Embracing Emma (Companion to Brisé) (36 page)

The squeak against the floor draws my attention from my thoughts. She’s trying to be quiet as she maneuvers the dimly lit room, juggling coffee cups and food. My stomach growls, and her head jerks up. Blue locked on brown. Hope penetrating against fear. “I didn’t think you’d be up. I just went to the cafeteria to get you something.”

“Thanks. Come sit. We can have that conversation I missed last night.” Her smile is forced, her actions stiff. “Ems, talk to me.”

“It’s hard. Three years is a long time, but sitting here with you last night it seemed like no time at all has passed.”

“A lot has changed. In both of us. But I hope not too much.”

Her puzzled expression makes me tittle. She processes everything like it has a deeper meaning. Her steps glide to my side, and she busies herself setting the breakfast on the tray as she pushes it to me. “I asked the nurse, and she said light foods, so I asked them to make everything bland.”

“I could eat cardboard and be happy.”

“Good because I’m sure that’s what it tastes like. Wouldn’t want to get your hopes up.”

“Too late. All I have is hope.” I take her hand in mine and hold tightly. Her breathing shallows and her eyes fill with tears. “No crying. I can’t handle that.” It breaks my heart to see her struggling. I wish she’d say what she wants, ask what she needs answers to and ease both of our minds.

“What happened? When did you become a police officer?” Her voice is low, wounded because she knows how much we lost.

“Sit down. Get comfy, baby.” I watch her eyes widen with that nickname. She settles back in the chair and sips her coffee. “I wasn’t sure what path I was taking. The assault, you leaving, the truth . . . it made me snap. All my carefully laid plans ended in one night. I didn’t have anything grounding me. I gave up my scholarship, quit school, moved into a shithole apartment. Lots of mistakes led me to this profession, and I wouldn’t change it.”

“I heard some of that. What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t. I was feeling and none of it was good. I drank, I fought, and I got arrested more times than I can count. I started bartending, tried to make peace with what happened, but I couldn’t. I got a letter that changed everything. I have a sister.”

I can’t help smiling thinking of Elise.

“Blake told me. I was shocked. I saw pictures of you two; she’s beautiful.” Her cheeks flush, and her eyes move to her feet.

“Did you think something else, Ems?”

“Oh, God. Yes. I was planning to move home, I was telling my parents that night. I’d just finished school and wanted to fix things. The picture I saw . . . I didn’t react well, and so I changed plans.”

“Damn it, Ems.” I’m pissed. This could have ended a year ago. It didn’t have to happen if she wasn’t so stubborn. “One question. That’s all it would have taken.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I know I’ll be saying it a lot, but I am.”

“You see things one way and don’t give anyone a chance to explain. I used to love that about you. Somewhere along the way you lost sight of the bigger picture. You became so consumed by your truth, you’re willing to blow things to hell getting people to hear it instead of trusting in them to find it on their own. I’m afraid you’ll hurt me, continuously, without trying.”

“Wow.”

I didn’t want to delve so deep so fast, but I didn’t have a choice. She’s either going to stay or go. She’s either going to listen or turn a deaf ear. I can’t change her actions only give her the truth to change her course.

“That night at the hospital—I know I wasn’t innocent, but I wasn’t the guilty party you accused me of being. I was stupid, made wrong choices, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t do it with malice. You left when I needed you the most.”

“I was frustrated. For years I’d asked you to do something, tell someone.”

“You did. But you didn’t speak up either. You wanted me to do it for you. You didn’t want to listen or hear what I’d been telling you. The things they said were awful. But they were words. I knew it could turn to violence in the blink of an eye, and I wanted to avoid anyone getting hurt. I chose Southern to protect my dads and you. I knew what they were capable of and it was a path I didn’t want to choose for me; or for you.” I pause, take shallow breaths, and control my anger, my betrayal, and my pain. “I turned to the violence when you left, it didn’t solve a thing. Not one fucking thing. It dragged me down, I allowed it, and it’s what I was fighting for so long.”

“I didn’t know.” Her tears are threatening once more, but this has to be done. We have to say this.

“I know. I didn’t explain it well enough. I didn’t try to make you understand, but that’s because I didn’t want you to see that part of the world Ems. I was so damn lucky you fell in love with me, and I wanted to do anything to keep your love. I tried protecting my dads. I didn’t want those opinions heard by them. I didn’t want them hurt or ashamed. I thought I could stop it all. I know I was wrong; I’ve paid the price. I suffered along with everyone else. Maybe more because I was alone.”

“Until Elise.”

“Yes. I got that letter, and I felt a purpose. I could protect her like I’d failed the others in my life. I’d hide the ugly and show her the beauty. Problem was, she’s seen ugly. She’s lived in places we can’t imagine. She didn’t need me to protect her, she just needed her brother to love her.”

“And you had to protect me? Loving me wasn’t enough?”

“Loving you was my purpose. My fate. Protecting you was a natural instinct, but I did it in the wrong ways. I could have been the arms to comfort you instead of hiding you, shielding you. Some lessons you have to learn your own way, and I tried stifling that. I tried to make you see what I thought was acceptable, and you tried to make me believe what you saw as the truth. We were a mess.”

“Beauty within ugly.”

