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Chapter Fifteen: Dare

I woke to a terror-filled scream. Heart beating double-time, I sat up to see Red running from my bed and out of my house. What the fuck?

I jumped into jeans and took off after her. On my front step, I paused to watch her run naked across my lawn and into the tall grass. Panic drove her every step, I could see it in her jerky movements. I moved toward her, worried about what had caused her to flee. What had I done?

Closing the distance, I heard her throwing up in the grass. Her hair full of grass seed, she shivered despite the heat of the day. Then I saw her legs, rivulets of blood ran down her calves in a hundred tiny streams—grass cuts.

I coaxed her back to the trailer, silently cataloging what could have happened to cause her to panic. Had I missed something last night? Maybe one of the bikers cornered her? Laid hands on her? I would kill them, but if that was it, why wouldn’t she have told me last night.

No, it had to be the way I’d pushed her. We’d been together less than a month and all I’d done was push her limits, ask things of her decent people didn’t do. Last night was it, I bet, the thing that pushed her into that panic.

We made it to the bathroom and I handed her a cloth, afraid to get too close and trigger another panic attack—I knew too well what those were.

She pressed her face into that cloth so I wet another cloth and worked on her. “Red, I’d never hurt you. I’m too damn rough with you, too stupid to know when to stop. Hell...made you run from me. I scared you. Always fuck shit up.”

She didn’t move, and I knew I’d been right. Why did I ever touch her? I turned everything I touched to shit.

“Sorry.” I pushed out the words I needed to say. “I’m bad for you, should never have come close to you. You’re goodness and I’m fucking worthless.”

The cloth covering her face fell to the floor and she held onto my cheeks. “This isn’t about you.”

What else could she say? But I knew the truth, I’d screwed up a perfectly good woman just being with her. Hell, who would want me if not even my family could stand me. The only people who’d ever accepted me were my brothers in the club, but none of them but Jericho knew my shame.

“I had a nightmare about my past and
that
caused the panic.” She sounded so exhausted, defeated even. “I’ll dress and tell you everything. You are
not
to blame.”

I didn’t believe her, not really, and even if it was her past, I’d caused her to panic and remember that shit. Avoiding her gaze, I nodded and left her alone. It’d been years since I’d had a panic attack, but if something brought me back to my days in hell, I’d run and never look back. I couldn’t forgive myself for doing that to Red. I’d never met a tougher, stronger woman—not that she was one of those who demanded you recognize her toughness. Her strength was quiet, hidden under all that softness. To see her so low in my hands, I wished I could beat myself black and blue.

I heard her quiet steps behind me. She passed me on the front steps but I didn’t look up.

“Why do you think it’s your fault?” Her words were quiet.

“It happened in my bed. You ran away from me.” It was obviously my fault. Women didn’t run from a man unless he’d hurt her.

“This trailer triggered my attack.” She touched my chin, gently pushing up. “I have some nasty baggage, even I didn’t know how bad until today.”

I raised my gaze to hers, still not seeing how this wasn’t on me.

“If you’ll listen, not make up your mind based on what you saw, I’ll share something I’ve never said aloud.” Tears welled and ran down her face.

I’d never seen her cry. Something deep in me twisted and rage boiled in me. I never wanted to see her cry again.

“You don’t owe me...” I scooped her in my arms, unable to let her cry alone. “Don’t cry, Red.” I carried her to my porch swing.

We sat down, and she turned so her back rested on the armrest.

“Will you listen?” She didn’t speak again.

Time passed and I wished I was strong enough to just walk away, but a part of me hoped for a way forward.

“Yes.” I spoke quietly.

“My father, he hit me, hurt me and tried to break me. I ran away, but it was a four-year nightmare before I escaped.” She spoke with no emotion.

I’d thought she’d been hurt and the fact that her father was the one pissed me off to all-new levels. “You don’t have to—”

“I do.” She met my gaze but I couldn’t hold hers. “I had an almost fairy-tale childhood until I was twelve. My mom died of an aneurysm, dead suddenly in our kitchen while my father watched. He was like the dad on
Leave It to Beaver
before she died. Then his grief consumed him, and he wasted away. My sister escaped to college the year after Mom died.” She squeezed her eyes tight, struggling for some type of control.

