Enough (38 page)

Bryan
nodded and sat back in his spot. Yeah, I don’t think he expected that. I looked over at Liam. “I still haven’t found a nickname for you but
Blow
by Kesha is your ringtone.” I said.

“A lot of Kes
ha going around.” Liam said.

“She’s talented.” I
said taking out my phone. “What do you like? That’s usually how I pick a name.” I said.

“Blondes.” Zach said.
Liam blushed and I saw Tiffany light up. That was cute. Just to play with her, I looked over at Liam.

“Why…because they’re dumb?”
I asked. Tiffany threw a couch pillow at me. “I’m joking.” I said laughing.

I typed in
Blondie
as his new nickname. For now, that works. Last is Zach. “Your nickname’s Quarters and
Best Friend’s Brother
by Victoria Justice is the ringtone. It was picked out a while back…” I said. The song was picked when we broke up. I thought about his brother Justin…he had a crush on me and he wasn’t that bad.

“Quarters?”
Zack asked.

“You’re a quarterback.” I said simply.

“L. O. L!” Tiffany said. “Quarters.”

Ev
eryone let out a little laugh then it went silent. I know what’s coming. Play time is over.

“Em…w
e were talking and we think it would be a good idea if you did the Victoria’s Secret thing.” Tiffany and Sophie said. It’s weird how they said the same things at the same time. I glanced at them. “It would keep you busy.”

“I don’t know
–”

“
The Em I know would have taken that offer the moment it was said.’ Tiffany said cutting me off. “Forget about all the bad shit that happened and have fun like you use to.” Tiffany said. “Just be you again.” I’m trying.

“It’s hard to be me again when I don’t even know who she was.” I said. Tiffany held my eyes for the longest time. It’s like she wants to say something but she didn’t. “I’m a mess, Tiff. I don’t think I can ever be me again.”

“Then be a new Emily.” Sophie said softly. “Be whatever you want.”

I
glanced back and forth between Tiffany and Sophie. “Fine, but you guys have to do it with me.” I said. They nodded.

“Text
Taylor.” Sophie said

Me:
We’ll do it. Just let me know when and where.

Taylor
: Knew you’d do it. Friday at 3:00. I’ll bring a car to pick you guys up at school.

“Happy? Friday at 3:00
she’s bringing a car to school to bring us there.” I said.

“This is going to be
so fun.” Sophie said with an excited smile. Then her brows furrowed. “Hey…why would Zach’s ringtone be
Best Friend’s Brother
…wouldn’t that make more sense with me and Joey?” She really had to bring Joey into this?

“Justin.
” I said. “That was the first girl song I made him listen to after all the Eminem. I don’t have his number so I put it under you.” I said to Zach. “How is he anyways? I haven’t seen him in…a long time.” Seriously. Damn, it’s been really long. While me and Zach were dating, I didn’t see him either. What the hell? That’s weird now that I think about it.

Sophie and Zach shared a look and
I sat up straighter.

“What?”
I asked.

“He’
s not doing okay.” Zach said. What?

“Why?
What’s wrong?” I asked. No one said anything. “What happened?” What could possibly have happened?

“
Cancer.” Zach said. I’m sorry, what? “It got worse.” What?! “He’s just giving up.”

I can’t believe what he’
s saying. This isn’t true. It can’t be. Justin doesn’t have cancer! I was silent for a while letting it in.

“When did this happen?”
I asked as my eyes watered. Justin…with cancer…how can this happen? I wiped away the tears and stared at Zach for an answer. He can’t have cancer!!

“Last year. He didn’t want anyone to know.”
Zach said.

Last year, that was when Zach sta
red getting aggressive. Was that what made him snap? Oh, god. He never told me!

“Not even me?” I
asked. “I thought he liked me.”

“That’s why he didn’t want you to know.” Sophie said.

“You knew?” I asked her. She nodded. “Ohmygod…is that why you guys don’t talk about him around me?” I asked. “Why you don’t want to be home?”

“He doesn’t want you to know
, Emily.” Zach said.

“
You guys must think I’m a bitch.” I said pulling my hair. Fuck, this sucks. He had cancer all this time and I never knew. I was busy getting high and doing whatever the fuck I wanted that I never gave him a second thought. I feel like the worst person in the world!

