Ember (4 page)

Roxie

The next morning I quietly make my way downstairs; it’s early and I don’t want to wake anyone. Last night I didn’t stay up late, because I was sick of everyone looking at me like I was a dying puppy. I love them, and I appreciate that they care about me, but I can’t take it for much longer. So I went to bed, which wasn’t much better, because I kept thinking about Mason and what was said in the garden.

I can’t blame him. I did bring this all on myself, after all. I feel so fucking bad that my heart bleeds for him. I love him.

God, it’s at times like these that I could really do with a drink. As weird as it sounds, I’m not an alcoholic. I thought I was when I first turned up at the rehab centre, but after a few sessions with the therapists, they soon discovered it was my depression that pushed me to the bottle. I just used alcohol to cover it all up, to wash it away, and that’s why I would really like one right now.

The nausea quickly returns and I have to pause on the stairs to take a deep breath. I hope that it lessens, the sickness, but it’s too late. I feel it rise up, wanting release. I run down the rest of the stairs as quickly as I can without falling. I run across the wooden flooring and towards the back of the house where I know there’s a toilet. I could have gone back upstairs, of course, but I didn’t want to be heard again.

As soon as I open the door, I kneel down, and my stomach empties. I fucking hate being sick. It hurts and it’s just gross. The contents of my stomach come out with such force that I have tears in my eyes.

When it’s finally all over, I sit back and take deep, calming breaths to relax my shaking body. I rest my head back against the cool wall and wipe away the tears that have fallen. Then I get up and wash my face. I need to go and brush my teeth, but that means going back upstairs.

I don’t have to worry about running into anyone, though, because just then I begin to hear voices. It seems I’m not the only one awake.

“Where are Cole and Booker going?” I hear Crystal ask someone.

I press my ear against the door so I can hear them more clearly.

“He says they’re going to see Mason,” I hear Lacey reply. “He tried to call him last night, but he didn’t answer, and then Tate called him this morning. Apparently, there’s a car in Mason’s driveway.”

“Mason has lots of cars,” Crystal laughs.

“Yeah, but Tate said the car is Natasha’s?” Lacey questions. “Who’s Natasha?”

“Fuck!” Crystal shouts. “That bitch is the slut that Mason uses when he wants a quick fuck. I hate her. Bitch is always creeping around.”

“You mean creeping around Booker?” Lacey jokes.

“Yes, I mean Booker, but she ain’t having him.”

“What’s going on there between you two?” Lacey asks.

Crystal sighs, and now they’re right in front of the door I’m hiding behind. “I don’t know, but what I do know is that if he dips his dick in Natasha, I am not letting him return to me.”

“Oh my god!” Lacey screams. “You and Booker?!”

“Shhh!” Crystal quietens her. “Let’s get back to Mason.”

“Roxie is going to be upset,” Lacey whispers. “I don’t want her to know.”

“Too late,” I say as I open the door, and they both look shocked to see me.

“How much did you hear?” Crystal asks.

“Everything from Tate calling to let him know Mason has a visitor.” I walk past them, my blood bubbling as my anger tips over the safety edge.

“Where are you going?” Lacey shouts.

“Do you really need to ask?” I shout back and hear both of them curse as they follow me.

Mason

I hear the banging on the door, and I try my best to ignore it, but then Natasha appears at my door.

“Mase?” she asks, knocking. “Someone’s at the door.”

“No fucking shit!” I shout back.

“You want me to get it?” she asks.

I bolt up from of the bed and quickly pull on my black jeans. “No!”

When I open the bedroom door, I see Natasha standing in just her black lace underwear.

“You were going to answer the door like that?” I ask her.

She just shrugs her shoulders. The banging on the front door starts again, and I leave her to it. When I open the door and see my brother, Tate and Booker standing there, faces looking all pissed, I throw my head back and groan.

“You better not be doing what I think you’re doing.” Cole frowns as he pushes past me to make his way inside.

“And what’s that?” I ask, although I already know. It’s not hard to guess when you can see Natasha’s bright pink Mini Cooper parked outside.

Tate and Booker join Cole, and I’d lie if I said I’m not a little worried. I know I’ve fucked up. I had a sinking feeling last night and when I saw Natasha standing outside my bedroom door this morning, I regretted everything.