“I don’t think we were ugly, misguided maybe, but something so pure, so real like what we shared isn’t ugly.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“I’d been working this case for a few months. I was pulled in to give insight on the suspects—Brian and Seth Gary. Seems they’ve turned to selling meth.” Her shock evident, I don’t know why anything they did surprises her. “Yep, it’s not all unicorns and pots of gold, baby.”

“I know.” But she doesn’t.

“So we set up a sting operation, months of surveillance and planning. Yesterday was the day we took them down. We didn’t expect them to open fire. Seth was hit first; my sergeant was covering us and fired the shot. Brian came out blazing, firing off wild shots, refusing to surrender. He fired at his target.”

“You?”

“Me. I was hit but fired back and hit mine. The metal trailer went up in flames, and I ended up in surgery.” Brian perished with his misdeeds, but I don’t want Emma to know that part of my job. I don’t want her fear to dictate her choices.

“Do you like being an officer?”

“I do. Tell me about you.”

“I went to New York and school granted me permission to finish my last year in correspondence classes.”

“I should have known. You hated that city.” How could I have missed the obvious?

“I still do. I transferred to Washington for my Masters.”

“You did it. Number three school.”

“You remember?”

“Everything, Emma. I couldn’t forget if I wanted to, and I don’t.”

“I finished my Masters and started working for an international adoption agency, my focus on same-sex couples.”

“I’m glad you followed your dreams.”

“I did, but the journey was lonely.”

“No boyfriends?” I’m fishing, but I hope she bites.

“None. No friends either. Acquaintances…but I tried to keep my life neat, no outside interference, no emotional attachments.”

“You happy?”

“I love what I do.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“No, I don’t think I am. I’m searching for something.”

“What?” I watch her wipe her hands down her pants, close her eyes, and inhale.

“You.”

“Baby, I’m right here. I’ve been here, waiting.”

Chapter Forty-Seven

Emma

Did he say that? I’m suddenly wide-awake, the grogginess from the events in the past twenty-four hours vanish. Tears stream down my face as I remember every moment of our past, each caress, each kiss, each memory that I’ve carried with me. “Are you serious? Just like that you forgive me?”

“Forgive and forget, Ems. We lost so much, but what’s important, we’ve kept—our love.”

“It seems too easy.”

“Because you like to make everything hard.” He pulls me closer. “Come home. Come home to me.”

“I have a job.” Details swim in my mind, I want this, but how do I jump?

“Resign.”

“I have to pack up my apartment. There are a lot of arrangements.” I want this but can I take it?

“I’ll handle it.” My dad startles us both.

“What?”

“Email, call, carrier pigeon your boss, I don’t care. Do it. I’ll arrange everything for your apartment, pay what needs to be paid . . . if it means you’re home.”

“Daddy.” I love these two men, their interference, their over-zealousness in all things involving me, but I recognize the problem. I’ve allowed it to influence decisions. I’ve allowed them to handle the hard stuff for me.

“I’ll do it.” My voice is clear. No room for arguments. “You’ll have some time off.” I look to Will, “come to Seattle with me, let me tie up loose ends.” I face my dad. “Then you can have the movers come, and I’ll move back.”

Both of them are startled by my strength, my determination.

“Deal,” Will says.

“Agreed,” my dad joins in.

“Can you give us a few minutes?” I look to my dad. I need to make sure.

He leaves, and once the door closes I turn back to the boy who
IS
my best friend, the boy who never led me astray, the boy turned into the man I’m still in love with. “Be sure. I feel like we tackled so much in a few hours. I don’t want any more regrets in your life.”

“The only regret I’d have is letting you go again. I did it once, Ems, I can’t do it again.”

“It’s settled. I’m coming home.”

“To me.”

“Always to you.”

“I’m gonna marry you one day, Emma Nichols.”

“I’m gonna let you one day, William Jacobs.”

“I love you.”

“And I you.” I’ve loved him as long as I can remember, but this is more. It’s different. It’s cleansing. It’s freeing. It’s real. The feeling of amity has been something lost since I said goodbye to Nana. It’s overwhelming in this moment, and as long as I hold tight to it, I’ll always find my way.

“So you’ll be here for all events? You’re really moving home?”

“For the millionth time, Holly, yes to all of it.”

“Best wedding present ever.”

“Good because I wasn’t planning to purchase one.” I wink at her and continue to sip my nasty ass cocktail.

“Still not any better?” She’s laughing at the faces I make as I drink.

“No, but for $14.25, I’m drinking this shit.” She reaches over and tastes it.

“That’s rancid. What the fuck did you order?” Her gagging is drawing the attention of every patron in the pub.

“Mint Cucumber Spring Cocktail.” Sounds refreshing, but it isn’t.

“They didn’t rinse that shit off. It’s plucked straight from the ground and dumped in your cup.”

Her description of how bad my drink tastes isn’t helping me choke it down.

“Really, Ems, it’s nasty.”

“I know, Hols.” I take another sip just to prove a point.

“Dirty Rim Job. That’s what I’m calling it.”

I stare with my mouth open. “You, my friend, have issues.”

“I know.” She shrugs. “When are you going to Seattle?”

“We leave tomorrow. Had to wait for medical clearance. I have a few cases I need to hand over and do one last seminar.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Sometimes I can’t either. I mean three years, and it’s like nothing changed.”