me away from this hell –

“Eve
?” a voice shouted from outside. I whimpered, and Elliott covered my mouth quickly, continuing his rough removal of my knickers.

“Listen to that...listen to him call you
. You know he can do fuck all to help you...” He let out a breathless laugh and moved his hand from my mouth as he held himself above me. “Go ahead. Call for him to help...go on, Eve...shout for the fucking idiot. I dare you. I can just imagine his face. But better still...” He pressed his nose to my neck and inhaled loudly, “imagine Louise spread out beneath me...I’d even let you watch.”

A tear rolled down the side of my face
. I closed my eyes tightly trying to disappear from this waking nightmare. I relaxed my hands as all the fight left me. His words were sharp daggers to my very soul. His hands held me down but the capture of my body was nothing to the prison he had erected around my heart. He knew my family was my kryptonite, the one thing he could use to destroy me. Take away my family, and you took away the very thing I lived for.

In one fierce painful thrust
, he rammed into me. I squeezed my eyes tighter, a muffled cry died in my throat as he held his hand over my mouth. I frantically sucked in air through my nose. Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes into my hair as he pounded into me. Grunting like a large wild boar, he was sated after one more thrust. I pictured Ellie’s happy little face and held onto that image, knowing I never wanted anyone to take that away from her. I would protect my sisters from this kind of hell. I imagined her playing in the back garden with her dolls, laughing and chatting to herself as she played hide and seek with them.

I slowly opened my eyes as cold air rushed in, Elliott clambered to his knees, nipping the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh against the floor
. He discarded the used condom in the kitchen waste bin, brushed his clothes down and smoothed out the crinkles.

“We are good together. Say it
.” He pointed to me, as if I would dare disagree. How could he not see this wasn’t love? This was vile and the epitome of brutality.

I remained silent and still. He didn’t move at first, and then
his foot connected with the underside of my ribs. I cried out in pain. It was involuntary, but he saw it as rebellion. Anger flashed in his eyes as he stomped as hard as he could twice on my shoulder. I bit my fist to stop further cries.

“Dirty whore, seems your knight is here
, “ he hissed as he walked away, down the hall toward the back door. He was like a ghost, arriving and leaving unseen. Elliott, my perpetual shadow, disappeared as my sunshine arrived in the form of Dominic.

A knock came at the door
, followed by his muffled concerned voice. “Eve, are you alright?”

No, I
would never be alright.

“I’m here
,” I squeaked through the tears.

“Eve?” Bang, bang
. “
Eve
!” Dominic frantically knocked at the door shouting my name. He must have heard me. I really had no idea what to do. If I let him in, Elliott would be even angrier, but I needed to leave this place right now. I tugged at my trousers, pulling them back up. I reached up and twisted the key unlocking the door. I felt the door pushing behind me, moving me across the floor. I yelped in agony.

“Eve, Jesus, what’s happened?  Are you hurt?” The door stilled
, and Dominic’s concerned voice warmed me.

“I’m behind the door. I...I...”
Think!
“I slipped,” I said weakly. I glanced down the hall to see if Elliott was there.

“Can you move?”

I tried to move, but the pain was too strong. I grabbed at the doorframe to help lever myself to a sitting position. Get up, get out. I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, and pushed my feet into the floor, forcing my back up the wall. I grabbed behind me to help me rise up against the wall, my legs buckled and I slumped back down hitting the floor with force.

“Arghhhh”

“Eve! Shit, stop, don’t move...” He paused momentarily “Will I hurt you if I push at the door? I can do it slowly?”

“Okay” I replied.

The hardness of the door and gentle pressure against my back pushed me forward. Tears streamed down my face. I started to gasp for breath. Everything started to blur, and I felt dizzy. I felt sick, and the revulsion rose. A familiar haze enveloped me; I couldn’t stop my body from slumping further against the door. Pain and embarrassment took over.

“Eve
?” a voice echoed. Two strong arms wrapped around me, one across my back the other under my knees. I was lifted into the air and felt myself floating. I rocked with the movement as I was carried. “Eve, oh God.” The whispered voice tried to penetrate my haze. The cool refreshing scent of the ocean calmed my senses just as the blackness came, finally.