Essence Of The Heart (The Royal Tutor) (26 page)

          Jacob could feel his anxiety rising. He could not understand how
she had become so offended. She often went around bragging she was as
good as any man and saying she wished she had been born one. He tried to
change the subject.
          "I'm sorry, Your Highness. We can work on your sword fighting
skills if you prefer."
          Marie backed farther away from him, blinking back the tears that
were fully in the rim of her eyes now. "I'm not feeling well. I'd like to take
the rest of the day off."
          Jacob nodded. "As you wish."
          He bowed and left her. He, too, wasn't feeling well. His emotions
were in a quandary. He had truthfully felt like he was dancing with a man,
but there was more to it. He didn't want to analyze his feeling too much for
fear of what they might mean. But the tears in her eyes and the sound of her
voice ate at him.
          They probably would have eaten at him more had he seen her after
he left. She stepped into dance position and started whirling alone around
the room. If he had seen her come to a stop and then look regretfully down
at her clothes, he might have guessed there was more to her feelings than he
understood. But he would have
known
that was the case if he had seen her
reach up and touch the cap on her head, then cover her mouth and run from
the room sobbing. He may have known more if had seen it, but he didn't.
But Lord High Chamberlain did, and he knew a change was coming over
the princess.
          Jacob dropped down on a bench in the courtyard to think. His heart
was locked in a battle with itself. He had hurt Marie's feelings even though
he hadn't meant to. It was the first time he had ever seen her that way, and
it cut at him. He had been strong with her many times, even to the point of
reprimand, and never felt guilty about it. Why did he feel so now,
especially when what he said was true?
          As he sat there pondering the events of the day, John and Edward
stopped by.
          Edward spoke humorously to him, not sensing the intensity of his
emotions. "What's wrong, Jacob? Having trouble with your little
protégée?"
          Jacob forced a smile. "Yes." He paused a moment and then could
not hold the smile any longer. "I think I hurt her feelings."
          Edward pretended surprise. "The little tyrant has feelings?"
          Jacob suddenly felt an uncharacteristic anger swell in him.
"Edward, I want you to stop with the derogatory remarks about her."
          John's and Edward's eyes widened as they looked at each other.
John spoke for them. "Are you feeling sorry for her?"
          "Yes and no," Jacob answered. "I don't think I have ever thought
about her having feelings before."
          Jacob had no sooner said it than he felt ashamed of himself. What
he had just said was the truth, but he was perplexed that he had felt that
way. He, of course, knew she had feelings, but he had never thought of her
as having deep emotions - the kind a person often sees in a woman. He had
gotten so used to telling himself she was so much like a man that he had
convinced himself of it.
          "What happened?" John asked
          Jacob described how he had talked to her about learning to dance for
the Princess Ball.
          Edward spoke sarcastically. "I bet she was excited about that."
          Jacob told them how surprised he was that she agreed. John and
Edward were surprised, too. Jacob described how they started to dance. He
didn't go into detail about how he had felt, but just said he finally quit. He
told them that when she asked why, he told her he felt like he was dancing
with another man. Neither John nor Edward seemed surprised at that.
Everyone knew how she said she'd like to be a man. However, they were
surprised when he told them how hurt she seemed.
          John suggested that maybe a little humility would be good for her.
Jacob shook his head. "Since it happened I've done a lot of thinking about
her life. Her father died when she was young, and her mother loves her and
has tried to give her everything - everything, that is, except what she needed
most - her time."
          They all sat there quietly as if the reality of it was new to each of
them. Jacob finally continued. "I sense something in her that I don't
understand. It's as if there are emotions hidden deep inside that she is afraid
to embrace. She is afraid to have her heart tromped on. There is a goodness
in her that I glimpse now and then."
          Edward tried to ease the seriousness of the moment by joking.
"When she's not kicking you in the shins?"
