Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (17 page)

A crutch is supposed to be temporary, just until we heal, or until we can get by on our own. It’s not supposed to be permanent, even when our crutch is someone important to us. One of the hardest things to accept is that not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. Some people are meant to be with you for the long-term, of course—your spouse, your children, your siblings, your parents, and your closest friends. But then there are those God brings across your path for a season, maybe a mentor, a teacher, or a guide of some sort to help you through a certain stage of life or a difficult time.

If God didn’t move them away, we would become too dependent. Instead of helping us, they would hinder us. Their presence might limit our growth.

You have to be big enough to recognize when someone’s part in your life story is over. It doesn’t mean the person is bad. You still can be friends. You still can love and respect each other. But you must accept that everything changes. To move forward, you have to let go.

Just as God supernaturally brings people into our lives, He will supernaturally move some out. When a person
walks away and you think you can’t live without them, that’s God saying, “It’s time for you to go to a new level.”

You don’t need someone to constantly think for you, drive you, believe in you, and encourage you. You can do that for yourself. If you are to keep growing, eliminate your dependency on crutches.

Don’t try to talk people into loving you. Don’t try to persuade them to stay beyond their usefulness.
Let them go.

Your destiny is not tied to your mentor’s. His or her leaving will launch you ahead. It’s not a step back, it’s a step up. When someone walks away, it’s not an accident. God will open new doors. You will discover greater strength and new talents. God may be preparing to bring in someone even
better
for the future.

When my mentor from our television broadcasts left, I had a choice. I could either mope around in self-pity or move toward my destiny. I came to realize that there’s something called “the gift of good-bye.”

You may not realize it at first, but losing your crutch is a gift from God. Don’t be sad. Rejoice.

I saw this principle in action during my father’s ministry whenever someone announced he or she was leaving the congregation. They expected my father to be down and discouraged that they were leaving. So the person was often shocked when he seemed happy at their departure.

He never tried to talk them into staying, or to convince them they were making a mistake. My father was always very gracious. He always thanked them, prayed over them, and then he walked them to the door. He didn’t say it, but I know what he was thinking:
The sooner you go, the better for both of us.

You want people in your life who are supposed to be there. When God wants them present in your life, they don’t find fault in everything you do, and you don’t have to manipulate them to stay. That’s what I love about our church members at Lakewood. There are so many, I can’t know most of them by name. I can’t call them personally. But I know they don’t come to church because they need me. They come because God led them to our
church. They don’t need me to touch them. They need God to touch them.

When God sends people your way, you don’t have to play up to them and do everything perfectly to keep them happy. You don’t have to walk on eggshells trying not to offend them. You don’t need friends who are hard to please. If someone tries to manipulate you like that, let go and walk away. You don’t need anyone else to fulfill your destiny.

I love this Scripture verse: “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us” (1 John 2:19
NKJV
). When people leave your life, they are no longer a part of your destiny. Their time is over. If you stay open, God will give you people who are not just
with
you, but
for
you.

That’s a big difference. When you’re only
with
me, you’re there as long as I perform perfectly, as long as I give you everything you need, as long as I don’t make any mistakes. But when you’re not just with me but you’re
for
me, you believe the best in me.

You don’t try to control me. You give me room to make mistakes. You don’t need my attention all the time. You give more to the relationship than you take away. That’s the kind of people God wants to bring into your life. You don’t have to
try
to make this happen. Just be your best each day, and God will bring you divine connections. And then when the season for that relationship is over, you don’t have to be upset. You can let the other person leave with your blessing, continuing to love and respect him or her.

I’ve learned this: God will always bring the right people into your life, but you have to let the wrong people walk away. The right people will never show up if you don’t clear out the wrong people.

Be wary of people who play up to your weaknesses as a way to convince you that you need them in your life. They’ll try to make you think you’re not smart enough on your own. You’re not talented enough, and you need them to make up for what you’re lacking. Don’t believe those lies.

Years ago there was a bright young lady who moved from a small town
to work for our ministry. (I’ll call her Diana here, but that’s not her real name.) I noticed she always had a young man drop her off for work. One day, I asked her if she didn’t have a car.

“Oh, I have a car,” she said. “I drove everywhere in my small town. But when I moved here, my friend told me the city is so big and so complicated to drive in and since I’m not used to driving on the freeways, he would have to bring me to work every day.”

I asked Diana if she ever planned to get behind the wheel herself, and she said probably not because her friend told her traffic is just so congested and difficult.

She was using this man as a crutch, and it appeared he might be manipulating her, controlling her for some reason, so I felt I had to say something.

“Diana, you are extremely talented,” I said. “Do not allow anyone to convince you that you cannot drive on our freeways. I know eighteen-year-olds who drive every day in this city.”

Diana shared with her friend what I’d said, and he still insisted that the streets were too dangerous for her and that she would get lost.

I told Diana that it seemed this young man was trying to make her dependent on him and that if he was a true friend, he would teach her how to get around so she could build up confidence enough to drive alone.

About a month later Diana told me that she’d driven to work on her own for the first time.

