Essence Of The Heart (The Royal Tutor) (29 page)

          Then there was the dancing. Marie no longer dressed like a boy at
all. She wore a beautiful gown each morning for the dance lessons, and a
regular dress in the afternoon for the other studies and their walks in the
gardens. Sometimes, in the evening, they would dance along with the
chamber orchestra music. It was there, listening to the beautiful music
instead of humming it, that his heart would nearly choke him as they glided
around the room in each other's arms.
          It was now the night of her Princess Ball, and his heart was tearing
at him until he had to fight his emotions continually. He knew this would
be the end of their time together. He almost felt an anger rising in himself
against the queen. How could she have put him into this situation? How
could she do this to him? But then he realized he would not have had this
last year with Marie if she had not. Even as his heart was breaking within
him, he had to admit he wouldn't give up the last year with her for all of the
heartbreak in the world.
          But tonight, he would be her escort for the last time. He was dressed
in his best uniform, his rank and medals hanging from his coat, as was
customary. His boots were polished to a shine; his high, starched collar
chafed his neck; the regal gold trim of the captain bars hung from his
shoulders.
          His thoughts went back to the previous night. It had been an
emotional one for both of them. After the ensemble finished the last dance,
he had slowly walked her back to her room, neither wanting time to hurry
them. The knowledge that he had danced one of his last dances with her
pounded in his head. He knew he would not see her all day the next day, for
she would be preparing for the ball. He had said he would come for her
when it was time to escort her there, but she insisted they meet in the
library. He presumed it was just for the sake of the memories. As he sat
there waiting, his mind went back to the first days, the days she had struck
at him and kicked at him. How much they both had changed!
          Jacob's thoughts were broken by John entering the library. He came
to Jacob and saluted. Jacob stood. "John, my friend. How is the security?"
          "We have checked every wagon, every carriage, every horse entering
for the grand ball. We have men posted at every door. All will be well."
John paused and looked at Jacob. He seemed to sense something. "You
seem nervous."
          Jacob nodded. "I am more nervous about the princess than about the
security."
          "Can she dance?" John asked.
          "Beautifully," Jacob replied. "We have practiced every morning and
many evenings for the last month. We have listened to the music of the
masters, studied the philosophy of the greatest thinkers, discussed history
and current events. I even feel she has begun to enjoy these things. She
will be the toast of the ball and the delight of every man who meets her."
          John spoke reassuringly. "Then what can be your concern?"
          "All the richest high-brow, blue bloods of many countries are here to
meet the princess, and she to meet them," Jacob said. "She will..."
          Jacob's thoughts choked the words from his throat. He meant to say
she would find someone with whom she would fall in love, but he couldn't
say it. It was too painful to think about, let alone to mention.
          John kindly tried to understand. "Oh, you are afraid of what
everyone will think of your efforts with her."
          Jacob sighed, preferring that thought to the actual truth. "Yes. That
must be it."
          John patted him on the shoulder. "Well, don't worry. Your ordeal
is almost over."
          Jacob said nothing. He
could
say nothing. The fact it was almost
over was exactly what was tearing at his heart. He simply nodded and
saluted. John returned his salute and returned to his post.
          Alone again, Jacob could feel the tears near the surface. He knew he
needed to keep his emotions in check, but it was almost too much. He
spoke aloud, as if it would help him. "Yes. Too soon it will be over. Far
too soon."
          He swallowed hard, and then he heard Marie speak softly behind
him. "Who were you speaking to, Jacob?"
          He whirled to face her. "Oh, Your Highness. I didn't see you come
in."
          She looked at him kindly. "Your Highness?"
          "Marie, you know I must address you that way, especially tonight."
As she stepped more into the light, Jacob caught his breath. Her hair
cascaded across her shoulders, the lamplight sparkling off of it. Her
beautiful dress was open around her neck and pulled tight around her waist,
showing her figure well. Her arms were bare, except for white gloves that
went to her elbows. He found it hard to speak. "Marie, you are so
beautiful."
