Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) (31 page)

He smoothed my hair
down, then led me to my bed.  He bent as he slowly sat me down, then knelt in front of me. His hands cupped both sides of my face as his thumbs brushed my tears away.

“I care about you too goddamn much to tell you that over the internet.” His face was ashen at the thought I was rejecting him.

My reaction was to comfort him, and take away his hurt, so my arms went around his neck, and I pulled him close.  He buried his face in my neck.  Just before he did, I could see tears welling in his eyes, but he didn’t cry.

He straightened himself up, looking me in the eye. “Alfie came to see me. The first time was the day after he arrived back in London. He told me some
of what he told you, about Kara. He said he was working to improve your situation together, but that you decided you didn’t want to keep seeing him. The guy is pretty devastated about it, but he understands how much he fucked you around. He’s kicking his own ass for getting into something with you at all before he resolved his own shit.” I swallowed hard and let go of the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

“Alfie was in the studio with another girl. He didn’t exactly do anything with her, but they were flirting. It was as plain as the nose on my face. I saw that he wouldn’t be able to be faithf
ul to me, Jack. After everything he’s put me through, I couldn’t accept that. He always told me he wasn’t ‘the hearts-and-flowers’ type, but our relationship started with a lie. How can we trust each other after everything that’s happened?”  I searched Jack’s face, and the only expression coming back at me was pity. I hated that look.

“Besides, Alfie’s going to be
a famous rock star now. I’m here, and he’ll be who knows where? I know that I couldn’t cope with girls hanging on him and vying for his attention, when everyone else wants a piece of him?  That’s just not who I am.”

I shrugged. “The band is his dream and he’ll be traveling around now, and
with  all the other stuff with Kara, he has no room for me. He’s selfish to pursue my friends to check up on me. He stalked me before, and now he has my friends doing it for him. Do you understand how I’m feeling about that right now?”

Jack
shook his head back and forth. ”I’m sorry, Lily. I should have told you sooner, but with the distance…” He smiled weakly at me again but looked unsure how I was going to respond.

“I understand your reasons Jack, but I come first in
the future, your loyalty is to me. You got that?”

Jack saluted
. “Absolutely, honey, I’m sorry, you were fragile, and I didn’t want to add to the shit you were going through.”

“Let me decide for myself the next time. Oh, and if he calls or visits you again, I have no problem with that, but the topic of me is completely off
-limits, you hear me?”

Jack hugged me again
. “Right, you need to go your rehearsal and sound check or whatever shit you’re doing, right?”

I smiled
. Jack might be a great reporter, but he was not great at describing what it was I was about. “Right.” I got ready and packed the outfit that Megan had put together for me, the one I wore to my audition.

I dropped Jack off at Brett’s place where the
others were.  I had a day off coming, so I didn’t feel that bad about spending another night up there on stage. I mean, who would? Jack and Elle were adults and could cope without me for a few more hours.

Cody and Lennon were already doing some sound checks on their equipment when I arrived. “Hey, Lily did you recover from your night of fame last night?”

My lips curved into a smile. “All in a day’s work.  It’s Shawn’s junk that left a scar,” I teased. They both chuckled.

“That was a great comeback, honey. I don’t think he’s
gonna recover from that one.”

Lennon looked smug. “Target Junk
might have to be mentioned on our album, maybe we’ll write a song with that title, fuck yeah, gotta do it!” They both burst out laughing again, and I shook my head. Yeah, I was right.  Definitely innuendo replaced toilet humor when guys got to a certain age.

They both did their sound
checks, then I did mine. Digs and Shawn showed up, and we left them to do theirs, whilst Cody and Lennon showed me the dressing room for the night.

I must admit that Louie treat
ed his bands well. The space offered at D’mond, where we were playing, was a decent size and well stocked for us, in terms of refreshments, fruit, and snacks. 

Lennon told me the band always met for dinner at the venues on the nights they played together, so that we could discuss any last minute changes or anything else that came up.