          Jacob saw John smile and knew the morning's events were
obviously fresh on his mind. Jacob tried to join in the merriment, but he
didn't feel like smiling. He patted Edward on the shoulder. "Actually, that
hasn't happened in a long time."
          As they continued to visit, Jacob didn't feel any better. Through the
evening, and for much of the night, he was haunted by having hurt her.
That was the last thing he wanted to do.
          He also felt badly that for so long he had thought of her as an
assignment. He no longer thought of her that way. She was his friend, and
he wouldn't hurt her for anything.
          By the next morning he had decided he had to apologize somehow.
He didn't know how to approach it, but he thought that if they spent most of
the day in the solitude of the gardens he could find a way.
          He sat on the table trying to read as he waited for her. He hadn't
seen her since they had separated, and he was sure she was avoiding him.
He didn't want her to avoid him. As he sat there looking at the book in his
hands, he wasn't even trying to read. He was trying to think of how he
could tell her he was sorry without making things worse. He had never felt
such a need to do so before.
          He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear her enter, nor did she
bounce into the room as usual, but came in quietly so that she was almost
right behind him when she cleared her throat. He stood and turned to face
her.
          He could scarcely take in what he saw. There she stood before him
in an elegant gown that skimmed around the edges of her delicate shoulders.
The dress was a beautiful white with red ribbons and red roses cascading
around its full skirt. Lace trim added to its delicacy. Her ebony hair hung
loose past her shoulders to the middle of her back. Jacob couldn't believe
her hair was so long, and he had no idea it was so beautiful. It was curled
around her face with little tufts of ringlets that hung down over her
forehead, highlighting her fawn-like eyes.
          She was absolutely the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The
shock was overwhelming, and his heart was strangling the air right out of
him. As he gasped for breath he dropped the book to the floor.
          She smiled an impish smile. "I see I must teach you how to treat
books."
          He swallowed hard trying to get air to his paralyzed lungs. He
reached down and picked up the book in an effort to regain his composure.
He tried to speak. Nothing but useless babbling came out. "I, uh..."
          Marie seemed to relish his confusion. Her smile was beautiful and
disarming. "Do I look like a woman now, Captain?"
          Once again he thought of his actions from the previous day, and
shame flooded over him, washing away his confusion and putting humility
in its place. He bowed. "I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. You are
most beautiful."
          He continued to stare at her in disbelief, unsure what to do next. She
raised her eyebrows. "Well?"
          He looked at her, questioningly. "Well, what?"
          She held out her arms. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?"
          Jacob nodded, stepped up to her, bowed, and offered her his hand.
"May I have this dance, Your Highness?"
          She curtsied graciously. "I would be honored."
          He escorted her to the middle of the floor, and they began to dance.
She hummed the song for them to dance to this time. As they moved about
the floor, her smile triggered the feelings again that had nagged at him for
months setting off an explosion in his heart and his head. He could no
longer ignore it nor be confused by it, but instead it was loud and clear. He
knew he had been falling in love with her all along.
          He could feel his heart trying to smother the life out of him. He
could not fall in love with her. He was a soldier, and she was the princess.
He pleaded with his heart to put these feelings aside, but his heart only
responded by making them more intense. The more he looked into her eyes
and sensed the goodness of her heart, the more he was drawn to her. They
danced until his breath was coming in short gasps and the room began to
swirl around him, and he was afraid he would pass out.
          He halted and she looked at him questioningly. He removed his
arms from around her and backed a couple of steps away, trying to regain
control of himself. He choked, "Your Highness, I...I..."
          She wrinkled her brow, but continued to smile. "What is it now?"
          Could she sense the turmoil that was going on in his heart? Jacob
was afraid she could. Was it possible that she sensed that he was in love
with her? The thought was frightening. Jacob grasped for words. "It's just
that, I'm..." He paused. He could not tell her how he really felt. "I'm not
feeling well," he finally managed to choke out.
          The fire returned to Marie. "I dress up in this stupid getup, only for
you to tell me you don't feel well? Well, I..."
