Enough (24 page)

There were still bikers in the shop, but they knew the way out. I did a quick sweep, picking up trash and stacking dishes in the sink. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so happy, at least without a man, and by man, I meant Dare. Maybe our Christmases before Mom died, but they were almost like a surreal dream in my memory.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Lila

The holidays passed quickly, and I hit the two-month mark post-Dare, or PD as I thought of it now. My friendship with Avery and Glory had been cemented with a night of hilarious fun on New Year’s Eve. I’d played cards, danced and crashed at their place, nowhere near the blowout the Brotherhood planned.

January brought unusually cold temperatures, and I stayed at home whenever I could. The guys grumbled at having to leave their bikes at home. My Christmas gift flyer created a steady stream of new customers to Marked Man. I spent more of the quiet winter hours exploring the design software. Finally, my need to create art found an outlet where I excelled.

The only downside—my sex life, well lack of one, really. Avery’s brother, Chet, continued his campaign to fix my problem, but I refused. My relationship with the guys in the Brotherhood had suffered because of my breakup. I didn’t want to create awkwardness with my new friends. To be honest, I barely felt the physical spark with Chet anyway.

But I missed sex, with all the intimacy it brought. While one-night stands had never been my thing, it sounded better every night I spent alone.

On Friday, Avery rushed into the shop, excitement shining in her face.

“My God, Lila.” She bounced on her toes. “I have the best news ever. At our merchant’s meeting last night I told them how great your flyer worked for me, and like three people asked for
your
card. They want to hire you!”

“Me? It’s a hobby.” Excitement fizzed inside me. Someone thought my work was good enough to pay for. And I enjoyed doing it, even more than I loved working at the shop.

“Girl, really? A hobby is not what you got. A passion, but no damn hobby.” She frowned at me.

“I don’t have a card, or a computer—it’s the shop’s laptop.” No way to swing buying one on my own. Disappointment popped the bubbles inside me.

“Please stop with all this negativity.” Avery waved away my concerns. “Those guys are your friends, and they’re laid-back. I bet they’d let you work on the projects on your own time. I mean, how many books can you read?”

Maybe she was right. And I did need another pastime to fill my nights. A little ball of pride settled inside me, glowing and warm.

Avery gave me a quick hug and ran out the door. My mind rolled over the possibilities—my own business, even a side business, excited me. I hadn’t realized how much time my boyfriends had consumed until I didn’t have one.

It was almost closing before I caught Dare alone. I didn’t plan to ask him with Weasel listening.

“Hey, boss.” I’d taken to calling him that because saying his name was too personal.

He turned to me, eyebrow raised.

“I need to run an idea by you, got a minute?” It was the first time since he’d rejected me that we would talk alone.

He nodded and followed me up front.

“So, between my work for the Marked Man and Avery’s boutique, I’m getting requests to do more design work. And I wondered if it was okay to use the laptop in the evenings to do it.” I took a quick breath and continued. “If you want, I can run the revenue through the shop, not that it’s much now but—”

“Enough, Lila.” His lips quirked in the ghost of a smile. “Do what you want with the computer. And keep the money. You do great designs.”

Dare had never been a fan of the computer.

“Thanks, boss, I appreciate it.” I started to say winter nights were lonely, but I clamped my mouth shut before I made a fool of myself.

I jumped into my new design work to deal with the long January nights. I had three other shops as clients, and Jericho had hired me to design some pieces for Bound. I’d never been to a sex club, or dungeon, whatever they were called, and it intrigued and scared me at the same time. However, the images I created excited me. They were provocative, bold and modern. I thought they were my best work, but all the projects fired me up. And my heartache took a backseat to my new passion.

My life was full with things I’d never considered possible—good friends, a loose affiliation with the Brotherhood, design work, my job and more invitations to go out than I could accept.

Zayn came up for a vote this month, which he told me meant he could go from slave meat to full brother. All week he was quiet and tense, but I knew he’d be voted in the first time—he bled the Brotherhood. I baked him some peanut butter cookies and promised to come to the club to celebrate when he received his cut. He’d grinned and crossed his fingers.

