Essence Of The Heart (The Royal Tutor) (30 page)

          She leaned forward and looked directly at him, with eyes that
reminded Jacob so much of Marie's. "What would be your greatest desire,
then?"
          Jacob looked down as he spoke, unable to meet her gaze. "That
which I desire most is neither mine to ask, nor yours to give."
          A solemn look came across the queen's face. "I see. Is there
anything you would ask of me?"
          Jacob nodded. "Just one thing."
          "Ask, and it is yours."
          Jacob swallowed hard, then looked up at her. "I would like you to
transfer me to the frontier."
          The queen gasped and Lord High Chamberlain, who had his gaze
fixed elsewhere, also turned to look at him. The queen voice emanated
concern. "Do you know what you're asking?"
          "Yes, Your Majesty. I feel it would be best if I leave here."
          The queen leaned back, but kept looking directly at him. She said
nothing for a brief moment, making Jacob feel very uncomfortable. When
she finally spoke, it was as if she could see clear through him. "I see. You
are in love with her, aren't you?" Jacob did not answer, but lowered his
eyes. The queen continued. "Does she return your affection?"
          "She is the princess. I am a soldier."
          The queen frowned. "That is not the question I asked of you."
          "It is not my place to even consider such things, Your Majesty,"
Jacob replied.
          The queen looked at Lord High Chamberlain, then back at Jacob.
"You are the Captain of my Royal Guard. With whom would I replace
you?"
          Jacob looked up at her this time. "My friend, Lieutenant John
Hashner, has shown himself loyal and worthy. He would make a fine
Captain of the Guard."
          The queen paused in thought. Finally she leaned forward. "It is
with great reluctance I will grant your request. When do you plan to leave?"
          Jacob look up at her. "Right now."
          "Right now! Before the ball is over?"
          Jacob nodded. "Yes, Your Majesty. I feel it would be best. May I
have your leave to go?"
          The queen nodded. "You may. And may God go with you."
          Jacob tried to smile. "Thank you, Your Majesty."
          Jacob bowed and exited the hall through the back. The queen and
Lord High Chamberlain both watched him until he was gone.
          Lord High Chamberlain then turned to the queen. "I am surprised
you let him go, Your Majesty. I thought you wanted Marie to... you
know..."
          The queen nodded. "Yes, Matthew." She paused briefly, as if deep
in thought, then continued. "Matthew, have I ever told you about my
courtship with Alexander?"
          "I can't say that you have."
          The queen smiled. "As that summer progressed he realized he was
falling in love with me. He was of royal birth, but the least of the royal
families, and he knew everyone expected me to marry someone else.
Everyone, except, thankfully, my mother. He, too, left, feeling he must
before his feelings did not allow him to. It was when he left that I fully
realized how much I loved him."
          "And that's when..." Lord High Chamberlain paused, not sure how
to say it.
          The queen turned to him and grinned in an uncharacteristic manner.
"Yes. I went after him, of course, and, with my father's permission, I took
that whole contingent with me."
          Lord High Chamberlain laughed. "That part I remember. I still
can't believe you did that."
          "But I did," the queen said, "and my daughter is much like me. I
may be wrong, but knowing her stubbornness and what I am beginning to
sense are her feelings for this young man, I don't think he will be gone
long."
          "So you are letting him go to test her?"
          "More than that," the queen replied. "I think it will help her look
into her own heart and see just how much she truly loves him and what that
love is worth to her."
          Lord High Chamberlain tried to hold a straight face, but his
twinkling eyes gave away his mirth. "Knowing Princess Marie, I'm not sure
I would want to be in his shoes if she does go after him."
          The queen laughed. "Me neither, Matthew. Me neither."
          As Jacob walked from the ballroom, he paused to say goodbye to his
two friends. As he approached John and Edward, who were standing guard
outside, they were surprised to see him.
          "Captain!" John exclaimed, "I thought you'd be staying for the
whole ball."
          Jacob shook his head. "No, John, I must leave."
          Edward, too, was surprised. "Where are you going?"
          "To the frontier," Jacob replied.
          Edward gasped. "The frontier!? She assigned you to the frontier!?
You spent the whole year taking care of the spoiled royal princess, and the
queen assigns you to the frontier?"
          Jacob felt a surge of emotion go through him hearing the princess
referred to that way, though he knew his friend meant no harm by it. "I
don't ever want to ever hear you speak of the princess in a derogatory
manner again. That is an order. Is that understood?"
          Both John and Edward nodded, as Edward spoke in a subdued voice.
"Yes, Sir."
          Jacob relaxed. "Besides, I asked her to send me there."
          John's eyes widened in disbelief. "You did what?"
          Shock was evident in Edward's voice, too. "But do you know how
dangerous the frontier is?"
          Jacob nodded. "I'm well aware of the danger. I just felt it was time
for me to leave here."
          They stood there quietly for a moment. John was first to grasp the
situation. He spoke quietly. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"
          Jacob did not even answer the question, but spoke in a commanding
tone. "You must never speak of this to anyone. That is an order. Both of
you."
          Both men stood at attention. "Yes, Sir."
          Jacob then spoke gently to them. "I will miss you, my friends."
          "And we you, Sir," John said.
          "Any idea when you might return?" Edward asked.
          Jacob thought a minute, then spoke with conviction. "Perhaps when
the princess marries."
          "How soon do you leave?" John asked.
          "As quickly as I can pack my things. I want to be gone before the
ball ends."
          Edward reached out his hand. "Goodbye, Sir."
          Jacob shook Edward's hand. "Goodbye, Edward."
          John reached out his hand, also. "Goodbye, Sir, and God be with
you."
          Jacob shook John's hand. "Goodbye, and thank you."