The facilities at this club were better than those at Blazers.  I didn’t have to share with the guys. I felt better about that, because it meant that I could at least be ready to join the band out in the club at the same time after the set, instead of sitting around, having to wait for them to leave before I could get changed.

Lennon commented on our rehearsals on the way back to the dressing room
. “Hey, babe, it’s like you’ve always been one of us. You’re no longer the tentative newbie in the band.” I smiled and thanked him.

Digs chipped in, “Yeah, I’m really impressed that you’ve gelled with us all. When I saw you, I thought, this UK chick is too upmarket and tight to be able to rock out. I guess I was wrong on that count.” I grinned and curtseyed.

              “High praise indeed, I wouldn’t have thought I’d get praise from you of all people, you seem like the taskmaster of the group, Digs.”

Shawn snickered
. “She has your number, dude. You’re right, Lily.  He’s always hated that there was a girl in the band.” I looked at all of them, and they were smiling. My heart swelled; I knew I’d just been accepted.

Cody had worked the crowd as usual during the gig and sought their opinion of me at the end again. As if on cue, they cheered loudly. I probably had a shit-eating grin on my face, because fitting in when I had never played rock music was quite an achievement.

The second gig went even better than the first, and I was absolutely buzzing by the time we were finished. I looked to the side of the stage, and Louie was beaming at me.

I felt relieved that I had come through for him. I would bet it wasn’t easy to convince
XrAid to give me a shot, especially after I’d heard Shawn’s comments about Digs and having a girl in the band.

We met up with Elle, Jack, Holly
, and Brett afterwards, and I was impressed with how well everyone seemed to click. There was a natural rapport. It seemed my bandmates were more than happy to spend time with my friends.

Cody and Digs had a boat and offered to take us all down the coast to Key Largo for the day. The boat was apparently a
decent size and would accommodate us all without tipping over.

Elle and Cody seemed to
be getting close; I began to worry that she had a ‘thing’ for guitar players. I made a mental note to talk to her about that when we got home.

Mandy and Neil didn’t show tonight. I texted Mandy and got no reply. When I texted Neil, he told me that she wasn’t
feeling very well after yesterday and was currently throwing up. I felt bad for her, but relieved at the same time, that what she’d done wasn’t going to drive a wedge between us.

Louie came over and introduced us to James D
Lystel, a famous country music singer. I smiled and shook his hand, but was secretly annoyed; this was the guy that Max was a lyricist for, and I currently disliked Max for what he’d done to me. Talk about six degrees of separation in knowing someone.

Louie invited us to a pool party that Saturday, and kindly asked all my friends. Poor Mandy was going to miss out on this, unless maybe I could
wrangle them onto the list.

We partied hard into the night. I danced with everyone. Elle and I danced together
, and Cody kept cricking his neck. If I knew him better I’d say he was getting pretty turned on watching us.

Louie came back and sat with us for a while. He was funny and between him, Jack, Cody
, and Shawn I was in heaven as far as their sense of humor was concerned.

Jack began flirting with me, a sign he was getting drunker. “I can’t wait to get you in that bed tonight, Lily. The things I’m going to do to you.” He wiggled his eyebrows. Louie’s head flipped around to me.

Without batting an eyelid I looked at Jack smiling affectionately. “Oh, Jack, please, can we go now? I can hardly wait for you to climb into bed after peeing and missing the toilet, washing your dick in the sink, and dribbling your drool on my hair as you fall into a drunken stupor.”

They all erupted in a fit of laughter. Jack, not missing a beat grinned
. “Well, it’s either that or anal sex, and I know you hate that backdoor stuff, so whatever turns you on, babe.”

Louie was chuckling
. “I’m seriously considering a comedy spot here for you two.  You’re both ridiculous, and Jack, it’s wishful thinking on sleeping in Lily’s bed, huh?”

Brett spat out
his drink. “Don’t go there. These two are way too kinky for you to wrap your head around.” My eyes widened at Brett, he’d been getting the measure of our humor now.

Louie looked at Brett as if
to say, “for real?” and I giggled, picking my drink up and sipping it slowly, watching to see what happened next.

