Ember (23 page)

“It’s good to be back.” He smiled and let me eat.

• • •

Evan prattled on through the status of items we had recently discussed: trading methods he set up with Oraelia, the new harvest schedule, couples that wanted to meet with me about bonding arrangements. I nodded, taking it all in. It wasn’t until he said, “I’ve informed Adair that Sakari is a promising choice for your bonding,” that my body went still. “He was very pleased to hear it and would like to set up another time for a visit.”

My face grew hot. “You did what?”

He leveled his gaze on me. “It’s customary to notify the kingdoms when you narrow down your decision,” he tried to clarify as if that would make it okay because it was a custom. “That way, further arrangements can be made for necessary meetings and negotiations.”

I stood up, unable to sit calmly in my chair any longer. “Evan, even if Sakari and I were to decide to bond that should be between us. Adair should have nothing to do with it. And neither should you. This was my decision to make, my life you are meddling in. I still have one more cycle to make my decision. Why are you rushing me?”

“Calliope,” he said my name guardedly, “among the Royals, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Then uncomplicate it. What if I’ve changed my mind? What if I decide I want to bond with someone else and now you’ve linked me to Rymidon and I’ll look like a complete flake by retracting my decision.”
Because I think I have changed my mind.

“I should have spoken with you about it first,” he said remorsefully. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

I realized then as instances ran through my mind that Evan had taken a ton of liberties over the course of my time here. I knew he was only trying to help since I clearly was oblivious to running a kingdom, but decisions should still have been mine to make or at least I should have been notified of them before hand.

I took a deep breath and spoke firmly. “Yes, you should have spoken with me first because I’ve decided I can’t bond with Sakari.”

“Calliope—” Evan’s face grew alarmed.

“I don’t want to hear it, Evan. My decision is final. So fix it. You made a mess of this. It’s your problem now.” Even as the words spilled out of my mouth, I knew I only said them in the heat of the moment, but there was no stopping them. The anger inside of me was spreading like a blazing fire; nothing was going to stop its path.

His cheeks paled. “What if you change your mind again?”

“I won’t,” I said resolutely. “You’ve only solidified my decision. If I can’t bond with anyone I choose, then I won’t bond at all.”

“I don’t think that’s a wise decision,” he cautioned.

I coughed out a laugh. “Well, your opinion doesn’t mean a whole lot to me right now. I think it would be smart if you left me alone for a bit.”

“I think you are right.” He nodded and bowed out with a miffed expression clear on his face.

Once he was gone, Declan came and sat in the chair on the opposite side of my table. “I couldn’t help but overhear.”

“Declan, I can’t do it,” I uttered, shaking my head.

“Calliope, I don’t think you have much of a choice. You can’t
not
bond. It’s not customary, and in fact, it’s against our ruling.”

“Has no one else raised a stink about this? Everyone just gets stuck with someone from his or her colony and lives happily ever after? No one has ever thought differently?”

“It’s not as if we pick just anybody to bond with.” He looked at me earnestly. “We pick whoever will make us the happiest. We are generations of tradition. We know the laws. We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to love someone in another colony, and if we do, we let them go as our ancestors did before us and as our future generations will do for their posterity.”

“Are all those that have bonded happy? With the bond back in place and the ability to carry on together, are they happy?”

Declan shrugged. “Fae are carefree by nature, but I’m sure after years of being unable to show their affection for one another, it’s a relief to be back together.”

“How do you even know they share an affection for one another at all?” I countered.

“Calliope, we don’t know any different. It’s what we’ve been taught our whole lives. We make bonding work no matter the price. It’s imbedded in our nature. It’s just the way it works.”

I shook my head fervently. “And
you
don’t know any different either? I don’t believe that for
one second
. You told me you want a choice.”

“Calliope—”

“No.” I stood and paced the atrium. “You want to be with someone outside of your colony, but you won’t let yourself care for her because you know the outcome. You will never be together if I don’t make a change. It’s time I made the change.”

