Everything I've Never Had (24 page)

After several minutes, Adrian scoops Finn from around his shoulders and deposits him next to the other boys before joining me on the bench. “I’m worried about Archer,” I tell Adrian once he gets settled.

“Me too. He’s usually the quieter of the three but never this quiet. What do you think’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” I say with a sigh. “He just seems to be doing some heavy thinking. I’ll talk to him about it tonight.”

I glance down and smile when I see our hands resting next to each other. One more millimeter and we’d be touching. He follows my gaze and laughs. “You have no idea how bad I want to touch you right now. Damn, pretty much all day, I’ve been dying to touch you.”

I laugh with him. “I think I have a pretty clear idea about how desperate you are if it’s anything like what I’m feeling.”

“So when do you want to tell the boys? And do you want me there when you tell them?”

I glance back at them before answering. “I don’t know all the details of what and how I want to tell them, but I want them to know soon. I don’t like keeping them in the dark.”

“Yeah, me either.” He glances toward them now, and the look he gives my boys melts my bones.

“We haven’t even spoken of the possibility of my dating. I know they are sensitive, loving people; but I have no idea how they’re going to react.”

“Try not to worry about it too much. I think they’ll be OK with it.”

“You do?”

“Yep,” he grins a knowing grin.

I fall right into it. “What?”

“About four months ago, right after you kissed me that first time—”

“Hey, we kissed each other!” I protest.

“You kissed me first, though,” he says with a laugh.

“Yeah, and don’t you forget it,” I whisper.

“Mmm...I want to you kiss you so bad right now,” he says in that husky voice that drives me mad.

I glance over at the kids and back again. Heat surrounds us like a tangible thing. “I interrupted you,” I’m barely able to say.

He shakes his head a little and focuses his gaze on the boys while he rehashes their conversation. “Yeah, so about four months ago, the boys and I were headed to baseball practice, and we got caught in some traffic. We started talking about everything under the sun. I don’t have to tell you that they are great conversationalists.” I smile and nod my head knowingly. “Finn started talking about his friend who was getting a new step-dad, and that led to them wondering aloud how long it would be before you started dating. I let them meander their way around the topic before finally asking them how they would feel about it.”

“And...?”

He blows out a breath and says, “They said they’d be good with it on one condition.”

“Really? What condition?”

Finally, he looks back at me and pins me with his beautiful blue-eyed gaze. “They said they’d be good with it but only if...you dated me.”

“Really?” I manage to squeak out.

He nods at me, his look becoming even more intense. “Finn said he wanted me to be his dad.”

My eyes well with tears immediately and I seek Finn out in the crowd. That crushes me in more than one way. Part of me is over the moon to know that they’d accept my and Adrian’s new relationship. But another part aches that they don’t have their father and that they are missing out on that. No matter how amazing and generous Adrian is, he could never replace their father, and having Adrian help out the way he has been isn’t even a close second. But what we’re building, it’s going to be beautiful.

“That breaks my heart,” I finally tell him. “It’s sad that they have to go through their whole lives without their dad.”

“It is, but they’re doing remarkably well. I think we’ve found a good balance for them, don’t you?”

I look at him and take in his sincere expression. He really cares about what my boys need and how they feel. It was one of my great fears when I considered how I would move forward after Tripp. “The way you care about them, Adrian, is just so...unexpected and wonderful. I’m so grateful for you.”

About that time, Finn bounds without warning into my lap. “I’m ready to go see the snakes,” he says as he pulls my face to his by my cheeks.

“Oh...snakes,” I whisper with tears brimming my eyes again. Watching his big brown eyes light up with excitement after everything Adrian and I just discussed is overwhelming. “I’m not crazy about snakes. Maybe Adrian could take you in and I’ll wait outside.”

“Yeah, OK. Adrian, will you take us to see the snakes since Mom’s being a girl?”

This causes me to giggle and my tears become happy ones. “I’m always a girl, Finn.”

“Yeah, but you’re acting like one now. There’s a difference.”

This causes us all to break out in laughter. “My funny man,” I say as I ruffle his hair.

Adrian picks up our zoo paraphernalia, rubs Finn on the head, and says, “Let’s go, little man.”

Finn pops his tiny fists up, dances around like a fighter, and says, “Who you calling little? I can take you. Let’s go.”

“Haha, not now. Maybe later. Let’s go, boys.”

I smile as I watch the boys with Adrian again and feel my whole countenance rejoice. They are talking to him animatedly like they hadn’t spoken in years. He hangs on their every word.

THE BOYS FALL asleep in Adrian’s truck on the way home, and I barely live ten minutes from the zoo. We ate at the café before heading out—full bellies and worn out little bodies—all in a day’s work. That’s good because Adrian and I could get to what had quickly become our ritual and the favorite part of my day.

After getting the boys tucked in, I make my way to my bathroom to freshen up and change my clothes. I decide to take a quick shower, so I call out and get Adrian’s attention. He walks over to my door where I have only my head hanging out for modesty’s sake. “I’m going to jump in the shower real quick. I feel gross,” I tell him.

His eyes darken and he whispers huskily, “Please don’t tell me you’re naked behind this flimsy door.”

I glance down at my body, look back up at him, and answer, “Umm...OK, I won’t
tell
you that I’m naked.”

Placing his hand on the door even with where my chest rests, he groans and leans his forehead on the doorjamb. “Ah...Celeste, you’re killing me. I’m trying to be good here.”

Bringing my lip in, I bite it in frustration before I ask, “And why are we being good exactly?”

He draws back like I’ve slapped him, his brow furrowed. “I figured you would want to wait.”

I gasp. “What made you come to that conclusion? I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

He chuckles at my candor. “I don’t know. You’re a good girl. Good girls like to wait for milestones and shit.”