          She blushed slightly and looked down, embarrassed. She looked up
again, and her voice quivered as she spoke. "I'm scared, Jacob."
          Jacob nodded. "So am I."
          She smiled at him bravely. "Why are you scared?"
          He turned from her. He didn't want her to look into his eyes. She
seemed to be able to read his thoughts when she did. He shook his head.
"It is best if I do not say."
          She stepped closer. "Tell me what will happen."
          Jacob forced a smile. "Surely you've been to a grand ball."
          She shook her head. "I've always avoided them until now."
          He took her hand in his. "I will escort you to the ballroom, where
they will announce us. 'Princess Marie Elizabeth Antoin Rian Isabel
Victoria' and 'Captain Jacob Richins'." She laughed at the way he said it,
making his own name sound small and insignificant and hers too big. He
continued. "I will then escort you down near the throne where the young
men will each come and offer you their hand in turn, and you will dance
with them. When the ball is drawing to a close, it is customary that you
may save the last dance for he who has caught your eye. If any man offers
you his hand you may refuse it on the last dance, if you desire, but on other
dances, you politely accept each one."
          Marie looked down. "What if the thought of dancing with them
frightens me? What if they think I'm clumsy or ugly or..."
          Jacob touched his finger to her lips to stop her. "They won't. You
are beautiful and graceful." He then swallowed hard and felt a tear escape
his eye, which he could do nothing about it.
"
You truly are a princess."
          They looked at each other for a moment, each sensing the feelings of
the other without a word being said. Marie lowered her eyes again. "But
I'm still scared. I have never danced with anyone but you."
          Jacob tried to lighten the mood for a moment. "If you are out there
dancing, and you are nervous, just say to yourself, 'I bet I could whip this
man in a sword fight,' and see if that doesn't give you confidence, because
you probably could."
          They both laughed, easing the tension. Jacob then looked at her
again and spoke softly. "I wish I had something to offer you for your
birthday, but I have nothing befitting a princess."
          She shook her head. "Jacob, you don't need..."
          "I know." Jacob unpinned a small pin from his lapel. "This is my
most prized honor, though it is small. It was given to me by your own
father when I won the swordsmanship tournament at age sixteen, competing
to enter training for the Royal Guard and the academy."
          "My own father?"
          Jacob nodded. "You were quite young then." He paused, smiling at
her, the emotion making his voice quiver. "He would have been so proud of
you tonight."
          They held each other's gaze for a moment. Jacob detected tears in
Marie's eyes. He held up the pin. "Here, let me pin it on you." He pinned
it on her dress. "There. It is small and no one will notice, but you'll know."
          Marie looked directly into his eyes. "Know what?"
          "That I..." Jacob paused, catching himself just in time. Without
thinking, he had almost said he loved her. He was still only a soldier, and
she was a princess. He smiled and continued, choosing his words carefully.
"That I, too, am proud of you."
          He could see in her eyes that she knew what he had meant to say and
was disappointed he had not said it. They became aware of the music on the
breeze, announcing the ball had started. Marie looked into his eyes.
"Jacob?"
          "Yes, Marie?"
          "Do you hear the music from the ball?"
          "Yes."
          "Dance with me," she said.
          Jacob felt a surge in his heart, and he didn't think he could do this.
"But Marie..."
          She looked at him, pleading. "Please."
          He nodded and put out his arms. She moved into them, and they
danced slowly around the room. The music was soft and beautiful. Jacob
could feel the tears rolling freely down his face, and he was relieved there
was nothing more than lamplight. All too soon, the song came to an end.
          She made no move to pull away from him, but instead leaned her
head against him. He held her tightly in his arms. She spoke softly.
"Jacob?"
          "Yes?"
          "Promise you'll always be there for me."
          "As long as you need me," he said as he held her tighter and then
spoke quieter, as if only to himself. "As long as you need me."