“
I haven’t brought him up because I didn’t want you guys to feel like I’m prying back into your lives. I know you probably want me at a distance but…” I shook my head. Justin. I can’t stop thinking about him now. “Can I see him tomorrow?” I asked with a shaky voice. “Please.”

“You can try. He doesn’t talk to anyone
. He doesn’t do anything anymore.” Zach said looking down. Justin’s five months younger than me. His parents had him right after they had Zach so they could grow up together. How can this be happening? He was always strong but he had this soft side when I was around. He’s too young to have cancer.

The
n the clock struck twelve.

Today’
s officially New Years Eve. That only means one thing.

“Ever
yone is going back home today. I want you to spend time with your families on New Years. We can see each other at school on Thursday or something. All right?” I said.

I thought of Justin.
I didn’t think it was right for me to visit Justin when Zach and I broke up. I didn’t have his number. He never came by my house. What the hell is wrong with me? I should have done something. I should have visited him.

I got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. I
filled up a glass with cold water and sat on a stool. He’s a tough guy, why would he give up? Why doesn’t he want to get better? Tears slid down my cheeks and I cried.

Some
one sat on the stool next to me and touched my arm

“Emily, you don’t have to cry about Justin. This is what he wants.” Zach said.
What he wants?! He wants to die?!

“Why is he giving up?
It doesn’t sound like him.” I said.

Zach stared at the counter top. “Money.”
He whispered.

That was all he said. And it hurt.
“Is the treatment too much money? Zach I can take care of that. I can help.” I said wiping my eyes.

“No, this is why I didn’t tell you about him.
I don’t want you feeling sorry for my family and start paying for his treatment.” He said.

“
I’m not feeling sorry for anyone. I want to help him, Zach. I can’t let him give up. I thought he was okay…that’s why I never went to see him.” I wiped my eyes. “I am going to help him anyway I can and I’m not taking no for an answer. That includes you.”

“It all depends on if he wants to start it again.”
Zach said. I pulled him into a hug when his eyes watered. “He might disappoint you. It runs in the family.”

I shook my head.
“I can be a bit persuasive. Let me just talk to him tomorrow and I’ll see what I can do.” I said. He nodded.

When I pulled away from him
, he had tears rolling down his cheeks. “Yes, these are man tears.” Zach said. We laughed and he wiped them away. “He’s my only brother and I don’t know what to do if I lose him.”

I know exactly what he means.

“He’s seventeen. He doesn’t get a choice on what he wants. Zach, he’s going to listen to me and he’s going to be okay.” I said.

“I think he’ll do anything you want him to
do.” Zach said standing up. I furrowed my brow. “He’s still got it bad for you.”

“I can use that to my advantage then.”
I said and Zach smiled.

“Thank you
…for what you want to do. But Em, I just don’t want to give you false hope.” He said. I won’t let him give up. I want him to fight.

I put the glass in the sink and we headed back into the living room. I took my seat back on the single chair and studied everyone there.

“So what did you guys do when I was sleeping?” I asked.

“Everything.”
Bryan said shrugging.

“You guys aren’t tired?” I asked.
My phone chimed. I felt my smile spread from ear to ear when I saw it was from Alex.

Alex: Are you up?

Me: Yeah

Alex: O
n the plane, should be back in an hour. Did you sleep okay?

Me: Yeah why wouldn’t I?

Alex: Because I wasn’t with you. :(

Me: I’m still tired. ;)

Alex: Is everyone still up?

Me: Yeah. I have to tell you something.

Alex: Good or bad??

Me: Good

Alex: Tell me when I’m home.

Alex: Have to turn off phone
now. I’ll see you at home.

Me: I’ll be waiting :)

I put my phone down and stretched on the couch. “Alex will be home in an hour so if you want to go to sleep you can.” I said.

“What’s Alex’s nickname?” Tiffany asked
out of nowhere.

I smiled. “Cocky.”

“No details please.” Sophie said.

“No…it’s not like that. Jeez. He’s got a cocky side to him
that I like. I’ll change it soon.” I said.

Sophie smiled at me. “M
hm. And I bet you’ve already seen that side of him.” She said with a wink. I laughed.

