Everything I've Never Had (27 page)

Without opening his eyes, he begins after a deep sigh. “Did you know they picked me up and brought me in to harass me after I started helping you with the boys?” I murmur my no, but I’m not surprised. I knew how much they had hated him. “Yep, they were ticked that you were spending time with me and were trying to scare me off. Of course, they weren’t successful. Anyway, it wasn’t too long after they started talking to me about joining their ranks. I was able to keep them at bay, telling them I wanted to focus on my music career and possibly go to law school.” His eyes pop open, and I can see his sincerity. I give him an encouraging nod. “When I found out about their plan to marry you to William, I went to them and told them to back off. It was worse than just William. If he didn’t work out, their back up plan was to marry you to another cronies’ son.” I swallow hard, and if possible, come to despise them more. “They were insistent for a while but finally implied that they would leave you alone if I’d be willing to help them out. That was my condition—you and the boys were untouchable. I didn’t consider what they would want from me. As long as I was protecting y’all, I didn’t care. At first, it was little things—errands and such. Nothing illegal, just unethical mostly. But that didn’t last long. It escalated pretty quickly to me becoming a collector. Do you know what that is?”

Closing my eyes slowly, I nod my head slowly before reopening them. “Please don’t cry, baby,” he pleads as he wipes my tears from my face. I didn’t mean to start crying, and I didn’t even realize I had, but the thought of him hurting other people to protect me rips my heart out.

“Did it escalate from collector?” My voice sounds dead, but I can’t muster any strength because if he did more than collect we are in trouble.

“No, but they’re wanting it to. I’m going to talk to them tomorrow and come clean with them. Let them know that they can’t threaten me where you’re concerned any more. Honestly, I don’t care where this puts me, but I know it’s going to hurt you. I know they’re going to try to make you pay.”

I feel my shoulders relax because I may have our way out of this whole nightmare. Nodding, I take a deep breath before I launch into telling him about my meeting with Mr. OG. His blues run the emotional gamut before I finish—anger, fear, disbelief. “Do you think that would work? Me getting that information before you talk to them and having it accessible in case they threaten us further?”

He runs an impatient hand through his hair. “Well, I’m not crazy about you meeting with this OG guy but if Tripp trusted him then we probably can too.” I nod my agreement. “I think it will help put us on an equal playing field. Though, I wish Tripp would’ve shared that information with you rather than doing all this.”

“He probably thought that everything would be fine. He always tried to see the good in everyone, you know? And he would’ve never seen this thing with William coming.
I
couldn’t have predicted that, but I’m not surprised by their underhanded means and compulsion to control my life. That’s always been the case.”

“I know how they are with the men, so I can imagine how tough they were on you.”

I take a deep breath to prepare myself to tell him something I’d never told another soul. Not even Bonnie knew the whole story. “I got a wild hair while I was in college and had a short-lived fling with a guy named Scott. He was a handsome, nice, normal guy. Not connected. Not a threat in the world we live in. Anyway, before I began school, I was informed that I was to marry Tripp after graduation and that I was to save myself for him.” Suddenly uncomfortable, I shift on the swing and will myself to say these words aloud. Adrian squeezes my hand in silent support. “When they found out about Scott, I was summonsed to the office and told that I would be cut off from the family and kicked out of school if I didn’t end things; furthermore, they would have Scott’s scholarship pulled for his ‘drug use’ and his family’s small business would have ‘faced troubling times’ if I didn’t end it without a fuss. The worst part—they made me apologize to Tripp for sleeping around. He was so good to me about it. You know, sometimes I think that the whole reason he went along with their plans and married me was because he felt sorry for me. If he’d said no, there’s no telling who I would’ve ended up with. He knew that too.”

Adrian brushes my hair behind my shoulders and runs his thumb over my cheek. “I’m sorry, baby. About the threats and humiliation that is, not about you having to end things with that guy. And Tripp respected the hell out of you. Nothing was clearer to me than that.”

I give a little laugh. “He really was good to me. Anyway, I’d thought for a brief moment that if I pushed, if I questioned I might be able to escape their rule, so I gave it a little try. But I was just too scared to follow through.” Looking up at him, I promise, “But not now. I’m not scared anymore. I’m not going to let them destroy us—any of us.”

He leans back in the swing and brings me with him. I curl into his chest and, bringing my legs up under me, settle in. Adrian pushes off with his feet and swings us slowly. He exhales a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Celeste. Sorry that I acted on impulse. You’re going to lose your family over this, over me,” he says as he rubs my back soothingly.