“Fucking hell, Mason, what are you doing?” Cole repeats.

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated with myself. Fucking frustrated with everything going on in my life right now!

“Bro, I’m all for getting some pussy, but do you really wanna risk what you and Rox have?” Tate asks.

“What do we actually have?” I ask him.

“She loves you,” Booker snaps.

“Mason?” I hear Natasha shout from the top of the stairs. My house is mostly open plan, and there stands Natasha in just her underwear for all of us to see.

“Shit, go home, Natasha!” I shout back.

Cole laughs at her, and I know he’s being mean, but I also know how much he loves Roxie. So I leave him be.

Booker gets out his phone and then looks at me with wide eyes. I think I already know what he’s about to say because the words come out of his mouth.

“Shit, its Crystal. She says Roxie is on her way.”

“Shit!” Tate shouts.

Cole’s laughter dies immediately, and he glares up at Natasha. “Get the fuck gone! Now!”

But it’s too late. I’ve left the front door open, and I clearly see a pissed off Roxie marching towards the gate.

“How the fuck did they get in here?” Tate asks.

“Lacey knows all the gate codes,” Cole mumbles.

Fucking great!

Roxie

After demanding Lacey to open the gate, I’m inside Mason’s property, and I head straight towards his house. I don’t take the time to appreciate how nice it is; all that’s going through my mind is pure anger. I don’t have a right to be angry at Mason for doing this, but I love this man, and I can’t help how I feel.

I shortly pause next to the fucking bright pink Mini Cooper. “What the fuck?”

Crystal and Lacey laugh at the car, and I just shake my head at it. A good car, destroyed.

I continue towards the house and see the front door is already open.
Just perfect.

I see Mason is standing inside, surrounded by the guys, but what I’m not prepared for is the half-naked woman standing at the top of the stairs when I walk inside.

“So I see it’s true.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Rox, this isn’t what it seems,” Mason starts, but I give him a look.

“Really, Mason?” He doesn’t say anything else, and that tells me everything.

I try to calm myself down, because this is hard for me to see. Fresh out of rehab, and I’m already forced to see this shit. I was counselled to accept responsibility for my own downfall, so I try my best to calm my rage.

“I don’t see why you had to bring
her
out of all people, Mason,” Crystal scolds.

“This has nothing to do with you!” The girl, Natasha, shouts down to her.

“Bitch, this has everything to do with me! You’re messing with my family!” Crystal shouts back.

“Chris...” Booker warns, and I don’t miss the odd look Tate gives him.

I look up at Natasha, and it hurts to see how skinny she looks. I have curves, a big bust, and here’s wannabe Barbie looking down at me like she’s the shit! That just pisses me off!

I’ve gone through so much bullshit lately, and I’ve worked so damn hard I don’t need
Natasha
looking down at me. But still, I need to reign in my anger; this all comes down to me. If I hadn’t slept with Joe, I doubt my depression would have spiralled like it did. Maybe we wouldn’t be here right now, maybe I would be at the top of those stairs looking satisfied with myself. For me to start screaming and shouting right now is something I don’t want to do. Nor should I.

“You need to get your skinny ass out of here, so go jump in your little Barbie car and fuck off!” I direct up at her, and I hear laughter behind me.

“Rox,” Mason warns me and I turn to glare at him.

“Don’t even fucking talk to me right now! You gave me shit yesterday for what I did, and I pay for that every-fucking-day, yet here you are, sleeping with sluts like it’s no big fucking deal!” I take a step closer to Mason. “I know we’re not together anymore, but seeing this so quickly after talking to you yesterday is fucked up. I thought we could maybe sort through this, because there’re still things we need to talk about, but I guess there’s no point now.”

“Come on, guys,” Tate says, ushering everyone out.

I stop them, “No, stay. I’m going now anyway.”

“Roxie,” Mason begs as I feel his hand reach for my arm.

I turn and look him over, but, all of a sudden, I’m overwhelmed with nausea again. I place my hand over my mouth and close it. My anger fades a little as my attention is all focused on not being sick on Mason’s floor.

“Roxie?” Lacey asks, coming closer to me. “You ok?”