I raise my brows. “Milestones and shit?”

“Yeah, like after the third date and stuff like that.”

“Oh,” I whisper. “Maybe I’m not a good girl.”

“Oh, yes, you are.”

“I’m thinking I must not be because I don’t want to wait.”

He runs his hands through his hair and over his scruff. “Are we really having this conversation while you’re standing there naked on the other side of a door?”

My head falls back with the force of my laughter. “I guess we are.”

“What if I said that
I
want to wait?”

“Do you?” My eyes widen.

“I do. I want us to be...different.”

“Me too,” I agree.

He flicks this thumb toward the other bathroom. “On that note, I’ll hop in the other shower while you tidy up.”

I groan a little at the thought of us showering so close yet so far away. “Fine. Do you think there’ll be enough hot water?”

He starts to walk away, throwing over his shoulder, “No worries. Mine’s gonna be a cold one.” My laughter follows him down the hall.

After showering I throw on some comfy clothes to include a bright blue camisole, which reminds me of Adrian’s eyes, and a stretchy pair of white short shorts. Tossing my glasses on, I make my way out to the sunroom. Adrian is playing on his phone and is already seated on the loveseat—the piece of furniture that had become the location of our make-out sessions. I’d never really made out with anyone; it is great fun if a lot on the frustrating side.

“Hi,” I whisper.

He looks up at me with a smile and tosses his phone on the table. “You look so sexy in those glasses,” he blurts out.

“What?” I gasp. “No I don’t.” My hand flies up to adjust my horn-rimmed ovals.

“Yeah, you’re my hot for teacher and naughty librarian fantasies come to life and all in one package,” he says with a look of barely contained lust.

“But I’m not a teacher nor am I a librarian,” I barely manage to say.

“Doesn’t matter. You look like one. Why are you standing way over there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, come here.”

I smile and move to sit beside him. Abruptly, he stops me mid-way down and hauls me into his lap. I laugh upon impact. One of his arms snakes around me to pull me close while the other comes to rest across my knees. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t want you that far away. I have to erase all the distance that was between us today,” he murmurs as his lips find mine.

My fingers lace themselves around his neck as I pull him closer in, reveling in the feel of him in my mouth and under me. Running my fingers through his hair and massaging him, I manage to pull him in even closer.

All of my senses are diverted from our kiss as I feel his fingertips run ever so lightly up my thigh. So far all he’d done is kiss me senseless during our make-out sessions. I feel a change coming on.

I wiggle in his lap a little at that thought. He groans into my mouth and his fingertips disappear for a second before I feel his whole hand alternately kneading and pulling at my thigh and moving up quickly to do the same to my behind. I can’t keep kissing him because I’m out of breath and can’t seem to get any oxygen to my brain. I pull back and angle his head so that I can run my lips over his clean-shaven jaw. I place wet kisses all along his neck and work my way up and down his throat while he works his way up my body with his strong, supple hands.

He seems to switch gears a little, and I delight in the loving touch I feel as he softly massages the little knobs of my spine. Leaning my forehead on the side of his neck, I smile against his throat.

“What?” he asks me in that gravelly voice that I love.

“That feels so good,” I admit.

“It’s my mission to make you feel good.”

“That’s better than good actually—fantastic.”

“Mmm...mission accomplished,” he murmurs against my throat as he attacks it with enthusiasm. “You taste so good. Like the ocean.”

I feel one hand move to my face as he pulls his lips from me. “That would be my coconut and lime body wash.” He traces my cheekbone with his fingertip, eliciting a little laugh from me. My eyes spring open. “That tickles.”

He licks his lips as he brushes my bottom lip lightly with his fingertip. I watch as his entranced gaze follows his fingertip as it trails down my throat, over my collarbone, and back and forth over the seam of the top of my camisole before finding its way down to circle my nipple. I can only groan as I feel my nipple form a tight bud.

“Does that feel good, baby?”

“Mmm...hmm,” I moan. He continues his sweet caress for a moment before running his fingertip back and forth over the bud. The shudder that overtakes me is unexpected and a little frightening. I squeeze my thighs together to try to alleviate some of the tension gathering there. It doesn’t help, and I’m nervous that this little touch elicits this much of a reaction from me. I can only imagine what I’ll feel when he touches me in earnest.

His lips find their way back to mine, and he kisses me until I am weak and no longer able to worry. His entire hand massages my breast for a moment before I feel my camisole being pushed down and under it. The action not only exposes me but also lifts my breast like an offering to him. He rubs it for a moment, teasingly and lovingly, before he pulls his lips from mine.

“Lie back,” he orders in a whisper.

Thoughtlessly, I do as he tells me. I open my eyes and watch with fascination until I can’t watch anymore and I lose myself in the sensations he wrings from my body as he teases me with his tongue and then devours me with his mouth—first one breast and then the other. When I feel like I absolutely can’t take any more and am a writhing mass in his arms, he nips at them before kissing them tenderly and pulling my camisole back over me.

Turning that tender kissing to my mouth, he kisses me into oblivion before pulling back to say the most incredible things to me. He murmurs, “I love the way you respond to me and my touch. Your body is my temple. Mmm…you taste incredible. You are so perfect.”

My eyelids flutter open to drown in the beauty that is him. I know what he means, but I have issues with this word. “I’m not perfect,” I whisper.

“You’re perfect for me. Other than the fact that you like to show off this delectable body of yours, you are absolute fucking perfection. Made for me, babe. Made for my lips,” he says before nipping at mine with a little force. “I’ve never known such a feeling of complete contentment than when I am with you and the boys. Do you know how huge that is for me? To feel peace and acceptance and love? I’ve never had that.”