After we closed the Marked Man, I spent the night at home doing my normal Sunday chores. Zayn would be calling me to celebrate tomorrow. I was confident even if he wasn’t. Around two I climbed into bed too tired to read my newest mystery. As I was about to drift off, something banged outside my door. I sat up, worried someone might be breaking in.

Damn. I never bought that bat.

A thud outside on the landing made me jump. My pulse raced and fear cramped my stomach. I crept to my peephole and looked out.

Dare sat slumped next to the wall, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

Son of a bitch
. Anger replaced the fear.

He showed up here drunk after he’d thrown me away. I threw open my door and stalked out.

“What the hell?”

He glanced up with bloodshot eyes. Anger and hurt swirled in his changing expressions. “How do you do it?”

At least he didn’t slur his words.

“Come in and tell me what you’re talking about.” I wasn’t about to let him drive anywhere in his condition.

“No, I—”

“Come in.” I didn’t make it a request. “It’s the least you can do after scaring ten years off my life.”

He mumbled something, but stood and followed me inside.

I went straight to the kitchen and put together a turkey sandwich. Then I grabbed him some water and pain reliever. He needed to sober up. I studied him as I closed the distance to where he slumped on my couch.

His honey-colored hair hung in his face, and his chin had the start of a beard, a lot more hair than I’d ever seen on his face. His jeans were dirty and his shirt rumpled. Despite all of it, I wanted him more than I ever had.

It would be easy to seduce him, it looked like he needed it. And I knew I did. The day after, though, wasn’t worth the pleasure of the moment. He’d been clear about what he wanted, or didn’t want in this case.

He glanced up at me.

“Eat this.” I shoved the plate toward his hands.

He took it, frowning at me. “First take these.” I handed him pain relievers and a bottle of water.

“What? You feel guilty?” He swallowed the pills, glaring at me.

“About what?”

He bit into his sandwich, but his gaze burned me. Anger. Hurt. And something more. “You fucking my best friend.”

His accusation pissed me off. It was his stupid fault I even had to hide behind Jericho. And if he was so concerned about who I fucked, why didn’t he fuck me.

“You talk to Jericho about it?” I’d told him not to let Dare believe this shit.

“Of course.” He scowled, and if I didn’t know him, I’d be scared. “He said I passed twice, but he wasn’t passing.”

Goddam Jericho.
How could he do this?

“Said we’d shared plenty of women in the past. To get right with it.” He shot me a deadly look. “How long did you wait before fucking him?”

A mean part of me wanted to say he sent Jericho to me, but I couldn’t be that person. I’d never been that person.

“I’m not sleeping with him.” I spoke calmly even though my gut churned in disgust. “We’re helping each other out.”

He snorted at my words.

“Not like that.” I set hands on hips. “Do you want to hear this? Or you already know the score?”

He rubbed his mouth and met my gaze. “Yeah.”

“Then listen. I’m not repeating this shit.” Nervous energy buzzed in me, but I stayed still. “Remember I told you it was you or no one.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, but pushed ahead. “Well, I didn’t get that it wasn’t what girls normally did, and your
brothers
have been more than insistent I choose your replacement.”

“Damn pricks.”

“I was ready to leave Barden, start over, but then Jericho and I came to this deal. He asked me to stay, even if I didn’t plan to be an old lady. I’d tell the guys I was claimed, and both of us get some space. Me from the bikers and him from MJ.”

“Really? That much pressure? Seems like overkill.” He smirked at me. “Of course everyone wants you.”

Everyone but him.

“I told Jericho to tell you so I wouldn’t come between you.” No way I’d admit I didn’t want him hurt.

“He’s a bastard sometimes.” He leaned back and tension flowed away. “Why not someone else?”

Oh hell no.

I stood. “None of your business.”

He stood too. “I’m sorry. Should get going.”

I fisted my hands on my hips and blocked his path. “No way you’re driving tonight.” I pointed to the couch. “Go to sleep.”

His jaw tightened, and fight flashed across his face.