“What do you know of my feelings?”

I stopped in front of him seated at the table. “I’m not blind, Declan.”

He frowned and couldn’t meet my eyes. “My apologies. I should have hidden my feelings for you better. It was very improper of me. And I never would have crossed any boundaries.”

I shook my head. “I’m not talking about me.”

Declan’s eyes drew a blank as he stumbled over his words. He watched me, waiting for me to clarify.

“Are you blind to your own feelings? You can’t possibly be that dense. I know you’re not stupid.”

“I don’t … I don’t know who you are referring to,” he countered, but I could see the light dawning in his eyes.

I dragged my chair over and sat facing him. “Declan, please. If you are not in love with Allura, then I am not the daughter of Finnian.”

He swallowed—words escaping him—and stared carefully back at me.

“When you saw her bloodied and broken after Favner captured her … if a picture is worth a thousand words, I’d only need the corner of that snapshot in time. At every turn I see the way you two act around one another. I know Kai sees it, too. It’s as if you’re two magnets, drawn to one another, but you try to fight against the force. You’ve been trying to fight it for so long it’s become second nature to you.”

“Allura has never been anything more than a close friend to me.” His words sounded rehearsed. Maybe he couldn’t see it, or maybe he just didn’t want to see it.

“Because it’s not allowed for you to be anything more than that.”

“Then why would I fall for you? You’re out of my reach. You are a Royal. I am a Keeper. The law keeps us apart, and yet I let myself feel for you. As much as I’ve tried to suppress it, I care for you, Calliope.”

I stopped for a moment. There were feelings inside of me for him that rose to the surface. I knew I liked Declan. Maybe I loved him, but it wasn’t right. It would never be right for us. I finally shrugged and sighed. “Maybe it was easier for you to place your feelings on me. I was so obviously out of reach when you found me. I wasn’t someone you grew up with, had to see day after day and be torn apart over repeatedly. Allura is merely
just
out of reach. You could place your feelings on me because you watched me from a safe distance. It wasn’t a painful impossibility. There was no telling if we would ever actually meet.”

As I spoke, more recognition revealed itself on his face—emotions he had never let himself feel before—and I could see that it was tearing him apart.

“But my feelings for you grew when I got the chance to know you.” He reached and held on to my wrist. “I admire you so much, Calliope. How strong you are and confident. You have this big heart that’s full of compassion and selflessness. How could I not care for you?”

I covered his hand with mine. “You
admire
me, Declan. Are your feelings for me the same as what you feel for Allura?” I watched his eyes as he tried to work out his feelings. His eyes changed as they scanned my face, then turned down as he looked to the floor and shook his head slightly. “You love Allura, Declan.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and continued to shake his head. “Why are you doing this to me, Calliope?” he pleaded softly.

“To show you, you deserve more. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy with Allura. She loves you so much. She would do anything for you. Don’t you see that?”

He peered back up then with a sheen of tears in his eyes. “Allura and I would never work, even if the law permitted it.”

“And why not?”

“We would kill each other. She’s so stubborn and opinionated and … full of fire,” he sighed. His face softened.

I set my face with determination. It killed me to see Declan like this. “I will make it happen.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet, Declan. But for the sake of you, for the sake of me, for the sake of Violet and future fae, I have to find a way to change the law. No matter the ridicule I receive. No one should have to accept a corrupt law only because it was put in place by founding fae. It was put in place for selfish reasons, to create ‘stronger breeds’ not because it would benefit Faylinn. They did it to benefit the race, not the actual beings. I won’t stand by and watch as fae have to give up what they truly want.”

Declan looked knowingly at me with a subtle turn of his lips.

“What? Stop looking at me like that.”

He looked down, blinking, but shook off my feeble Supremacy. “That is the Queen Faylinn has been waiting for. If you showed that same conviction to them, Calliope, there is no way they could deny you. You have their best interest at heart. There is no way they would want anyone else to watch over and guard them.”

