Ember (31 page)

O
nce they locked me in my bedroom, Adair’s Keepers stood watch outside my door all night. I couldn’t leave, and no one could enter without their permission. Or Adair’s permission. I was now his puppet. His prisoner. He may call me Queen, but this was no longer my show to run.

A gentle tap at my door made me jump as I gazed out my window. I didn’t take Adair’s Keepers for knockers. I figured they would just barge right on in whenever they felt like it.

“Come in,” I called guardedly. I turned to see Sakari closing the door behind him. “What are you doing here?” I asked bluntly, folding my arms across my chest.

“I had to talk with you. This happened all wrong. We weren’t supposed to end up together this way.”

“You better believe it happened all wrong!” I barked. “What was that back there? You completely threw me to the wolves!”

“Calliope, I genuinely care for you.” He carefully moved closer to me. “I need you to know that. I know my father may have gone about this the wrong way, but his intentions are honorable. Our lives will all be better once we’re all back together in Faylinn.”

“You actually believe that crap he’s spewing?” I wasn’t really asking. The answer was clear as day on his face.

“I trust my father,” he said earnestly. “I know he’s flawed, but he’s been around a lot longer than you and me. He’s making the decision he believes is right for everyone. He wouldn’t misguide us.”

“He doesn’t have the right to make those decisions here! Faylinn is
mine
to guide.” I hated sounding so possessive, but it was the truth. Now more than ever I felt the need to protect and lead these fae. “There was a reason for the Divide, Sakari. This isn’t what’s best for everyone. This is what’s best for
him
. He doesn’t even care who dies in the process.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Calliope.” He took hold of my hand in both of his and brought it to his chest, securing me closer to him. His bright eyes bore into mine. “I just want to be with you. Can we please put this aside and see that our bonding is what’s important. We will finally get to be together. Isn’t that what you wanted before?”

Did he not know that I nixed that bond in the bud? With a shaking head I said, “It’s not what I want, Sakari. I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I was moving forward with you for all the wrong reasons. Though now, what I want obviously doesn’t mean anything.”

“I’ll make you happy, Calliope,” he promised, my hand still clasped in his. “We could be happy together. I promise it will work out. You’ll see.”

“You don’t get it, Sakari. We shouldn’t be bonding because it’s something your father arranged. It should be on our terms, because we love each other.”

Sakari’s eyes widened earnestly. “I do love you.”

“You barely know me,” I said in disbelief.

“I know enough,” he answered adamantly. His voice held such conviction. He honestly thought he loved me.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Sakari …”

“Calliope, please. I want you to be happy when our day comes,” he pressed. “I want a life with you, and I know I could make you happy. I will do everything in my power to make you happy and give you what you want.”

“Will you please leave, Sakari?” My free hand pinched the bridge of my nose, and I worked on my breathing. He wasn’t going to see reason. “I just can’t deal with this anymore tonight. I’m
so
tired.”

“As you wish.” He brought my hand held against his chest to his lips and kissed it tenderly. “I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow.”

I didn’t answer him as I watched him close the door after he left. It churned my stomach to know how helpless I was. I couldn’t find a way out. I’ve always been able to work out a bind before, but this was a bind to rival all binds. And Sakari, though brainwashed, was so sweet with me I couldn’t bring myself to be cruel to him. He couldn’t comprehend his father being wrong, and nothing I was going to say would change his mind.

After lying in bed for a couple hours, unable to fall asleep, I heard my window creak open. I sat up straight as two subtle thumps hit the floor. When I turned, Kai was closing my window.

“You really have to stop creeping into my bedroom like this,” I whispered.

He smirked and came to kneel next to my bed.

“I had to see you without them dictating the conversations and watching our every move.”

I moved my feet the floor. “What if they come in here? They have been peeking in here all night to make sure I haven’t disappeared.”

“I’m quick. They won’t catch me.” He shrugged.

“I’m surprised that arrogance of yours hasn’t gotten you into more trouble over the years.”

