Ethan, Who Loved Carter (26 page)

Carter sat on the desk and watched as Elliot and Ethan ignored him and Ethan talked quietly about why Elliot had to let go of what had happened to Ethan. “You’re amazing, Elliot,” he said, echoing the words people always said about him, “and you can’t be that if you’re angry.”

“How long can we stare at them hugging before it gets weird?” Jennifer stage-whispered.

“The staring or the hugging?” Carter asked. He’d been wondering too.

Elliot extracted himself and hopped up. “We’re done. Sappiness over.”

“Feel better?” Ethan asked.

“I do,” Elliot said.

“It’s fun to be the big brother once in a while. Maybe later I can give you a noogie.”

Elliot laughed. “I’d like to see you try.” He batted Ethan’s hands away from his waist as Ethan grinned.

“We should go downstairs,” Carter said. “I think there’s a certain song we’ve promised to play for your parents.”

“Yeah. Our song.” Ethan grinned.

“Let’s do it.” Ethan was still seated, so Carter bent down and kissed him, ignoring Elliot’s comment that Carter bending to reach Ethan had to be a first, though Ethan laughed.

They went downstairs together. Carter grabbed his guitar from the foyer. Liz and Nolan were on the living room couch, feet up on the coffee table. “Everything okay?” Nolan asked.

“Yeah. We’re good.” Elliot sat down in the easy chair, which was big enough for him and Jennifer to sit in together.

“Carter and I wrote this,” Ethan said in introduction.

“It’s only been played at my house and yours,” Carter said. “No one has heard it except for Ethan and me.”

“So this is almost a world premiere.” Liz gave a big smile.

Carter sat down with his guitar and started to tune it. “It’s about us,” Ethan said. “It’s our song.”

“Ready?” Carter asked. At Ethan’s signal, he began to play. Ethan sang, his voice strong and happy.

All I want to do is

Race to you, arms open wide

Can’t wait to be with you

You make my world open up

Show me doors I’d slammed shut

Show me ways I forgot I could be

Carter joined in at the chorus. He couldn’t contain his pride for Ethan’s talent.

The best friend I never knew

Makes music with each breath

Keeps a symphony in his mind

Shares it with me, makes me see

The best friend I never knew

Turned out to be you.

Now that he was a semiregular at Pepper’s open mic nights, performing for strangers was easier for him. No one at Pepper’s laughed or mocked him, no matter how bad his tics got while he performed. (If Vera had kicked anyone out, he hadn’t seen it.) Sometimes people told him he inspired them because he didn’t hold himself back. He always laughed at that and pointed at Ethan. “
He’s the reason I’m here
.” But sometimes his tics went away when he sang. He didn’t know why or how, but he appreciated that stillness while he could. But funny enough, if it went on too long, he started to miss the rush and bounce of his usual mind. Either way, people clapped for him. It felt good.

There were no strangers here tonight, only family. As he sang, Carter focused on sending the love he felt back out to Liz and Nolan, to Elliot and Jennifer, and Ethan, especially Ethan, who saw music in the sky and goodness in every person. Ethan, who had seen Carter in a way Carter had never seen himself, and showed Carter that he was more than a series of twitches and consonants.

Ethan, who Carter loved. Ethan, who loved Carter.

Ethan finished singing, leaned over, and kissed Carter. He pulled away with a smile. Carter, his fingers on the guitar, couldn’t chase after him. Liz and Nolan applauded. “That was wonderful!” Liz said. “Thank you so much for sharing it with us.”

“You’re welcome.” Carter scooted closer to Ethan as the attention made him self-conscious. Ethan soaked it in. He looked delighted. Carter was happy too.

Looking at the people who had changed his life—the boy who had challenged him, the man who loved him unconditionally, and their parents who had enough confidence in their son and in Carter to want the best for them, to believe they were both good men—Carter filled up with love. He’d never imagined his life would be like this. He hadn’t thought it possible, but here he was with all this.

“What’s funny?” Ethan asked.

Carter hadn’t realized he was grinning. He hooked his arm around Ethan’s shoulders. “I was just thinking—moving here was the best decision I ever made.”

“Well, yeah,” Ethan said. “Because you met me.”

“Exactly.” Carter pulled him down for a kiss. Ethan smacked his lips.

Liz stood up. “Who wants cake?”

With his wrist caught in Ethan’s hand, Carter could only stumble along behind, laughing, as Ethan charged toward the kitchen.

National Tourette Syndrome Association (USA with links to international resources)

http://www.tsa-usa.org/

“Founded in 1972 in Bayside New York, the national Tourette Syndrome Association is the only national voluntary nonprofit membership organization in this field. Our mission is to identify the cause of, find the cure for and control the effects of Tourette Syndrome. We offer resources and referrals to help people and their families cope with the problems that occur with TS. We raise public awareness and counter media stereotypes about TS. Our membership includes individuals, families, relatives, and medical and allied professionals working in the field.”

Tourette’s Syndrome “Plus”

http://www.tourettesyndrome.net

Information on Tourette’s Syndrome plus the associated disorders from Dr. Leslie E. Packer, Ph.D. Provides resources to parents and teachers of children with Tourette’s “Plus.”

National Alliance on Mental Illness Tourette’s Syndrome Fact Sheet

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=54&ContentID=23053

Brain Injury Association of America

http://www.biausa.org/

“The Brain Injury Association of America (BIAA) is the voice of brain injury. We are dedicated to increasing access to quality health care and raising awareness and understanding of brain injury through advocacy, education and research. With a nationwide network of state affiliates, local chapters and support groups, we provide help, hope and healing for individuals who live with brain injury, their families and the professionals who serve them.”

European Brain Injury Society

http://www.ebissociety.org/infos-eng.html

“EBIS is a European association dedicated to activities for traumatic brain injured persons and victims of acquired cerebral lesions: stroke, anoxia, encephalitis, brain tumour. EBIS brings together the many professionals involved in the field and the associations of people with a head injury and their families.”

Center for Disease Control’s page on TBI.

http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/

National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities’ page on TBI

http://nichcy.org/disability/specific/tbi

R
YAN
L
OVELESS
is a farmer’s daughter. She has a BA in English from a private college in Illinois and a master’s degree in library and information science with an archival certificate from a university in New York. Raised in a conservative family, she was shocked and relieved when her coming out was largely uneventful. She has been writing since she could read and has always drifted toward M/M because she enjoyed the relationship dynamics. It’s possible that her first story was about GI Joe. She wishes she still had that story.

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