“Evan says if I change the law it would be as if I was spitting on our beliefs. But every time I hear him tell me I can’t be with anyone but a Royal I feel as though he’s spitting on my heart.”

“If you explain your reasons, proving they are admirable and unselfish, they would honor and follow your guidance. I know they would. And anyone who doesn’t can leave. There are other kingdoms that still bond within their own colonies. We aren’t the only ones.”

I exhaled. “I really wish my dad was here.”

Declan sat up a little straighter. “Why don’t you go see him?”

“Does this really seem like a good time to leave?”

“It’s never going to be a good time. You’re Queen now. You’ll always have obligations. But again, you are Queen; you have the right to make those decisions. Decisions like a small break to see your family. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.”

I smiled appreciatively. “Thank you, Declan.”

“No thanks needed. ” He shrugged and allowed himself a small smile.

I leaned back against my chair, my head resting over the top as I gazed up through the window in the ceiling. The moon had appeared in the sky, hovering in the center of the border of foliage. “Is it awful of me to need a break already?”

“No. I don’t think anyone would judge you. We used to have a celebration that took place before Favner was in charge that occurred around this time. It would give everyone a couple days off working and give you a slight break. It might be wise for your safety as well. Would you like to go home tomorrow, Calliope?”

What kind of a question was that?
“More than anything.”

Chapter Twenty

K
ai and Declan were waiting outside my bedroom door the next morning. They stood completely prepped, strapped with their bow and arrows and daggers. Declan stood at attention when I walked out, Kai remained leaning against the wall in a dark brown vest, leaving only a peek of his physique down the front of his chest. I don’t know if it was because I was slowly getting used to completely bare chests, but only showing a hint of his abs did funny things to my heartbeat.

They were silent for a moment as they observed me. I thought about my appearance, wondering if I did something wrong. It wasn’t as if I could wear human clothes. I didn’t have them anymore. Evette and Adelaide had gotten rid of them soon after I got to Faylinn. So I went with a tweed-like romper and animal skin vest. It seemed the most multi-world functional. I didn’t understand what was wrong.

“What?” I asked, darting my eyes between the two with amused expressions.

“You may want to lose the crown,” Kai commented.

I touched the top of my head and felt the cold glass under my fingertips. “Oh.” I hadn’t realized I even put it on this morning. Strange.

After putting my crown back inside my room, they waited quietly for me to return. I wasn’t sure if it was just the anticipation of going home, but I was antsy to leave. “What are you two lollygagging around for? Let’s go!”

Kai shifted off the wall with a wry smile. I took the lead down the hallway, assuming they would follow.

“I’m guessing she didn’t get much sleep,” Kai whispered, but he purposefully said it loud enough so I would hear.

“You’re right. I didn’t,” I remarked over my shoulder. It had felt like forever since I had been home. Of course I couldn’t sleep. I was anxious to see my parents and anxious to know if Cameron and Lia remembered me—both anxious and scared. It could definitely go either way. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that I didn’t exist anymore in their eyes.

“Kai, do you really want to start our hour journey by irritating her?” Declan said.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t
start
anything. I haven’t stopped.” Kai chuckled. I didn’t look back at them, but the look on my face agreed with him.

“Well,” Declan said, “could you put that on hold for at least a few hours? I would appreciate it.”

Kai laughed, but he didn’t reply.

• • •

When the silhouette of my house came into view, it felt like a lifetime away. It was strange coming back to my old stomping grounds. I had missed it, but I hadn’t realized just how much until this point. There was such a sense of liberation and happiness I could’ve exploded into a millions pieces.

“Would you like us to escort you to your house?” Declan offered.

I let out of relieving breath of air and looked to Kai and Declan. “I’m okay. You guys can hang out here. Just relax for a while. Or explore if you guys want to get away. I think I’ll be safe here, don’t you think?”