I scooted her onto my lap, pressing her close to me.

“We lost the house, and got kicked out of one rental, then another, and we ended up in the poorest section of town in a broken-down, ready-to-condemn trailer park. Our trailer was the saddest, nothing like your place. Your home is so much nicer than my apartment.”

I’d never had a home, not really, and after today I would never stay here again. The reminder that this place had hurt her, well that was more than enough reason to move on.

“He woke up and drank until he passed out. And he hit me. The first time surprised me. And then the nightmare became my reality. I never avoided his fists for long.”

I went rigid with fury at the pain she’d endured. “You don’t need to go on. I understand.”

“I dreamt of the night he dislocated my shoulder and broke my arm.”

Mother. Fucker. I moved her off my lap and stalked away as I battled for control over my rage. How could anyone let her face such abuse alone? I knew only too well how fathers treated their children—mistreated them. I turned and drove my fist straight into the metal of the trailer. But it didn’t make me feel a single bit better.

“I woke up in the middle of a severe panic attack. The last time I had one this severe was six years ago.” Her expression begged me to accept her, but I was the one who should be begging.

“If I’d known a trailer would trigger one, I’d have told you. Being here made me anxious, but I thought it’d pass. No one’s ever seen me lose my shit so bad.” She hung her head and mumbled, “I’d understand if you’re done with me.” So lost looking, with her knees drawn to her chest and head buried.

My anger still burned but my need to make this right trumped even the anger.

I sat on the swing. “Red.” I hesitated. “What do you want?”

“I asked you first,” she whispered.

I hated the sound of defeat in her voice. “Look at me.”

She lifted her head but looked past me.

“You and me. I like it, too much. Don’t want to let it go, or burn you. Now more than ever.” I struggled to put what I thought into words. “I wish you’d told me about the trailer, so you didn’t have to hurt.”

She moved closer, placing my arm over her shoulders. I curled my arm tight around her as we sat swinging. I could see her thinking and I let her be.

“I see you.” She kissed my hand. “And I want you. But I’m afraid my crazy will get in the way again.” Her voice cracked. “
Enough
, that’s the word. We both can use it.”

She stole my breath with the honesty of her words and even more the way she showed herself to me. She’d laid bare her darkest nightmares, but I held mine tight, still too much of a coward to share them with her. No way could I walk away from what she offered.

“Yeah, Red. I see you too.” I gently kissed her temple and we sat swaying in the fading light.

I went inside and grabbed her bag, closing and locking the door. I’d call Zayn and have him move my clothes and shit into the club. I never wanted to see this place again. Another brother could use it because now this place held nothing but bad memories for me.

Lila strapped on her helmet, and I sped away from the memory of her panic and my own failure. I should’ve told her something of my past, it wasn’t so different from hers. At her place, we hurried upstairs and I took her to bed. My phone rang just as I was about to drift to sleep.

“Hey, I need you to run to Wichita and help Romeo,” Jericho said.

“I’ll be out in a few.” I hung up and Red stirred in bed, opening an eye. “I gotta jet, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I leaned down and kissed her.

“Bye, miss you.” She spoke in a sleepy voice.

I let myself out of her place and headed to my bike. I fucking hated to travel, it made me all kinds of pissed-off and stressed me the hell out. It was hard enough to navigate life where I knew everything and everyone. But I’d done it before, and would do it again.

Chapter Sixteen: Lila

When Dare came back from the club on Monday, his dark mood kept everyone away. After our sweet Sunday evening, I’d expected something else. Zayn said club business made him pissy, but it was hard not to take it personally. Later that night, he admitted he had to travel out of town for the club, apparently not his favorite activity. I wasn’t exactly excited to see him go because I’d become used to having him close. Four days without him would feel like forever. As I watched him ride away, I was sure Friday would never come.