Leaning back a little to capture his eyes, I tell him, “I’m not sorry that I chose you over them. That incident? Nothing new. All they’ve ever done my entire life is use me and hurt me and the people I care about. I know that I’m not exactly suffering in the grand scheme of things—I have everything anyone could ever want—but all that doesn’t compensate for the emotional hell they’ve put me through. I think that’s why I’m kinda over the top with the boys. I never want them to doubt for one second that I love them for exactly who they are.”

Tenderness battles with fierceness in my heart, before I confess, “Being with you, Adrian, it’s everything I’ve ever needed. Tripp protected me and loved me in his own way. But, with you, I feel like you love me for me. Not for what I have to offer you or what you can acquire or who you can make happy by being with me. And the things you make me feel—I thought I’d never be free to feel, so I don’t regret us. I’ll never be sorry for loving you.”

He doesn’t say a word, just grabs my jaw and ravages me. I cry out a little in surprise as he bites my lip a little to get me to open up to him. Once I do, his taste, his scent, his strength assail me so that I feel only pleasure at the little assault he exacts on me.

When he releases me, I lay my head on his chest to try to gather my wits and my breath.

After several beats, I do tell him what I regret. “I’m sorry that you had to compromise yourself to protect me.”

“I’ve done far worse than that, babe. You forget where I’ve been and what I’ve done. I’ve been on the frontlines of many wars. I’ve watched lives end right in front of me. I’ve even been the one to end some of those lives.”

Tilting my head back, I whisper fervently, “That’s different.”

“Hmm...is it?”

“Yes, you were fighting for your country and protecting her citizens. What you did over there was honorable.”

He doesn’t answer me. Instead, he places a light kiss on the end of my nose and nudges my mouth up to take me again. And take me he does. Our disturbing conversation recedes from my mind like the ocean during a tsunami.

I CONVINCE ADRIAN to wait until the weekend and until we get to the country to enlighten the family about the change in our relationship, arguing that being in a more relaxed setting might help our case. Since he agreed, we have a few more days of peace before all hell breaks loose. I don’t doubt for a second that that’s exactly what it’ll be like either.

Hearing my front door open and my best friend shouting for me jerks me out of my pensive state. She’s the one person I’m dying to tell. She’s going to be so happy for us and so supportive. I pop out of my bedroom to catch her checking herself out in my full-length mirror. Her eyes are currently roving over her behind.

I gasp. “You look amazing.” She has on a hot pink jumper that is sleeveless and very, very short. Gold jewelry accents her waist, her throat, and her wrists. The high-heeled booties make her legs look even longer. “Wow. Bonnie, you always look great, but I’ve never seen you look so...”

“Hot?” she finishes for me.

“Yes, hot. You are exuding confidence, and you wear it well, honey.”

“Thanks, Celeste. That means a lot coming from you. You look fantastic as usual.”

I look down to my turquoise dress. It’s one of my favorite pieces. It’s a one shoulder billowy number that makes me feel like a princess. I’d paired it with lots of silver and leather. Even my stilettos were black leather—platform with fringe. They were sexy as hell.

I lean and give her a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, sweetie. You want a quick drink before we go? I’d love a glass of wine.”

“Yeah, sure. Where are the boys tonight?”

“Their friend, Collin, from school is having a huge weekend birthday bash. I think they’ve rented out every attraction in the city for it. The boys will be over there today and tomorrow.” I pour our small glasses of Pinot Grigio.

“Oh, nice. Mama could use a break.”

“Yes, she could. So how is everything?” I ask before sipping my wine.

She takes a gulp of hers, however, before refilling it. “Everything’s good.”

“Really?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“No, not really. But I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

“OK,” I say because I can completely understand that notion since I’m hiding Adrian from her. “I hope you know that I’m here when you’re ready.”

She gives me a look that screams “Duh! Of course!” then she actually says that. I laugh so hard I bring tears to my eyes.

THE JOINT IS jumping tonight. It’s so crowded, and I fear that our Dog Tags have outgrown these small venues. They are playing more and more original music. So much, in fact, that they only do a few covers now. Looking around, I watch in awe as people sing their lyrics back to them. Then I have a startling thought: what if they get picked up by a major label and have to leave for a tour? They’re young and talented. None of them have anything holding them back. Could Adrian and I handle a long distance relationship? Could I handle knowing he was out there surrounded by beautiful and willing women? It’s bad enough here with the women fawning all over him. I can’t even imagine battling the unknown while he was out there living it up.