“I don’t know if you’re
trying to say something.” I lied.

“
You know exactly what I mean.” She said.

“You should change it to ‘Sexy.’
” Bryan teased.

I looked over at
him. “I can change yours to b.fam.” I said.

“What the fuck if b.fam
?” He asked.

“Brother from another mother.” Tiffany said.
She gets me.

“T
hat works.” Bryan said. “And if you’re wondering Ella and my mom knew about you. I was the only outcast.” Same here.

“Is that why
Ella hates me?” I asked. Bryan nodded slowly.

“She knew and never said anything.”
He said.

I can’t believe it either. Ella could have said something. Maybe I should have kissed
Bryan in front of her. That would have worked, right?

“
Do you want to be alone?” Liam asked me.

I thought about the nightmare I had.
Being alone is the way I usually steer toward but right now, I don’t want to be. I shook my head.

They started
watching re-runs of something on MTV and I couldn’t keep my eyelids open so I drifted off again and this time had no nightmares.

***

I heard voices around me then
I felt an arm slide behind my back and under my thighs. I was lifted in the air and cradled by someone warm. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzled my head against his chest.

Alex.

“You’re home.” I whispered.

I felt him walk
up the stairs then I was in bed. The bed dipped on the other side of me and I turned to him. It’s like we’re magnets. We can’t stay apart even if we try.

He wrapped me in his arms and we fell asleep.

“Emily?” I opened my eyes slowly because I didn’t really want to wake up but I do want to see the man lying beside me. I want to make sure he’s real. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t seem to understand why he’s with me. I’m used, broken and yesterday’s news. Why would a man like Alex be with a girl like me? Why would anyone?

Alex i
s lying in bed staring into my eyes like he’s trying to see me.

“I heard you slept all day.”
He said caressing my cheek. Maybe he knows I’m having these thoughts. Maybe he knows I’m asking myself how the fuck this is real because he leaned forward and whispered, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I was frozen as he pressed his lips into mine. “I love you.”

Just like that, the thoughts went away.
I pressed myself into him and kissed him back. This time, showing him just how much I want to be here and nowhere else.

“W
hat’s the good news you wanted to tell me?” He murmured against my lips. I nibbled his bottom lip as I pulled back. I can only imagine what he’ll say about the Victoria’s Secret thing. He’ll say what every guy says, ‘you’re fucking hot.’ But those models are way too skinny. They need to eat. Yeah, they’re sexy but c’mon on. Women are sexier with meat on their bones.

“We’re going to do the
Victoria’s Secret thing.” I said and he smiled. “I don’t think they’ll want me because of the scars but it doesn’t hurt to have a little fun, right?” And because I’m being forced into it.

“Right.”
He pulled me in for another kiss. “Who knew I had an Angel right here with me.” He said.

“
Yeah, right. Me…an Angel.” I rolled my eyes.

I heard footsteps walking down the hall
so I pulled away from Alex. Don’t ask me how I managed to that so easily.

It’s only noon and I have something to do so I do
n’t want to keep Justin waiting any longer. Well it’s not like he’s waiting for me. He doesn’t even want me to know he’s sick. But I can’t wait any longer.

I got out of
bed and grabbed any clothes I had left.

“Where you going?” Alex asked reaching for my hand to drag me back into bed.
I want to be in his arms but I can’t. Not now.

“I have
to see Zach’s brother.” I said walking toward the door. I changed into my clothes and headed out into the hallway.

“She’s finally awake.”
Bryan said as he walked by.

“Are you guys leaving? I’m driving you home.” I said.

“They’re just getting ready.” Liam said.

“What about you?” I asked Liam
. He does live next door.

“Kaylie needs me.”
He said.

“Brother
duties.” I said. He nodded. “You’re leaving now?”

“Yeah.”
He said as Alex walked out of the room. “You made it clear we have to spend New Years with our families.”

“True.”
I said. But now? He can’t stay a bit longer.

“At least stay and eat with us.” Alex
said.

“Fine
…but you can’t keep me any longer.” Liam teased.

The
se guys have spent most of their vacation with me and I’m not going to let them give up New Years too. In less than twelve hours it’ll be the beginning of a new year and I want everyone to have a good time before school is back in session.

