Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) (26 page)

A long legged blond girl was sitting on the desk across from Alfie, her feet balanced on the side of the seat he was sitting in. She moved her legs back and forth, rocking his chair slightly, as they both enjoyed what appeared to be some very friendly conversation.

She ran her hand through her perfect long, golden hair, flicking it out and throwing her head back. Alfie repositioned himself down a little on his chair and ran his fingers through his hair in response.

I wished at that point I hadn’t taken psychology as one of my minors, because I knew that his mirroring action meant that he was attracted to her too. From Alfie’s smirks and grins he was obviously enjoying what was going on between them.

She leaned forward and he sat up straight and she hopped down directly in front of him. He pushed his chair back and stood up close to her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his chest. Alfie’s hands slipped around her hips and rested on her lower back.  She rose onto her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his face.

I couldn’t see exactly where she kissed
him, but from the angle of their heads it must have been pretty near his mouth. I wanted to burst in and pull the bitch off of him and slap her hard before throwing her out of the studio onto her ass.

What I actually did was stand to the side of the window
watching them, and I felt sick.When I saw her turn to leave and sashay towards the door, instead of crossing her path, I ran back down the stairs and hid under them.

The stairs were those floating stairs, so I could see her coming down. She stopped at the bottom with one foot on the last stair. She turned and looked up, smiled and walked away.

The whole vibe sucked, and I didn’t want to go back up there because that meant dealing with more shit, and I was all out of toilet tissue. So, I stood in the shadow of the stairs for a while. My cell rang and brought me out of my reverie. SEXPERT ID flashed on the screen. 

I considered not answering, but as the ringing sound was echoing in the corridor I had no choice. “Hi
,” I answered, my heart beating so hard I thought that each beat was going to be my last.

“You’re late. I don’t do tardy, no matter how hot you are.” His voice was playful.

I didn’t know what to say, but I never got the chance anyway. “Here, now, time is valuable in a studio, you know that.” The line went dead, and I stood staring at my cell.

I swallowed hard and shoved the cell it in my pocket. I had come to make music so I could put everything else aside until the session was over.

I went back to the studio and laid down some vocals, then worked and reworked the arrangement. It was almost 6pm when he put his hand up to stop me, signaling me to come out of the booth.

He placed his hands on his knees and stood up. He raised his
hands, stretched up, and bent over backwards before straightening again and smiling.

“
C’mere, let me play this for you.” He smiled. I walked over and sat on the arm of the soft brown leather couch. He patted the couch for me to sit next to him, but I didn’t take his hint.

I was stunned by the sound that came back at me.
Was that really me? He was grinning at me, the hue of his eyes looking green. “You have the sexiest rock-chic-with-a-quirk voice. It’s like sex and maple syrup, we know it shouldn’t work, but it does anyway.” I was amazed, it sounded fabulous.

“You should never be worried about singing in public, Lily. People would pay to see you. Hell I would.” My smile was genuine to him for his compliment, he definitely knew everything I needed to make my performance better, but emotionally, everywhere I looked there were red flags flying in relation to trusting him with my heart.

I left the studio separately from Alfie to maintain our student /mentor relationship. I was glad for the time away from him to be honest. All afternoon, the image of the woman with him in the studio burned into my brain. I had no idea how I found the strength to get through the rest of the studio session.

Alfie text
ed me about having dinner, but I told him that I needed some space tonight as I had an assignment that I needed to research for, and that I wanted a night at home. I really didn’t want to talk or be around him or rehash the scene I had almost walked in on at the studio today.

I needed stuff that was going to lift my mood tonight, so I checked out my
iPod playlist, ordered Chinese takeout, ran a hot bath, and pampered myself. I opened a bottle of white wine and lay on my bed. No matter where my thoughts took me, I felt I’d be a condemned woman if I stayed with Alfie.

When I saw him with her today, no matter what the story behind it, I wasn’t confident that he’d be able to remain faithful to me. I was acutely aware of my history with men since being with Alfie as well.

Then again, I had no clue what the real deal was with him, and if I believed he wasn’t with other women, then I wouldn’t have gone with Max.

I felt so miserable. I sat wondering how the hell I’d g
one from “I love you” to feeling like I was being played by him again. When the wine bottle was empty I felt even more like crap.

I cried myself to sleep hugging my pillow and wondering how the hell to pull away from him again. He held my heart, but I seriously doubt
ed that he could ever make me truly happy and contented.

I woke up feeling exhausted,
and my mouth was furry and dry. I think it was more unconsciousness, than a rested sleep I’d had. I began dragging myself around my apartment, trying not to be late for college and facing Alfie again.  I must have been a good actress, because he didn’t suspect anything was amiss with us yesterday.

Despite how I was feeling about him personally, I was delighted to make music with someone as talented as him. He gave me confidence
, and our voices actually sounded great together.

Damn, there was nothing that wasn’t great together, except his ability to put me first
. That was until I saw the way he was looking at the girl in the studio yesterday.

Now I had to get through the next two days working with him, and not be alone with him other than this. I’d been a fool to let him back in.

Our personal relationship aside, I learned more in the following two days than I had learned in years at school and studying music with my music teacher in the UK.

I was amazed by Alfie’s knowledge
, and he taught me the importance of voice being accompanied by instruments. He also explained how important this was for composers of music, such as us. I knew now that I needed to understand the skills and vocal properties of the singers involved.