I braced myself and then touched his arm. “Dare.” I waited until he looked at me. “We’re friends. Please stay, I don’t want you driving like this.”

“We are?” His words held a hint of surprise, but his face remained blank.

“Yeah, will you sleep it off?”

He nodded, and collapsed back onto the couch.

Digging my heart out with a spoon couldn’t hurt worse than turning from him, knowing I no longer had the right to touch him. His scent, whiskey and man, tempted me. Only one fact held me back.

I’d failed him.

Now, I lived with the pain. Tonight I’d discovered my heart was worse than broken. Part of me, the best part of me, lived inside Dare. Forever broken, I now understood the harshest pain came from my missing parts—the pieces he held.

“Thanks, Red.” The low words floated to me as I reached my bedroom door.

I didn’t even pause because if I slowed now, I’d be on top of him in seconds. And I’d never recover from a mistake of that magnitude.

I quietly closed my door, and crawled under my covers. Staring at the ceiling, tears silently slid down my cheeks. Even drunk, he hadn’t shown the smallest sign of wanting me, only wanting me to stay away from Jericho. Everyone said move on, especially Dare. I wished my heart would get with the program, because it was the only one holding out.

Chapter Thirty: Dare

My phone woke me early and my head only ached instead of the splintering pain hangovers usually brought. I sat up on Red’s couch and last night replayed in my mind.

Why couldn’t I have just drunk dialed? Nope, I went all the way and ended up on her doorstep in the wee hours of the night.

I sat up on the couch, staring at the closed bedroom door. I’d seen the way she’d looked at me last night—she wanted to fuck me. I’d silently prayed she’d do it, make the first move, but she’d walked away from me.

I couldn’t stop staring at her closed bedroom door, it pulled me. We could ride together a bit longer, but sooner or later my past would bring everything crashing down. No, after three months, I could almost walk by her without having to watch my words. It was best this way.

I slipped on my boots and with soft steps I put one foot in front of the other until I reached the door—her door. Just a single look at her asleep and I could make myself leave. I turned the knob and her scent hit me, a sucker punch in the gut—strawberries and honey. The scent of her arousal lingered. Had she lain here last night masturbating while I was passed out on the couch?

My cock hardened when I spotted her closed eyes and freckled cheeks. Her lips parted and the ache in my gut turned into a lead weight. I’d been absolutely positive that this shit feeling, like someone had sliced me from the inside out, would go away, but it lingered, slowly killing me.

No.
Stop being weak.
Fucking deal with it
.
Nothing has changed.

My chest tightened and I fought my urges. I stepped back and closed the door, wincing at the quiet snick of the latch. I walked out of her apartment and swore I’d never end up here drunk again, even if I had to use my own restraints to keep my word.

Forcing my brooding thoughts away, I focused on today. Today was a big day in the Brotherhood; we were adding a new member, and Zayn totally deserved it—a total biker through and through, he’d earned his cut in only a year. A lot less time than most got the nod, but that boy was a natural. I kick-started my bike and headed to the clubhouse.

Memories of Red plagued me on the ride. Red coming in my arms as the balls drove her wild. Licking chocolate off her forehead and laughing at her flour-speckled face. Tying her up in my ropes and sliding my cock in her mouth. Total trust.

I was in a shit mood when I parked my bike at the club, and Zayn deserved better from me, all my brothers did.

At ten, Bear brought Zayn before us. All the club members were in the room—this was church—and we didn’t do more important shit than add new brothers to our fold. The boy understood, because I saw the way his eyes shone when Jericho put the cut on his shoulders.

“Brothers, welcome our newest member, Zero. The boy could have a million nicknames he’s into so much shit.” Jericho laughed. “But Zero—that’s the one that counts—because it’s the number of times he goes home alone. A total pussy hound with the best instincts I’ve ever seen.”

The room erupted into laughter and Zero was picked up on the shoulders of bikers and carried to the bar. Soon he was flat on the bar with whiskey being poured into his mouth until he choked. Initiation by drowning, but it did the trick of getting him fucked up in minutes.

