Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (20 page)

Saul lost the kingdom, in part, because he could not tolerate anyone being celebrated more than him. A spirit of competition, pride, or jealousy will cause us to do things we never dreamed we would do.

Prior to that jealousy, Saul loved David. He treated him like a son. He took him into the palace. David ate dinner with Saul and his family every night. Saul never dreamed that one day he would throw a javelin at David and try to kill him. He never imagined that one day he would hunt him down in the wilderness.

What was his problem? Saul couldn’t handle being number two. He couldn’t stand the fact that David’s reputation as a warrior had grown greater than his. Saul should have been like John the Baptist and said, “Hey, this is what I am, and this is what I’m not, and I’m okay with that.”

If Saul had just been satisfied with his gift and run his race, he could have fulfilled his God-given destiny. But instead, he grew distracted. He wasted his time and energy competing with someone who was not even in his race. God had already ordained David to go further.

You have to be big enough to recognize your limits and be the best you can be. Run your race. Understand, there is nothing wrong with being who you are. Quit thinking that you have to measure up to somebody else to feel good about yourself.

My brother completed twelve years of college and became a skilled surgeon. I finished my first year of college and returned to work in our father’s church. Paul and I aren’t in competition with each other. We respect each other because we know who we are and we focus on being God’s best.

You are in a class all by yourself. When God made you He threw away the mold. So don’t compare yourself. Celebrate yourself. You have everything you need to fulfill your God-given destiny. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Remember, you don’t have to impress anybody. You don’t have to prove who you are. You are a child of the Most High God, anointed, equipped, empowered. Keep your shoulders back. Keep your head held high. Be secure in who God made you to be. If you will stay free from a spirit of competition and just run your race, you’ll not only enjoy your life more, but you’ll also see your gifts and talents come out to the full. Because when you celebrate others, God will celebrate you.

Y
our destiny is too great to reach on your own. God has already arranged supporters to speak faith into you. He has placed others in your path to inspire you, to challenge you, to help you grow and accomplish your dreams. But some people never reach their highest potential because they never get away from the wrong people.

Not everyone can go where God is taking you. Connect with those who understand your destiny, friends who appreciate your uniqueness, encouragers who can call forth your seeds of greatness. You do not need those who push you down, tell you what you can’t become, and never give their approval even when you do well.

If you remove the negative people from your life, God will bring positive people into it. Is your inner circle of friends holding you back? Are those closest to you with you but not for you? If you find that it takes constant effort to win their support and encouragement, they likely don’t understand your destiny.

The Scripture says, “Do not throw your pearls before swine” (Matthew 7:6
NASB
). You could say your pearl is your gift, your personality. It’s who you are. When you get around true friends, people who really believe in you, they won’t be jealous of your gifts. They won’t constantly question
who you are. They won’t try to talk you out of your dreams. It will be just the opposite. They’ll help you polish your pearl. They’ll give you ideas. They’ll connect you with people they know. They’ll help push you further along.

Do not waste time with people who don’t value your gifts or appreciate what you have to offer. That’s casting your pearl before swine. Those closest to you should celebrate who you are and be happy when you succeed. They should believe in the very best of you.

If that doesn’t describe those in your inner circle, move them out. You can be nice. You can still be friends from a distance. But your time is too valuable to spend with people who are not 100 percent for you. It’s not the quantity of friends that’s important; it’s the quality of friends. I would rather have two good friends who I know are for me 100 percent than have fifty friends who are only for me 80 percent.

Scripture shares the story (see Mark 5:22–24, 35–43) of a man named Jairus who pleaded with Jesus to come to his house where his daughter lay dying and heal her. Jesus and the man were on their way when word came by messenger: “You don’t need to come. She has already died.”

But Jesus replied, “Don’t worry about it. She’ll be okay. We’re coming anyway.”

Jesus would not let anyone go with Him except Peter, James, and John. They were members of His inner circle. Now, the others with Him were good people, too. They loved the Lord. But Jesus said, “I only want these three to go.”

Why was that? Jesus knew when He entered the room where the little girl was dead, He needed to be surrounded by true believers who would not question who He was or what He intended to do. Jesus did not need doubters or skeptics asking, “Are You sure You’re the Son of God? Have You ever done this before? What if it doesn’t work? Do You have a backup plan?”

When you are in the heat of the battle and need God’s favor, you can’t afford to have naysayers and doubters in your inner circle. Jesus did not need to hear things like, “Do You really think she’ll get well? My grandmother died of that same thing.”

We all need people who are joined in spirit with us and say, “If you’re bold enough to believe, count me in. I’m bold enough to agree with you.”

You need supporters who will come into agreement with you and release their faith, not doubters who tell you what you can’t do.

When Jesus entered the child’s room, all those gathered were distraught and weeping.

“Don’t be upset. She’s not dead,” Jesus said. “She’s only asleep.”

Some mourners turned on Jesus, mocking Him.

His response is one of the keys to living a life of victory. Mark 5:40 says, “They laughed and jeered at Him. But [Jesus] put them all out” (
AMP
).

Jesus showed them the door. His attitude was, “I don’t need your doubt.”