Louie stood up. “Come on Lily, everyone else has had a go, my turn.” He gestured his head towards the dance floor.

Jack wiped his brow and grinned wickedly. “Ah, dancing, I thought for a second there you meant something else. You did mean everyone else has a go
dancing,
right?” I swatted Jack, and he grabbed my arm and pulled me on his lap. “Remember, peeing, drool, dick in the sink.” He winked at me and smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Louie was reserved in his dancing with me.  I was pleased about that. There’s no way I was wiggling my ass at him after what just went down at the table. He dipped his head and leaned in.

“Are you happy with the band, Lily?”

I nodded. “They’re great, I’m so lucky to have been given a chance with them.” He looked
pleased at my response and twirled me around before leaning in again.

“I’m more than happy with what you’re doing, and to think I was only at that ‘Open
Mic’ because I had been on the beach and was thirsty. I hadn’t planned to be there.”

I raised one eyebrow
. “ So it was fate we got together?” I smiled.

“Yeah, if you believe that
ol’ hippy shit.” He chuckled heartily.

We danced a little more and then he pulled me by the elbows to speak to me again. “I want to get to know you better. I know the band members well, so we’ve got some catching up to do.”

He must have seen the hesitancy on my face about getting to know me better. “No, honey, not at all, although you are extremely beautiful and totally relationship material. I have a live-in girlfriend, Hannah, and I’m devoted to her.  I don’t fuck around. This business is way too crazy. It would be too easy to live fast and die young. I’m about building lasting friendships and keeping my friends close. You, my sweet girl, are becoming a friend, a very beautiful one.”

I smiled and hugged him, which was totally
inappropriate, but very spontaneous. Maybe it was relief that he wanted nothing more from me. “Thank you, I could use a friend, you can never have enough of them in my book.”

We finished our dance and left shortly afterwards, Louie sending us home again in his limousine. A girl could get used to that.

Jack lived up to his promises of what my night would be like. He threw in an added extra by puking and me having to shower him. He never listened and got into a Sambucca drinking contest with Digs and Shawn. Jack had never been able to drink that stuff without barfing afterwards.

The next week and a half flew by
. We never did make it out on that boat trip, no one got up in time.  By the time Jack and Elle went home to London, they looked like Floridians, all bronzed and relaxed.They were already making arrangements to come back for a month in the summer.

Elle had already arranged time off from work for the month of July. Jack was going back to do the same.  He told me that if his journal didn’t
honor it, he’d leave his job.

Either way, he said he was coming back.  He promised me that if Alfie got in touch, he wouldn’t talk about me
. He brought that subject up, not me.

We hugged tightly at the airport
, and Jack joked that he was going to be traumatized if Elle fell asleep with her mouth open again, and shouted very loudly that she had better not pass gas in her sleep during the flight home. I laughed at him, but this turned into crying. I was going to miss them both very much.

After I’d seen them off on their journey home, Holly
texted me to meet her at a bar near Eject, Louie’s third club and where XrAid was playing tonight.

She’d packed up my outfit for tonight and took me for tapas and a soda to cheer me up. I was sorry I couldn’t drink anything before we played. I felt I needed something, but I wasn’t that confident with the set yet, and I didn’t want to let the
XrAid down in any way.

My bandmates and I were bonding well.  We had all gone to Louie’s party last week, and some American pop star took a shine to me.

The way the guys closed in to protect me and cock block him from becoming a problem was touching.  I was really grateful for their support with that. The guy was a first class letch.

They had come to my rescue from
out of nowhere, all suddenly at my side, chatting to him.  Lennon put his arm around me and began stroking my cheek and talking to me like I was the love of his life. The guy backed off, suddenly waving across the room at no one and taking his leave. As soon as he did, they all chuckled at their little ruse.

Cody winked at me and Shawn commented, “Taking care of each other is taking care of our investment in the band, Lily.
Sorry, but you won’t be getting laid by any designer junk any time soon.” They all laughed again, and I grinned at Shawn’s attempt to get back at me for his ‘Target Junk’ comment that no one seemed to want to let go.