          Jacob then turned and strode quickly away. John and Edward
watched after him until he was out of sight. Edward turned to John. "He is
a good man."
          John nodded. "Almost too good."
          Marie had asked Jacob to meet her in the library instead of coming
to her room to escort her. If there was any way she could have gotten out of
going to the ball she would have, but she was the guest of honor. She had
wanted a last moment with him so she could draw on his strength. She
often drew strength from him. His calm, gentle nature was in such
juxtaposition to her own that she could feel his influence on her just by
being in his presence. He had helped her become more than she could ever
imagine.
          As she had walked into the library, she sensed the heaviness in his
heart. She knew he loved her, as she loved him, and she did not plan for it
to end here. She had to get through this ball, and although her mother had
only assigned him as a tutor and escort through the end of the night, she was
not about to let him go.
          As he had turned and looked at her, he smiled, though his eyes
belied his pain. She had felt warm and comfortable in his love as he gave
her the pin he had won, and she could not have felt any more that they
belonged to each other unless they were married. But, then, he had said
something that made her heart tremble, something she had yearned for in
her own heart for months. He had told her her father would be proud of her.
Jacob could not have known how much that meant to her. He had said he
was proud of her, too, but she knew he had almost said he loved her. How
she wished he could have said it.
          As the music began to play, she asked him to dance with her. That
was the main reason she had wanted to meet in the library. She felt that if
she could have a dance with him before she went to the ball, she could make
it through the night.
          As the dance had ended, and he held her close, she could feel his
chest shaking slightly and knew he was crying. She had wanted to tell him
it would all be fine, to comfort him as he had done to her so many times, but
somehow it didn't seem right. She had to get through this cursed ball, and
then she could do something. After his explanation of the events that would
occur at the ball, she did have at least one consoling thought, and that was
that she would select him for the last dance.
          The foreboding feeling that came over her that day of the attack in
the library came back. She realized her biggest fear was the unknown of
what she would do if she lost Jacob. He promised he would always be there
for her as long as she needed him, and she knew she would need him
forever.
          The night had passed slowly for her. She kept glancing over at
Jacob, and, at first, he smiled encouragingly at her, though his eyes told her
of the misery in his heart. She had wanted to run to him, to take his hand, to
flee into the night from the ballroom. She had felt so trapped.
          She knew many of the men who asked her to dance, and she tried to
be pleasant to each of them. She recalled that each had seemed to have
great disdain for her only a year or so earlier when she looked and acted
differently, though she couldn't totally blame them for that. Most of them
were blue blood aristocrats and nobility, and she truly was sure she could
whip any one of them in a sword fight.
          But she couldn't whip Jacob, and for that, she respected him. She
had continued to glance over at him, and after a time he kept his eyes on the
floor. Oh, how she wanted to take him from this, not just for herself, but for
him.
          Instead, she felt like she was some object on display, like a china
doll on a shelf, not a real person. Dancing with these other men felt so
empty and distasteful. With Jacob, she felt real and alive. She could
discuss and challenge him on many topics, and he would challenge her
back. With these men she would find a controversial subject just to see if
they would challenge her on it.
          None questioned her; they just nodded in agreement. They probably
just thought that she was a beautiful, mindless idiot. She didn't care. She
thought they were just spineless, mindless idiots - every one of them.
Indeed, some of them were handsome, but none was as handsome as Jacob.
          She looked his direction, but he wasn't there. She scanned the
room, finally spotting him kneeling before her mother. What did her mother
want with him? She tried to keep him in her sights but it was hard as she
swirled around the floor. She would catch small glimpses of him here and
there, then off she went. Once, when she looked back, he was gone. Where
could he be? She expected he would be standing guard at one of the doors,
but he wasn't. She searched everywhere for him; her heart started to panic.
She would forget to make conversation with her dance partner and, the more
the night wore on, the less she cared.
          She knew she didn't want any one of these men anyway. The only
man she wanted she could not see. When each dance would end, she would
try to work her way back to her mother to ask her about Jacob, but she was
always intercepted by another dance partner. She was reaching her pique of
anxiety and was sure she would forget herself and kick the next man that
asked her, when Lord High Chamberlain finally stepped forward to thank
everyone for coming and announced the last dance.
          Marie breathed a sigh of relief, as she could now, graciously, refuse
all requests. She headed across the floor to where her mother was sitting.
As suitors stopped her and asked her to dance, it actually felt good to tell
them no. She no longer felt like some prize at an auction; she could do as
she desired.
          After having refused a half dozen, no more dared approach her, and
she made her way quickly to the end of the hall. She caught up to Lord
High Chamberlain, who was returning to his place beside her mother.
          She stepped in front of him. "Matthew, have you seen Jacob?"
          He looked at her quizzically. "Who, Your Highness?"
          She knew very well he was aware of who she was talking about, and
it puzzled her that he would act that way, but she tried to be polite.
"Captain Richins."
          Lord High Chamberlain acted nervous as he answered. "Oh. Not
for a while, Your Highness."
          Sensing something was amiss, she asked him when he had last seen
Jacob.
          Lord High Chamberlain smiled nervously. "When he was speaking
with Her Majesty the Queen, Your Highness."
          That was the last time she had seen him as well, but, surely, he had
been around after that. She thanked him and hurried to her mother. Her
mother was visiting with Duke Elnard, whom Marie totally detested, but
tonight she would try to be gracious to all. She tried to wait politely and not
interrupt, but the music for the last dance was beginning. Finally,
exasperated, she said, "Mother?"
          The queen turned. "I'm so glad you came over, Marie." She
pointed at Duke Elnard. "You do remember my cousin, Duke Elnard."
          Marie nodded and smiled briefly, then turned back to her mother,
feeling her exasperation level rising as the music continued on. "Yes,
mother, but..."