“That’s because I’m hard to resist.” The corners of his full lips turned up. I couldn’t resist. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his, tasting him, smelling the fresh air on his skin. My fingers latched behind his neck drawing him nearer. He was the only thing that anchored me to this world—the only thing made me feel secure—and I could feel him slowly slipping away. His lips moved against mine urgently, like he was suffocating, and I was his only chance at survival. My stomach twisted and writhed at the thought of not having this for the rest of our days.

I couldn’t think about that now. I wouldn’t think like that yet.

“How would you like to make your escape?” he asked against my lips.

I paused, savoring his mouth. “I can’t,” I murmured between kisses. “I can’t escape, Kai. You know that. We have to stay here.”

He pulled back as if I had smacked him. “So that’s it? You’re really just going along with this?”

“For now. Yes. It’s the only way for me to keep Faylinn. I can’t simply hand over my family’s kingdom to Adair. I won’t.”

Kai exhaled and bowed his head. I ran my fingers through his chocolate strands. I couldn’t tell him about Adair’s threat, and it killed me. If he knew, he wouldn’t understand. He’d plan a suicide mission to kill Adair himself. I couldn’t risk that. I refused to let him risk his life.

“I want to fight, Kai,” I breathed. “I really do, but right now, I don’t see where that will get us. No, I take that back. I know exactly where that will get us. And it doesn’t end with us together.”

His head remained bowed, leaning in my fingertips. “You remember that first day in the trees behind your house?”

I laughed softly. “A little hard to forget.”

He lifted his head, resting his arms across my lap and raised his gaze to me. “When you came traipsing into the forest that day with your curious green eyes and your big curly hair … Gah, Calliope, I finally felt alive again. I didn’t feel this hollow chasm inside of me anymore.”

I touched his cheek with a trace of a smile on my lips. My mind flashed back to our simple days in the forest, when I was oblivious to the evils of this world. “You had an odd way of showing it.”

“You know I never take the easy road. The adventure on the rocky paths are too much fun.”

I tried to smile, but my mouth wouldn’t work that way.

“Come with me,” he murmured hastily. “I’ll take you somewhere safe, where only we can go. No one will find us. You and I can be together with no colonies, or Adair, or
Sakari
,” he bit off the name.

Tears stung the backs of my eyes, ready to assault my cheeks at any moment. The thought of his make-believe realm was so tempting. I wanted to go so badly. Forget all of this and everyone. I could imagine a life with days full of Kai and no one else, and I would be completely content. We’d play in the trees while bickering and getting on one another’s nerves, and then get to make-up all night long.

But my family was at stake. Cameron was at stake. I wouldn’t let myself regret this decision. If I did, it would only torment me because I couldn’t change my mind.

I gradually shook my head and swallowed the lump of tears forming in my throat. “We have to stay, Kai. Maybe we’ll find a solution. There’s still a chance we will figure something out. Just give me some more time.”

“A solution in five days? Calliope, I don’t think you know who we are dealing with here.”

I do.
“I have to hope that something will come to me. I abandoned the kingdom once already. I’m not doing it again.”

“Calliope, it doesn’t have to be like this. We can still fix this, if you just come with me.”

I shook my head once more. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I had more to think about than myself. Other lives were in danger. I couldn’t risk losing everyone I held close to my heart.

“Do you even know how much you mean to me?” I whispered.

“No, I really don’t. And even if I did, it obviously isn’t enough if you won’t leave with me.”

“Kai, you mean
more
to me than …” I clenched my teeth, willing back the tears that pooled in my eyes. “I want nothing more than to be with you. I know that with every last ounce of myself that I could give you. But this is bigger than you and me. Adair is more powerful than I gave him credit for. Don’t you see that?”

“So that’s your answer.”

I held my breath. I could only nod out of fear that my heart would take over my words, and I would say something I couldn’t take back. Adair was in control for now. I recognized it. Kai had to now, too.