I diverted myself with lunches with Rachel on Monday and Wednesday. She had found a
girl toy
, her words, to occupy her nights, and I was happy for her. My social life was hopping even without Dare, but it didn’t stop me missing him and our regular sessions in bed. My vibrator got a workout but now that I knew how lacking those orgasms were, it only made me want Dare more.

Thursday was terrible. I missed him but was afraid to call. I moped around the shop until even Rock told me I was bringing him down. About four o’clock, Andi, the old lady I’d met at the party, stopped by to see me.

“Hey, girlfriend.” Her cheery smile made me unhappy. “You look like someone kicked your dog and stole your best friend.”

“How do you do it? With your guy gone so long?” I tried not to whine, but it sounded a bit whiny.

“Whiskey was military before he joined Romeo’s team. It’s old hat for me, I guess. He loves what he does, and I love him.”

She made it sound so simple and made me feel about an inch tall. I was a mess over Dare’s four-day absence and she went months at a time knowing he was in danger. “I want to be you when I grow up.”

“Honey, doesn’t everybody.” She laughed. “Now, you and I have shopping to do, and men to forget.”

I didn’t think it was possible for my bad mood to improve, but that was her problem.

“Come on, Rock called and made me promise to take you away.”

I turned and gave Rock the stink-eye. He lurked by the door and shrugged at me. “You’re bringing me down. I’ll handle the shop, you go find some happy.”

“Fine.” I grabbed my bag from under the counter and grinned at Andi. “Tell me that shop across the street is on our list.”

We crossed the street to Black Label, with Andi talking all the time. “You mean you haven’t been here? It’s total biker-babe city. And the owner has funky hair and a huge smile. It’s the best.”

A bell that sounded like the dinging bell on a bike chimed when we walked through the front door.

“I’m in back,” someone yelled from the back of the store somewhere.

Andi grabbed my arm. “You have to see her private stash. The sexiest underwear ever.” She pulled me through the maze of clothing racks, not even letting me stop when I saw a leather jacket I really needed to buy. Andi pushed through a swinging door and everywhere I looked beautiful lingerie hung on hangers or was displayed on tables.

A bright-blue-haired girl smiled at us. “I love naughty biker girls. I just got in a new shipment, you’ll be the first to see it.” She winked and the three studs in her eyebrow flashed light.

I bought a sexy leather number that was way outside my budget and several tees more fitted than my normal style. After Andi and I checked out, we headed to my place to drop off our bags. Before the night was over we’d hit three stores in town and driven to Ardmore for dinner. It was well after nine by the time I opened the door to my apartment tired but in a much better mood.

* * *

By five o’clock Friday, I jumped at every sound. Dare hadn’t said when he’d be home, and he hadn’t called. Of course, I hadn’t called him either.

Zayn often updated me on Dare’s schedule, but today he’d been silent, and had left an hour ago. Rock and Weasel were in back—no way would I ask either of them.

Why hadn’t he called me? I was his girl. He said so.

Don’t you call your girl?

He probably forgot about me while he’d been gone wherever he went. Maybe he found someone else to occupy his time. He’d never said we were exclusive, in fact, he’d said the opposite. I bit my lip, but Dare wasn’t here to kiss it.

My mood soured by the time I closed the shop and trudged up the stairs to my apartment. I thought about making PB and J, but I’d set out ingredients for BLTs this morning. I put the bacon in the oven and sliced up the tomato and lettuce, trying not to think about where Dare might be.
Did he fuck one of those fake-tit girls?

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I dismissed my dark thoughts. Four days away and I imagined him cheating on me because he hadn’t called. In a month, he’d transformed my life, filling up all the empty spaces.

Why had I let him do that? Hell, I’d encouraged him. And now I paid the consequences.

Braham
,
you need a freaking life.

A knock had me bolting to the door. I peeked through the security peephole to see Dare. My heart raced as I threw the door open wide. Before he was two steps in, he scooped me in his arms and kissed the sense out of me. We were almost to my bedroom when the buzzer on the oven went off. I broke the kiss and turned away before he could suck me back. I turned off the buzzer and set the perfectly cooked bacon on top of the stove while Dare stood in the doorway fucking me with his eyes.