“She looks like she’s going to be sick again,” Crystal says and leads me down a hallway.

“Again?” Mason asks and I hate the worried tone, I don’t want him to know anything!

All I manage to spit out is, “Toilet.”

The girls quickly lead me away, and thank god Crystal knows her way around Mason’s place. As soon as the door to the bathroom is opened, I run inside and throw myself down in front of the toilet. Right away I’m sick, and I feel my hair being lifted away from my face and my back being rubbed in soothing circles.

When I’ve finished, I lean back and try to calm my shaking again.
God, I don’t know how much more of this I can handle!

When I look behind me, I’m shocked to see that it’s Mason holding my hair and rubbing my back. He looks concerned.

“Are you ok?” he asks me.

I quickly stand and walk over to the sink. He watches me as I rinse out my mouth and wash my face.

“Roxie, I asked you a question,” he snaps.

“I heard you,” I snap back and walk right past him. Lacey and Crystal follow me out and I see Booker getting rid of Natasha. Thankfully, she has a coat on now, covering her almost naked skin, and I hate just knowing that she turned up here in just a fucking coat! I can’t believe Mason gave me that speech yesterday and he came home to do this. Talk about double fucking standards!

“Roxie!” he shouts after me.

“I can’t talk to you right now,” I say as I watch Natasha drive away.

“Why are you throwing up?” he asks quietly.

“Maybe it was the view,” I answer.

“I’m being serious, Rox.” He places his hand on my arm and I try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. “You’re not ill, are you?”

“No,” I say and shake my head.
But you might be when you find out.

“Then what?” he asks me, and the look on his eyes nearly sways me. I really want to tell him, but I’m scared of his reaction.

“Nothing,” I whisper. I look back to Lacey and Crystal. “I’m leaving,” I tell them, and they nod and follow me out.

“I’ll drive you,” Mason offers.

“No, I want the fresh air.” I walk outside, only to hear him following. I’m not doing this to be nasty. I really do need some air.
How things have changed.
Yesterday, I would have killed for him to follow me around like this. Now I’m just so angry with him that I’m afraid that if I continue to be around him I’ll just crumble into a crying mess.

“Then I’ll take you in my convertible,” he persists.

One look at his face and I fall. I give him a quick nod and follow him to his cars. I stop in shock at the sight in front of me. Crystal said he has a lot of cars but that doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m seeing right now. There’re bikes, cars
and
trucks!

Cole appears next to me and gives me a tight hug. “I’ll take the girls back,” he whispers into my ear.

Then Mason takes me to his convertible, which I might add is very him. It’s all black, with black tinted windows, black rims and even black interior. He sits next to me in the driver’s seat and we sit in an awkward silence for a couple of minutes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Just take me back, please.” I look anywhere but him.

“I wish I didn’t...,” he says before starting the car and drives back in silence. The wind feels good on my face, and I lean my head back and let the breeze settle over me.

“You look real good, Rox.” Mason suddenly adds.

“Thank you.” Hearing him say that means a lot to me.

“Last night wasn’t what you think,” he finally says.

“So you didn’t have sex with someone else after giving me a speech about what I did?” I ask him.

“Yes, but it was just sex.” He says it like that doesn’t mean anything.

“Wow,” is all I’m able to say. I really don’t want to lose the hold I have on my anger. My condition means it’s dangerous to be so angry right now.

“I know it sounds harsh, but I feel so fucking head fucked I needed it. I’ve known Natasha a while, and she knows it’s just sex. We don’t kiss, cuddle or even hold fucking hands. The only reason she stayed was because it was late, and I wouldn’t ever let her sleep in my bed.”

I know his rule about his bed, and, stupidly, that makes me happy.

“Sex is still sex,” I respond.

“If I could take it back, I would,” he growls, and I see his knuckles turn pretty white as he clutches the steering wheel. I look away because I know that feeling very well. The many nights I’ve begged to go back in time and change what I have done.

When we pull up in front of Cole’s house, I quickly get out.

“Roxie? If something’s up, you will tell me right?” Mason asks as he follows me out the car.

“Sure,” I say, and quickly walk away, leaving him frowning after me.

I fucking hate keeping this secret! It’s causing me so much guilt.