Red and her skinny friend from Black Label showed up and every single person looked her way. I stood against the wall and watched her greet Zero. Her smile dropped when she spotted Jericho. Her supposed lover had two bitches on his lap.

She came straight toward Jericho, who met her with a smile. The girls on his lap preened, trying to provoke her, but she didn’t even look their way.

“Nice to see ya on a Sunday.” Jericho patted the girls’ asses and they moved off his lap. He motioned her toward him. “Want a seat?”

My blood boiled, and even knowing it was a farce, I wanted to smash my fist into that shit-eating grin of his.

“I need a private word.” She bit off the words.

He raised his eyebrows. “Come to my rooms, then.”

She frowned and bit her lip. I loved it when she did that, but I’d given up her lips and all the rest.

She jerked her head my way. “You come too.”

I fell in behind her, thinking about the hell she’d give Jericho. Why did he play this game with her? What did he get out of this?

“You.” She pointed at Jericho. “Didn’t tell Dare the truth. And he ended up drunk at my place.” She bristled with anger that still lit me up.

I wanted to push her against the wall, strip her, tie her hands and fuck her hard. But that was nothing new, nor would it happen.

A satisfied smile crossed Jericho’s face. Yep, he had her where he wanted her.

She pointed to me and grunted with disgust. “Drunk as hell, driving from who knows where, Dare shows up at my place at three in the fucking morning because his prick of a friend finds it funny to lie to him.”

Glancing between us, she fisted her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what this is about, but keep me out of it. I don’t like being a pawn.”

Jericho began to speak, but she cut him off. “Save it.”

“He deserved it—stupid prick.” Jericho spoke over her. “You really passing—”

“Oh no,” she shouted.

“Leave her out of this,” I growled. “You got a problem with me?”

I moved toward him, fist cocked, ready for a rumble. I needed something to release this anger and emotion filling me until I wanted to explode.

“You two talk, or fight, whatever you guys do. But I don’t want any more shit from you.” She glowered at Jericho. Then she pointed to me. “No more drunk nights on my couch.” She stalked from the room.

I moved in and bumped into Jericho’s chest. “You find this funny. What are you doing? Who you fucking with? Me or her?”

“You stupid motherfucker. I’m cleaning up your mess.” He sat on the couch. “You tell me ‘do whatever, make her stay’ because you promised. Well keeping your promise is a bitch for two reasons. One—she only wants you, go figure. Two—all the guys want her.”

I’d figured she’d move on to another guy too, but she hadn’t. A biker chick like her, made for our life, no way someone wouldn’t claim that treasure. And that fed the bomb, maybe I’d break into a million pieces when I blew. “But why the scheme?”

“Lots of reasons, but three of which are Vex, Rebel, Viper—all have propositioned her. Those aren’t the kind of guys to accept no.”

I cursed because none of them were who I’d pick for her—all three were bastards. But then what was I?

“Did she tell you to make sure I knew?” I hadn’t meant to ask.

The ass I called my best friend smiled wide. “Yup. Insisted on it. You know, you pull your head out of your ass and take her back, my problem is solved.”

I stared at him. “You want her for something else.”

He shrugged. “You gave up your say in what happens to her.”

“The fuck I did.”

“You did, and what I want is all that matters now.” He laughed.

I stared at him, drilling deep, until he looked away. “Don’t bring her into your scheming or you’ll wish you hadn’t.” Leaving the club, I headed out with no destination in mind.

I sped down the asphalt road, trying to blow off the remnants of her ghost so I could get back to the life I’d loved before Red, no—Lila.

When I’d spent the week drunk after I sent her packing the first time, Jericho had pushed woman after woman into my arms, and none of them mattered. I’d had no fucking desire to stick my dick into them. That shit had to stop tonight.

I turned onto the road to Ardmore, heading for Bound where the women knew how to make anyone want them. If I fucked another, then it’d be over.

I was making too much of this shit. I mean just because my mind scrambled up shit, did that mean she couldn’t want me?

“Fuck,” I bellowed into the night wind.