I really want them to have a normal life away from me.

I walked into the kitchen and saw a beautiful purple orchid plant on the counter. “Where’d this come from?” I asked. There were pots in the sink, the dishwasher was open and some pots on the stove. Who cooked this early? A woman popped out of the dining room wearing a white chef outfit. She stopped mid-way and glared at us.

“Oh
, hi. Ready to eat?” She asked then caught me eyeing the plant. “It’s for inspiration. Beautiful isn’t it?”

“Orchids are my favorite.” I
said turning to Alex. “You didn’t have to call the chef back.” I whispered.

“I didn’t.” He
said looking over at the chef.

“I did.
” Tiffany said with a smile. “She’s amazing, you know. Hope you don’t mind.” Sometimes I want to wring my hands around her neck.

She led everyone into the dinning room.

“Everything is done. I’ll just put the dishes away.” The chef said.

“Don’t worry ab
out it. I’ll do it.” Alex said.

She looked at the pots and then at him.

“Really?” Alex nodded. “You’re a life saver.” She took of her white chef hat and beautiful brunette curls bounced onto her shoulders. She grabbed her things and headed to the front door. She turned back and said, “Alex, next time you need anything you know where to find me. Have a nice day.” She waved goodbye then left.

I noticed the orchid was still on the
counter so I grabbed it and jogged toward the door. I caught her just in time. “You forgot this.” I said.

“Keep it.” She
said getting into her car and driving away. I went back inside and put the plant back where I got it and found Alex stuffing things into the dishwasher. “Ohmygod.” I gasped.

“What?” He asked looking over at me.

“I thought you would have called someone for that.” I teased. I walked over to him and helped him out. “I’m glad you’re not lazy.” I said. Alex just smiled and nudged me with his shoulder.

“Let’s see what she made.”
Alex said as we walked into what looks like a buffet. There are sandwiches, salads, fruit and something that looks like eggplant on the table. Jesus. How did she do all of this?

After everyone was done eating, we cleaned up and got ready to go home.
Liam left from the front door and we headed to the garage. We got in the Escalade and headed for Zach’s house first.

Once we got there
, I was overcome with so many emotions. Would Justin do the treatment if I helped out? What if he doesn’t? I can’t tell him to do anything he doesn’t want to! But he can’t be selfish and not take my offer. It doesn’t hurt to try. Will his family think I’m doing this for the wrong reasons? Fuck, this is so hard. I don’t know what to do.

I got out of the c
ar with Zach and Sophie.

“I forgot something in your room.” Sophie said to Zach.

“I’ll be right back.” I said before I closed the car door. We headed up the stairs to the house I use to come by all the time up until a few months ago. Zach opened the front door and all the good times we had came back to me. There were so many. And then it was over.

No
one was downstairs when we walked upstairs toward Justin’s room. The door was closed with a Do Not Enter sign hanging in the center.

“You still want to see
him?” Zach asked. I nodded.

“Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t want to see you.”
Sophie said.

That
’s not helping. I walked to the door and Zach knocked.

“Go away
!” Justin snapped a second later.

“S
omeone came to see you.” Zach said looking at the floor.

“I
don’t fucking care. Leave me alone. I don’t want to see anyone!” He yelled. For someone who’s giving up, he sure does have a lot of energy to yell.

Zach looked at me for a few seconds.

“Not even just to say hi?” I asked after a few silent seconds passed. We heard something moving. I looked up at Zach and he was smiling. Guess that’s good. Behind the door we heard a few things tipping over, Justin grunting and more things falling over.

The door opened and Justin
stood there with a huge smile on his lips, panting. “Emily.” He breathed. Justin looks the same. Same brown hair and green eyes like Zach but you can see that he’s had a rough time. His hair is very thin and short and his body looks so…fragile. He pulled me into a hug and I frowned. He
feels
so fragile. I don’t want to hug him to hard because he might snap. And bruise. He might end up like me.

“Nobody can get you
out of bed.” Zach said as Justin moved his hands down my back. Then his hands were on my butt. And he squeezed.

I pulled away from him.
“Hey,” I looked him over. “I didn’t come here to get groped.” I said. His smile faded.