“Then I can’t stand by and watch you with him,” he choked. “I can’t bare to stay one more second in Faylinn if Sakari will be the one at your side. I won’t do it, Calliope.”

“Kai,” I wept and shifted so I could be closer to him. “Please.”

He took my face in his hands and tenderly wiped away stray tears with his thumb. “Are you going to bond with Sakari?”

I swallowed. “I don’t want to, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

His eyes pierced mine with a firmness I couldn’t handle. “Everyone has a choice. You taught me that.”

“I can’t abandon our kingdom,” I breathed. “If I don’t bond with Sakari, then Adair will ruin everything I’ve built since I came. And
more
.” I willed him to understand. That was the only truth I could give him. I wasn’t so noble. I just couldn’t let Kai die; even if it meant that I had to watch him from afar, at least he would be here. Alive.

“I understand,” he said softly.

“No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t be looking at me like that.”

“How am I looking at you?” His eyes roamed my face as if he was memorizing it, tucking it away so he could always remember it. I didn’t like that thought. Why would he feel the need to memorize it when we would see each other every day? Why was I seeing finality in his expression?

“Like I’ve betrayed you. I can’t bear to see you look at me like that.” His tormented expression was more than I could handle.

“And I can’t stand to watch him by your side instead of me.” Kai pressed his lips lightly to mine. I felt his goodbye.

“No, Kai,” my voice trembled, my arms tightening around his neck, holding on to the only piece that made this life make sense. “Kai, just stay with me. You said you couldn’t lose me now. I can’t lose you either. Please.”

He swiftly brushed his mouth across my cheek before he stood, easily breaking from my tight grasp. His gentle fingers fell from my face, taking a part of me with him.

“Please,” I pressed, standing with him. He turned and began walking away. “No, Kai. Please, don’t go. Please,” I begged.

“I won’t torment myself.” He stopped at the window and looked to me. “You own my heart, Calliope. You always will.”

“Kai,” I choked. At that moment my heart was only beginning to understand what was happening. He closed his eyes as if it was too much to look at me for one more second.

My bedroom doors shuddered as they flew wide open. Cage and Rollin rushed in with determination. Their eyes darted to the window. My eyes followed, but Kai had already disappeared.

Their eyes watched the window, the curtain fluttering in the light wind and then turned their suspicion on me. I realized they didn’t see him. He got away. It was as if he had never been here.

It was then, in the stillness of the night, that someone reached inside my chest, grabbed my heart and squeezed it until it could no longer beat.

Kai was gone.

Acknowledgments

W
ithout the help of the following people, Ember wouldn’t have happened.

To my editor, Madison Seidler of Madison Says, you rock, woman! I know it’s your job, but thank you cleaning up all my mistakes and brain farts, as well as being so easy to work with!

Abbey Lane Photography and Sarah Hansen of Okay Creations strike again! To me, this cover is perfection. Thank you for bringing to life what I pictured in my head with only the smallest bit of guidance!

My friends and beta readers, Brandi Watts and Whitni Hess, thank you for your constructive feedback as well as your constant cheering and encouragement! I love you ladies!

I couldn’t have finished Ember without my fellow indie, critique partner and friend, Brittany Delys. Thank you for our late night chats and brainstorming sessions. We both know Ember is so much more because of you.

Kristen Grooms, without your patience while listening to my rants and writer’s block frustrations, I’d never finish writing anything. I’m so grateful for you and your never-ending love and support!

A big shout out to all you bloggers and friends I’ve made through self-publishing, you know who you are. I’m so grateful for your open arms and willingness to share the love and advice.

To my best friends, Sarah Beth, Alix and JJ, I know I can always count on you for you anything. Thank you my loves.

Of course, to my family—both immediate and extended—if you don’t know it already (you should) I appreciate every little thing you do and say to support me through this crazy journey.

And lastly, I save the best for last, my husband, Ryan. Even though I know you won’t even read this, thank you for encouraging me to follow this dream. I love you.

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