          Suddenly, behind Marie, Jacob saw a man in black brandishing a
sword. He jumped to her, pulling her behind himself, and drawing his
sword as he moved. He barely got his sword in position in time to block the
blow. Immediately two other men were beside the first. Jacob fought them
expertly. Without turning to look at her, Jacob yelled, "Marie, run!"
          She ran, but not away. Since she hadn't brought her own sword she
ran to the family crest on the wall and drew a sword from it. As she turned,
there was a fourth assailant sneaking up behind Jacob. She yelled a
warning, giving Jacob time to miss the full force of the blade, receiving only
a swipe across the arm.
          Marie took on the fourth attacker. Jacob tried to go to her aid, but he
was hard-pressed to deal with the other three who had blocked his way to
her. He snatched glances in her direction and could see the assailant driving
her to the wall.
          He fought furiously. He was not just fighting to protect the royal
family as he always had before, he was fighting for Marie, and that made
him stronger. But these assassins were the most expert of any he had faced,
and, even with all the extra power he felt, he was still not able to help her.
He was trying to fight his way through them, but he would no sooner force
one to the side than another was there to take his place.
          Now, pushed to the wall, Marie lashed forward with her foot,
slamming into the shin of her attacker. As he stumbled in pain, she knocked
the sword from his hand. Instantly, he was after it and coming back. Like a
ghost, Lord High Chamberlain was in front of her to meet the assailant. He
drove the man quickly away from the princess, slashing the man's wrist and
causing him to drop his sword. Then he slammed the attacker in the face
with his fist and blade handle, knocking him dazed to the floor.
          In that instant, the Royal Guard, led by John, was there to surround
the first three. Outnumbered, they quickly surrendered. Lord High
Chamberlain jerked his opponent roughly to his feet and marched him out.
Jacob ran to Marie, letting the Royal Guard escort the other three men away.
          He grabbed Marie by the arm. "Marie, are you all right?"
          "Yes, no thanks to this monkey suit."
          She lashed out with her foot, catching him hard in the shins. Down
he went, grabbing his leg. "Ow! What was that for?"
          She shook her finger at him. "You said you didn't feel well! Sure!
You didn't fight like you were sick." She then pointed at her clothes. "And
you men are all such arrogant snobs expecting us to wear these things."
          Wide-eyed, she stopped. She saw the blood soaking the sleeve of
his shirt. She gasped and knelt beside him, her voice sounding as if she
were going to cry. "Jacob, you're hurt."
          He nodded, continuing to rub his leg. "Yes, I know. Someone
keeps kicking me in the shins."
          She pulled him gently toward a chair and was almost in tears now.
"No, Jacob. Your arm."
          Jacob looked at his arm while John and Edward stood there with
their mouths wide open staring at Marie. John's voice betrayed his
confusion. "Jacob? "
          Edward's voice showed his astonishment. "Princess, you're wearing
a dress."
          She turned and faced him defiantly. "What's it to you, mister?"
          Edward shook his head, flustered. "Uh, nothing, I was just..."
          Jacob interrupted his friend. "It might be best if you two leave us."
          John and Edward looked at each other, then turned to follow the rest
of the Royal Guard. Marie called after them. "And have someone get me
some bandages."
          Left alone, they looked into each other's eyes, neither saying
anything. Jacob thought of the gamut of emotions he had just been through,
and a quiet exhaustion settled on him. He was forced to admit that he loved
her, and he felt the desperation that he must fight it. He had felt the fear for
her safety. He had never felt fear like it before. He never feared for
himself, but his fear that she would be hurt was stronger than anything he
remembered feeling before. They stayed there staring at each other in
muted silence. Jacob wondered what Marie was thinking and feeling.
          The uncomfortable silence was broken by a servant delivering
bandages, water, and some wine to pour in the wound. Marie took them
from her. "Thanks, I can handle this. You may leave."