Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) (32 page)

I walked in a daze to the library and then to my car. I felt like I did almost six months ago. Just the mention of his name took me right back to January
, and the time when we were almost together. That was before the studio, before my text, before his text back to me.

I knew that I needed to stay strong, all that time had passed
, and I was in a different place now. I was much more confident both musically and socially. I had found my identity. I had great support behind me that wanted nothing more from me than my music and friendship.

I hadn’t been ready to date since Alfie, and the way my band members protected me gave me the time to move on without falling into a rebound relationship. It didn’t help to know that he was here in Miami though.

I drove home still in a daze. I couldn’t afford to be off my game. I had a performance tonight, and I was determined not to let the guys down. I was one of them. That came with big responsibilities no matter what was going on in my personal life.

I showered and changed into a little skater dress and stopped by the mall for a
mani-pedi on the way to the club. I was going to make myself feel better and give the performance of my life just to prove to myself that I wouldn’t let Alfie fuck with my head again.

My chosen outfit was a loose, black leather vest that was cut away just below my breast on one side a lace black bra underneath. This had a matching
soft, short leather skirt, and I completed the look with a pair of, what was becoming my trademark, high heel shoes.  I was accessorized with various chains and a studded belt.

I spent extra time on my appearance
, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the guys. “Damn Lily, That’s an orgasmic outfit! I’m gonna cream my pants on stage looking at you holding a guitar.”

“
Who’s the lucky guy?” Cody’s voice was husky. I giggled.

“
What, this old thing?” I teased, “and stop being so crude about me.”

Shawn cleared his throat when he saw me. “Shit!”
He pulled his hand over the back of his head and began to walk out of the dressing room.

He snickered
. “Fuck Lily, You know those promises of covering our mistakes you made at your audition? I think we might have to call some of those in tonight.” I couldn’t understand it. I mean it was only a bit of leather.

Lennon swung his head around the door and was about to speak, but his eyes met mine
, and his jaw stopped moving.  With his mouth wide open, he walked in slowly, like he was stalking me.

“No!  No way!
Absolutely. Fucking. Not!” He looked horrified. “Have you got anything else with you?” 

I stared at him in disbelief
. “What do you mean, don’t you like this?”

He snickered. “Like it? Like it? No! Damn Lily, you can’t wear that on stage with us.” I swallowed hard and felt hurt.

I thought it looked okay.  “I think I look fine.” He chuckled, but sneered at the same time.

“Fine, fucking mighty fine, Lily, you need to get the damn thing off or we’ll be so distracted, none of us will earn any money tonight.”

I shook my head. “I don’t have anything else with me.” Lennon looked at Cody and pointed at the door, and he looked like he was gritting his teeth before he spoke.  “Get her a band t-shirt or she’s wearing mine. She’s not going out there like that.”

He sounded like my father, and waved his pointy finger up and down at my attire. Cody chuckled
. “See?” I felt a little embarrassed at Lennon’s reaction. I was power dressing that’s all.

I stood my ground and got to wear what I wanted
; they might have dictated the song choices and running order, but I could still choose what I wore, right? I persevered with my outfit, but was self-conscious about it.

We played well despite the drama around what I was wearing, and when we came off stage a fan lunged at me and grabbed my arm. Cody and Lennon were there instantly. I held my hand up wanting them to let me deal with him myself. He
might have only have wanted to say, “hi”.

The fan was dressed quite well. His shoes and
button-down shirt were Armani. He smiled innocently. “Hi Lily, are you enjoying being in the band?”

I smiled back
. “Yeah, the guys are great thanks” I was proud of myself. This was easy, he had a nice smile.

He spoke again
. “So do you want to come and sit on my face later?”

Cody tensed, and I put my hand out on to his leg to stop him. Keeping my calm, I smiled sweetly
. “So… sit on your face, huh?” I stood as if I was contemplating it, pretending to check him out.

I looked back at Cody and winked before turning back to the guy. “Why would I do that? Is your nose bigger than your dick?”

The heckler’s jaw dropped and hung open. I didn’t wait for a reply, just turned and walked away, leaving the scene ringing with belly laughing from everyone around him.

Cody had a serious talk with me afterwards about what had happened. He told me that I was beginning to get a male following, and as funny as tonight was, I needed to think about the image I wanted to present.

This made me think. “Do I look slutty, my outfit was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” He placed his hand on my arm.

“Not at all honey, you’re so smoking hot
. Even in sweat shorts, you’re gonna attract some crazies.”

I raised my eye
brow. “You’ve checked me out in sweat shorts?”  He smirked and openly checked me over.

“You’d get checked out in velour robe honey. You’re so fucking gorgeous.
Seriously though, when you’re in a band, you attract freaks. We don’t want anything to happen to you that makes you want to leave, that’s all.”

We went back to the dressing room after the gig and got changed. I didn’t feel like
socializing, but it was part of what was expected of us when we played at the clubs. 

We went to the bar and sat at our usual booth. A girl came over wearing some very skimpy shorts. They barely covered her ass cheeks. 

In fact, when she bent forward the backs didn’t cover her ass at all. She was wearing some kind of bikini or bra top with sequins and had the biggest cleavage I’ve ever seen.

She shimmied around me and planted herself on Cody’s lap
; his face looked like he was lost at sea, and her breasts were some kind of under chin buoyance aid.  He grinned cheekily at Lennon, and his eyes went wide.

Cody shifted himself under
her, she had obviously had some effect on him because his voice was a bit breathy after she sat on him. “You need to consider what you’re wearing Cody,” I teased.