“You hungry?” I asked, not sure what I wanted him to eat, me or the bacon.

“Starved.” He leered at me. He snatched bacon off the pan.

“For?” I backed away as he prowled forward.

“All of it.”

My hard nipples pointed through my T-shirt, like they were raising their hand and saying “pick me, pick me.”

He threw me over his shoulder with my head dangling down his back.

“Your ass is perfection.”

“Glad you enjoy the view.”

He carried me like that to my bedroom before he dropped me on my bed.

I squealed on the way down and scrambled up the bed to flip on the light. I planned to enjoy the show. Naked, he held up his jeans to pull out a condom. “Gonna need this fast. Missed you.”

The words struck like an arrow to my heart, and emotion exploded inside me. Hell, it was almost a declaration of love. I shucked off my clothes in record speed. Then I kneeled in the middle of the bed on all fours, with my ass up.

“Red,” he growled.

I crawled back toward the side of the bed. “Fuck me, now.”

He growled and scooted me back until my toes hung over the edge of the bed and his body cupped mine.

His hand trailed the slit of my sex. I arched my back, pushing my ass toward him. The wrapper tore, and then his hands dug into my hips, and his cock slid between the lips of my pussy and inside me. His strokes, strong and fast, ratcheted up my desire. Passion clouded my senses as I rocked into his groin.

“Missed this ass.” He smacked it hard.

I yelled and hoped he did it again.

“Missed this pussy.” He hitched his hip, and I wanted to weep.

Leaning forward, he propped himself with one hand and tweaked my nipple. “Your nipples teased me at the door.”

I moved faster, feeling the build inside me. “Dare...Dare....” I chanted his name. My toes clenched and knees tightened. My movements frantic, I lost the ability to form words. Sounds came from me as I raced for the feeling. The one I’d missed.

His middle finger pulsed against my clit and I burst with a scream that held all my pent-up frustration. His hands squeezed my ass tight.

I bent on my elbows and bounced my ass into him. His hands flexed and then he bellowed his own release, pumping into me. He fell on top of me, but braced his weight on his forearms. His lips kissed the back of my neck and his cock twitched inside me. I wiggled my ass and he groaned.

While he was in the bathroom, I threw on a T-shirt, not bothering with underwear. I felt naughty without underwear, especially with the edge of my ass showing under the shirt. In my tiny kitchen, I assembled BLTs, but didn’t put mayo on Dare’s until I asked him. People loved or hated mayo.

The bathroom door opened, and I yelled, “Mayo or no mayo.”

“Whatever you did.”

I added mayo to his and handed him a plate.

He smacked my ass when I walked past, which stung in the best way the whole time we ate. Once we were finished I carried the plates into the kitchen.

As I headed back to him, he patted his lap, so I laid my head down and looked up at him. His hand skimmed my hip and I suppressed a shiver, already craving him again.

“I hate traveling. It blows.” He moved his hand over my hair, all messy from bed. “Finished the meeting and drove straight through to you. When I climbed your step, I worried you might not be home.” He smirked at me. “Glad you answered.”

He rarely shared anything with me, and I treasured it. “Glad you knocked. Can I ask where you went?”

Straightening up, he pulled me to sitting on his lap with his mouth set in serious lines. “Wichita.” He opened his mouth to speak, and shut it. “You can ask me anything. Every question you have. Some I won’t answer, but most I will.”

“I don’t want to make you mad.” I spoke to his chest.

“Who cares if I get mad? I won’t hurt you, and I’ll be straight with you.”

My world widened and I thought of all the questions I’d suppressed. Maybe Dare wasn’t at fault. I worried about which thing I’d do to finally make him fed up with me. The thing that would make him sneer and put me down. The thing that never came with him.

Had those other men broken me?

Could I be a whole, strong partner for him?

“Why didn’t you call me?” I glanced up and then down at my red fingernails.

He huffed. “Dunno. Thought about it. This shit with us, I ain’t ever been here. Did you want me to?”

