Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) (22 page)

“Goodbye
,
Graham.” I backed a step away from him. “I think this little game of yours is finally over.” I looked him up and down disapprovingly. Then I turned on my heel, ready for my exit with my head held high. I took one step and my head dropped down. Colin.

My eyes must have been huge because they certainly felt like it. He must have seen the whole thing and the expression on his face was less than welcoming. My stomach actually felt the disappointment on his face first. Sickness hit me. The idea that he’d think I was being assertive. That he’d think it was OK. Man, how wrong could I be? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. He’d been so wonderful.
The one thing I hadn’t considered:
Colin’s feelings.

He walked backward
through
the crowd. I f
ollowed him, winding through
people until I reached him. He backed up further.

“You knew he’d be here
,
didn’t you?” he asked. I nodded. W
ords escaped me. “Did you set this whole thing up?” His h
azel-green eyes tuned dark
and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Colin, I’m so sorry.” I shook my head in embarrassment.

He paused and I could see his face harden. “And the only reason you invited me here was to…” he stopped and lowered his head.

“I…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

“I’m taking you home,” he said, turning to pick up my clutch and wrap.

“Colin? We don’t have to…” I started to talk, but his face said it all. We were leaving.

I followed him. This time he didn’t offer me his hand. Our exit was far less lovely than our entrance.

TWENTY-SIX

Of All the Stupid Things

The ride home was quiet. Silent in fact. While he drove, I tried to make eye contact a couple of times but with no success. My emotions moved through me in layers. First I felt bad. Then I felt guilty. Then I felt stupid. What had I done? I’d caused a public scene to humiliate someone. That wasn’t me. No matter who deserved it. And, on top of everything, I hurt Colin.

When we pulled into my apartment complex, I assumed I should just get out of his car. But he surprised me. He turned off the engine, got out, and circled the car. I started to open the door, but he caught the handle and opened it for me. It was the first time I’d seen more than the side of his face since we left. He didn’t look so angry anymore. Just blank, sort of nondescript.

I got out of the car lifting the skirt of my dress one last time. He reached for my hand and silently walked me to my door. I opened it and stepped a foot into the entry.

“Colin, I’m so sorry. Really I am. Please come in and let’s talk,” I said
,
trying to ease the words out as gently as I could.

He looked directly at me
.
His eyes full and light
er
, a little of the natural cherry color of his lips returning as he wet them. I thought he might consider it. He didn’t move.

“Emily. What makes me the saddest is that I really like you,” he said
,
leaning his h
and on the outside pillar. “But
I can’t be part of this. That thing you did tonight. It’s not me.”

He knew it. He caught on that things hadn’t been over with Graham, and the drama was just too much for him. I felt my stomach sink further.

“I understand. I’m sorry.” He was right. It wasn’t me either. Not something I would normally do at all, but I didn’t f
eel I had the right to say so.
What a stupid display. I looked down at my feet, ashamed. I felt the tears of humiliation start to well.

“I’m sorry too,” he said. I thought he would leave then, but what happened next surprised me more than I could’ve imagined. With one smooth motion Colin brought his hand to the side of my neck. He traced his fingers along my neck and throat watching where they landed as if he was plotting their next move
.
I watched his face
,
waiting for him to make eye contact. He wet his lips again, and finally looked into my eyes. I saw something else then. Something I didn’t recognize. I wanted to find out what it was. I looked deeper, and felt his fingers move up to my chin, then my cheek. His thumb brushed across my lower lip, and I could taste the salt from his skin
.
He took a step closer to me and his lips hovered above where my neck and shoulder met. I closed my eyes feeling his breath on my skin. He waited there for what seemed like forever. Waited. And it drove me crazy. Finally, he leaned into me, leaving one hand along my face and pulled me to him with the other. The warmth of his body pressed against me, and his mouth was on mine.

As if my body responded to him on its own, my back arched and my arms moved around him, one around his back and the other along the back of his neck. His kiss deepened, and with the rising heat, my fingers laced into his hair. I felt him pull away, but I wasn’t ready to let go. I held on tighter. He released me, and took both of my wrists in his hands. His touch on my wrists was light but direct. He returned my hands to my sides, and
then
touched my cheek with his palm. The look of disappointment returned.

“Goodbye, Emily.” Was all he said before he turned, and took the most unbelievable kiss I’ve ever had right along with him.

I watched him drive away and went inside. I unzipped and dropped the dress to the floor kicking my shoes toward the closet. Remembering the dress wasn’t mine, I hung it up. Still in my bra and panties, I washed my face and pulled the pins out of my hair. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Who was I? What was I doing? I’d just ruined the possibility of a relationship with Colin. Of all the stupid things I’d ever done, this one topped the list.
You’re alone, Emily. Again!
I hung my head and braced myself on the sink.

Discouraged, embarrassed, and completely down, I slipped a sweatshirt over my head and threw on my favorite frayed jean shorts. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed the trash and walked barefoot down the path to the dumpsters. I heaved the bag over my shoulder and into the bin, and then brushed my hands together to knock off any crumbs. I heard someone start to approach then stop.

Just down the path stood Kyle. He was holding a grocery bag. I walked toward him then paused when I felt a sticker under my big toe. I bent down and brushed it away. Kyle, still a few yards in front of me, pulled a half-gallon of ice cream from the grocery bag and nodded toward his ap
artment.
Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Ice cream was the cure-all as far as I was concerned. I walked over.

“Hey girl, what’s up?” he asked.