“That’s great. I knew you could do it!” I said.

Then I asked how it had been to drive on the freeways.

“Oh, I don’t drive on them,” she said. “I take the side streets.”

It should have taken Diana a half hour to drive to work. Instead it took her an hour. I encouraged her to keep driving and to work her way up to the freeways.

A month later she did it. Now Diana drives all over the city, and, isn’t it interesting that the young man she was leaning on is no longer around?

He was interested in Diana only if he could keep her dependent on him and feeling that she owed him something. People like that are not true friends.
They are not helping you. They are hindering you. You don’t need people in your life who try to limit you. Let them go, and God will bring you the right people.

God told Moses to tell Pharaoh, “Let my people go.”

Moses said, “God, I can’t do that. I stutter. I’m not a good speaker. Please send someone else” (see Exodus 4:10, 13). God decided that Moses’ brother, Aaron, who was a good communicator, should accompany him. God told Moses: “You’ll speak to [Aaron] and tell him what to say.… He’ll act as your mouth, but you’ll decide what comes out of it” (Exodus 4:15–16 The Message). Moses fully intended to use his brother as a crutch. He took Aaron with him. But I love what happened. When they stood before Pharaoh, just as Aaron stepped up to speak, something rose up inside Moses. He felt it was his time.

Moses put his shoulders back and held his head high and, together, they said: “Thus says the L
ORD
God of Israel: ‘Let My people go’ ” (Exodus 5:1
NKJV
).

Moses wanted his voice to be heard, too. You don’t need your friend to speak for you. You don’t need your neighbor to drive for you. You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do. You are equipped. God wouldn’t have presented you with opportunities if He had not already given you everything you need.

God has equipped you. You are anointed. You are empowered. You are well able. Don’t let anyone play upon your supposed “weaknesses.” Yes, there may be times when you need help, and that’s fine. But don’t let someone do for you what you can do for yourself. Don’t become too dependent on others. Don’t use crutches when you are able to walk on your own.

God would never have told Moses to go speak in front of Pharaoh unless He knew Moses could do it. You may have some limitations, but you don’t need a crutch. You have been equipped with everything you need to fulfill your destiny. You can make your own decisions. God has given you wisdom to run your own life. You don’t need somebody constantly telling you what to do and what not to do.

It’s good to hear other people’s opinions. It’s good to listen to advice. But understand, you can also receive input from God. You can hear that
still, small voice
from God’s Holy Spirit. You have a direct line to the throne of God. And if somebody is always trying to tell you what to do, just say, “Thanks, but no thanks. God and I are on speaking terms.”

A congregation member once said to my father, “My friend prayed for me. He said God wants me to go to Africa and be a missionary. What do you think?”

My father said, “It’s your decision, but if you go to Africa based on his advice, make sure you take that friend so he can tell you when to come back home!”

You don’t need someone else to tell you what God wants
you
to do! Walk with God on your own. I was reminded of this when a young lady asked my advice on a relationship issue.

“This man that I hardly even know is saying God told him that I was supposed to marry him.”

I had to laugh because she is a beautiful young lady. Then I told her not to take this guy too seriously, because every single guy who sees her will think the same thing. “He’s just the only one bold enough to tell you,” I said.

You can hear from God for yourself. You don’t need a crutch. Listen to the
still, small voice
inside you. God sometimes speaks to us through an impression that is always consistent with His written Word, the Bible.

Judges 6–7 tells the story of a man named Gideon who faced three armies marching against him and his men. As Gideon prepared for the battle, God said, “You have too many people with you. If you win with this many, you’ll be tempted to think you did it on your own strength and I won’t get the credit I deserve.”

To trim the numbers, God told him to let everybody who was afraid go home.

I can imagine Gideon was depressed and fearful he’d lose the battle because he didn’t have enough warriors.

But God wasn’t done trimming down his army.

“Gideon, you still have too many people,” God said.

His army dropped from 32,000 to just 300 by the time God was done. I’m sure Gideon thought his depleted forces would be wiped out.

But it’s not important how many you have on your side. What is important is having the right people on your side. Gideon and his three hundred men defeated tens of thousands of enemy troops.

If you’re not willing to let people walk away, you’ll miss out on God’s best. Don’t be surprised if God streamlines your own army. If that happens, know that He is not trying to take you backward. He’s getting you prepared for a new level. When you quit depending on others, you will experience victories that had seemed impossible before, and you will step into a greater anointing

Years ago, I didn’t think public speaking was a possibility for me. I’m too shy. But today, almost every week, I speak to thousands. That tells me God doesn’t give us half the talent we need. He gives us
all
we need.

God did not create you to be dependent on anyone else as an adult. Do not rely on another person to pray for you, to speak for you, to believe for you, to encourage you. Throw down the crutches and walk on your own. Do not depend on anyone to do for you what you can do for yourself.

Look inside and tap into the power God put in you. Like Moses, you will rise up with a new confidence. Yes, it may stretch you. But you will discover new gifts and talents. God will bring the right people at the right time. I believe and declare you will become everything He’s created you to be.