I nodded. “But I wasn’t sure if I should call you.” The words almost stuck in my throat.

With a snort, he pulled me tight to him. “Red, do anything you feel like. Your sexy voice in my ear is never a bad idea.”

I smiled up at him, hoping to be more than I’d been but afraid that more would be too much. However, that was a worry for another day, right now all I wanted was his hardening cock. I massaged him through his jeans. “Tell me what I should do with this.”

“Whatever makes you happy.” He gave me his bad-boy smirk.

“Let’s see.” I unbuttoned his fly and tugged down on his jeans. He lifted his hips, and I pulled down his jeans, freeing him. My tongue flicked his tip.

“What excites you?” I purred the words, staring up into his fierce expression.

“You excite me.” He stroked my hair.

I swirled my tongue around his tip. “More specific. Tell me what to do next.”

He slouched back into the couch. I swallowed him, and moved back to the tip. “Yes?”

His hand went to my ass. “Fucking your ass. I want my dick buried in your ass.” His words revved and frightened me at the same time.

I glanced up at him. “I’ve never done that before.”

I moved up and down letting my teeth drag along his sensitive flesh.

“Would it hurt?” I spoke to his cock, too embarrassed to look higher.

“Not the way I’d do it. Only incredible pleasure.”

Turned on, I sucked him with deep plunges. His balls tightened, and I moved away.

“Tonight?” I stroked him.

“No, but soon, if you agree.” His breathing hitched. “Need to show you, ah fuck, feels...perfect.”

I’d moved my mouth down to his sac. He hadn’t ever said anything about how I’d played with his ass at the club. Was I brave enough to ask?

Hell yes.

“In the club, I played with your ass.” He pistoned up into my clenched palm. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Yeah. A toy, a finger, a tongue.” He arched a brow at me. “It adds a different kind of spice.”

Maybe not my tongue. But fingers, for sure. In fact, there was one finger maneuver I very much wanted to try.

“You always go beyond, push further, and that’s damn addicting.”

Hot from his trust and my own work, I couldn’t talk more. I positioned myself over him and sunk down until his apa hit the back of my throat. I pulsed deep and then changed to fast strokes from tip to base.

“Fuck, Red. Coming.” His fingers wound in my hair.

I moved between his cheeks and massaged his pucker. He tightened and then he spurted into my mouth. Hot and salty. I swallowed everything he gave. With slow circles, I continued moving over his cock through the shudders of his orgasm.

He hauled me up until he kissed my lips. “Hands down you give the best head ever.” His lazy smile warmed me. He dragged me up until I straddled his thighs.

With a new tenderness he tucked my hair behind my ear.

I leaned into his chest. “I’d like to try it.”

“What?”

“Um, anal, with you.”

He chuckled into my hair. “You won’t regret it.”

* * *

Wednesday had come—the day I cooked at the club. While Dare had been away, MJ had called and convinced me to help out. Once Dare gave his blessing, I’d signed up because cooking for a big group excited me. I wanted to see if I could do it, and if it made him proud. My eyes flew open and I glanced to the clock. Twenty minutes before my alarm would even go off. The worry that had woken me up eased some, but it refused to go away. My sexy guy slept on with his leg hiked and his back mostly uncovered. He rocked the bad-boy vibe when he was awake. Asleep, he held an innocence that twisted me up inside.

Avoiding his tempting body, I made myself get out of bed, start the coffee, and then I headed to the shower.

Dressed and ready for the day, I woke him with coffee, but he growled at me about his ‘lack of morning ass,’ as he put it. I was way too amped up for our normal sexcapades. He must’ve sensed it because he didn’t tease me more. Within minutes we were heading out my front door and to his bike.

I straddled the back of his bike, holding tight to my man. We sped away from Marked Man. The September wind held a hint of fall and the sun warmed me. Riding with Dare was too good, addicting even. I hoped one day we’d go on a day-long ride. Now, that would be wonderful.

My stomach knotted with worry the moment he parked his bike, and no matter what I told myself, the unease wouldn’t go away.