In the next few months, life settled down for me. I began to feel contented and
although the memories of Alfie still hurt me, I began to feel no more than a dull ache.

I still thought about him often, but I didn’t let it consume me the way it had in the first couple of months. My place in the band was secure
, and I could plan for my future.

It was like having four big brothers. If any poor man tried to chat
with me, one or another of them was all over me like a rash until the guy got the message to back off.

Will still text
ed me from time to time. He couldn’t believe I was in a rock band. I
still
couldn’t, so I could see where he was coming from. He’d been statewide with his band, and he loved it.

We actually got some of our friendship back from being apart. The distance helped both of us talk about what happened. He told me he was angry at himself for letting it happen
. He knew deep down I hadn’t wanted to do anything to affect either his or Saffy’s relationship with me.

I was so busy with college and the band, and life was looking up. I had my final end of year exams coming up, and every spare minute was spent lying on the beach studying theory, or composing or playing pieces for them.

Mandy and I hadn’t had time for each other because of the pressures of our schedules. She’d texted me to see if I was free for lunch, and luckily I had a three hour gap until my slot became available in one of the music recital rooms.

I saw her sitting over by the window in the canteen, and waved at her when we made eye contact. Her reaction made me hesitant. I knew her well enough to see that something was troubling her.

I grabbed some pizza, salad, and a green tea and made my way over to her. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked concerned. 

She gave me a weak smile
. “That obvious, huh?” I reached out and put my hand over hers. She smiled again, and spun her Coke can around between her fingers of her other hand.

She puffed her cheeks and let her breath out, and I knew she had something she wanted to say.

“Alfie. He’s asked me to sing two numbers with him at a gig they are doing in Orlando. Crakt Soundzz have had a long standing commitment in a festival there, and he wants me to be his guest. I didn’t know how to tell you, but I don’t want to hide it from you either. You got your break, Lily. Neil and I are still doing the same thing we did two years ago. I’m not dismissing it, it’s been great, but I need to see if I’m capable of more, you know?”

I sat and listened to everything she told me and the best I could offer was, “He’s here?
In Florida?”

She nodded yes and took a sip of her
Coke. “Yeah, he told me he’s been here for three days already.”

Mandy looked uncomfortable. “He text
ed me and emailed me some songs he wanted  me to try.” I was devastated, my pulse raced, with this tenuous link to Alfie.

Mandy
was still in contact with him. It felt like a betrayal. It felt she was being kind of disloyal to me, but I had no right to try to stop her from seeing him, he was her friend as well.

“I saw him
yesterday, Lily. I’m sorry.  He has eight days at home altogether.  He flies back to London on Tuesday.” I swallowed noisily and hard, but my spit was stuck in the back of my throat.

“You saw him?”
My voice sounded barely more than a whisper.

“Yeah.
” I wanted to know how he looked, and if he asked about me, but that wouldn’t have been fair to her.  I had asked her not to discuss me. “The gig is the day after tomorrow, I’d ask you to come and see me but…”

I closed my eyes, shutting everything out. I couldn’t go and support her, the way she had with me. It would mean being in the same place as Alfie, and I knew I would want to see him if I did that. “You know I would right? But I can’t go where he is Mandy.  I just can’t
,” I said, shaking my head and staring at her.

She leaned over and hugged me. My eyes filled with tears, I couldn’t control them. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t going to risk our friendship again. I’m only telling you for that reason, and I’m still hurting you.” She looked at me sadly.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter Mandy, thank you for telling me. I’m really busy right now anyway. I’m working tonight and the night of your gig, so I wouldn’t be able to come, even I wanted to. You know I’d be there in a heartbeat to support you if it wasn’t for him and my other commitments don’t you?”

We had a strained lunch.  My appetite was gone
, and there was an elephant in the room with us. I left first, citing a sudden library book I remembered I needed to collect before heading out to rehearsals. I really did have a library book on order, it just wasn’t urgent that I pick it up right away.