          Lord High Chamberlain entered and cleared his throat to make his
presence known. The two of them broke apart and looked at him. He
smiled kindly. "It is time."
          Marie nodded, and Lord High Chamberlain exited. Jacob put out his
arm, and she slipped hers through his, but before they took a step, she pulled
on his arm so he was facing her, and she looked directly into his eyes.
"Always?"
          Jacob nodded. "As long as you need me."
          They then turned and walked silently to the ball.
          Jacob led Marie to the grand staircase of the ball room. He handed
the announcer their cards. The announcer announced them as Jacob had
foretold. He thought he might have even heard Marie giggle because it
sounded so much like he said it would. He escorted her down by the throne.
The queen was there, with Lord High Chamberlain by her side. Jacob
bowed to them and Marie curtsied. The queen and Lord High Chamberlain
nodded in return.
          They turned to face the hall, repeating their bow and curtsy. As her
escort, Jacob took the first dance. It had no sooner ended than a young
nobleman was there, asking her to dance. As he led her to the dance floor,
she turned one last time to look at Jacob. He bowed, then walked to the side
of the hall and stood at attention, as was befitting a soldier in the Royal
Guard.
          He watched her dance one dance after another, his emotions
churning within him, jealousy welling up in his heart. He hated seeing her
dancing with other men when he loved her so much. He hated having to be
there and watch this and feel the way he felt.
          He knew he had to get away - far away. He could not stay here, not
at this ball, not at this palace. He could not watch her fall in love with
someone else. He just couldn't bear it. He knew that whomever she chose
for the last dance would be expected to escort her, and that, above all, he
could not witness. To see her escorted by someone else would tear his heart
apart. He wanted to be gone before the ball ended. The only thing that kept
him there now was the duty of his assignment.
          He would see her glance at him, and he would try to smile
encouragement to her, but the longer the night wore on, the more his heart
hurt, until he could no longer smile and he could no longer watch her. He
simply fixed his eyes on the floor. She truly was beautiful and graceful and
he knew she didn't need him any more. If she had ever needed him at all,
she truly didn't need him now.
          He was so caught up in his thoughts and the hurt he felt that he
didn't see the queen talk to Lord High Chamberlain, nor did he see her point
at him. He didn't see Lord High Chamberlain approach him, or see him
stop and stand right in front of him. Finally, Lord High Chamberlain
cleared his throat, and Jacob looked up. Embarrassed at his lack of
attention, he quickly bowed.
          Lord High Chamberlain bowed slightly in return. "Captain, Her
Majesty, the queen, would have a word with you."
          "Yes, sir," Jacob said and numbly followed Lord High Chamberlain
and knelt before the queen. "You would like to speak to me, Your
Majesty?"
          "Rise, Captain. Captain, one year ago today I gave you what I felt
was a most formidable task, one which you were reluctant to accept, and
one I was unsure you could accomplish. I think you, too, were unsure."
          "Yes, Your Majesty."
          "But Captain, as I watch my daughter tonight, I can see you have
succeeded marvelously."
          Jacob spoke slowly and carefully, trying to keep his voice from
quivering. "As I expressed to the Lord High Chamberlain, I do not feel the
success is mine. I feel that it was always part of the princess, and she just
needed time to discover it in herself."
          The queen smiled. "You are far too modest, Captain. I am very well
aware of the surprise everyone in this palace has at the change in my
daughter. No one is more amazed than I am. I feel you should receive
something for your effort. I would like to advance you to the rank of a
colonel, though you will stay Captain of my Guard."
          Jacob shook his head. "Please don't, Your Majesty."
          "Why not?" the queen asked.
          "I would feel unworthy to receive an honor for doing something in
which I felt the beneficiary."
          The queen sat back and looked at him. "Is that so? You feel you are
the beneficiary in tutoring my daughter?"
          "Yes, Your Majesty."