He gave me skills to work with the natural breaks and lifts in the voice between head and chest voice as
well as breathing control.

Under his guidance I was able to extend my range comfortably and understand exactly what kind of songs I should be singing to do myself the most justice.

I knew I’d feel more comfortable performing in public and not afraid that I would embarrass myself by over stretching my vocals now. On the last afternoon of my workshop with Alfie, he concluded the session in a very professional manner.

Honestly, anyone would think the studios were bugged, he didn’t allow himself to deviate from his role as my mentor. As I was walking to the parking lot he text
ed me.

SEXPERT: Dinner…mine 8pm

I stared down at the text. I had managed to avoid him outside our workshops for the past three days, although this morning it dawned on me that for the past two, he hadn’t even asked to see me.

Again, feelings of betrayal and doubt began to creep in. I only had his word for things. I had no real clue as to what the whole truth was with him.

I texted him back, feeling so hurt about what I was about to do. Three days and apart from calling me to tell me I was late that first day, there had been no other communication since I blew him out for dinner on the first night.

Pink Lady:  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days Alfie.  You’ve taught me so much about myself.  I love you, but for now, I think I’d prefer us to be friends. Please respect my decision.  I don’t want drama between us. I know what’s going on for you can’t be easy, but it isn’t easy for me either. All I know is that what we’ve got won’t be enough for me.

I hit the send button and immediately felt horrified that I was effectively dumping him by text. As soon as I had sent it I swallowed hard and wanted to claw it back, but I had too many doubts to continue with this.

I knew that my decision was going to hurt like hell. I sat staring at nothing, still in the parking lot, feeling numb.  My cell bleeped with another text. 

SEXPERT: I love you too, Lily. I promised to respect your decision. You won’t get drama from me. I probably won’t be around much after this month.
Crakt Soundzz finally got signed. We leave for London at the end of the month to begin recording late February. I won’t forget you. X

I felt like someone had stuffed their fist in my chest, grabbed my heart and was squeezing it tightly.  My breathing was rapid and shallow, like there was no oxygen getting to my lungs, and I was devastated to read his reply.  Just like that it was over. I cried hard, what did I expect? I had gotten what I wanted.

He was going to leave me alone now, and I
had finally drawn a line on our relationship. Alfie was going to be famous, a rock star for sure.  His band would probably be relieved that he wasn’t distracted by me.

I never moved from my bed other than to go to the bathroom for the first three days after the texts. I cried
, and slept when I was exhausted from crying.

I considered leaving college and going home, but he
was going to London, and I didn’t want to be near him. Every day I wanted him to come back and beg me to take him back, but each day ended in silence.

He was keeping his word and leaving me alone
, and I was so disappointed and hurt. The nearer to the end of the month it got, the more I expected him to show up, and I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t wanted him to do that. 

He didn’t though, he was leaving.  When the date on my laptop displayed the first day of the month I knew for sure he had gone. I reasoned with myself that he couldn’t have loved me or he would have tried harder to keep me.

The silence was deafening as far as his feelings went. I kept checking my cell, but the only texts I had were from Will, telling me he needed to speak to me. 

Holly came back from Texas a week after Alfie and I split up. We had a huge heart-to-heart about
Saffy and everything that went on with her. Holly had been as in the dark about her mysterious ex- boyfriend as I was.

Although, I knew Holly through being around
Saffy, I wasn’t too sure about us being friends without her here. I personally love her, but I wasn’t sure whether Holly was as excited about living with me, now that Saffy had gone.

I was so wrong about that, our friendship
strengthened when there was just the two of us. I was surprised at how fantastic Holly was, when she found out I was brokenhearted.

I couldn’t have asked for a better person to be there. She knew exactly what I needed and bent over backwards to keep me company.  One afternoon when I was lying crying on my bed, she crept in and snuggled down beside me, just hugging me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, she’d downloaded some movies. She had popcorn and chocolate and sticky candy that got stuck in our teeth and made our mouths a fluorescent shade of green. It was still there the next day, so I didn’t smile much at college. Not that I felt like it anyway.

“He
ain’t worth it, honey. You need to get yourself out there and get some male attention. There’s nothing like that for taking your mind off a deadwood relationship,” she cooed as if she was talking from personal experience. 

Holly called Mandy and together they dragged me out dancing at the end of the third week since we broke up. I even forgot about him a few times during the night and the alcohol helped me to loosen up and enjoy myself for a while.

I didn’t want for male attention, but dancing was as far as I was going to take it with anyone right now. Guys were still hitting on me, but they might as well have been breathing fire, juggling or whatever, I never really noticed what they looked like. No one could match Alfie’s appearance.

My night out came to an abrupt end when Mandy mentioned that Alfie had gone to her place to say goodbye last week, and told her he hadn’t forgotten what he had promised her about singing at one of his gigs in the future.

I asked how he looked, and she smiled. “I wish I could lie and tell you he looked like shit, but you’d know I wouldn’t be telling the truth,” she said with a pitying look.

I smiled, but felt hurt, because I knew that like Mandy, women all over the world would be thinking how hot he looked and fawning over him soon.

I wanted to ask if he mentioned me, but she didn’t volunteer that he did, and I wasn’t going to look like I was desperate to know how our break-up had affected him.