If you find yourself surrounded by people who mock and doubt you, show them the door just as Jesus did.

He didn’t allow anyone into the room except the girl’s parents and His inner circle. He then spoke to the child and she came back to life. Jesus could have healed her in front of the laughing and mocking crowd. He’s the Son of God. He could do anything.

But I believe Jesus wanted to make the point that your inner circle is extremely important. If Jesus took the time to weed out the doubters, surely you and I should be that concerned about our own inner circles.

Who’s speaking into your life? Who are you giving your time and energy to? Who are you meeting for lunch every day? Who are you texting?

Are those in your inner circle building you up or tearing you down? Are they inspiring you to go further, or are they telling you what you can’t do? Are they modeling excellence, integrity, generosity, and godliness?

Or are they lazy compromisers, going nowhere? Don’t waste your time with anyone who drags you down instead of making you better.

I once worked with a man who just wore down the entire office. He spoiled every fresh idea that came along. He was a “fun sponge,” soaking up all the enthusiasm and laughter and draining us dry. When he announced after many years that he was leaving, we held a farewell party,
but I have to admit I was celebrating something different than he was. His departure lifted a burden off our entire staff. I did my best to act sad, but on the inside I was jumping up and down. Once he was gone, it was like night turned to day. We didn’t realize how much one negative person in our inner circle could affect the rest of the team.

You may not be aware of the draining effect a negative person is having on you. How much more could you accomplish, grow, and enjoy if you moved out those who are with you but not for you? Make sure the people in your inner circle believe in you. They should celebrate your gifts and push you ahead, not hold you back.

I can’t think of anything worse than to come to the end of life and realize that someone you trusted kept you from becoming the person God created you to be. You may be fearful of losing a friend and being lonely, but you never give up something for God that He doesn’t make up for by giving you something better in return.

If you’ll make the change, God will not only give you new friends, He will give you better friends. Friends about whom you don’t have to wonder,
Are they for me or against me?
Friends who don’t try to manipulate you into who they want you to be, but rather they celebrate you and help you become who God has created you to be.

As a minister, I expect that people in need will come to me. I welcome them and try to help any way I can. That said, there are some people who just keep coming back for more. These negative, needy people constantly dump their problems on your doorstep and expect you to clean them up. They know only one song, and it’s sad. After crying with them through eight or nine verses, you realize they don’t want to be helped or encouraged. They just want to unload on you. They bask in the attention. They suck the energy right out of you. Spend an hour with them, and you’ll feel like you’ve run a marathon.

Needy people can abuse your kindness. Sometimes, you have to put up with their difficulties and love them back to wholeness, but you can’t spend your whole life knee-deep in their troubles. You have a God-given
destiny to fulfill. I’ve found that in some cases the best help you can give negative, needy people is to not help them at all. Otherwise, you are just enabling their dysfunction.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (
NIV
). Are your friends making you stronger? Are they challenging you to become a better parent, a better spouse, a better co-worker, a better member of your community?

You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you’re hanging out with the turkeys. So rid yourself of relationships that drain you, drag you down, or leave you feeling the worse for wear.

When I was in my early twenties, just a couple of months ago (Don’t laugh!), I regularly went to a very nice, good-hearted young lady for my haircuts. Unfortunately, every snip of the scissors brought another tale of woe. She unloaded on me even as she trimmed me up. Month after month, year after year, she poured into my ears her stories of being mistreated by her bosses, her relatives, and her girlfriends, and on and on.

Every time I left her shop I had less hair, but my head felt heavier. I was depressed. She was a very good sad storyteller. She reminded me of the guy who was about to jump off a bridge and end his life. A good Samaritan ran over to save him, saying, “Don’t jump! Don’t jump! Tell your troubles to me instead!”

Two hours later, they both jumped.

That’s the way this young lady was. I did my best to encourage her. I would pray with her. I gave her money. I sent her customers. It was never enough. One day I realized what I’m telling you: I could not go where God was taking me with her in my life. I love her. I pray for her. I miss her good haircuts, but I couldn’t fulfill my God-given destiny with her putting poison in my ears month after month.

So, I made a change.

You, too, may have to change where you do business, where you play ball, where you work, where you shop. Your time on this earth is brief and valuable. You have a destiny to fulfill, and you can’t make it happen if
you are carrying needy and negative people on your back. The solution is found in Mark 5:40. Show them the door. Be kind. Be polite. But pull away.

In the Scripture, you’ll find the story of Elizabeth, who was struggling to have a baby. In those days a lady was despised if she couldn’t produce a child. Finally, late in life, Elizabeth conceived. She was so excited about being able to have this baby.

For the first few weeks Elizabeth was just on cloud nine. Her dream was coming to pass. Then, as the delivery date approached, she began to worry. She’d never had a baby before. She was hoping and praying that everything was okay, but three months, four months, five months passed and she hadn’t felt any movement.

The longer it went, the more concerned she became. Then one day there was a knock on her door; an unexpected guest. It was her younger cousin Mary, a teenager. Elizabeth opened the door. Mary gave her a great big hug and said, “Elizabeth! Congratulations! I’ve heard the great news that you’re having a baby.”