“Just taking out the trash,” I said. But what I meant was ‘trying to put my evening behind me.’

“Come on. Let’s have some ice cream.” He leaned in the direction of his place, but didn’t start to walk until I nodded.

His apartment looked the same. I don’t know why, but I thought there would be evidence of his girlfriend. Or maybe that’s just what I expected when
I
spent the night with someone. I sat down on his couch folding one of my legs under me. It was the first time I sat all night, and I felt the exhaustion all the way through. Kyle came back from the kitchen with two bowls and two spoons.

“So Emily, what’s up? You just get in?” He mus
t have noticed my still present,
overdone makeup.

I thought of a million things to say, but decided on the simplest version. “Yeah.” I didn’t want to go on.

He sat beside me and turned my way taking a spoonful. I did the same, letting the cool, chocolate ice cream melt on my tongue. “What about you? Grocery shopping can’t be all you’ve been up to.”

“No, that’s not
all
I’ve been doing,” he said playfully. But he didn’t answer me. Instead he took another spoonful and smiled a closed-lipped, funny little smile. I felt myself doing the same, which came as a relief after my evening.

“So really, Emily, what’s new with the suitors?” he asked. I wondered why he cared, but I figured I wouldn’t be able to carry on this ‘just taking the trash out’ act too much longer.

“No suitors.” I set my bowl down in my lap. “Not anymore.”

“Really? What
happened?
” He didn’t look like he was teasing me when he asked. He genuinely looked concerned. That was a first, and kind of comforting.

“It’s a long story.” I picked my bowl up again and took another spoonful. It dissolved quickly
,
letting me continue. “It didn’t work out.”

“But I thought I just saw you with one of them earlier tonight,” he went on. “What happened?”

I really didn’t want to go into it. So I shortened it to the bottom line
. “The boyfriend that was an ex-
boyfriend crossing paths with someone new doesn’t exactly work.” I thought that summed it up.

“So, tonight?” he asked.

“Yep. It all blew up.” I felt the tears start to well up again. I looked down immediately, averting my eyes.

Kyle set down his bowl and leaned toward me. “Emily?” His voice was soft and concerned. I didn’t look up. “Emily.” His soft tone coaxed my eyes up. “It will be OK. You’ll be fine.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked, whining a little.

“Because.” He leaned back
.
“I’m your friend.” His words echoed in my head. My eyes opened wider, and I knew, at that very moment that friend-land was where I needed to be. Truly.

TWENTY-SEVEN

Friend-land

Weeks passed, and although I saw Colin at the office, it was never the same. We rarely spoke. I was forced to deal with the fact that I’d blown it with him. He was cordial, nice even, but it was over. And before it ever really got started. At school I didn’t run into Graham. That too was over, but thankfully so.

Before long, moving day arrived. I’d taken over most of my boxes little by little, and only the furniture and a few smaller items remained. My brother and my friends rallied. Ethan, Joel, and Kyle carried all the big stuff while Trish, Allison, and I tucked lamps under our arms and balanced other manageable items. We passed each other, exchanging smart remarks and playful banter. It didn’t take long until my things were among Trish’s. I had one more load of small stuff and I was finished.

The guys, looking tired and hot, sat among the boxes and cozied up to their beers. Allison and Trish were unpacking like the champs they were. I decided to make the last trip on my own.

Winter had settled in, but I still rolled my windows down for the drive. It was cold only by southern
California
standards, anyway. I don’t think it was below sixty degrees that day. I parked in my usual space, taking in my surroundings. My car door made its usual creaking sound as it swung shut with a loud clunk. My old car. Oh, how I still loved it. My attention returned to the walkways and finally my front door. I’d miss this place. It had been less than two years, but it had been my home. Memories formed here. Some I was trying to forget, but others were too good to ever let go.

I walked into the now-empty apartment. The last plant and lamp remained, looking sad alone on the living room floor. I ran my hand along the wall as I walked past the kitchen and into the living room. I made one last sweep through, heading toward my bedroom, pausing first by the bathroom. I lingered in the doorway. Many baths. Many, many baths, I thought to myself. I remembered how I often thought of Christian while surrounded by bubbles. How I could almost hear his voice…it seemed so long ago. Another thought crossed my mind. One far more recent. Sexier times with Graham. Those were definitely better times—at least until the end. But they were over too.

I moved to my bedroom, empty now. But really, I thought, even with all the furniture, lately it had been just as empty. No letters from Christian and no more Graham. Even though sadness was still part of things, I knew Graham wasn’t for me anymore. All of the deception. It was just too much ever to forgive. Like my grandmother had said, I knew the answers before I acted on them. It had long been over with Graham. It just took the final fall of the gavel to make me realize it. And Christian. I’d always hold a special place for him, and wonder if there was something I could’ve done—or not done—to save that relationship. There were so many nights I thought of him. So many nights I wondered.

But through all of it, I finally understood something that had taken me forever to figure out. Ordinarily, I would’ve tried to fill that room again. Once Christian, Graham, and Colin weren’t there anymore, I would’ve tried to replace them. Fill the void, so to speak. But this time I knew I didn’t need to spend my time filling anything. There was no void. I was perfectly complete without looking for the next guy to complete me. All I needed was
me
. Well, me, and some very important people who now lived with me in friend-land
.

I set down the lamp and plant while I turned the key in the lock for the last time. With a click it was closed. Not just the door, but a chapter in my life. I left the keys in the drop box for the landlord and headed to my new home.