Telling her would only cement her to my side. I had to protect her, even if it was from me. My head hurt, and I fought to keep my breathing study.

I pulled into Bound’s gravel lot and parked my Dyna. My boots crunched on the gravel as I headed to the back door. I wanted to avoid the Old Man and Renegade, if they were here. They’d both left the party as soon as Zero had been doused with the whiskey.

I headed upstairs and stuck my head into the employee kitchen, a run-down room with scarred tables and a permanent haze of smoke. Viper gave me the nod, and I clasped his hand in a Brotherhood handshake.

“Never see you here.” Viper grabbed a second beer from the fridge and threw it to me. “You slumming.”

“Nope, just need to fuck someone until I forget.” I clamped my mouth shut. “The old dudes here?” It’s how several of us referred to the two last founding members—Ren and Old Man.

“Already tucked in with their women upstairs.” His eyes pointed toward the third floor.

One thing working for me. Now I just needed to find a talented chick to kiss my troubles away.

“You really want to sort through all that out there.” He nodded toward the front of the club.

“Rather poke out an eye, but—”

“Head down to room six, full of ropes, and I’ll send you Bambi. Biggest doe eyes you ever seen, and that’s not all that’s big.”

Shit, that sounded too good to be true. “Yeah, I’m good with that.”

Viper nodded and I hustled out of the kitchen to room six. Red walls, black tile, with a Jacob’s Cross in the corner. Lengths of rope in red and black lined the walls along with every other kind of cuff and material I might want.

When I slid the soft red rope through my palm, I couldn’t wait. I laid the rope on the bed and found a hood, considering it. Then I could pretend it was...no hood, no pretending. I needed a dick’s length lesson in reality.

A knock, and a nude brunette sashayed into the room, her lips parting with a sexy smile when she spotted the ropes. Her wide brown eyes were beautiful, and she had all the parts any man would love.

“I love ropes.” Her soft voice was high and breathy.

“On your knees on the bed.” I pushed the words past the lump in my throat. “Hands behind your back. No words.”

With a slow grace, a smile blossomed across her face—beyond sexy.

I started with her hands, looping the red rope around her wrists in a crisscross pattern.

“Stand up.” I tied her legs together with a loose weaving of knots and loops. When I’d tied off the pattern at the ankles, I helped her kneel.

Stepping back, I unbuttoned my jeans and slid out my uncooperative dick.

Jeans open, I brought my cock toward her lips. “Suck me, bitch.”

She opened her mouth, ready for me. Lila was like that. That quick, memories of Red’s haunting eyes popped into my head.

I turned away, zipping up my pants. Nope, this wasn’t happening. My fucking heads wouldn’t agree. Only one answer for that.

I shrugged on my shirt and picked up my cut from the chair before I walked out of the room. I found Viper watching over the club room. “I left you a gift in room six. Don’t keep her waiting.”

“Yeah? Wrapped up tight?”

“The only way, brother.” I grinned and watched him hurry away. Scanning the room, no other brothers were visible. Good. I headed for the far corner where a group of prick posers whooped it up. As I approached, the strippers eyed me and hustled away. I stopped one, cupping her tit. “Baby, you don’t want these cocksuckers, you need a real man.”

She gulped.

The lead bastard took my bait. “Go on,” I told her.

She didn’t wait a second to follow my command.

“What did you call me?” The jar-headed dude with a leather jacket moved close.

“Cocksucker.” I grinned, letting him take the first swing.

I ducked, and punched up into his soft gut. He fell back and his friends moved up. I lashed out and the fight was on. Knee deep in posers, I thrashed out, punching and kicking, trying to get the most in before backup arrived. Each punch freed me, but none of it was enough.

Viper showed up first, cursing and buttoning pants as he punched another guy, coming from my back. By the time we’d finished, ten guys lay unconscious and Rebel stood beside Viper and me.

“You fucking set me up.” Viper leaned over, catching his breath.

“Tell me you nutted first.” I eyed him.

He threw back his head with a laugh. “Fuck yeah.”