“I’m sorry.”
Justin said.

“For some reason
, I don’t believe you are.” I said.

He pulled me into another hug.
“I’m not.” He pulled away and smiled again. “Do you want to come in?” Justin asked looking me over then his eyes flickered behind me. “Sophie…nice to see you.”

“We’ll let you guys talk.” Zach said as he turned away to his room
, across from Justin’s. We walked inside and we sat on the bed.

The tears
escaped as I looked him over.

“
So Zach told you…?” He said grabbing my hand and holding my eyes. “Emily, I didn’t want you to see me like this. That’s why I told him not to say anything.” My throat tightened.

“Why are you giving up
, Justin? You were always strong and tough and you just want to give up.” I said staring hard at him.

H
e looked out at the window.

“Emily, when
you’re stuck at home all day, you hear things.”

“What kind of things?”
I asked.

“My family is going through a lot because of me. Ever since I was diagnosed
. I saw it starting to unfold. My parents fight all the time…about me. The treatment costs a lot and I still need more of it. My family would be better off without me.” He said. My heart broke.

“
Don’t say that.” I said. “Please.” I turned away from him and stared at his nightstand with papers all over the place. He’s like this because of money. Because he can’t afford the treatment. I have the money. I can help him. His family. He doesn’t need to give up. “If I take care of everything, will you do the chemo again?” I asked.

He squeezed my hand and made me look at him.
“No, you can’t. The treatment is expensive. I don’t want you to get involved anyways.” He said.

“Justin.” I
said grabbing his hands tight. “If I take care of it, will you go back to doing everything to get better? Don’t think about how much it is or any of that. Would you do it if everything was taken care of?”

“I guess.
” He said shrugging. The way he looks doing that killed me. He’s so small and frail. What happened to the smiling, funny asshole who always threw me over his shoulder to piss off Zach? I miss him. I want him back. I want Justin back. “I mean, what would it do, kill me?” He said bringing me back to now. I stared at him and he smiled. “You’re too serious.” He teased.

“So you’ll do it?”
I asked. He was quiet for a while.

“For you
, I would do anything.” He said staring into my eyes. “I heard about the thing…with the guy. Are you okay?” I nodded. The news is invading me life.

Then
Zach and Sophie walked in.

“Are
you ready?” Sophie asked smiling at Justin. Justin smiled back and stood up. He held his hands out for me. I debated whether or not to take them. He looks like he’ll break if he lifts me. I took them but lifted myself up. I’m not that lazy either.

“You’re leaving?” Justin asked.

“Yeah. I have a lot to take care of.” I said. He pulled me into another hug. “Justin, your family needs you, and I need you to stay strong.” I whispered. I felt him drop his hands lower down my back. “Hands.” I said. He quickly moved his hands back up to my back. Then the bastard surprised me by kissing me. He has balls. I pulled away from him so he won’t try it again. He knows I can’t hit him. He’s lucky.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled up the sweater’s sleeve. He stared at the bruises and then looked up at me. I still can’t look at my wrists. It brings back to much and it’s hard to deal with. “Close your eyes and don’t
look until you’re outside.” Justin said.

“What are you going to do?” I asked. If he’s thinking of kissing me–

“Trust me, okay?” I always did. I closed my eyes and felt him reach for something. A second later I felt something on my skin. A pen. He’s writing on me. I smiled because this is what we use to do. We’d write the name of songs on each other’s arms so when we go home, we’d see it and check out the song. If it was on our phones, we’d forget it was on a note or something. It was cute. And in a way, it made me love Justin. Not as boyfriend material but as a really good friend.

I felt the pen leave my skin and the arm of the sweater went down.

“Don’t look at it.” Justin said.

I opened my eyes and nodded. Then
walked over to Zach and Sophie.

“I
’ll find out if you’re lying to me.” I said. Justin dropped his smile.

“I would never.” He
said with seriousness written all over his face. I really hope not. I want him to do this treatment. I know he’ll be in pain and he’ll hate it but at least he’ll be trying. He threw himself back in bed and relaxed. We were walking out of the room when Justin called out to me. “Emily!” I walked back in. “Are you seeing anyone?” I glanced at Zach and Sophie.