Digs shook his head
. “Fucking A, Lily.” He grinned.

I ordered a
vodka and cranberry, and the guys all drank beer. When the waitress brought them over, she passed the drinks around and handed me a note. Thinking it was from a fan, I smiled and hoped it wasn’t something smutty.

Shawn noticed and began to jibe
. “Lily’s got another proposition.  You want me to check it out for you.”  I shook my head and left it on the table. Lennon went to pick it up, and Digs swiped it away from him.

“It’s not yours, dude. Mind your own business
,” he teased.

Digs passed it back
to me. “If the guy wants to fuck you, I’ll break his jaw, but it may be something sweet.” He winked.

I felt embarrassed
, and I wasn’t about to read fan mail in front of this lot, so I tucked it in my bra to read later. I managed to clear out at 1am. Louie sent the car around for us.

Cody disappeared with Candy
. I doubt that was really her name, but at least she had chosen a name befitting what she was offering Cody. Lennon and Shawn came in the car with me. Digs decided to stay when he met up with some old school friends.

The apartment was empty when I got home, and I went straight for the OJ,
singing was thirsty work. I crossed my arms and pulled off the blouse I had changed into post-gig, and the paper note scratched my arm.

I smiled and pulled it out, unfolding it
. I expected to find some crass comment from someone who had seen the show. My heart literally stopped when I recognized Alfie’s messy handwriting.

Lily,

Tonight wasn’t planned, just a case of right place, right time, or wrong place, wrong time, depending how you look at things. I stood mesmerized by you tonight. You were everything I knew you could be, and you are amazing.

Your vocals, improvisation, musical ability, outfit, and band choice were all completely on the money. Overall, a definite ten. I’m so proud of you. My little Lily has graduated to be the bad-ass-sassy-rock-chic I always knew was in there. Glad I got to see you.  Alfie X

I felt sick, he had been in the crowd watching me, and I never saw him. We’d been in the same place, and I missed him.  The instant I read his words I was right back where I had left off at the beginning of the year.

Tears streamed my face, I sobbed so hard my breath kept catching in my throat. I couldn’t hold back the flood of emotion
knowing we had been in the same place again.

I knew it had been building since lunch time when I’d seen Mandy. I got it in my head. She’d somehow set this up, so I rummaged frantically in my bag for my cell and rang her. I felt extremely angry.

She sounded sleepy when she answered, clearing her throat when her first attempt at talking was barely a squeak. “Hello?” I immediately went on the offensive at her for telling Alfie my business.

She began shouting back at me. “Hold up, wait! I’ve told him nothing. If he found you, it wasn’t because of anything I said.
We don’t fucking talk about you. Not. At. All.”

I wasn’t sure I believed her after the video she sent him. “Seriously, you didn’t tell him where I was?”

Mandy sighed and spoke softly. “I know I fucked up before, but I give him nothing about you, not a word.” 

A question that burned from before escaped my lips. “But he asks?” She was silent for a moment.

“You want the truth or you want me to lie to you, Lily?”

I hesitated, of course I did. “Yeah, I want to know.”

I could hear her sigh. “You’re all he wants to talk about.”  I swallowed.

“I thought you said you don’t talk about me?”

She snorted, “I don’t, but it doesn’t stop him from talking. So I guess I listen.” I wanted to ask her what he said, but I couldn’t hear it.

One note, a few lines of writing
, and all my resolve and hard work to recover from him had vanished. “Sorry, Mandy, I’m really sorry.”

Mandy sounded sympathetic
. “Lily, I really do think he cares about you, but I can see how he’s torn you up. Do you want me to tell him something?”

Did I?  “Yes
… No, sorry, I shouldn’t have called you like this. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I swiped my cell and threw it on the counter.

I sat under the shower until the water ran
cold, then collapsed into bed feeling bruised inside. I cried myself to sleep, just like I had every night for months after we split up.

When I woke, Holly was climbing in beside me, she’d read the note, I’d left it on the
counter. “He was outside yesterday, Lily. I saw him,” she whispered. “I challenged him. He told me he’d stay away. He just wanted to see you from a distance.” I looked up at her, tears blurring my eyes.

“Did you tell him where I was?”
She shook her head. “Honey, I spent months trying to help mend you.  I wouldn’t do that now, would I?”

I went through the motions of getting to college
; I had only a week of exams before the summer term ended.

Campus held a lot of memories for me that I didn’t want to deal with right now. I had put on some flip
flops, my feet were killing after the heels I wore last night. My feet were shredded, and I was already thinking about wearing my wine patent Doc Martens boots for the next gig.

Although, they
were nowhere near as sexy, I was confident that I wouldn’t end up with bunions and dead toes from nerve damage after wearing them.

I wasn’t that great at walking fast in flip flops
, and I was in a hurry. I walked right out of one as I rushed along. I was meeting up with Will who was in town for an exam.

I ran back to slip my foot inside and when I glanced back up I saw
Kara walking across the lawn between the registrar’s office and the staff housing.

I hitched my rucksack on my back and walked as quickly as I could, my guitar banging on my hip as I struggled to get to her before she disappeared.  I wanted answers. I was about twenty feet from her when she looked up. She
hesitated, then walked faster towards the accommodation.

I followed her and watched as she entered a first floor apartment situated in a corner of a block near the campus boundary. I couldn’t leave it like that
. It piqued my curiosity too much not to find out if Alfie’s story was true.